In Darkness or Light
by psyche001
Summary: Sequel to Set in Stone:She single handedly divided the Legion.Now she stands between the army which was created to destroy her & the side who will fight to save her. The battle was won when Aro decided to let Edward live, but who will win the war? BxE/AU
1. Prologue

**Warning: **This is the sequel to Set in Stone. If you haven't read Set in Stone, you may not understand what happens in this story. If you haven't read it and are interested, please visit my profile and you will find it.

For those of who have read it and have been patiently and very sweetly awaiting this, thank you! I have been excited every day that I sat down to write these chapters. I now have 12 under my belt, so the updates should flow freely. Every Wednesday.

The story line in the prologue was requested by a few readers as an outtake, but I thought it was a good idea to make it the prologue instead. I hope you enjoy. This is actually Edward's last night as a Gargoyle, what happened after Bella was taken home by Alice.

Please remember this story is AU. And so that sets the premise for peculiarity. The events herein will seem outlandish and often bizarre. That is intentional.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I make no profit from using her characters in this story. The plot however belongs to me.

SONG for this chapter : The Kill, by 30 seconds to Mars. (awesome piece of music right there). I HEART Jared Leto.

Happy reading

XoXo

**Prologue**

What curse was put upon you, O creature of the night

to bless you with such beauty, then cage your spirit tight?

What hand would carve such perfect lines, which crack under the sun

Or planes as smooth as marble, which wait to come undone

No strength that seems immortal, means to welt so easily

Or power like the raging sea, which poured right out from thee

Monstrosity of stone, made and perched to stand alone

With angel wings and snarly face, and secrets left untold

The wisdom in your eyes that died the more they stood to light,

could stand the test of time despite the stripping of your might

The darkness was your haven, Your tears they turned to dust

And nothing so compelling ever earned the name of lust

What measure of unkindness makes your spirit now unknown?

Gives life, but binds your memories, no longer Set in Stone

The whisper of your spirit, It still lingers on the night

My love will hold you anywhere, In Darkness or in Light

- Psyche001

**Edward**

"She's home," Carlisle said from behind me, with a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "There was a message from Jasper. They made it safely."

I turned my head in slightly and nodded, face hard and cold; my heart grounding to finer dust with every second that passed. The moon was high in the sky. I could see Aro's waiting back as he stood on the edge of the balcony, looking down at the still earth below.

Waiting silently...

"Go with God," Carlisle said. His hand never left my shoulder. "And remember to look upon us from time to time from up there. I'm sure we will meet again."

I turned to him, and in those last minutes I felt the wind pass through my hair; a sensation I never allowed myself all those years.

Carlisle's expression was in tact. He tried to show no pain though I could tell by the way he wouldn't release my shoulder, that he struggled.

I had already said my goodbyes. Alice had taken my love safely home. Jasper was making his way across the seas to them, and the rest of the host was there with me still.

Solemn. Quiet. Trying not to stir the tension that hovered in the air.

The moment was strained as I looked into the faces of the host I had flown with for two centuries. And still, even though parting with them caused great sorrow, the memory of Bella's face was what tormented me the most.

As selfish as it was, I wanted death right then. If fate forbade me to continue on with her, I didn't want to live. She was the only thing holding me to the earth anymore; the only reason to breathe. And if I couldn't have that, then hell could take me.

I would have died anyway. I had chosen it two centuries before and the moment had finally come. How quickly time flew.

I knew Bella was strong. Despite her hurt, I knew that one day she would heal. The days would turn to weeks, the weeks to months, and the months to years. But I detested the notion of leaving her behind where I couldn't protect her anymore. She left with her memories still in tact, and even though Aro's minions didn't catch her and Alice, I knew they wouldn't give up. They would find her and they would realise just how much she knew.

There was no end to the bludgeoning worry and grief. It stayed with me, pricking at the last threads of my sanity, intent on following me to the grave.

"I will leave you now," I said to Carlisle, and watched as his own measure of pain claimed his face.

He squeezed my shoulder and stepped back. Then, a sudden movement behind him caught my eye and I saw Jacob flee. Of everyone in the host, it hit him the hardest, but there was nothing I could do to comfort him. It was better for him to leave. He was like a younger brother, though he was older in Gargoyle years, and his infectious laughter used to find me anywhere. Still, my heart lay elsewhere.

With a last hug for Carlisle, I whispered a soft 'thank you', winked at Esme, and touched my chest when I looked at Emmett. Then for the last time, I turned my back on them all and walked toward Aro.

"I am ready," I said to him.

His minions were still around. Caius and Marcus had since left and returned home, but Jane and the others stayed close. I saw them hovering in the distance, keeping a safe distance, but close enough to reach Aro in case he needed protection.

"Privacy?" He asked, intuitively.

"Please. I'd like to be alone when it happens."

"Then come."

He signalled for the others to stay behind so that he and I could fly alone.

The quiet continued to seep into me as I took my last flight. I was so accustomed to rush, shock and awe; to speed, and to the loudness of the world. But since Bella left, the sounds of life faded and left me wrapped in abominable silence, where the sound of her heart and the breath in her lungs evaded me.

There was literally nothing left to capture me.

When we landed in front of an abandoned castle in Loire Valley, Aro started making his way inside. I frowned and looked around in bewilderment.

"Why are we going inside?" I asked. "I want my stone to be crushed and buried in the ground. We don't need to go inside."

"Come inside, Edward," was his calm reply, and his pace didn't slow.

I followed uncomfortably, disliking his evasiveness, having less patience with it the closer I got to the end.

He took me through the cold, empty halls of the dark place; his hands clasped behind his back as he walked. Our footsteps echoed and every step reminded me of the disturbance in Bella's loud heart as she disappeared in Alice's arms.

There was nothing that didn't remind me.

The soft glow of candlelight caught me off guard when he turned around a bend on the second floor. And when we walked in through an open door and came upon Rosalie standing against the window, I blanched.

"What is this?" I asked, noticing the bed, the clothes and the food that were neatly put aside.

Aro turned to me then and looked straight into my eyes. His hands were still held behind his back and his stark black hair contrasted with his pale skin.

"This is the beginning of your new life," he answered.

Another frown and a shake of my head...

"I am confused..."

"Then I shall get straight to the point. I expect that this will create disharmony within the Legion, but I would be going against a surprising though important inclination in me, if I didn't allow it. I will deal with the Legion afterward."

I glanced at Rosalie suspiciously. She hadn't turned away from the window since we walked in, and though I knew Aro's decision the minute I laid eyes on her, I still couldn't accept it.

"I am still confused," I uttered, wanting him to say the words so that I could reject them out loud.

"It is simple, Edward. I have decided to let you live."

I cut straight to the chase when he said it. I knew better than to think anything came without a price with Aro. I had lived two centuries and a miserable humanity before that, only to learn that there was always a catch. There was always something sinister looming behind the shiny surface of opportunity, waiting to stab a knife in your back – and _especially_ when Rosalie was involved.

"I do not want life if it doesn't include Bella, Aro. I have made that clear. Unless the rules of the Legion have changed, which I doubt, living still means having to stay away from her. I won't be able to do that. I won't even try."

"You won't have to," he said, "if you are human."

The rock in my chest ricocheted and pushed me back a few steps. As cold blooded as I already was, I still felt the wash of icy shock as it clamoured through me.

I glanced at Rosalie's still form again.

"I will not let you sacrifice your life for me, Rose," I sneered at her.

She finally turned to acknowledge me, with a distant, hard look in her eyes.

"My life is mine," she said, simply. "And I shall do with it what I like."

"Why are you doing this?" I bit out, taking a loud step toward her. "This will not change anything. You took advantage of Emmett all these years and were always cold with me. Do you think this grand gesture will wipe it all out? I do not want your sacrifice!"

"I think no such thing," she snapped, turning her shoulders square toward me. "I already told you why I want this, and you need not remind me of how I hurt Emmett. I know. This is not about you, Edward. Whether or not you decide to accept the offer, I still choose this. This about _me_. I am tired of the darkness. I am tired of this hollow existence. My purpose here is unfulfilled because of the hole in my heart. I am not fit for guardianship any more."

"You are not fit for guardianship because you think only of yourself. It has nothing to do with disillusion. I _know _about disillusion."

"You and I, we are more alike than you think," she came back. "I pretended all these years that I didn't understand your struggle with humanity. I pretended that I didn't know what it was like to have traces of it stay with me. I pretended to be weaned fully. But I lied. The reason I was drawn to you, Edward, was because you are so much like me."

"I am nothing like you..."

"Let me finish. I saw you go through _everything_ I felt. I saw you suffer and rebel and refuse to hide your displeasure with the rules and conformity. And I agreed with you. I felt it all, just like you did, but I hid it. I hid it and pretended to be perfect because it was easier that way. I was jealous of that fearlessness in you and I _wished_ I could be that passionate. Maybe if I had shown it, things could have been different between us. But I left you to suffer alone."

"I don't regret that."

"But I do," she said, in a softer voice. "I have come to regret too much to carry on any more. I don't know how to turn off my anger, or my disappointment, or my feelings. I see the way you love Bella and I know I will never have that. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. After all this, there is a human life waiting for me, where I will have another kind of suffering to face. I will have no one who loves me when I cross the threshold. Who will take care of me besides strangers? No one will know or understand. I will be alone. At least, if _you _have the chance, you will have Bella..."

I pulled my eyes away from hers and bent my head.

"But I will not remember her," I muttered. "After all the pain she went through because of me...I can't make it any worse for her. It will devastate her and that won't be fair."

"That's not how _Bella_ feels, I am sure," Aro interjected. "Your lack of memory will be a challenge, no doubt, but if you love each other like you say you do, couldn't you rise above it? Unless of course...I am wrong about your love."

"I love that girl more than I can bear," I came back, turning on him swiftly. "That was never the question."

"Then what is?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. "Here you have an opportunity to go to her, and have a life with her like you both wanted. Rosalie's place in humanity will be given to you, so the balance will stay intact. Are you telling me that after all this...after everything the two of you have done and turned against just to be together...that your lack of memory will be too much to conquer? If she knew that you were given the chance to be with her and you turned it down, how will she take that?"

I turned to the window and let my eyes run over the fields that stretched for miles, trying to sift through and control my tumultuous anxiety.

I didn't know what to do.

Yes, I wanted to be with Bella. But going back without memory meant going back to a stranger. It would never be the same again. Not for me, and not for her. I would be making a decision for her without her having any input. By choosing to accept this I would be putting a massive burden on her, and possibly worsening the situation.

Wouldn't it be easier to just die and let her live without me? She would hurt at first, but then she would heal. She would have woken up one day to find that it didn't hurt so much anymore. She'd remember me from time to time with a smile and faint tug of nostalgia in her heart, but she'd be okay. Humans healed in a way Gargoyles couldn't.

If I chose to go back to her as a human, I would be going back as something different. Without the memory of my Gargoyle existence, I would not be the same person she fell in love with. To her as well, I would be a stranger, only with the same face. Our dynamic would be different.

What if she didn't love the human? What if she was...disappointed.

What if I went back and nothing lined up for us like it did before? She would keep me because she'd be holding on to the Gargoyle, but she'd be holding on to only a memory, while learning to hate the reality the more we went on together.

At least if I died, I'd be dying in love and that love would live forever. But if I changed it and interfered with the recipe of our connection...there was no telling what could happen.

All this of course, was assuming Aro even allowed her to keep her memory in the first place. According to the rule, humans weren't supposed to know. If Aro chose to take Bella's memory too, the possibility of our love rekindling was even smaller. We would forget each other.

I sighed heavily and let my head hang.

"I can see the way you are torturing yourself," Aro said. "And that, once again, is insufferably human. The more I learn of this situation and the more I interact with you the more I realise that you are better suited to humanity than this life."

I continued to stare out at the fields, torn between my want to see her again and the need to end the suffering. I could still smell her on me. Her fragrance clung to my shell, and it hurt. Missing her like that, hurt.

"Like I told you before," Rosalie came in. "Even if you choose not to accept this, my decision is final. It's not about you. It's about me. I want peace. I only thought that maybe, you would like to benefit from it.

I turned toward them. "But you still have years left to serve. You are breaking your pact."

"That matter is of no concern to you," Aro said. "The pact was made with me and I am in control of it. As long as the balance is restored, no harm will be done."

I dropped my head again and tried to think. This decision was infinitely harder than any other in two centuries. It was too complicated, and I hated that it would affect Bella directly.

"Maybe I can help your decision," Aro said next. "I will allow Bella to keep her memory of the things she shouldn't know. How is that?"

I fastened my eyes to his face in alarm. "What?"

"Yes," he said, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. "_You_ won't remember, but she will. That should make things easier than if you both forgot each other, no? At least she will remember your love even if it is difficult at first. And hopefully she will fight for it, or else all this will be in vain."

"You mean that..." I gasped. "But won't that be dangerous for her? You may choose to do this because you have the power, but what about the other elders? And the rest of the Legion? They will not stand for it, Aro. They will argue."

"Oh, they will do more than just argue, Edward," he said, widening his eyes tormentingly. "They will react."

"You are putting her in danger," I retorted, taking a threatening step toward him. "How can you even _think _about something like this?"

"Be careful," he warned, pointing his finger at me. "_I _am not the one putting her in danger here. That was _you_ when you chose to expose yourself to her. Everything she knows today is because of your own indiscretions, Edward...not mine."

"Aro...this is too dangerous," I pleaded with him insistingly. "So you allowed her to go back home. You called off your man hunt and let her go, but what sense does it make if she is still in danger?"

"She is in no real danger if she keeps her pretty little mouth shut."

"As long as she knows, she will always be in danger and you know it!"

"I am not in the business of cleaning up the mess of others," he said, coolly. "You knew the danger and still you told her. Now, the choice is yours. Bella will remain with the knowledge she has as _your_ penance for what you have done. You can either die tonight and leave her behind to fend for herself with all her knowledge. Or, you can go to her without yours. The burden of keeping you _and_ that secret safe, will be _her_ penance."

"I knew there was a catch," I growled. "You make it seem like you're showing this grand gesture of forgiveness, when in fact, it is actually a punishment. You want us to suffer because of what we've done. And this is how you get it."

He shrugged his shoulders and turned his palms out nonchalantly.

"Call it what you like," he said. "But this way, everyone involved stands to gain. If you die, some will lose."

There was no lamenting past that point. There was no way I would leave her behind to fend for herself against a Legion of disgruntled Gargoyles. We were the best of guardians and fiercely protective of mankind, but once you crossed the line and became a threat to our existence, you easily became our enemy.

Right then, Bella was the Legion's enemy and I couldn't let her face that alone. I did that to her, and it wouldn't have been right to abandon her. Even without my memory I could be there with her. And maybe, just maybe, that might make her fight worth it.

From the corner of my eye I saw Rosalie move, and I heard Aro begin to recite her last rites.

I knew this was it.

I turned unsettled eyes over to her and watched as she fell to her knees before him. Something lurched in my chest when I saw his hand come down on her head, and in a rush of compassion I went to her side. I don't know what came over me in that last moment, but suddenly my heart went out to Rosalie. I felt her desperation. I knew what it felt like to need death more than you wanted it. I knew the poisonous effects of self hatred and bitterness, but I also knew that love could have healed it.

I was unable to give her the kind of love she wanted from me. And even though she stole it from Emmett, I was sure that had she given it time, she would have found that she didn't need to steal it after all.

She shifted her deep grey gaze to me then, and for the first time in two centuries I saw something soft in Rosalie. Whatever it was, it was alien, but it moved me to pity. A single tear rolled down her cheek and I caught it as it fell from her chin.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Aro's grasp tightened around her head, and my heart twisted in anxiety.

"You are the only one I would have with me at the end," she said, the beginnings of panic claiming her face.

"Thank you," I said, touching her shoulder. "For giving me something I don't deserve from you. Despite my initial reaction I _am_ moved, and I accept your offer. Thank you, Rose."

"Do something for me?" She asked.

A sincere smile on Rosalie's lips was shocking, but that entire night had been a sequence of surprises.

"Anything," I answered, unsuspectingly.

"Kiss me..." she whispered. "It's the last time I will ask. Just so I know what it feels like before I die..."

Aro came down on his knees then so that we were all on the floor, connected in this warped triangle of discontent.

He opened her cloak at the front with his left hand, his right hand still on her head. Then he cut through the buttons of her shirt and bared the indelible cross on her chest; the one all metamorphosed Gargoyles carried.

She bore her teeth when he slid his razor sharp nail down the length of it, then across the width of it and set the greyish substance free. Her stare was focused on me as she bled, her eyelids twitching ever so slightly from the pain that started cutting through her. Then Aro plunged his hard finger in through the carving, and punctured her heart.

When her eyes widened in pain I darted forward and pressed my lips on hers, holding her face lightly in my hands. Her lips were cold, barely able to move behind the wall of pain she was biting through. I felt her eyelashes flutter against mine when her eyes closed, and she tried to return kiss that was her last request.

I heard the first crack of her skull when Aro tightened his fingers. I cringed and rested a last kiss on her lips before pulling away. It was passionless, but to her, it would have meant something different, I supposed.

She opened her eyes for the last time and a pained smile touched her lips as her sockets filled up with stone and blotted her irises out. Her face froze first as the calcifying effect crept down from her hairline and spread across her face.

I got to my feet and took a few steps back. Her gaze stayed trapped on me. The stone continued to claim her body; down her neck, across her shoulders, down her arms, all the way down to her feet. And when it was over and she had hardened forever, Aro let go of her head and stripped her bare.

Rosalie was now a statue, a dead Gargoyle, who's body would never come to life again. When her clothes were off and strewn to the side she looked just like any other statue on a park square. And still, she stared at me.

I moved to the side, out of line with her stare and took a deep breath.

"Human form?" I asked Aro.

"She was born human, so naturally, her body chose it."

"Take me to Bella." I said, suddenly.

"So you have decided," he noted.

"Take me to her. I won't let her face what she has to on her own."

"You do realise, that she will still face it on her own...since you will not remember..."

"Regardless," I cut him off. "At least I will be there, and even if my mind won't remember, there's no way my soul can forget."

"Don't bank on showing any extraordinary signs, Edward," he said. "While you showed strange abilities of holding on to your humanity after being turned to a Gargoyle, it is entirely different the other way around. _I_ am not the one taking your memories. The human mind simply cannot withstand the weight of them. Your memory dies on its own. There is no way your mind can survive them. And even if by some ridiculous chance it does, you will lose your yourself, become mentally ill, and go crazy."

"Just take me to her. Do what you have to do and take me. I've had enough of this."

All of a sudden I couldn't get to her fast enough. Just thinking about her in danger, and being alone, was knotting me up in anxiety.

"Any last requests?" He asked in a mimicking manner.

"No," I growled. "Just do it. Suddenly, I can't wait to be human again."

"Very well," he said. "Your wings, please."

With a deep breath I let them out through my back and bowed my head.

"Fold them in," he commanded, moving behind me. "And hold your breath."

I did as he told me to and folded them in.

"Kneel."

I did.

Without warning, he grabbed one of my wings by the root and tore it from my back with magnificent force. One, then the other. And with an animalistic scream, I fell forward onto my chest and started shaking violently.

Things turned hazy after that.

The pain was too severe to register much else that happened. I knew when he lifted me to the bed and undressed me.

I felt when he carved my chest open like he did to Rosalie. I even smelled the human blood that he injected into my heart and nearly hurled through my nausea. The unfamiliar, ferocious heat sliced through my veins and before long I felt like I was on fire.

All the while, I lay there and shook violently, staring through half opened lids at the ceiling above. And in the midst of the physical torture I chanted internally...

_My soul will not forget. My soul will not forget. My soul will not forget..._

"When you wake up, you will be human and Bella will be there. Fare thee well, great Edward. It was indeed a pleasure to know you."

_I am coming to you, Bella...I am coming...I am coming...I am come...I …..._

…...

**A/N:** Please, don't be alarmed by the kiss. Edward does not magically fall for Rose because of it. It was passionless and was simply meant as a thank you. He would not have this opportunity if it weren't for her. It was the least he could do. Nothing more. Plus, he won't even remember it! Thank you for reading, and I look forward to your reviews.


	2. Chapter 1 The Holidays

**A/N: Thank you for such a great response on the prologue to this story. I think I got 54 reviews. The SIS prologue got 10 reviews in it's first week. That's an accomplishment for me. I love my readers! You leave such inspiring reviews.**

**Special thanks to my beta Andee for being my rock (haha, Gargoyle Andee?); to nikkiwindland for my blog, to Keitachibanaff for starting a new thread for SIS and IDoL over on Twilighted; and to TKegl for the amazing banners for these two stories and for recommending my story on her wonderful story Beyond Time. **

**Banners can be found on my blog. Link on my profile.**

**I'll be needing your help with that Twilighted forum guys. I have no idea how to keep it alive!**

**I hope you enjoy our first chapter...Happy Reading :o)**

XXX

**Chapter one**

**The Holidays**

**Bella**

"That's a stop sign...stop sign..._stop sign_! _Edward _stop!"

His sudden brakes sent me jerking forward. Thankfully I was strapped in, though the harsh tug of the belt hurt.

"Stop sign? Where?" He gasped, swivelling his head around.

"Right there!" I pointed to the very obvious red sign on the corner, now behind us. I had specifically told him about stop signs and traffic lights before taking off.

A car came speeding across the intersection then and had to swerve around my side to avoid hitting us. We escaped collision by a mere hair, the screeching sound of tires against the wet road raising my pores. The scream never made it out of my throat as I watched the other car tilt and swerve; something that happened in seconds managing to pan out in slow motion. My heart stopped. Everything stopped, and all I could do was hold my breath as I waited for the car to stop too.

When it finally happened, I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes in relief; only to be knocked back into focus by the barrage of blaring horns all around us.

"Now, where the bloody hell did _they_ all come from?" Edward asked in his polished, stately accent, oblivious and confused.

"We're in the intersection," I blurted out, shakily. "You have to move. _They're_ where they're supposed to be. Drive off and pull over on the side up ahead."

He mashed on the accelerator again, bucking the car forward clumsily. I looked at him closely. He was concentrating so hard that his eyebrows were pinched into a knot.

"Go easy on the gas, will you?" I cried out, horrified when he raced forward again. "Edward, I said pull over."

"No, I need to do this," he grunted, making his knuckles go white on the steering wheel.

"You agreed to be _careful_," I reminded him, trying my best to sound calm and under control. But the fire in his eyes made me nervous.

I had made a huge mistake agreeing to this. We were both going to die if I didn't make him stop the car soon.

"You're going too fast, Edward! Stop the car." My elbow was jammed against the door and my head couldn't make it any further into the headrest.

"Let me do this!" He ground out, stubbornly. "I have to try!"

Clutching at my seatbelt, I shook my head and tried not to shut my eyes. Car accidents were still one of the few nightmares that crippled me in fear. What the hell was I thinking, handing the keys over to him when he asked to try?

Sure he had a licence, and even though he didn't know it was fake, _I_ did. He hadn't driven a day in his life...lives in fact. Horses were his means of transport in the 1800's and after that, he had wings. But I had empathised with him when he asked to try. He had been trying to jog his memory of certain everyday objects by testing them since he came home with me. And even though I had a bad feeling about putting him behind the wheel, I saw the wonderment in his eyes whenever he got into my car. And in a brash moment of weakness, I gave in; not knowing how to deny him.

But he was going too fast...so fast the sound of the engine alone shook the car, and it took every measure of control to not break down and cry. The windows were turned up but I heard the whirr of the city fly by beside us. It didn't help either, that his hands were unsteady on the wheel or that his foot seemed to hate the brake. He wasn't relaxed or in control. He was tense and wired, and his body kept twitching in drug like spasms.

"_Please. _For the love of God, slow down!" I screamed, pressing my body so hard into my seat that I felt my own spine. "We talked about the speed limit!"

He hit the brake then but all it did was jerk us forward, which he didn't like, so he mashed down on the gas again.

"This is the only way I can control it." He said.

"You call this control? You're driving like a maniac."

"It's fast..." he said in a whispery tone, widening his eyes like an excitable child on a merry-go-round. "I didn't think it could go this fast. And it can go faster...if you would just let me. I can feel it."

"No! It's not a toy, it's a car! Take that next corner on the left. We're almost there," I spat out, pointing to his side. "But Edward if you don't slow down we'll..."

I had to grab onto the dash and the door at the same time. He took the corner so fast the tail end of the car swung out and the tires squealed, ripping at the cold asphalt underneath. The fetid stench of burning rubber came through the vents and attacked my nostrils.

"After _everything_, I'm still gonna die in a car..." I grumbled, rolling my eyes to the back of my head.

I couldn't look anymore. I had to close my eyes and blot it all out. If I was going to die, I preferred not to see what I was about to be crushed against. At the very least, I'd be dying at his side.

There was always a silver lining.

"Will you relax and be quiet!" He retorted. "I can't concentrate with you screaming at me that way."

That pissed me off. I opened my eyes and turned to face him so that I could unleash the wrath of hell on him.

"How the _hell_ am I supposed to calm down when my stomach is in my fucking throat? I can't _believe_ I let you talk me into this. You're going to kill us both!"

"That's no way for a lady to talk."

I was sure people were reacting to us from the pavement. And it was a wonder the cops hadn't taken off behind us yet. Cars were swerving to get out of our way up ahead. Some blared their angry horns at us, but Edward just kept going.

Nothing blew through that wall of concentration around him.

For a moment, the effect of the streaking city lights on the side of the car reminded me of what it was like being in the sky with him. Being the fastest in his host, he had liked speed. And apparently, that inclination for speed stayed with him. But I couldn't wonder about that at the moment, not while we were going at two hundred miles an hour.

"Oh thank God!" I shrieked. "We're here! It's that green and brown building right there! Stop! Stop!"

Relief erupted in my mouth when I finally felt the car slow down. The two minute crash course I had given him about how the car worked did absolutely no good, because the only things he made use of were the steering wheel and the accelerator.

"Unf!" I yelped, when the sudden stop made my head fly forward.

And of course, he stopped right there in the middle of the lane instead of pulling to the side, causing yet another onslaught of angry horns from behind.

"Okay," I gasped, tremulously, on the verge of a panic attack. "Turn the wheel and pull over here..._slowly_."

He cooperated, though I couldn't help but pray to every god in existence that he didn't run into the parked car in front.

I couldn't get out soon enough. The moment he put the gear in park I unbuckled my seatbelt, threw the door open and fell out. When his bronze head of hair emerged from his side, I threw myself around the car, pushed my way past him, and got into the driver's seat.

"What are you doing?" He asked, frowning down at me.

I pushed him backward with both hands, taking advantage of his confusion; slammed the door shut, locked it, then screamed at him through the upturned window.

"GET IN!"

He threw his hands into the air exasperatedly but marched around to the passenger side anyway. He was livid when he climbed in, making it a point to slam the door behind him.

"It was a trick, wasn't it? We aren't really there yet."

"If you think I'm going to let you kill me tonight, you have another thing coming, Mr. You're a terrorist behind the wheel. That was _painful_!"

"You're a liar."

"What?" I snapped, as I readjusted the mirrors he never once used.

"You lied to me."

"Can you blame me? You lied to me first! You promised that you'd be careful, then broke every law from here to Timbuktu! From now on _I_ do all the driving and if you insist that you_ must_ try again, you'll do it my way, or take the highway! You get it? Now_ put on your seatbelt_!"

He turned his reddened face away from me and looked out the window, sharpening his profile by clenching his jaw in harsh silence.

"Strap in," I muttered, as I pulled out into the lane.

He continued to ignore me.

"Edward, _strap-_in."

"I don't know what that means," he retorted.

"It means put on your seat belt."

From the corner of my eye I saw him flick the seatbelt with his finger then drop his hands into his lap.

"I don't like it."

He reminded me of an adult newborn; adorable, but testing. He'd been home with me only five days so far and more often than not it felt like I was trying to look after an irritable child rather than a sick adult. One who didn't _want _my care, either because he didn't trust me or because he was too proud to accept it. He kept me at arms length and withdrew into himself. And even though I expected that kind of behaviour given his mental incapacity, it was hard to adjust to. It was hard because it was shattering. Hard because it was sudden. And hard because Edward was suddenly more of a stranger to me than I was to him.

"You don't have to like it, Edward. It's supposed to keep you safe. Please, put on your seatbelt."

"Keep me safe from what exactly?" He answered with a callous shrug.

A daring thought entered my mind then. I don't know what I was thinking, but a violent wave of impatience crashed through me and I couldn't help but react.

"From this..." I grunted, and slammed my foot down on the break.

Three things happened simultaneously. A car ran into us hard from behind, the two frontal air bags burst out at the same time, and Edward screamed out like a banshee.

I hardly had the time to adjust to the shock of my stupidity before an irate man came knocking at my window.

"Bloody hell!" I heard Edward shriek at my right.

"Oh_ noooo_," I gagged, pulling my sore face and half broken nose out of the bag. "No no no no _nooooo_."

"What _is _this marvellous device?" Edward gasped.

I turned my head over the air bag to see him hugging his own in wonderment, staring into it like it was a crystal ball.

"It's as if it just..._sprang_ out of there and came to greet me!"

I burst into a fit of laughter. Every ounce of irritation melted under the spell of his innocence as I stared as his interaction with the violent bag. His genuine alarm mixed with curiosity was just about the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. There I was, sitting in my smashed car with my face pressed against an inflated balloon, giggling breathlessly at Edward's first encounter with air bags.

"It's called an air bag!" I laughed, trying to hug my buckling stomach under the intrusive balloon. "And I think they're defective too! I don't think they're supposed to deploy when hit from behind."

"Ma'am?" Came a voice from outside. And the knocking continued.

"Alright, alright," I grunted, wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes. "I'm coming. Hold your god damned horses."

I opened the door and was helped out by a pair of groping hands.

"Are you alright?" The man asked.

Glancing at the few people who had already gathered by the car, I nodded. "Yeah, we're fine. Thanks."

"Good." Then he switched gears on me. "Are you drunk? What the _hell_ were you thinking stopping so suddenly like that?" He screamed. One look at the car that was kissing mine in the rear told me he was the other driver.

"Oh...Sorry. Errr, there was a cat."

"A_ cat_?" He was staring at me with two saucers for eyes, rage making his lids twitch disturbingly.

"Yes, a cat was in the road and I didn't want to hit it."

"You're trying to tell me you cost me a fortune on my brand new Audi, because of a fucking _cat_?"

"Excuse me," Edward said, materializing at my side. "I think you owe the young lady an apology. You just said the word _fuck_ to her. I believe that was derogatory. Right, Bella?"

_Oh good heavens._ I cringed, raising my hands to my stinging face.

"Yes, I did," the man argued, giving Edward the once over with his eyes. "So? What's it to you? Who the fuck are you anyway? Don't get involved in this."

The crowd started closing in, growing in stragglers as the guy continued to raise his voice.

"I am Edward," Edward answered in a matter of fact tone.

"What?"

"You asked me who I am. I am Edward."

"Get out of my fucking face."

"Apologise to the girl."

"She ought to be apologising to _me_ for driving like a cunt."

Something immediately backfired in my head, sending a flare of concentrated disgust so high it almost exploded. It felt like a blood vessel popped. I even heard the instant rush of angry blood behind my ears. On the fray of my last reserve I felt Edward's hand touch me lightly on my shoulder, barely, but nothing at that point was strong enough to quell the explosion of rage in me. Nothing except the very next thing he whispered into my ear.

"Bella, remind me what a cunt is?"

I almost choked. I literally felt a warm sensation wash right over me then slap me in the face.

"A vagina," I grunted, sourly. "He just called me a vagina."

Edward's face made the most amazing transformation then. The change literally sucked the breath out of my lungs. His new human glow vanished. The blood drained away from his face. His eyes darkened, and every contour hardened until I could have sworn I was looking at my very own, beloved Gargoyle again.

Then very slowly, he turned toward the man who was waiting with his hands on his hips, wanting a confrontation with Edward.

Well, he got it.

"Apologise..." Edward warned again.

"Fuck you," the man bit out. "I'm not apologising for shit. That's a brand new Audi."

That was a mistake.

With one heavy step forward, Edward grabbed for the man's throat and pushed him back against the wall on the pavement. I should have held him back, should have told him to drop it so we could organize the insurance part and leave, but my amazement locked me on the spot and maimed me. I stood there and stared in shock, overwhelmed by the sudden change in him. His movement and strength made me wonder, just for a second, about the possibility of him still being connected to his Gargoyle past. Because all of a sudden the similarities between the two Edwards were blatantly visible. And I knew, he was still in there...somewhere.

I glanced at the sky nervously, knowing that we were always watched, and cleared my throat.

The man was grabbing at Edward's one hand with his two, desperately trying to pry Edward's fingers away from his throat. But the more he struggled the tighter Edward squeezed, and a severe panic seized me.

"Edward," I mumbled, finally getting my body to activate. I hurried to his side and grabbed his arm. "Let him go. It's okay."

"Not until he apologises to you," he growled into the man's face.

The man started to froth and his eyes were bulging out of his head. The veins on the sides of his face were raised and I could hear him gagging, gasping for breath, trying to speak through his bubbling saliva; but his voice couldn't make it past Edward's crushing hold.

"He can't talk, Edward!" I yelled, scared stupid. "He can't breathe! You're strangling him!"

"That'll teach you to call a woman a cunt!" A woman yelled. "It's the holidays for crying out loud!"

"What a pussy. How big are your balls now?" Another man jeered.

I turned toward the crowd hysterically, shocked that they were actually encouraging Edward.

"_Shut up_!" I screamed at them all, then turned back to Edward. "Edward, let him go!"

When I saw the man's eyelids start to droop I knew Edward had crossed a line and was choking him to death. But he had zoned out, gone past the point of return, stone cold and unresponsive; his eyes murderous and as black as the night.

"Edwarrrrd!" I screamed, hitting him with my fists. "You're choking him to death! Stop! Somebody help!"

Thankfully someone intervened then, grabbed him roughly from behind and pulled him away from the man. When Edward's hand was pried from his neck, the poor fool slid down the wall and slumped to the floor; not quite passed out, but close. Edward continued glowering down at him with that animalistic look of hatred in his eyes. And despite my aversion to his temper, I wanted to comfort him. My loyalty checked itself and took me straight to him.

I stepped into his space and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him so tightly I felt his anger vibrating through him.

"It's okay," I said softly, reaching up on my toes to talk into his ear. "Please, calm down and take a deep breath. You're shaking."

His arms came around my shoulders, but only to hold me off. Then he took a deep breath and turned toward my car with his hands in his hair.

The man on the floor was helped to his feet, but he too pushed his helpers away with a scowl of derision on his face. He muttered something about Edward being a 'prick', then he cut me a spiteful glare and stumbled past us toward his car.

"Hey wait. Don't you want to see my insurance?" I called out to him.

He didn't answer. He got into his car hurriedly, and with a lot of effort managed to separate the mouth of his from the rear of mine. After a loud screech of his tires, his brake lights were disappearing down the street.

Thank goodness no one had called the cops, and by then, the onlookers were filtering away.

Edward and I didn't say another word to each other once we were back in the car. The five minutes left to Barca were quiet and wrought with unspoken tension; the longest five minutes I could remember. The air bags were still out, but were almost completely deflated by then, which made the task of driving a bit cumbersome but not impossible.

"We're here," I said quietly, when we were finally in the front of the restaurant and bar.

He stared out through the front without responding and propped his knee against the door.

"Hey," I said, braving the silence. "Are you angry with me?"

After a long pause and a swipe through his hair, he said, "No."

"Then what's the matter? Why are you so quiet?"

"I like the quiet."

"That's not what I meant."

I had to turn my face away and look out the window in order to hide my longing for him. Regardless of how different he was now, every time I looked at his face and heard the deep inflection in his voice my heart plummeted. I was still deeply in love with him and the wedged distance between us made me want him more. It was starting to hurt.

"I'm sorry," he said, eventually.

I looked at him and exhaled. "You don't need to be sorry, Edward, I..."

"I don't know where that came from," he went on. "That anger. It wasn't my intention to hurt that man, but he said something derogatory to you, and he refused to apologise for it. That's not how you speak to a lady. I didn't like it."

"Thank you," I said, hating how small the car felt. "You were defending me. I know I seemed upset with you, but it's just that I panicked. I didn't want you to hurt him, but I like that you...wanted to defend me. Just please...be more careful, about everything."

He dropped his foot to the floor then started pumping it off his heel.

The air in the car got warmer and heavier, and the space seemed to fold in smaller. I observed the way he grew more and more uncomfortable as the seconds passed, feeling trapped and focused upon in such a little space. He sat up straight and ran his fingers through his hair again, a new and frequent habit of his. That wasn't something he ever did as Gargoyle. I couldn't remember him touching his hair like that, not even when it was longer and hanging over his eyes. He was always so self assured and confident, always so still and unmoving. But now he was self conscious and edgy and bursting with irritability.

"Are we going inside?" He asked, glancing sideways at me.

I nodded and took the key out of the ignition. But just as I was about to open my door something caught my attention and stopped me.

Standing at the entrance to Barca, were two men in black coats, staring into the car at Edward and me. Eye contact with one of them froze me in place. His sharp, chiselled features were daunting, culminating into a handsome though threatening expression which made my blood run cold. Only when he broke eye contact did the air around me release, and I looked away fretfully.

Gargoyles...

"Bella?" Edward's voice came through. I blinked out of my stupor and looked at Edward with a forced smile.

"What's wrong?" He asked. "You look ill."

Movement through the wind shield caught my attention again and I looked in time to see the tail end of their coats fluttering behind them as they spun and walked into Barca.

Too close...they were too close. They never got that close unless something was wrong, or planned. Or unless they had a job to do. Could I have been their job? There wasn't anything friendly about either of their expressions, and I just knew they were from the army Alice had told me about.

"Bella..." Edward grabbed my arm.

"I'm fine," I lied, shaking my head.

I couldn't look him straight in the eye anymore. Too much was clashing in my head and I didn't want him asking questions. His questions had a way of making me a liar.

I went against every self preserving instinct in me and got out of the car bravely.

This was my territory, not theirs. I had a right to my place in this world and I was not going to let them scare me into surrendering.

By the time Edward got out on his side I had already walked around the car and stepped up on the pavement.

"I would like it very much if you allowed me to open your door for you next time," he said.

I nodded absently and started making my way toward the entrance.

"Sure, whatever."

He kept stride with me, like he always did whenever we walked. He either stayed at my side or walked slightly behind, never in front. But I needed him in front of me for what I was about to do. So, I pretended to lose my balance and fall backward. When he caught me, I turned inward to face him and held on. Then I slipped his Selenite into his coat pocket without him knowing, as I righted my feet on the ground.

**XXX**

The day before

December 25th, 2009

Christmas was never the same after my parents died, nor were birthdays or any kind of anniversary for that matter. Every special occasion since their death found me in a depressing state of inebriation, where the time and the pain passed fastest because I was drunk and asleep.

But December 2009 was different, and not because I had found my Christmas spirit again. It was different because my life was suddenly a series of tumultuous events. Nothing was just 'normal' anymore. Edward was alive. Edward was human. Edward had forgotten who I was. Then there was that issue of a Gargoyle army being created for the sole purpose of silencing me. I lived in a constant state of anxiety and fear, always in danger, and always dodging questions from the man who once had all the answers.

I woke up early on Christmas morning just four days after Edward came home, and tip toed to the kitchen, not wanting to wake him on the couch. That was the other thing. He refused my bed because he didn't think it was 'gentlemanly' to put me on the couch. Already, his 19th century habits and values were showing and I had to keep reminding myself that it was supposed to be a good thing. Despite my arguments and my trying to convince him that I didn't mind giving him my bed, he refused.

In the end, and only because I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to lose so early in the game, we agreed to alternate it every night. It was utterly ridiculous and I was sure he thought so too, but it was either that or leave him on the couch every night. And I didn't want that. There was no way that couch was comfortable enough.

My nightmares also returned.

Ever since coming home with Alice, and after hearing her news of the Gargoyle army, my anxiety took over, and my demons resurfaced. The memory of my parents' death had nothing to do with the threat of an allegiance being created to fight me, but not having Edward in the capacity I once did was scary. He couldn't protect me like he used to. And even though I knew Alice and the Cullens were around, I didn't see them. They stayed away from me like they were supposed to, and it left me feeling bare and alone.

My courage dwindled more every day. My resistance started to wean, and despite the stubborn fight in me, I fell into the habit of drinking again because of the nightmares. It was the only thing that prevented an anxiety attack, and the only thing that comforted.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," I whispered to myself, swallowing my first shot. Blade raised his head from on the floor next to the couch and started whimpering.

"Sshhh," I hissed, waving him off with my hand, then took another.

XXX

Later that morning I paced my bedroom floor, wondering how to approach Edward with his Christmas gift when he knocked on my door.

Angela wasn't home. Her parents were visiting from Forks for Christmas, so she spent the night with them at their hotel.

"It's open," I said to the door, standing awkwardly with his present in my hand.

"Good morning," he said, when he walked in. The sight of him alone did unsettling things to me. There was something about the new colour in his cheeks that made me want to stare and blush moronically.

"Hey," I said, loving his tousled mess of morning hair. "How are you this morning?"

"I'd like to work," he blurted out, catching me off guard. "How do I go about it?"

Yet another eye opening moment where it was clear that our heads were in two entirely different places, I nodded and pressed on smartly.

"I'll help you," I said. "But it might be hard trying to land something until the new year. Merry Christmas by the way."

Of course he had forgotten. Celebrating Christmas wasn't exactly at the top of his to do list. He pushed his hands into his flannel pants pockets and cracked a smile.

"Yes," he said. "You mentioned something about that, didn't you?"

"I'm all for not making a big deal out of it if you are. I'm not the Christmas spirit kind of girl anyway, so let's just agree to pretend like it's just another day, okay?"

"Not that I know what any regular day is supposed to be like, but okay. Merry Christmas though, I suppose."

One of our regular awkward silences fell over us then, and I became fidgety. He rocked back on his heels, about to turn and leave the room, when he noticed the chain link hanging down through my fingers.

"What's in your hand?" He asked.

I looked down dumbly for a few seconds, a part of me wanting to forget the whole thing, lie and hide it behind my back. But this was important.

"It's a gift," I said, frowning at my closed fist.

"For who?"

"For you."

Another attack of nerves crowded me when I looked up at him again. I knew he was trying hard to fall into the mould of being my fiancé, by accepting what he thought he had to. But it was often obvious by just the look on his face that he was having trouble with it. It was almost as if he was _trying_ to love me, instructing his heart to feel something on command...and failing at it.

"But you just said..." he started.

"I know," I cut in, raising my hand to stop him. "It's not a big deal. This is actually not even new, so don't worry about it."

"Then what is it?"

I opened my hand then and showed him the link, adorned with the stone of Selenite.

"It's something that belongs to you already. I just thought I'd give it back to you."

Lying to him like this was hard, but it was the only way to get him to go along with things willingly; making him think it was a part of the life he couldn't remember.

He walked over to me and frowned, his eyes locked on the thing in my palm.

"See?" I said, pulling mine out from inside of my t-shirt. "I have one too. They match. I thought you might like to wear it again."

With scepticism in his eyes he folded his arms and pointed with one finger over his forearm. "I used to wear that?"

"Uhh, yes...I know it doesn't look like much...but...yes. You wore it all the time."

"But it's a necklace."

He looked at me with an arched eyebrow and made me swallow.

_Didn't men wear jewellery in the 1800's? _I wondered.

"It's more of a...symbol," I fumbled, not knowing how to convince him.

"For what?"

"You know...this is very poor etiquette when receiving a gift. I'm trying to give it to you...take it."

He took it from me, staring at it like it was the oddest thing he had ever seen. Then suddenly his face changed and something disturbing welled up in his eyes. He scowled brashly and flung the chain away frantically; as if it had burnt his fingers.

"What the hell? Why did you...?" I whipped my head around to where it landed on the bed. "What did you do _that _for?"

I grabbed it off the bed and turned on him again, confused and partly insulted. But the far off look on his face kept me tempered. He wasn't there with me anymore. He was off in his own head somewhere, and his eyes looked troubled and wild.

"Edward?" I said, in a half whisper, shifting my eyes between his, curiously. "What just happened?"

He blinked and bit down on his jaw before taking a deep breath.

"I don't know," he said, flatly. "But whatever that thing is...it doesn't agree with me."

My heart stuttered in shock when he said that.

"But, it's only Selenite," I said, softly. "It's harmless..."

"I can't explain it," he interrupted me.

"Try," I said, taking a wary step toward him.

It didn't happen often, but whenever he got that distant look in his eyes I knew he was experiencing a connection to something deep inside of him. I could barely contain my anxiety as I stood there staring at him, waiting, squeezing the Selenite so hard in my hand it almost cut me.

"It will sound crazy," he uttered.

"_Nothing _sounds crazy to me anymore, Edward. You'd be surprised. Try me."

He narrowed his eyes and deepened the dent between his brows, making me shudder inwardly. He didn't trust me. That much was obvious.

"There is a heavy presence on it. It sounds foolish, I know, but my body rejected it. That's the only way I can explain it."

I nodded worriedly, my breathing taking off erratically as I squeezed the Selenite in my hand. So far I'd seen him connect instinctively to things from his human past, like when we had that conversation about obscene words. But this was the first obvious connection to something supernatural.

It shocked me, not only because it was supposed to be impossible, but because it had happened so soon. Edward hadn't been home with me one week yet and already he was showing exceptional signs. Gargoyles hated Selenite because it stripped them of their powers. So why should he, a human being, be affected by it like that? He didn't even know what it was.

As amazed as I was, I got worried. Edward needed to have that Selenite on him at all times because he wasn't safe without it, not when there was an army in the making. And I knew Alice wouldn't have brought it to me if she didn't think it was absolutely necessary.

As best as I could, I made my voice sound gentle and coaxing in the hope of swaying him somehow.

"Edward, I assure you. There is nothing wrong with it. This is _our_ thing," I said. "We wear it together, always. It's a symbol for protection. That's all."

I held it out to him. "Here...I promise you, it's okay."

"Are you sure I used to wear it?"

"Positive," I said, with a reassuring smile.

He took it out of my hand again and slowly closed his fingers around it. But not one second later, his face twisted and his eyes flared up.

"Bella," he gasped, with a tortured look on his face. He shook his head and threw it away, then stepped back defensively. "I'm sorry but whatever it is, it's not agreeing with me. There's a presence...I hate to offend you, but I can't accept it. I am terribly sorry."

Then he turned and fled the room.

Shocked into a shell of awe I stood there and stared into the hallway, wondering what the hell to do.

**XXX**

**A/N: For those of you will wonder. Some airbags do deflate on their own, a few seconds after the deploy. I have an article on it for anyone who is interested.**

**Thanks for reading. Much love, Psyche.**


	3. Chapter 2  Crash and Burn

**Author's Note: Hello all. Here is chapter 2. Thank you for the great response so far :o) I have to warn that Edward is not having a very good time. He is cranky and unsure, suspicious and agitated most of the time. He will need your patience. But don't worry, it won't always be like this. Be strong!**

**I tried to answer your questions in reviews, but I want to say that the answers will come as the story unfolds. So don't worry. And I don't think the link for the blog worked in ny PMs to you. But it can be found easily on my profile. The official teaser came out on SUnday night, but the time varies. To know when, please follow me on Twitter (Psyche001) or Facebook (Psyche Elena) to know when to check the blog, if you want. **

**Happy reading :)**

_**Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. None of it belongs to me. I make no profit from ising her characters in this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Chapter two**

**Crash and Burn**

**Edward**

Walls...blurry walls...white walls...ceiling...beeping noises...faces...hands everywhere...pain...bright light...more pain...voices...

"Where am I..."

"He's awake."

The tubes coming out of my nose and wrists were uncomfortable. I snatched at them with weak, shaking hands, one at a time, before I was stopped. It was almost impossible to open my eyes fully. The light was glaring and it made everything hazy.

"He's worked up. Get Dr. Young in here, quickly."

"Who's touching me?" I whispered, turning my head from side to side. "Don't touch me."

I struggled through the light. The walls were spinning so fast they hummed. There was noise in my head, noise everywhere, and a seedy nausea threatened to open my stomach to the world.

"I am here. How is he?" An authoritative voice called.

"Thank goodness, Doctor. He just woke up and he's agitated. We can barely hold him down."

I could feel them pressing me down on to the bed, pairs of hands across my chest, arms and legs. I tried to hold on to consciousness, but the darkness swarmed and challenged the light that tried to burst through.

"I said stop touching me..._Stop..._"

"Mr. Cullen, you are alright. You're safe and in the hospital, but I need you to calm down."

"Get your hands away from me..." I opened my eyes again, and another blast of light made me cringe and turn away.

I didn't have the strength to scream. I tried to shout, but the lacerating sting at the back of my throat was choking. Their hands were quick and strong, and good at holding me down. The more they pushed against me, the more it hurt. And I couldn't place the intense pain in my body. It could have been anywhere because it was everywhere.

"Where am I?" I gasped. "What are you doing to me?"

"Mr. Cullen, you're in the hospital. We are only trying to help. Stop fighting us."

Tanya's face flashed behind my closed eyes in that moment, and finally, I found the strength to scream. But my throat bent under the force of my voice and I tasted blood.

"Hold him!"

"Tanya," I gasped, turning my head from side to side.

I felt like I was deranged; pinned under an invisible weight that welled from inside. There was something dreadful attached to the pain in her blood shot eyes, and before I even remembered why, I knew it was horrible.

"Tanya," I called out again.

"Who is Tanya?" Someone asked.

"God," I gasped. "Help me..."

The first thought to cross my mind was that I was caught. Something horrible had happened Tanya, and I sensed her blood on my hands. I remembered the need to run, except I couldn't actually remember running. But I remembered the blood. And I remembered the panic. I remembered the way she cried and pleaded, begged and screamed. Then there was darkness, and the haste of my fleeing feet. The images came together sporadically, in no particular sequence; just cuts and pieces splashed together.

Why was I panicking? What did I do? Was I running and they caught me? Who were they? And what were they going to do with me? Why couldn't I get a hold on anything? Focus...

"Mr. Cullen," an echo pushed through.

The pressure on my chest increased, pushing the air in my lungs outward. It was near impossible to draw in another breath, not with the way they were pushing down on me.

"Mr. Cullen, _relax_!"

"I can't...breathe...I can't..."

"He's going into shock."

My eyes were stinging. Everywhere burned. I wanted to vomit.

"Let me go...!" I cried.

"He won't calm down. We're losing him!"

"Mr. Cullen, can you open your eyes for me?"

I tried, but they rolled to the back of my head just as a smothering stink enveloped me. What was that noise inside of my head? Who was Mr. Cullen?

The light was too bright. The burning got stronger and stronger. Their screeching voices were deafening.

My skull felt like it had been crumpled, then smoothed out again like a piece of paper, and my body felt alien. Then there was that hole in my head, the source of the internal noise that wouldn't leave me alone.

Everything inside the hole screamed in frantic chaos; like a swirling pit of madness that wanted to suck me in. Was it possible to get lost in my own mind? To be sucked inside of myself? I sensed my thoughts in there. That hole. They were tightly intertwined and gorged with desperation, screaming in agony for me to pick them apart.

Behind my eyes I saw them reach for me with groping hands, stretching for help. My thoughts; they wanted to be freed of the dark, watery abyss, but I dared not get close enough. They scared me. I hated the way they wailed and groped outward with wraith like fingers and blackened nails.

"Get me out!" I screamed through the pain. "Get me _ouuuut_!"

"We have to tranquillize him. Where's the Thorazine?"

A rush of something potent spiked my coherency, and I found the beastly strength to push the weight off my chest. I hit something, or someone rather, judging by the shriek of alarm that came after.

"WHERE IS THE THORAZINE?"

I barely felt the prick that brought on the onslaught of cool serenity in the next second. The rush of it through my veins felt like ice against a fiery slate, and all of a sudden my body felt as heavy as lead.

The voices bellowed in the distance and turned into echoes, which lightened to whispers then silenced to nothing...

XXX

When I opened my eyes again, my hands were strapped to the bed and the room was darker, making it easier for me to see. At first I thought I was alone, but I only had to shift my eyes to the side to see the stately woman staring at me from across the room. I knew immediately that I didn't like her. She was a woman, but she seemed out of place. She was harsh, intrusive and overtly confident; not at all like a woman should have been.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

"Everywhere hurts," I uttered, in a grossly husky voice.

"That's expected," she said, blinking slowly as she nodded, "...given what you just went through."

A sting of anxiety clutched my heart when she said that. I knew something terrible had happened. I didn't know what but I knew it had to do with Tanya. Despair filled my mouth with bitterness as her eyes scoured my face.

Why couldn't I remember? There was something there, just on the tip of my brain, trying to push through, but it kept failing me.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I am Dr. Emily Young," she answered. "Your doctor."

"That can't be right," I uttered, passing my eyes over everything in the strange, staid, cold room.

_Where is this place? _I thought.

"Why do you say that?" She asked, taking a few steps toward me.

I wasn't sure why I thought so, but the words 'woman' and 'doctor' didn't fit together, let alone share the same body. I ran my eyes over her, warily, and tried to understand.

"Where am I?"

"The hospital. You are seriously injured, Mr. Cullen."

"Mr. who?" I asked, shifting my eyes to hers, not expecting to see her standing right next to me so suddenly. "That is not my name."

"What is your name?" Her voice was gentle but chilling.

"Masen. Edward, Masen."

"Hmmm," she mused, jotting something down on paper. "That's not according to your ID, Edward."

"What is my..._ID_?"

She pursed her lips in a sideways smile and held her book under her elbow. Then with an arched eyebrow, she bent her head over and lowered her voice.

"Do you remember your accident, Edward?"

My breathing grew heavy again. I wanted to push her away physically, but my hands were still tied to the railings on the sides of the bed.

"What are you talking about? Please, untie me. Why are you holding me captive?"

"I will untie you only when you are perfectly calm. I still need you to relax, and listen. Your bodily wounds are not serious, but you have suffered significant head trauma in your vehicular accident."

I stared at her blankly for a few seconds.

"What is a...ve-hic-ular?"

"Hmmm," she muttered again, taking the book from under her elbow to write.

"What do you keep writing?"

"Can you tell me what this is?" She asked, holding up the tool in her hand.

"A writing device...some sort of pen."

Though there was no ink pot.

"And that?" She asked next, pointing to an odd looking, square shaped thing hanging on the wall. It looked like an absurd picture frame. It was plain and black and glossy, and there was no picture inside. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. I ventured near the swirling hole of madness in my mind, but at the sound of the hollow screams, I shuddered and opened my eyes with a start.

"No," I said softly, becoming rapidly frustrated with myself.

"Does the word television ring a bell?"

I glanced around. "What bell?"

"No Edward," she said, soothingly. "I am asking you if you can remember what a television is." And she pointed at the thing on the wall. "That is a television."

I followed the direction of her finger and shook my head. "No. I don't...know, what it is."

Again, she wrote something down.

I frowned and passed my parched tongue over my lips, swallowing hard against the burning sensation at the back of my throat. And I tried to focus again, tried to remember something, _anything_. But I was blocked. The only thing that seemed to come through in those first few moments, and frighteningly so, was Tanya's face.

"Tanya," I uttered.

"Who is Tanya? Is she your fiancée?"

I looked at the doctor strangely, surprised that she didn't know. I thought they had caught me for something dealing with Tanya and were holding me captive. Though now, I wasn't so sure.

Perhaps I was dreaming, but the pain in my body told me otherwise.

"Edward, who is Tanya?" She asked again.

I didn't want to answer, afraid to exacerbate what already seemed like a tumultuous situation. Instead, I turned my head to the other side and stared at the strange looking blinds over the window.

"Okay," she said. "We can talk about that when you're ready. Can you tell me what happened _before_ your accident last night?"

"I don't remember any accident," I answered. "What accident?"

"Dear," she said, with a sigh. "I know you don't remember the accident. We've already established that. I'm trying to decipher if you can remember anything _before_ it happened."

The only things I could remember was Tanya, her screaming at me, her crying, her blood and my own panic. I didn't know where an accident fit into that picture. I turned to face the woman at my side when another image came to. The dagger. I saw the dagger...and I started to cough.

Dr. Young untied one of my hands, and without any effort at all, turned me onto my side by my shoulder. I flinched when she touched me, feeling a nasty pain spread across my back.

I hissed through the pain and tucked my chin into my chest, reeling with every coughing spasm.

When it passed, she guided me gently onto my back again.

"Can you answer the question now?" She asked, holding her pen over the book.

"I'm sorry. I can't remember anything before this..._accident_ you speak of."

"Very well," she said, with a sigh. "We have more tests to run, but from your signs, I'm afraid, you have suffered amnesia. The results from your tests will be ready in a day or two. In the meanwhile, try to get some rest. The nurse will be in shortly with your dinner, another dose of antibiotics, and painkillers."

I heard everything she said, but I could hardly believe it.

"Amnesia?"

"Loss of memory."

"I know what Amnesia is," I retorted. "But how did it happen?" My chest felt constricted, "What will I do?"

"Nothing but try to relax, and allow us to take care of you. Your fiancée has been contacted. She has been waiting to see you."

I almost sprang up from the bed when she said the word fiancée, but one of my hands was still tied to the bed.

How was that possible? I was sure I remembered Tanya's blood...everywhere. Was she alright? I thought the doctor didn't know her when I called her name before?

"Tanya...is..._here_?"

"We're getting our lines crossed, Edward," she answered, while freeing my other bound wrist. "I don't remember her name being Tanya."

Despite the look of blatant shock on my face, she turned and walked out, looking rather pleased with herself for some unexplained reason.

It was impossible to relax. Everything seemed horribly wrong and upside down. The pieces of my beaten memory tried to form a concise picture with Tanya, but I faltered. The entire scene wouldn't come together, and even though I couldn't remember all of it, I knew there was something dreadfully wrong when it came to her.

I shifted my restless eyes around the room. The light coming from the outside seemed artificial. It wasn't sunlight, and there were no candles or lanterns in sight. Everything seemed bland and cold. Even the sounds coming from outside my door were strange. There was a constant din on the air and it made me agitated.

My suspicion that things were badly askew was confirmed when the petite brunette came bursting through the door some time later. Without giving me time to react, she threw herself at me joyously, desperately... as if she knew me.

I pushed her off, not only because our bodies touched inappropriately, but because my body hurt so much. She was crying. She was staring at me with a mixture of hope and relief in her eyes, but I didn't know her face. I remembered what the doctor told me about amnesia, and it crossed my mind in a fleeting moment, that perhaps I knew her but had forgotten. But her hysteria daunted me. It made me want to push her even further. She was just as groping as the thoughts from the hole in my head.

I thought for sure these people had confused me with someone else in the hospital. They called me by a different name and they had gotten the fiancées mixed up. But this girl acted like she knew me, kept staring at me like I was supposed to know her. And she called me by my name.

She sat on the bed and tried to hold my hand, and though I avoided touching her, a sliver of hope budded when I felt the faintest pull of energy from her closeness. It made me both uncomfortable and confused, because I knew with certainty that she was not Tanya. Why would I remember one woman and not the other? Why was Tanya's face readily on my conscience when this girl's was nowhere within me? And why did she call herself my fiancée?

I kept staring at her, trying to find the crack in her story, the hole in her demeanour that would expose the conspiracy and give me the answers. But all she ever did was stare back in wide-eyed hope, with grief in her eyes, as she told me about the life I had apparently forgotten. Ever so often she would look away uncomfortably, and I used that against her, looking for any reason at all to plant the first seeds of suspicion in my head.

And the more she talked, the more I wondered about Tanya.

"I'm sorry for staring," I said to the brunette one day, while still in the hospital. She wanted me to call her Bella.

She shook her head gently and I followed the spill of her dark locks over her shoulder. Tanya's were golden.

"Stare at me all you want, Edward," she said. "I don't mind."

As the days passed, her internal fight with something became more obvious. She was often unsettled, and her back slouched like she carried the weight of the world on her little shoulders.

I couldn't place her in my mind, no matter how hard I tried. And in my distrust of every strange thing in my environment, I developed a heinous suspicion of her.

One night in the hospital, the faint image of men in black cloaks whisked by in a dream and again, I sensed it had something to do with Tanya. I awoke and found myself wondering, as I stared at the brown eyed girl, if she was somehow connected to them. Was she was one of them? Did they capture me? Was all of this part of a plan to punish me? But why would they go through all this trouble? Why not just...arrest me? And why did she seem so sincere in her concern?

Mostly, she was patient and quiet at my side. She didn't ask many questions. Her eyes grazed my face and body in silent admiration and when she touched me, it was with adoration. I always shied away from her touch. She was oddly forward with physical expression and I thought it strange.

She became my unsolvable mystery. I was certain there was conspiracy involved, and if there was, she was a damned good actress.

I withdrew when the pressure became overwhelming. It was all too much and no answer satisfied me. Add that to the infuriating chatter of people all around telling me I had amnesia, and the doe eyed look of pain in the brunette's eyes, and I wanted to scream.

Everything was wrong, and as the seconds ticked by, my paranoia evolved. I was suspicious of everyone and everything, refusing to bend to the assumption that I had lost my mind. I didn't. I would figure it out because I had to figure it out and because being this terrified in my own mind was simply not an option.

The only thing that ever seemed to bring me peace was the medicine. The moment I showed signs of losing control they would puncture me with something that melted away the fury and put me to sleep. Whatever it was, I both loved and hated it.

Then it was time to leave the hospital. I had no choice but to go with the brunette. She was taking me to her home, to stay, and I was not her husband. She held to her story of our engagement, and I worried that it meant she had certain expectations of me. Hating that I was of no good use to myself, I accepted her hospitality and let her take me.

I realised how badly I needed her when the world beyond the hospital doors was scarier than the world behind it.

There was noise everywhere, people..._everywhere_. Things that roared on wheels, and gigantic buildings. The people looked strange. They wore odd garments and that clung to their bodies rather than fit. And the women...god, the women, they were loud and unladylike and they stared at me like they might want to have me for supper.

I stayed closed to Bella, finding forced comfort in her ease with everything. She had a machine on wheels as well, something she called a car. And when I felt the power that surged through it on take off, a deep seated energy flared inside of me. It moved. And from the others on the roadway I could tell it was capable of speed; speed that ignited the first spark of life in me. I thirsted for it.

I was happy to be indoors again once I crossed the threshold of Bella's abode; a bleak cottage that looked nothing like a cottage at all. She called it an apartment. And again, there was artificial light coming from bulbs in the ceiling. Not a candle or lantern in sight.

Because my questions seemed foolish and because I knew my memory was impaired, I kept my questions to myself, fearing embarrassment.

My eyes trailed Bella around her apartment curiously. She had a dog, which took an immediate liking to me, and a friend named Angela. I watched them move and took mental notes, realising very early on that I learned a lot through quiet observation.

Bella's patience never waned. She seemed settled, though peculiar in most of her ways, but charming. I admitted to it. She didn't eat much and was self-conscious about her posture. She was always jumpy, though peaceful; ferocious in spirit, though breakable looking; quiet, though brimming with a potent energy that kept wanting to burst free of her. And she was always, for some god forsaken reason, mumbling to herself.

I also noticed that she crept into the kitchen in the dark hours of the morning when she thought I was asleep on the couch, and drank alcohol. I peered at her through the sheets silently, and observed. And still, by the end of that first week at her home, there was nothing about her mannerisms or habits that were familiar. The only time I felt an aura of comfort from her was when she came close.

She knew I stared at her. Her eyes would sometimes find mine across the room and she would smile. But mostly, she seemed preoccupied and far off in thought, biting into her nails until she bit too far and scowled at herself.

Admittedly, the more time I spent with her, the less inclined I was to think her capable of the things I accused her of secretly. And that indecisiveness of mine ended up becoming my greatest aggravation. I couldn't bloody well decide what to believe.

The fact that her dog seemed to know me so well worked in her favour. But then something happened and I was set back ten spaces, back into the well of bewilderment.

"December 2009?" I asked.

And she nodded with her bottom lip between her teeth. That couldn't be right.

I sunk into the chair and stared into space, taunted by the chaotic vacuum in my mind. Maybe I was crazy. I checked the calendars and the newspapers. It was true, unless the entire world was lying to me. I reflected for a while after that, wondering if all the visions that played through my head were merely from dreams I'd had.

I saw cottages and men on horses, farms and quaint windows lit by candlelight, boys with telegrams and women who wore corsets and large hats.

None of those images fit in my environment. Nothing in my environment connected to anything in my conscience. And then I remembered what the doctor had said. She told me I had lost recognition of certain everyday objects.

So if that was true and I really _did_ have amnesia, then some things had completely fallen off my radar. However, there were some things I still had a grasp on, thankfully, like kitchenware, beds, sheets, the need for clothes and soap, books and writing material. Not all was lost.

The first day I went outdoors with Bella was eye opening. She taught me things and was patient. She showed me my licence, which gave me permission to operate an automobile, then a little plastic card that supposedly had money inside of it. After turning it over in my hand numerous times, waiting for the money to show itself, she took it from me and slid it into a machine.

"Let's see if it works," she said, almost to herself. Then she looked up at me after the machine swallowed the card and raised an eyebrow. "Care to test your instincts?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just start punching in numbers as they come to you. You need four. Punch four numbers in here." She guided my hand toward the slate with numbered buttons.

I did as she instructed, but my chosen four didn't work. She hummed with a frown and opened the case where the licence and money card came from.

"Ahhh," she said, in an amorous tone, holding up a piece of paper. "Maybe this will work."

She showed me the four digits on paper and asked me to try them on the machine.

"Tada," she mused.

I couldn't figure out the intended recipient of her sarcasm, but by the distraction on her face, I sensed it wasn't meant for me.

"What happens now?" I asked.

"Now we see how much money you have, Edward."

"Where does the money come from?"

Her eyes bulged out of her head then and a small squeak came through her lips when she read the screen. "Ummm...wow."

I was just as surprised as she was when I saw it. I frowned at the figure, then at her, then at the screen again.

"That's a lot," she said.

"Maybe it's wrong," I muttered. "Where did it come from?"

"Well, Edward...you were a school teacher and worked for a salary. Your salary is stored in the bank. This is an ATM machine which is connected to the bank."

"That's _my_ money then?"

"It is..." And she twisted her mouth. "The machine isn't trying to be nice to you, it's yours. Though that's a lot...for a High School teacher."

Then she shook her head briskly, pulled the card from the machine, shoved it back into the case and put it in my pocket. She was still holding the paper with the four numbers.

"Maybe you're better at saving than I thought you were."

Again the sarcasm in her voice was evident.

"Why do you sound unconvinced of that? At the moment, you should know better than me."

"I wasn't interested in your money, Edward, so I had no idea what your account looked like. Regardless, you have to remember the four numbers you just used. That's your pin number. Never, ever, tell it to anyone. It's a secret. Commit it to memory and keep it to yourself. Whenever you need money, just do exactly what you did here today and the machine will give it to you. There are ATMs everywhere."

I nodded.

"Can you say the pin number back to me without looking at the paper?"

"1809," I said.

"Good." Then she tore the paper up and threw it in the bin. "You don't need this anymore. Let's go get you some clothes, slugger."

XXX

I made sure to buy books. And when we were at her home again, I spent all my time reading. I had to read. It was the only thing that gave me answers. I read encyclopedias, history books, biology texts, newspapers and The National Geographic magazines. It became an addiction and before long I was immersed in a wealth of information that made it easier to stay away from the sucking hole in my own head.

The more I learned through my readings, the more my paranoia fluctuated. One minute I was tolerant of the story being fed to me, then the next, I was going stark steering mad in suspicion because of something I'd read somewhere.

There was one thing in particular that jumped right off a page and slapped me hard in the face on my fourth day in Bella's home.

I read the line over and over for a while, wondering why it hadn't occurred to me before. I looked at her moving about in the kitchen, and every time I saw what I was looking for, something lacerating cut the base of my stomach. But I kept my observation to myself, needing time to plan my approach better. I knew that if I had asked the question and she blundered, I would lose my temper.

It got worse for me when she tried to give me the Selenite chain later that day; on Christmas.

"See? I have one too. They match. I thought you might like to wear it again."

Then she said, "you wore it all the time."

And then there was the: "It's more of a...symbol."

I stared straight into her eyes when she said that, and the determination I saw in them would have impressed me had it not been for the doubt in my mind. She tried to insinuate that we were a sentimental couple, that we did things for the sake of symbolism.

Then why, as my fiancée, did she _not _wear an engagement ring?

Surely, the figure in my bank account suggested my ability to afford her one, yet still, she wore none.

I almost blurted out the question right then and there as my eyes fell on her bare finger again, but then she gave me the chain and an overwhelmingly negative sensation stunned me. I looked down at the thing in my palm as the draining effect continued to surge through me. I flung it away instinctively, but she grabbed for it in a manner that suggested she was... protective of it.

She said it was symbolic, that we wore it together, and that it was harmless...used for protection. Yet, when I tried to take it again, the same leaden feeling attacked me. By far, the most daunting thing about touching the stone was the way it made the hole in my head roar to life. I couldn't stand it.

I hated having to offend her, because in spite of my paranoia, she was trying to help me. And on some level, I was immensely grateful.

I stayed in a constant state of unrest after that. Everything irritated me and I couldn't bloody well get the image of Tanya's looming face out of my mind. My unrest spilled over into the day after, and I almost strangled a man to death on the roadside. I saw when his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and the way his saliva frothed from his mouth. I knew I was hurting him, but I couldn't get myself to stop. Part of me reacted in disgust for the way he had disrespected Bella, but a lot of it came from days of compounded frustration that had finally found an outlet.

I was shocked that I was capable of that kind of rage; rage that made me strong. Still, I had no real sense of who I was nor the things I was capable of. I survived in irritable limbo, swallowing the stories being fed to me while avoiding my only source of real knowledge. The place I knew the answers lived, the nightmarish hole in my head.

And still, Bella was patient and understanding.

She took me to a place called Barca to look for work. Why Bella thought bartending suited me I had no idea, but I went along quietly.

Not two steps in through the door, I felt the same draining sensation from when I touched the Selenite the day before. I hesitated in the doorway and took a deep breath, perplexed by the feeling, when I knew I didn't have the stone on me.

She turned to look at me when I stopped, and tilted her head to the side.

"Are you okay?"

I saw by the glint around her neck that she was wearing hers, but she had been wearing it all week and it hadn't bothered me.

"Will you take that off?" I asked, pointing to the necklace around her neck. She touched it with her fingers and shifted her eyes questioningly between mine.

"Take it off? Why?"

I shoved my fingers through my hair as the leaden feeling dropped to the pit of my stomach.

"I think I'm...feeling it. I don't like it."

"I'm sorry you feel that way about it, Edward. But I'm not taking it off."

I swallowed the growing wedge of discomfort in my throat, feeling my body burst into a rampant sweat as she took my hand and pulled me further into the restaurant. With every step I felt heavier, angrier, and more perturbed. Why in heavens name would a stupid stone make me feel this ill?

"Where're the restrooms?" I asked, needed to put distance between me and her necklace.

"It's over there." She pointed across the crowded place.

I took off in that direction, expecting to feel lighter the further away I walked from her, but it didn't work. The sensation followed me. I locked myself inside one of the stalls and sat on the covered seat, trying to get over the feeling by taking deep breaths.

It was the exact feeling I remembered from the day before, when I touched the stone. I didn't know what else to attribute it to. And why would it attack me like that...so suddenly?

I touched my neck, just to make sure it hadn't magically appeared there. Then I wiped the perspiration away from the back of my neck. I didn't know what to do. It was too strong. The sensation was definitely there and it was pressing me into the ground.

I leaned against the seat and rubbed my hands down my chest and stomach, trying to soothe myself. When that didn't work, I leaned forward and dropped my head between my knees, pressing my elbows to my sides. That's when I felt the hard thing in my pocket, jabbing my elbow.

I shoved my hand into the pocket and cursed when the stone materialized in my palm. I jumped off the seat hysterically, raised the lid and tossed the thing into the toilet, watching as it sank to the bottom. I was irate again. I flushed the toilet with a violent stab, then attacked the door with my fist.

"She put it my pocket," I growled.

With heavy hands I pushed the door open and stalked through the restaurant looking for her, seething in impatience. I pushed my way to the front of the bar, thinking little of the protests being hauled at me and demanded the attention of the short girl behind the counter.

"Wow," she gasped, staring at me disbelievingly. "It really is you. I remember you now."

"I'm looking for Bella." I got straight to the point.

"Edward?"

I turned toward the sound of Bella's voice behind me and shoved against the swaying mob again; much to their delight. She looked confused, and because I didn't want to embarrass her by making our argument public, I took her by the elbow toward the restrooms.

"Edward, what the hell has gotten into you?" She cried out, trying to pull her arm away from me.

I turned on her abruptly once I had her away from curious eyes, and dropped my hand.

"_Please...please _tell me you didn't put that thing in my pocket, _knowing_ how much I hate it, Isabella."

Admission filled her eyes instantly and grated at my already short temper. She didn't try to lie about it, which was partly comforting...partly.

"It was a gift," was all she said, blinking up at me, determined to hold her ground.

"Why would you do that?" I pressed. "I told you I didn't want it. You even made me tell you why. Didn't you understand? Did you sneak it into my pocket?"

"Don't make it sound like it was a vindictive move. It wasn't."

"Then tell me why."

I felt like exploding. There was a reason she wanted me to have it, or else she wouldn't sneak it into my pocket after I rejected it. She wanted me to have that thing, and I wanted to know why. I hated the mystery. There was nothing enchanting about it. I hated guessing. I hated being in the dark. I hated the feeling like she was hiding something from me. I had felt it ever since the first day I saw her. Yes, I lost my memory and I knew the mental side affects were overwhelming, but I wasn't prepared to die from paranoia. I had to get of it. I had to kill it. And the only way to do that was to ask questions, hoping she would tell me the truth.

She swallowed and blinked away from my stare with a wounded expression.

"Look at me," I said, trying to control my temper.

"Calm down," she spat back. "You're drawing attention."

"Tell me why you put in my pocket, Bella."

"Because I want you to have it!" She snapped. "It's yours. I was insulted when you flung it back at me yesterday. That hurt my feelings. You were supposed to like it."

I took a step back and stared at her.

"But I told you..."

"I know what you told me," she bit out. "And it's ridiculous. It's just a stupid rock, Edward. How could it have that kind of effect on you?"

I tilted my head slightly to the side, my blood still boiling under my skin. "Just a stupid rock? Then why is it so important to you? Why do you wear it all the time, and why would you sneak it into my pocket, knowing how I feel about it? You're not being honest with me."

"What?"

"Don't pretend to be dumb, Isabella. It's not just a stupid rock is it, or else you wouldn't want me to have it so badly. What aren't you telling me?"

"You're blowing this out of proportion."

"Am I?"

"Yes. Why are you so paranoid? You're always suspicious and expecting me to do something to screw up. This is _me_," she said, slamming her fist into her own chest.

The tears in her eyes came as a surprise and made me retreat slightly. I didn't expect that she would cry.

"I _love_ you, Edward."

And I felt like retreating more. She caught my expression and nodded.

"Yes! I love you. I would _never_ do anything to hurt you. Everything I do is in your best interest."

The conviction in her voice and the honesty in her eyes snagged me. This girl really did love me.

I pushed a harsh breath outward and stroked the hair from my eyes, feeling rueful and lousy.

"Then if you love me," I said, pleading with her for an answer that will finally satisfy. "Please tell me. What is wrong with me?"

"There is nothing wrong with you. I promise."

"Why is it in my best interest...as you say...to have that stone on me?"

She shook her head and blinked so that two swollen tears escaped her lashes.

"I don't know how to explain it to you. You're so different now, Edward. As well as I know you, there's no one I've ever felt more estranged from, and it hurts. You don't know what it feels like to be looking at someone you love so deeply and have that person feel nothing in return...so suddenly."

"That's not my fault..."

"I know it isn't," she cut across me. "And I'm not blaming you for it. Of course it's not your fault. But that doesn't make it any less difficult. The Selenite was something special to us, and seeing the way you hate it now...I don't know. I don't want to accept that you don't like it. I still don't want to. I thought your aversion to it would pass, so I put it in your pocket. I just wanted you to have it."

We stared at each other silently. Her eyes were deep and sad and I knew that I could stare into them for all of eternity and never find the end of them.

"Because it was something special to us," I prodded. "Something...sentimental."

"Yes."

"Like an engagement ring?" I dared to ask.

And there it was...the blunder I had expected, but hoped not to see. She hesitated, the spell falling away from her eyes almost immediately. When I saw it, I reached for her left hand and tightened my fingers around hers.

"You are my fiancée, right Bella?"

"Yes," she whispered, after hesitating.

"I find it hard to believe that I didn't give my fiancée an engagement ring...seeing that I am as sentimental as you suggest."

"I lost it." She raised her chin and forced defiance, but it was easy to see her fear behind the wall.

"How did you lose it?"

Clearing her throat, she pulled her hand out of mine and answered. "I took it off to clean the apartment and lost it. I think it fell on the floor and got mixed up in some stuff that I threw away that day. You were very upset about it."

Holes...holes in her story. Defiance in her eyes.

"Do you ever take this off?" I asked, gesturing to the thing around her neck.

Again, she hesitated. But I kept my eyes locked on her, reading every twitch, every blink, every glance, every muscular reaction to my questions.

"That's different," she said.

"How is that different?"

She was getting angry with me. Something blunt and harsh fell over her face.

"The ring was too big for me. We were going to get it resized but hadn't yet, so I didn't wear it often. When I _did _wear it, I took it off when doing chores. That's not unheard of. Does that satisfy you, Edward? Or do you have another interrogation for me?"

I wasn't trying to upset her. I was trying to get answers, and at the moment she was the only one close enough to help. I hadn't been with her long, but already I had a distinct reaction to her anger and her tears. I hated when she cried. It made me feel helpless.

"I'm sorry," I said, dropping my eyes to the floor.

"What did you do with the Selenite?" She asked.

I closed my eyes and exhaled. "I flushed it down the toilet."

"You flushed it down the toilet?" She shrieked with wide eyes.

She grabbed her mouth, turned to face the wall and pressed her forehead against it.

"Bella?"

Again...I felt helpless and at a loss for an appropriate reaction.

She turned to face me, and this time she looked nervous. Her eyes were jumping all over the room, restless and worried.

"Let's go home," she said suddenly, taking my hand again. "We have to go."

"Now? Why?"

"We can do this tomorrow. Tonight has been rough and I just want to go home now. Please don't argue with me, Edward."

"Wait," I said, tugging on her hand. And for the first time, I saw a speck of impatience in her. "One last thing. And I promise it's not interrogating."

"What is it..."

"I'd like to see where I used to live. Will you take me there tomorrow?"

**A/N:** Just a brief snap shot of history: People started wearing engagement rings in the 1700s though it wasn't popular. Only the rich did it and even so there weren't extravagant diamonds included. Engagement rings and promise rings started getting more popular in the early 1800s, which is why it was easy for Edward to connect to the gesture without much difficulty in this chapter. I didn't go into detail about what he read, but it was simply something that eluded to the fact that it is customary to give your fiancée a ring when proposing.


	4. Chapter 3  Getting Somewhere

**A/N: Hi hi. Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter :) I am loving you all! **

**I failed at something this week and I am sorry. I never got around to my review replies which would have had an additional teaser for you guys like last week. I've been exhausted all week long. To make up for it, I decided to post Chapter 4 on Saturday night, instead of next Wednesday. So that means two chapters this week. Does that make up for it? *fingers crossed***

**Thanks to my wonderful beta fiftylover, to nikkiwindland for being my daily source of entertainment, and to TKegl for rec'nig my story on hers. Go read Beyond Time if you haven't yet! Twitter pals, you rock my world!**

**Again, I need to warn that Edward needs your patience in this story. He is going through a lot and has to find his way. That doesn't happen over night, but it will happen. Stick with it! Happy Reading.**

XXX

**Chapter 3**

**Getting Somewhere**

**Bella**

"Why are we leaving?" Edward asked, grabbing for my hand again as I walked past him toward Barca's exit. "Aren't we here for a reason? Let's talk to your friend and then we can leave."

I tried not to look, but the drawing force from the far corner of the busy room pulled my eyes and I couldn't resist. I had to glance. They were still there in all their regal grace, sitting at a table for two at the very back.

The spies.

Their eyes were fastened to me and I was sure their ears were too. I made sure my glance was quick and casual, passing over them as if they were nothing but a spot on the wall. Letting them see how familiar I was with their kind; that I knew them with just one glance, would only worsen the problem. So I tried to pretend.

A few feet away from the door, I felt Edward's hand tug on my wrist and pull me to a halt. I swung around to face him, my every hair at attention because of the remote, steely stares puncturing my profile.

"You are upset," he said, bending closer so that he didn't have to shout over the din.

My eyelashes did an unconscious blink sequence at his sudden closeness.

"Upset is an understatement," I answered him, even though it was partly a lie.

I wasn't as upset as I was anxious about the Gargoyles, but I used our little argument as an excuse to leave. Edward's interrogation didn't exactly upset me. It freaked me out.

I hadn't a clue until then about how 'in over my head' I was with him. I knew he was intelligent. I knew he was determined and anything but a fool, but I hadn't expected him to be _that_ meticulous or calculating.

He missed nothing.

He was special. Even when he was a Gargoyle he was able to hold on to his humanity; something which was uncharacteristic and made him an outcast in the Legion. I expected him to show extraordinary signs of strength, but I never expected him to prove me right so quickly. In fact it made me nervous, especially since I wasn't the only one monitoring him. And as that night proved, the Gargoyles were already encroaching. The fact that they made themselves visible was a point I couldn't ignore. They didn't have to get close in order to eavesdrop. They got close because they wanted me to see them.

And I had absolutely no idea how many of them there were out there.

"Bella, I'm sorry for upsetting you," Edward said, with troubled eyes. "At the very least, let's do what we came here to do. Then we can leave."

The bells over the door jingled, and because we were standing so close to the door I was nudged slightly as someone walked in. Absently, I looked toward the person that bumped into me and almost wet myself in shock when I saw Alice and Jasper walk in.

Alice knew me well and expected my very natural response to her, so she turned her back abruptly and disappeared into the crowd like an agile cat with Jasper on her heels. My heart wanted to explode. The overwhelming urge to run behind them was too much to contain, but I held it. I had to control my bodily reaction, my expression, the twitch in my disposition and every instinctive emotional driver in me, because we were being watched. And I was sure that I had already put myself in trouble just by the way my heart took off exponentially under the pressure.

They could hear it.

The pressure was too much. My nerves started to fray under the friction of the two pairs of gray eyes that I felt but couldn't meet, not to mention Edward's face so close to mine; waiting for me to answer him.

"Bella?" He asked, letting go of my hand. I didn't even realise he was still touching me until he let go.

Thankfully, my anxiety was bad enough to pass as sudden illness. So I played that card.

"Bella?" His eyes skimmed my face like a laser beam, touching every pore with unintentional precision.

"I don't feel well," I said, dropping my head so that my hair would fall forward and hide me.

He raised my face with a finger to my chin and frowned at me. The air around me started to thicken and I felt it closing in, threatening to suffocate me. My vision stretched then sprung back like a rubber band, and for a few seconds everything vibrated. I almost lost my footing and stumbled forward against him.

"Whoa," he said, catching me with his steady hands. "Okay, we can leave. What's causing this?"

"I don't know," I gasped, barely able to breathe through the racket in my chest. "But I need some air. I need to get out of here."

"Alright," he said, turning me toward the door by my shoulders.

The bell jingled again and I watched as the door swung open to allow passage for another three statuesque, steel eyed gods to enter. They were swift, barely acknowledging me with the glint in their eyes, but acknowledging me none the less. I dropped my unfocused stare to the floor, feigning numbness as I dared to walk straight through the middle of them and out the door.

So many...there were so many all at once. Why so many?

They would have heard my erratic heart beat, smelled the fear as it clotted my pores and seen the brief moment of familiarity in my eyes, but they wouldn't have gotten me to show it. I would hold my ground and play my part until the last breath left my lungs.

They had their powers and their supernatural effervescence, but I had Charlie Swan's stubborn nature; the very thing that killed him. And I wasn't going to let them scare me like this. I had Edward's well being to think of, and a love that, despite its current challenges, was the only thing that held me together anymore. He was all that mattered, and I had to see to it that he got better.

Once we were outside I took a deep breath and made a bee line to my car. The sudden rush of cold air revived me and the brisk walk redirected my focus.

"I don't think you should drive if you feel ill," Edward said, following me around the car to the driver's side. "You don't look very good."

"Hahahahahaha. Don't even try it," I quirked, getting into the car. "I'd rather get home sick than dead, but thank you for offering. I just need five minutes and I'll be okay."

"Are you always this difficult?" He asked with a small smile, putting himself between me and the door so that I couldn't close it.

"Yes I am, actually. And you think it's sexy."

"Oh really..." He slurred with raised eyebrows and his polished British twang. He twitched at the word "sexy" and I had to assume that it was another taboo word from his time. I was learning how to read him.

"I can't imagine thinking it's..._sexy_," he answered, looking back at me. "But apparently there's nothing a concussion can't correct. I seem to be magically cured of that flaw in judgement."

He was trying to be a smart ass. I wanted to bite that smirk off his lips.

"It wasn't magic. It was amnesia. You still think it's sexy, you just can't admit it yet. But don't worry, you will."

I turned the key in the ignition and buckled my seat belt with him still hanging over the open door.

"I also doubt that I ever let you drive me around everywhere before my accident," he said. "I'm supposed to lead. You're just the little woman."

"Just the little _woman_? Listen buster, I won't think twice about driving off with the door open and you standing right there. You saw what I did earlier. You have exactly _five_ seconds to get in the car."

I was one second from telling him what he should do with his 1800's sexist ego.

He didn't like my stubborn nature, as was evident by the way his smirk fell away. He had the most disagreeable temper, and unfortunately, that made us fire against fire. Someone would _always_ have to back down if there was ever going to be a resolution. And I seriously doubted that person would ever be me.

The drive was another silent one, but thankfully I didn't live far from Barca. It had been a disappointing night. I took him to Barca to try to talk Mike into giving me my job back, and maybe hiring Edward too, but not five minutes after arriving, Edward accosted me about the Selenite. It only went downhill from there. I never saw Mike, let alone got the chance to talk to him.

Not to mention the series of events before we even got to Barca. First I'd almost died of a heart attack with Edward behind the wheel. Then I got my own car smashed with my stupidity; got into an altercation with a stranger; watched Edward almost kill said stranger; almost had an anxiety under the focus of one too many Gargoyles; had to answer for my lack of engagement ring; and promised to take Edward to a house I wasn't even sure existed. The pressure was starting to pick me apart.

I. Wanted. To. Scream.

It was my night for the couch, but when we got into the apartment I went straight to my room instead and slammed the door behind me. I threw myself onto the bed where I screamed for minutes on end into my pillows. It helped only partially. I needed a target, something to absorb my frustration, something to break before _I_ broke.

I threw the pillows against the wall. Then I dragged the sheets and blankets off the bed and flung them on them on the floor. With every desecrating action, I bit out ugly cuss words, trying to stifle the urge to scream out loud but failing miserably. Vandalizing the bed wasn't _nearly_ enough. I hit my alarm clock off the night stand with one violent swipe. The sound of it smashing on the floor had an inexplicably satisfying effect.

It felt amazing to throw myself into something where I didn't have to think about the consequences after.

I tried to get to my desk to continue, but my foot got caught up in the sheets on the floor and I fell on my face.

Even more pissed with the fall, I screamed and kicked the blankets away furiously. Once on my feet again, I ran into the desk like a mad woman and shot everything on it, to hell.

The more I took my rage out on my bedroom, the angrier I got. The destruction just kept feeding my wrath like kerosene to a live flame. I didn't hear Edward knocking through my hysteria, and when he burst through the locked door, he broke piece of it and a wooden splinter came flying straight to the side of my head. I saw Edward's crazed expression. I saw his eyes widen in everything from shock to concern. Then I heard him screaming at me to calm down.

When I wouldn't stop attacking everything in sight, he grabbed me and lifted me off the floor.

"PUT ME DOWN!" I screamed into his face, our noses just a fraction of an inch apart.

"What are you doing?" He screamed in return, dumping me on the bed.

I tried to fly off the mattress but he was quicker. He pinned me down with my wrists over my head and pressed his knee down on my hip. I was so angry I was spitting fire, and him holding me against my will wasn't helping. I could barely breathe.

"EDWARD!" I screamed, shutting my eyes tight enough to tear my eyelashes from their roots. "Get off!"

"Bella!" He screamed down at me. "Bella! What's _wrong_?"

I couldn't open my eyes. I didn't want to see the fright in his eyes. I pushed my chin up so that my head bent back, and helplessly tried to pull my wrists from his clutch.

"Let me go, Edward," I bit out through clenched teeth.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" He cried out.

I opened my eyes when he asked that, feeling hot tears run down the sides of my face and into my ears and hair. When I saw the terror on his face, I spurted some more and started to sob uncontrollably. His fingers tightened around my wrists until I felt his nails digging into my flesh. My hip was about to break under the crushing pressure of his knee and the breath he pushed out of his nose and mouth spread all over my face.

"Don't leave me," he begged, jouncing me on the bed with a sharp jerk to my wrists.

"What?" I gasped, ingesting the panic in his eyes.

"You're all I have, Bella. Please...get a hold of yourself. Don't leave me."

The tears came harder.

"I'm not," I sobbed. "But I'm so tired! Please...just let me _break._"

"If _you _break," he said, pausing to breathe. "Then I break...and I can't afford to break any more than I already am."

My eyes were so full of tears that his face started to go hazy above me. I blinked and freed a few impregnated drops, feeling them scorch as they followed the path down to my hair. I saw his eyes better after that. The clear green orbs shimmered as they shifted between mine frantically, boring straight through to every thought I ever had.

"But you hate me," I whispered.

His expression changed dramatically. He separated his eyebrows so that his features softened a bit, but he still didn't release my wrists.

"I don't hate you," he said.

I swallowed and blinked away another few drops, suffering against the urge to wipe my face with my hands that were held hostage.

"Yes you do," I wept. "You think I'm trying to hurt you. You don't trust me."

Something new crossed the planes of his face when I said that. He bit into his bottom lip, dropped his chin toward his collar bones and sighed tiredly. I felt his fingers slacken on my wrists, but he still didn't let go.

"You're hurting me," I said, shifting my hip under his knee.

"Are you going to throw another tantrum?" He asked, raising his head.

"No." And he moved his knee.

"I'm sorry," he said, kneeling on the floor between my legs.

I pulled my hands against my chest once he let go and massaged my wrists.

"I'm sorry I can't trust you," he said. "I want to. I'm trying to, but I don't know what to do with the madness in my mind. Everywhere I turn, everyone I meet, everything I see acts in direct contradiction to every _single _instinct inside of me. I'm going crazy, Isabella. I don't know what any of it means. And as much as there's an ugly void between us and I've been difficult...you are the only person I have. I can't do this without your help."

I sat up so and looked down at his bent head. His thick bronze hair fell forward into his eyes, and my fingers moved to touch.

I didn't know if he would pull away, but I did it anyway. I spread my fingers in his hair, so deep that I felt the warmth on his scalp. He raised his face and brought his arms in around my hips, but was careful not to touch.

"I need you," he said. "And that's...very hard for me to say. I'm lost in this whirlwind with a stranger, but already, I have this dependency on you which I can't explain. I hate it mostly. It makes me feel helpless, but I know I can't do any of this without you."

I nodded silently and stared at him, torn in every which way because of the insurmountable love I had inside of me for him. It hurt. It hurt because the more time passed, the deeper I fell and the longer that feeling went on unrequited.

"I don't know how to make you understand how overwhelming this all is," he went on. "I don't know how to tell you about the visions I get, or the gut feelings I wish were visions, but only seem like dreams instead.

"And I swear to you, there is a pit of chaos inside of my mind, just eating away at me. Even now as I'm talking to you I can feel it. When I close my eyes it's there and I keep wanting to get near it, to see what's inside...but it frightens me. I know the truth is in there, but I just can't get myself to look."

"What truth, Edward?" I asked, shaking my head at him. "The truth is what I've been telling you. You need to let go of this obsession with figuring out something that doesn't exist. Your suspicions aren't doing anything but driving you insane. It's normal to feel this lost and out of control when you suffer amnesia, but you can't keep..."

I had to pause because my voice cracked. I dropped my hands from his hair and turned my face away to take a deep breath and blink away the tears.

In one smooth motion he moved his arms from around my hips and put his hands in my lap. I felt every touch, friendliness which could easily be mistaken for intimacy, but made me warm nonetheless.

"I can't keep what?" He said, closing his fingers around mine.

"You can't keep treating me like the enemy," I finished."Whatever it is you think about me, or suspect, you have to let it go. I really am _just_ trying to help you. That's what the truth is."

"I know," he said. "And that's what confuses me. You tell me one thing, but then my paranoia takes over. It's just me trying to protect myself. That's all it is. I'm not trying to be spiteful."

"Your paranoia is just a by product of your amnesia. It isn't founded on conspiracy. It's simple really. You just aren't well."

"Is that it?" He sighed. "Is that the answer?"

"What else could it be?" I shrugged.

"I don't know."

He let go of me and stood, turned his back and ran his both hands through his hair. "I don't know."

I could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he wanted to argue, but he didn't.

"What's the matter..." I muttered.

He shook his head and ran his eyes over the mess I had created on the floor. His appraisal made me self conscious all of a sudden. I straightened my back and puffed my cheeks with air.

"I'm not always like this," I mumbled, taking in the scene around us. "I lost it. Sorry to scare you."

"There's something I need to ask," he said, turning around to face me. "But...I don't like upsetting you."

"I'll be okay. Regardless of my temper, and yes, I admit to having one too...you can talk to me. _Trust _me."

A ticklish sensation crept down the side of my face then. I brushed at it with the back of my hand and saw blood. It must have happened when the splinter hit my head.

His gaze shifted to my head, and when he saw it, he came forward and touched the spot.

"You're bleeding."

"I'll be okay," I said, turning my face away. "It's just a little bruise. Say what you were going to say."

He sat next to me on the bed and rubbed his thumb and index together, spreading the spot of blood he got from my face between his fingers. There was something unmistakably intimate about my blood on his skin, but just as the thought occurred to me, he changed and withdrew. He rubbed his fingers off on his pants and exhaled.

He was flustered again. He stood up and started to pace the floor; concentrating, battling with something in his head.

After a while of watching him agitate himself, I spoke up.

"Edward?"

"I'll tell you one of the reasons why I'm so suspicious, and why it's so hard for me to accept the things you tell me."

Getting somewhere...

"I'm listening."

He stared at me for a while before he could bring the words out of his mouth.

"I know I was engaged, Bella," he stated. "I remember being engaged, but...the face of my fiancée...isn't yours."

I felt like a bone cracked in my chest. He took a step toward me and searched my face, making it impossible to blunder obviously. I had to stay calm. I had to meet his stare confidently and conquer it. As long as this would last, my biggest task would be to put his suspicion to rest, even if I had to lie to do it.

"Her name is Tanya, Bella," he said, and I almost fainted.

_He remembered her name?_

I tried, but I couldn't avoid the shock that bolted through me; the furrowing of my eyebrows; the snagging of my heart; or the breath that knocked my lungs flat.

I had to reassure myself that it was inevitable. He was supposed to remember his human life, but still, it shook me.

He made sure to keep his eyes on me so that he wouldn't miss a single reaction of mine. Always calculating...always watching.

"Tanya?" I asked, at a loss for better words.

"Yes. Tanya. She's real...isn't she?"

"No," I said, hastily. "Well I mean...yes, but...no."

"Which is it?"

I gulped and closed my eyes, trying to find the right words to explain this to him. I didn't know how much of it he remembered, or how much of it I was allowed to tell him. But this had nothing to do with his Gargoyle life. He had a right to know, especially since it was coming back to him anyway.

Still, I had to be careful. One mistake could throw everything off, especially with an army of Gargoyles within ear shot of my conversation.

"Edward, sit down."

He sat next to me on the bed and I glanced at him warily.

"Tanya died, Edward."

He creased his forehead with a pensive frown.

"How much do you remember?" I asked.

"Not much," he said, staring off. "But from the little I'm getting, it's not good."

"What are you getting?"

"Her face...I see her face a lot. I _know_ her face. It's not strange like everything else is. She was the first thing I remembered when I awoke in the hospital."

"What else?" I probed gently.

He shifted his eyes back to me and deepened his frown further.

"Pain."

"Pain?"

"Pain for her," he answered, softly. "She was upset. She was crying. I was...terrified of something. There was blood everywhere around her. And whenever I see her face, I feel her. And when I feel her, there is this loss that bludgeons me."

I tried not to pay attention to the underlying message in his words; his admittance of feelings for another woman. Because even though she was dead, Tanya still had the power to affect him deeply. She was the last memory he had as a man.

"Tell me about the blood," I said.

He turned away and tensed.

"It's on her body, and on my hands. And she is screaming at me. She is in pain and I think that _I_ caused that pain. She loves me, but she cries too much and it makes me want to run away."

He bent over and groaned.

_Do you love her, Edward? _I wanted to ask, but instead I asked:

"Is that all?"

"No, there's more. The answer is in that pit I told you about, in my mind. But every time I try to get close to it, it goes crazy. _I'm_ going crazy."

An overwhelming sadness came over me as I watched him struggle. He was a prisoner inside of his own mind.

"You'll be okay," I said, wanting to hug him so badly. "I will help you through this."

"Do you know what happened to her?"

"I'm sorry for the pain this will cause you," I started. "You've gone through this once before, and now apparently you have to go through it again. I am here if you feel like reaching out to someone."

"I am reaching out to you now," he said, passing a hand over his face.

So I blurted it out.

"Tanya killed herself, Edward." I opted for the 'rip the bandaid off' method, instead of prolonging it.

He stared into space, then got up and walked over to the wall where he pressed his both palms in a wide stance.

"The dagger," he whispered.

"You remember the dagger?"

"Please, go on." He urged.

"Yes, there was a dagger," I answered, remembering the story once told me. "She used the dagger on herself."

"But why?"

This was the part where I needed to be careful.

"Because...you told her you couldn't be with her anymore."

"Why would I say that to her? I loved her."

_Swallow the bullet and move on._..I chanted internally.

"Because you joined the priesthood and couldn't be with her anymore. She was hurt and angry, and I guess...she wanted to hurt you back."

He brought his fist to his mouth and bit into it.

"When did this happen?"

"Some years ago," I answered. "When you lived back in England."

His turned around to me.

"How are you doing with all this?" I asked softly.

"Keep talking."

Now for the lying...

"Well...when it happened you were devastated, of course. You blamed yourself, but thankfully the investigation proved that you were innocent and that she had killed herself. You left England because of the trauma and came to the US to start a new life. It was hard, but you did it. And that's when you met me."

He stared at me with such intensity I swore he could see the lies swimming around in my head.

"What about my family...parents? Relatives? I just...left England? Just like that?"

"Your parents were already dead."

That wasn't a lie. They had died before his engagement to Tanya.

"They died before all of this happened...cholera, or something. You didn't tell me about any other relatives...except...for one uncle."

"The one who took me to the hospital. They told me about him."

I started getting nervous. When he got into this kind of frenzy and started asking questions, I always got tongue tied and nervous.

"Yes, his name is Aro. He was in Seattle for a short while, but had to leave soon after your accident, once he knew you were okay of course."

"How can I find him?"

_Good God in heaven above_..._help me_.

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"We don't have his number. He looked for you when he came to the US to visit. You hadn't spoken to him in years, not since you left England. He was nearby when your accident happened, and when he realised you were the person in the accident, he followed the ambulance to the hospital and called me. But they wouldn't let see you until the night after...after they had you stabilized."

"He called you?"

"Yes."

"So then you have his number."

"I don't. He found my number in your cell phone that night. That's how he called me. He only really visited with _you _while he was here. I only met him once. I hardly knew him."

"So that's it? I have an uncle somewhere who could possibly the only relative I have left, the only link to deep in my past, and I have no way of finding him?"

"I'm sorry."

"Is there nothing else you can tell me about him? His surname? Where he lives in England?"

"Edward, I didn't know your uncle or that you even had one until he showed up. He'd only been around like two days before your accident and like I said, he visited you, not me. So no, I don't know anything about him."

I was lying through my teeth and _dying _because of it. He looked so damaged and desperate, and I knew I wasn't helping. All I did was worsen his frustration by planting more questions in his head that would never be satisfied by one of my answers.

Blade came into the room then and sat at Edward's feet.

When Edward saw him, he sat on the floor next to the dog and ran his fingers through his fur. That was the only thing that seemed to calm him at all; Blade's presence at his side. My heart melted when he cracked the smallest smile and pulled Blade into his lap.

To say I was jealous of my own dog was an understatement._ I _wanted to be Edward's source of comfort._ I_ wanted to be the one he smiled at like that. And _I_ wanted to sit in his lap.

"I'm going to take a shower," I said, grabbing a towel off the trashed floor. One breakdown was enough for the day. I needed to be alone.

I locked myself in the bathroom, fell to my knees and pressed my forehead to the floor.

"Alice," I whispered, as softly as I could. "If you're out there...I really, _really_ need your help."

I waited and waited for some kind of answer, divine or otherwise, but there was only silence. She didn't appear magically, nor did she call on the phone like the last time. She was staying away like she said she would, because it was safer for her to do so.

I did the only thing I could do at that moment. I got off the floor, got undressed and stepped into the shower.

"Things aren't going well," I whispered under the running water, hoping to find Alice's ears somewhere out there. "Edward isn't settling down. He has all these questions that I don't know how to answer. But I lie anyway, because...what else can I do?

"I'm freaking out here. Am I screwing this up? He wants me to take him to his house tomorrow. I don't even know if that place exists. What if we go there and there is no house? What the hell do I say to him then? And what if we go there and there _is_ a house but there are people living in it?"

Hearing myself say it out loud made it more worrisome and I felt the stress start to compile all over again.

"He flushed the Selenite down the toilet tonight at Barca, Alice. He won't take it. He has the weirdest reaction to it. I tried sneaking it into his pocket when I saw those Gargoyles at Barca tonight, but he found it and got livid. I don't know how to make him wear it, and he_ needs_ to be wearing it.

"Oh and he asked about my lack of engagement ring too. I mean, with the kind of money he has in his bank account, I think it's reasonable to assume that he'd have given me a ring. He was right about that. He misses nothing, Alice. Absolutely nothing. Where did all that money come from anyway? I know Aro has something to do with it, but did he put it there? Was that his contribution to the 'Edward's Screwed Up Life Fund?'

"I can't get over how _sharp_ Edward is. It's both amazing and worrisome. He scrutinizes everything I say and do and I'm getting scared that one day my stories will stop adding up. I will make a mistake...and we will be in trouble."

Just the thought alone opened a raw wound in my throat and made it hard to swallow.

"And how am I going to explain where all that money came from? He hasn't asked about it yet, but I'm sure he will."

Edward wasn't a fool. His lack of memory, though a hindrance, had not crippled his intelligence. His senses were sharp and his instincts even sharper.

Knowing he was at a disadvantage, he bought books to teach himself and read constantly. He wanted to work to earn a living, and he hated being treated like a victim.

I turned off the water in the bath and dabbed my skin with the towel before making my way back to my bedroom.

When I opened the door and found Edward sleeping in the same spot I had left him with Blade, I sighed. He was on the floor, on his side, with his back to the wall. Blade was comfortably curled up in a ball against his chest and stomach.

"Oh great. Now they're spooning?"

It was actually kind of sweet. I stood there for a while and looked at them, observing how similar Edward's hair was to the color of Blade's coat. I tip toed to a strewn blanket on the floor, then back to Edward so that I could cover him gently.

Blade raised his head and whimpered, and I pressed my finger to my lips, begging him to be quiet. But the big wretch scurried to his feet and made Edward stir.

"You never listen to me," I hissed in a loud whisper.

Thankfully, Edward didn't wake.

"He's so tired," I whispered tenderly, as I tucked the blanket around him. "Maybe you'd be more comfortable on the bed though. Edward?"

I shook him gently. "Edward..."

But he didn't budge. He was dead to the world. On seeing how exhausted he was, I decided to leave him there. I knelt on the floor next to him and continued to tuck the blanket around him because I knew how cold it got late at night.

Blade did something I hadn't expected though. He nudged me with his nose and pushed me over onto Edward.

I let out a small squeak and grabbed for my towel at my chest, mouthing the words _'Oh my God, Blade I will kill youuu.'_

Edward stirred again, grumbled and dropped his heavy arm over me.

_Shit, shit, shit._

As gently as I could, I wormed my body around to face outward, about to crawl out from under his arm when I saw Blade hunkering his big ass down in front of me.

"_No, no, nooo,_" I whispered, shaking my head with two saucers for eyes.

I ended up pinned between the two of them with Edward's arm still across my middle.

All the commotion made him shift again but with my back now to him, I couldn't tell if was awake or not.

"Edward?" I asked.

His only response was his heavy, steady breathing. He was still asleep.

Just for the hell of it, I tried one more time. I was still in my towel for crying out loud. I tried to push Blade out of the way, propping myself up on one elbow, but Edward tightened his hold and I couldn't move...not without waking him.

"You bastardly mutt," I grunted at Blade. "You think you're so smart, aren't you?"

I had to stay put until Edward fell deeper into sleep, or wake him by forcing myself up. I decided to stay for a few minutes, just until it was safe to crawl out from between them without disturbing Edward again.

It was my night for the couch after all.

Of course, it didn't happen quite that way. I fell asleep unexpectedly between them; too exhausted myself. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it was the best night of sleep I'd had in weeks.

XXX

**A/N: Thanks for reading.**

**I have one more rec. The Cleaner, by slyt2. She's my friend and her story is so cute. Please give her some support. Thank you. **

**See you on Wednesday! Errr...I mean, Saturday. Corny much? :p**


	5. Chapter 4  What Dreams May Come

A/N: As promised, a Saturday update. Thank you for your reviews and for reading this story. As always, thanks to my beta, fiftylover, for her genius, and to my Twitter buddies for their support.

This chappy is a little lighter than the others, but the next one is a biggy. Find courage from somewhere before Wednesday..LOL. *flinch*

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. However, the plot is original and belongs to me. I make no profit from using her characters in this story. _

**Chapter 4**

**What Dreams May Come**

**Edward**

Maybe she was haunting me from the grave. Maybe this was her way of making me pay for the pain I'd caused her, because nothing I did made me stop thinking about Tanya. I dreamt about her when I slept and every morning when I awoke, I felt something akin to grief. I was sure of one thing. I didn't like thinking about her, because there was never rest there. And God only knew, I needed rest.

Did I still love Tanya?

There was no easy answer to that question. I knew that her face was familiar and that the torture in her eyes meant something between us, but then there was Bella. If I had loved both women at different times, why did I remember one and not the other?

After being around Bella for two weeks, and having her be the first thing I saw every morning and the last thing every night, there was still nothing even remotely familiar about her. Nothing ever sparked a memory or gave me nostalgia. There was only her mystery which both intrigued and worried me. And every once in a while an energy between us whenever we touched unintentionally.

I didn't intentionally hold on to Tanya, or even wanted to. My thoughts were volatile and not easily controlled. Hence the reason for my random outbursts. But the sense of Tanya was still strong, and after finally remembering the scene of her suicide, spurred on by Bella's explanation...I'd had enough. It was too much to bear. I already hated my situation. I didn't want to hate myself too. So I made up my mind to try finding ways of putting the dead to rest.

I was already starting to hate myself because of the way I treated Bella; torn between my attachment to a dead memory and the living girl I couldn't remember, far less to love. She was always in the line of fire and the one right at the butt of my frustration. Again, it wasn't intentional. I was still trying to find my way in a sinking situation, and as the days passed, guilt started to compound on top of me.

Guilt, for not being able to remember her.

Guilt, for not being able to love her the way she was so clearly loving me.

And guilt, because I knew the fact that I remembered Tanya troubled her.

But finally, after endless hours of torturing myself, something opened my eyes.

It came in a dream the night I fell asleep on the floor in her bedroom. The dream started off like it usually did, with Tanya's screaming tirade. Then I was running, like I always did after her blood seeped out from her fallen body and crept toward my feet. And after running for a while through the stinging cold of the night, a wall of thick fog stopped me.

There was always something behind the fog; something large and burly. And whatever it was, it wanted me to step through the wall and go to it, but I never had the courage to. But that night, the thing came toward me instead. I stared in horror as the broad shadow moved, and to my surprise, the head of a massive lion materialized through the fog. He only let me see his face, set with the strangest pair of grey eyes.

The moment we made eye contact, something connected us, then he bent his head to show me that he meant no harm.

The rest of his body was still hidden behind the wall of fog, and there was something gigantic standing off his back. I wanted a better look so I stepped forward, and ended up disturbing the vision. The wall swirled and swallowed the lion's head and suddenly he was gone. The fog moved again and smoothed out to form an opaque white canopy, like an artist would use to paint on.

I reached out to touch it with my finger, watching as a spot of ink came off my fingertip and spread across the canopy. I pulled my hand away instinctively and watched as the ink continued to spread across the surface until it formed a picture.

Two little black wings, folded over two Latin words.._..Fama Volat_.

I stared at it for a while, knowing this was supposed to mean something, but when I touched it, the fog diffused, and I woke up.

XXX

"Fama volat..." I whispered when I opened my eyes.

Slowly, I started reconnecting to my environment. I was on the floor on my side, and my aching back was pressed against the wall. My left arm was deadened under the weight of something, and only after a few seconds of focus did I realise what the 'something' was - a head of dark hair.

The scent of Jasmine and sweetened amber awakened me fully as I stared, dumbfound, at the back of Bella's head.

_What on earth..._

I raised my head and frowned, passed my eyes over her shoulders and found Blade curled up in front of her under her arm.

_How did _this_ happen?_

A reactive thud passed through me when I next realised that she was partially covered by a precariously positioned towel, bunched down by her waist under my arm.

_Exactly how bad is my memory anyway?_ I thought.

I certainly couldn't remember falling asleep like this.

Not knowing what to do, I raised my arm from over her waist and passed my hand through my hair. She made a small movement, and when she did, her body fell forward slightly and tugged my gaze down to her back.

The wind that got knocked out of me was audible.

"Fama Volat?" I gasped in a loud whisper, as my eyes held fast to the image on her skin.

A jolt of shock like a bullet through a gun barrel made my heart race. Just like I had seen in my dream, the words were nestled at the foot of two little black wings between her shoulder blades.

There was no mistaking it. It was exactly the same. And this time when I touched it, the image didn't fade away. It was real.

"Bella?" I whispered, as I passed my fingers over the first real thing that connected me to her.

She was still asleep.

As gently as I could, I pulled my arm out from under her head and watched as she shifted and snuggled forward against Blade.

The fact that she had marked her skin was irrelevant at the moment. Even though I didn't understand why yet, this was the first image from a dream that had actually come to life. And it was... _her_. I never expected it.

Taking advantage of her stillness, I passed my fingertips over the picture again and brushed my thumb over the little words, completely awe struck by it.

Blade raised his head in front of her then and I shot him a pleading glance to be quiet, but I was too late. She stirred again and I snatched my fingers away from her skin, glancing down at her profile with my breath caught in my throat.

I watched quietly from behind as she slowly came to consciousness, wondering what her answer would be to our curious situation. She pushed herself up on her elbow, her back still to me. And I had to close my eyes to contain my reaction to the appealing glimpse her breast as she moved. A nanosecond of deprivation was enough, however. I opened my eyes again and found the creamy swell of flesh with relief, never meaning for the breath of air I sucked in to be as loud as it came out.

With a sudden flinch, she grabbed at the towel and jumped to her feet with a look of horror on her face.

"Shit!" She shot out. "Shit! I am so sorry."

I was more at fault than she was. I had discovered her next to me long before she did, but stayed quiet about it.

"No, Bella. _I'm_ sorry," I responded, getting to my feet. My back was as stiff as a lead pipe, and the stitches were throbbing.

"That wasn't supposed to happen, I swear it!" She gasped with wide gesticulations.

And again, I felt guilty. She was uncomfortable with me and that was my fault. Apart from the fact that my idea of courting a woman was drastically different from what she had been suggesting of me, I went further, and pushed her outside of the wall I had built around myself. Her rambling attested to her discomfort.

"You fell asleep on the floor last night," she went on. "And I know it was my night for the couch, but I had to come back in for my Pjs after my shower. I tried to wake you but you looked so tired that I changed my mind. But then Blade ran into me and pushed me over. And somehow you thought I was him, because you wrapped your arm around me and I ended up on the floor...by accident...of course.

"I thought I'd stay like that just until you fell into a deep enough sleep so that I wouldn't wake you when I moved, but then...by mistake...I fell asleep too...by accident...by mistake."

"Bella..." I said, wanting to laugh at her hysteria.

"What," she snapped, her cheeks pink with blushes.

"Are you done?" I asked, raising one eyebrow at her. It was really hard not to smile at her embarrassment.

"What?" She snapped again.

"I'm not upset," I said, observing the way one hand squeezed the knot of the towel at her chest. "I didn't mind. You don't need to be so aghast about this."

"But..."

"I said it's okay." Then I glanced back at the spot on the floor where the blanket still lay.

"You brought me a blanket," I noted, thoroughly enjoying the way her cheeks darkened.

"It gets cold," was her blunt answer.

"Thank you." I said, finally surrendering to the smile that wanted to break free ever since finding her in her towel against me. But then my focus shifted.

"Tell me about the picture on your back, please."

She stood against the bed like a cornered cat, ready to pounce if she felt threatened.

Flicking her hair away from her face, she asked, "My tattoo?"

"Yes, your...tattoo," I said, reacquainting myself with the word only after she had said it. Thank goodness I recognised the word.

"It's nothing," she answered with a shrug. "I have a fascination with angels, and wings. Part of my degree is theology. For a while I was searching for something, and in my need to feel connected to it, I got this tattoo."

"Did you find it?" I asked, walking toward her.

"Find what?" She said.

"What you were searching for."

She swallowed nervously and looked way before answering in a small voice. "Yes."

"May I ask what it was?"

With a deep sigh, she closed her eyes and shook her head. "An angel."

I cocked my head to the side and stared at her, waiting for her to expand. When she didn't, I continued to probe.

"An angel?" I asked. "I don't understand. You found an angel which connected you to the wings on your back?"

"Yes, Edward."

"Who was it, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I was you."

As I usually was with this girl, I was taken aback. More offsetting than that was the confidence with which she said it; with no apologies or self consciousness.

"So...it's about me then?"

"Indirectly...yes, but I got it before I met you. It was symbolic. I had a romanticised idea of an angel who would...I dunno...rescue me. And then I met you and the rest is history."

"I am not an angel, Bella," I answered, bothered that she likened me to something celestial when all my thoughts were troubled by death and chaos.

"Oh yes you are," she countered. "You'll never know how much you are."

After another few moments of staring silence, I continued.

"May I see it again?" I asked, dropping my gaze to the bare skin on her shoulder.

After a long hesitation and shifting her eyes back and forth between mine, she tightened her fingers on the towel by her chest, and turned around.

The towel hid most of it, so I tugged at it gently and raised my eyes to the back of her head.

"May I?" I asked.

There was no other way to do this. I had to see her skin in order to see the tattoo. So I resigned myself to crossing a line since the purpose was important.

She slackened the knot at the front when I asked, and let the towel sag to her waist at the back. Then she swept all her hair over one shoulder to the front. I had to take a moment to maintain focus. The tattoo was there for me to see, but instead, I found my eyes running down the curve of her spine then lingering at the point where the rest of her disappeared.

_Focus, Edward..._

I was suddenly very aware of Isabella Swan. Before then I had been curious, and despite my suspicion, admitted to her bewitching qualities. But now there was something different. Now there was a tangible connection to her. And it was imprinted on her back. Being able to link her to something inside of my head was inexplicable. I was more than just relieved. I was ecstatic.

Something inside of me fell away and suddenly, I was looking at her with a different kind of light in my eyes. I wasn't something from my past. There was no familiarity in this feeling. It was new.

"I want to get it redone," she said. Her voice made my gaze readjust to the wings on her back."I want the wings bigger. And those words...they are Latin for..."

"The rumour has wings," I said, before she could.

She was about to turn around to face me when I touched the edge of one of the wings and stopped her. She let me touch her. She stayed perfectly still as I ran my fingertips down the length of each wing and brushed her inked pores with the pad of my thumbs. A small shudder ran though her and remarkably, I felt the vibration in my fingers too. There it was - that energy.

"I saw you," I said, as I stared at the tattoo.

"Huh?" She asked in a half whisper, turning around to face me. She was barely holding the towel together at the centre anymore, looking up at me with a slight haze in her eyes.

"I saw this," I said, motioning over her shoulder with my chin. "Your tattoo. I saw it in a dream."

Her forehead pinched itself into a frown. Then she widened her eyes as if she couldn't believe what I was saying.

"But, you couldn't have," she said, then blinked nervously and cleared her throat. "I mean...you did? What dream?"

"Every night I dream. Ever since the hospital I've been having these strange dreams. I told you this last night. Sometimes they come like flashbacks, sometimes like visions. It's how I remember things pertaining to Tanya. None of it ever connects with anything around me...until now. I saw it, exactly like it is on your back. It was you. Finally... you."

I couldn't figure out her expression. She was shocked, but she also seemed...afraid of something. Her eyes were jumpy and couldn't settle on me anymore.

"Umm..."

"That's good, right?" I asked, confused by her reaction. Why wasn't she happy about this. I'd have thought she wanted me to remember something about her.

"Good?"

"Aren't you happy that I finally got a vision of you?"

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, then pulled the towel around her tighter. "Yes of course. You must be so relieved. Finally."

"The rumour has wings. What does it mean? And how do I know Latin?"

"It's just something I read somewhere in one of my class texts, and liked how it sounded. Wings...Angels...you know. And when you used to teach, one of your classes was Latin."

Her answer had holes in it, and I noted how flustered she looked. She kept looking away, and just like before, I felt like she was hiding something.

"So, the words don't actually have any special meaning to you?" I asked, deciding to leave the Latin part for later.

I didn't know her very well, or at all, but from what I had learned so far, I knew she wasn't the kind of girl to do things flippantly. She was passionate and careful and placed emphasis on symbolism. Marking her skin with permanent ink would have been something serious and special to her. So I knew those words meant more than she tried to make me believe.

"No," she answered, flatly. Then she changed the topic. "Do you dream about Tanya every night?"

The name alone twisted my gut. If there was one thing I would have actually liked to forget, it was the despair attached to Tanya's memory.

"I don't want to talk about it," I answered.

Blade barked out then and we both turned our heads toward him at the same time.

"He needs to be let out," she said, stepping around me.

"Wait. I'll do it." I held her back by her elbow. "Please, put some clothes on."

XXX

**Bella**

It was only a matter of time before he saw the tattoo. But I still wasn't prepared for it. Falling asleep next to him on the floor was wonderful. I couldn't remember a better night of sleep. I didn't dream of Renee that night, nor did I wake up with the insatiable urge for alcohol. I woke up late, between the two beings I loved most in the world, rested and blissfully disoriented.

But then it was all shot to hell when I opened my eyes, and especially once he started asking difficult questions. I knew he needed answers and I knew I was the only person that could help him make sense of anything, but this was not any ordinary case of amnesia. And I had no instruction manual to follow.

A deep seated anxiety twisted my stomach into a knot when he said he dreamt about my tattoo. Where the hell did that come from? There was nothing from his human life that connected him to me or my tattoo.

I understood his dreams about Tanya, as well as the impulses and images that kept prompting him from two centuries ago. Those things were supposed to come back to him, _not_ my tattoo. How in heaven's name did my tattoo get into that mix? That was something he'd only seen with his Gargoyle eyes.

When he left my room to take Blade outside, I released a heavy sigh and tried to make sense of everything. As much as I wanted to be happy about him showing extraordinary signs through this transition, it was dangerous. Under no circumstance could Edward start remembering things he shouldn't be remembering, because if he did, the Legion would have a reason to interject.

I threw on a pair of jeans hastily, an open shirt over a t-shirt and pulled on some socks.

"First things first," I mumbled to myself. "Toothpaste, then coffee."

A few minutes later, I plugged the kettle in and frowned at the open kitchen door. I walked over and poked my head out to see if Edward and Blade were outside. Then I heard Blade's bark coming from the rooftop.

"What are they doing up there?" I mumbled, about ready to faint at the thought of them discovering a Gargoyle from the Cullen Host by mistake.

Halfway up the steps I scolded myself for being so silly. Alice and they would never be caught so easily. They wouldn't be hanging around on my rooftop where there was a threat of being discovered. Then I wondered briefly if they still used the bell tower as their perch.

When I reached the top, Blade was feverishly running from spot to spot, sniffing the floor and marking his territory at each stop. Edward was standing with his arms folded, looking down at Blade with a confused expression on his face. When he saw me, he unfolded his arms and shoved them in his pockets.

"He seems upset about something," Edward said, nodding toward Blade.

"He's usually upset about something," I replied, with affection for my dog. "And it's usually nothing to worry about."

But I knew better.

By Blade's reaction I realised that Gargoyle's had been on the roof during the night, and by his agitation I knew they weren't the friendly kind. Blade had never reacted this territorially around Edward when he was a Gargoyle, or Alice. And I seriously doubted that Jasper or the others from the Cullen Host would get anything but excitement or adoration out of him either. The only one that ever rubbed him the wrong way was Rosalie, and she was gone.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I bunched my toes inside of my socks, glanced nervously at the sky, and motioned to the steps.

"It's cold out here, guys. Come back inside."

But Edward didn't seem bothered by the cold. He just shrugged his shoulders and whistled for Blade. When Blade trotted over to him, he stroked the top of his head and whispered something I couldn't hear. Whatever it was, it settled Blade immediately and my heart lurched forward.

Whenever I saw similarities between human and Gargoyle Edward a sweet wave of nostalgia swept me away. It was usually immediately followed by dread, however. Having him remember everything about us was a concept that could only exist in fantasy. I knew that now. It was devastating to lose him in that way, but I had a new focus - keeping him safe. At least he was alive, and even though I didn't have his love, I still had _him._

"What time can we go to my house today?" He asked out of the blue.

"Right," I replied, only then remembering my promise. "I'm about to make us breakfast. Maybe afterward."

XXX

After breakfast and a shower, Edward was all geared up and ready for another round of trouble. I, on other hand, was battling with an internal melt down. There was a home address on his licence, but that was the only lead I had.

I drove past the exit to his side of the city intentionally, trying to prepare a story in my head just in case I needed one when we got there. I still didn't know if there was a house to be found, and if there was, what would be in it. There was no guessing how far Aro went to make this story work, or how much effort he put into it. I was more or less alone on this challenge, but I had gotten what I wanted when I asked for another chance with Edward. This was it. Aro never made any promises to make it easy on me. I was thrown into the deep end with Edward without a boat or a paddle, and I had to deal with it. The only thing was, I was still learning how.

Because I was too worked up to think of an appropriate back up story, I decided to buy myself some time.

I drove toward my car dealership instead.

After all, my car needed fixing. The back was wrecked and the deflated air bags were just pushed back into the torn steering and dash board.

"Where are we?" Edward asked when I pulled into the parking lot.

"I need to make a stop before we go to your house," I said. "I have to look into getting my car fixed. It's dangerous driving with the air bags like this."

"Ok," he said, getting out on his side.

XXX

"We can reinstall the air bags for you now, but you're gonna have to make an appointment for the body work," the attendant said, a few minutes later. "Once you drop the car in, it'll take about two weeks to get it fixed."

"How soon can I get an appointment?" I asked eagerly, a burst of hope springing in my chest. Having no car for two weeks was a perfect reason to postpone a visit to Edward's house.

"Let me check. Please sit down."

I skipped over to the chairs with Edward and sat expectantly, praying they would take the car right away and lock it up for two weeks. Edward started flipping through an arbitrary car magazine with his legs stretched out and crossed by his ankles.

"If you want to, you can leave the car now," the guy called to me over the counter, a few minutes later. "We'll do the body work and have it ready in two weeks."

"That's awesome!" I squealed, bouncing to my feet a little too excitedly. "I'm so glad you could do it for me on such short notice!"

Then he did the unforgivable and slid a key across the counter to me.

"What's that?" I asked, looking at it despairingly.

"Your courtesy ride," he said, proudly.

_Oh fuck you and your good service,_ I thought miserably.

"What are you talking about?" I pretended not to understand, hoping Edward wasn't listening.

"Your insurance allows you a courtesy car while yours is being repaired. You ought to know that."

I could have slapped him for being such a smart ass.

"Oh_ reaaaaally_," I grumbled, staring at the key as if it was infected with German measles.

"Don't you want it?" They guy asked, confused.

"Of course she does," Edward came in suddenly, showing up at my side and snatching the key off the counter. "There's insurance for cars too? Unbelievable! I like it. She'll take it."

"Haha," I blurted out, nervously. "Well aren't _we _lucky today."

"You _are _lucky," the attendant said with a wide grin. "'Cause all we have right now is the Volvo C30. Everything else has been rented out. It's a sweet ass ride...fast like you wouldn't believe."

From the corner of my eye I saw the way Edward's fingers tightened around the key.

"Pardon my ignorance," I said, flatly. "But what the hell is a Volvo 123..."

"Volvo C30," the attendant corrected me, tapping at his computer keys. Then he turned the monitor toward us. "Take a look."

My eyes bulged out of my head when I saw the sleek monster on the screen.

"_A sports car?_" I shrieked in dread, knowing Edward would give me a hard time wanting to drive it. "You're trading my piece of shit for a _sports _car?"

"Technically, it's a "hot hatch" and we're not trading," the guy said. "It's on loan."

"But...aren't courtesy cars supposed to be on the same level as the car in for repairs? This is a freaking sports car!"

"What is a sports car?" Edward asked over my shoulder. I looked up at him absently and registered the twinkle in his eyes; like we had just let a five year old loose in a candy store.

"Dude," the attendant said to Edward. "I'm hearing your accent and all, but where the hell are you from that you don't know about sports cars or car insurance?"

"Hey," I snapped. "Don't be a smart ass."

Thankfully, Edward didn't take offence. A comment like that should have had him spitting defensive fireballs at the offender, but he was thoroughly distracted by the car on the monitor. The only thing missing was a pair of swirling orbs in his eyeballs.

"Ummm, Edward?" I asked, sticking my finger into the crease of his curled fingers."Hand over the key?"

He tightened his fist with my finger snagged in the hole, and shot me a sideways glance. "I want to drive it."

"Oh no...no no no no no..."

"Come on, Bella. He said it's fast."

"Dude, do you even have a license?" The guy behind the counter asked, understandably nervous because of the crazed look on Edward's face.

"I have one of those," Edward said, nodding fervently. "Yes I _do_, and it's real."

"Oh dear God," I said, dropping my face into my palm.

"Hey Lady, if anything happens to that car..."

"Nothing will happen to the car," I cut him off brashly, shooting Edward an impenetrable glare. "Because I'm not taking it."

"What?" Edward asked, and I pulled finger out of his closed fist.

By then, the attendant's eyes were going like tennis balls between Edward and I. I took Edward by his arm, excused ourselves, and led him outside so we could talk in privacy.

"Why don't you want to take the car, Bella?" He challenged.

"Because it's too expensive," I answered. "It's too fast and you're way too excited about it."

"First of all...the gentleman said courtesy...so it's free. But if money is a problem, take mine."

"That's not the problem," I bit out. "A courtesy car is supposed to be in the same value bracket as your own. _That_ car is certainly not worth the same as mine. If anything happens to it when it's in my care I won't be able to..."

"Nothing is going to happen to it."

"_You_ didn't see the glee on your face when you heard how fast it was, Edward. No."

"And who was it that crashed _your_ car exactly?" He asked, smugly.

"Apparently it's raining smart asses today," I said.

"Is that your final answer?"

I was losing the fight so I took a defensive, low blow; one I wasn't proud of, but one I took none the less out of desperation.

"Forget about _my_ car, Edward._ You_ are the one who just came out of a serious car accident. Do you honestly think I want you behind the wheel of a fast car?"

A devious shadow fell over his face when I said that. He clenched his jaw and his eyes blazed like green fire. I think I even felt the heat they wanted to burn me with.

"I was told that accident was not my fault," he ground out through his clenched teeth. "I didn't do anything reckless to make that happen."

"I know," I replied with a sigh, regretting it immediately. "And I'm sorry I brought that up, but this is scary, Edward."

"That gentleman in there said this is the only car he has to give you today," he retorted, pointing at the building.

"Yes, but..."

"Then here," he said, handing the key to me. I looked down at it morosely. "If the problem is_ me_ driving, then you do it, but take the pissing car, Bella. I want to go to my house today and I_ will_ go...even if I have to find my own way."

He even cursed like he would in the 1800s, and I guessed that was him cussing since I'd never heard anyone use the word "pissing" like that before.

The poor, unfortunate bastard. I hated feeling sorry for him, but I did. And I knew he was telling the truth when he said he would find his own way if I didn't take him, because his stare was brazen with intent.

Without saying anything more, I turned in defeat and walked back into the building.

"I'll take the car," I grumbled to the attendant. "But please, hurry up with mine."

XXX

**A/N: Remember to check my blog on Sunday for the official teaser for next chapter. I also put teasers on Wayward Pushers and Fictionators. The link to the blog is on my profile. To know the time the teaser is posted, follow me on Twitter or Facebook and you will know immediately. Both links are on my profile as well.**

**Thanks for reading and see you on Wednesday!**


	6. Chapter 5 Gone With the Wind

A/N: It's still Wednesday isn't it? Sorry for a night update. Today was hectic and I had to redo a few paragraphs. I still made it though. I promise to be better at the review replies this week. I love your feedback.

Love to my beta, fiftylover! Happy reading.

Note: the font changes near the end. Italics is one person's dialogue and the bold italics is Bella's. But you'll figure it out.

**Chapter 5**

**Gone With the Wind**

**Bella**

With my tail tucked between my legs, I drove off in the silver beast with Edward in the passenger seat.

"I honestly doubt I ever let you drive me around like this before my accident," he grumbled, repeating his line from the night before.

And he would be right, of course. I didn't. He was the one that carried me around.

"This is the twenty first century, Edward" I said, needing to get a few things straight with him. "Women drive and work and yes, occasionally, they drive their men around. Whether or not you remember it, you are my _man_. And until further notice, I'll be driving you around. You can pout about it, or you can accept it. In any case you don't even remember how to drive a car because you rode a bike. Your accident happened on a motorcycle."

And that was according to his medical document which Emily Young gave to me.

"A what?"

"A motorcycle," I explained. "It's like a...muscular bicycle with an engine. If I see one, I'll show you."

When he didn't say anything, I glanced over and saw him staring off again. He was either imagining it or if I knew him at all...torturing himself trying to remember it.

"Oh look!" I shrieked, just as one sped by us in the opposite direction. "That's a motorbike."

He grabbed the door and whipped his head around to see it as it disappeared behind us. And there it was again, that drugged look on his face whenever he saw something fast. There was nothing I could do to cage Edward any more than he already was. I couldn't stop him from wanting certain things or from going after it.

All I could do was try my best to guide him. His medical records stated that he was on a two wheeler when his accident happened. So that conversation was bound to come up sooner or later. He would want to know what a two wheeler was and I would have to tell him...then show him.

His eyes blazed with excitement, glued to his window as if he was waiting for another one to pass by. My anxiety came two fold. I was worried about this fixation with speed, but more than that, I hoped that this was a trait of his previous human self as well. If not, it meant that this was another sign that he was more connected to his Gargoyle self than he should have been. And I needed to start curbing that quickly.

A new problem developed in the car.

I remembered the part of the city his licence stated, but I couldn't remember the name of the street or house number. Biting down hard on my lip, I tried to figure out a way to get his license from him so I could check.

How would I explain not being able to remember where he lived? Especially after telling him that we spent most of our time at his place?

_What was I even thinking when I told him that?_

"Hey Edward, can I see your license real quick?" I asked, holding out my palm to him.

"Why?" He was still on the look out for more motorcycles through his window.

"I just need to see the expiry date on it," I said, thankful for his current distraction.

He pulled it out of his wallet and read it himself.

"It expires in two months," he said, absently.

_Goddamn it._

"Really? Let me see."

"I didn't forget how to read, Bella," he clipped. "It expires in February."

_Always so defensive._

"I know, but I'd still like to see."

He put it in my hand impatiently and a sweet wave of relief passed over me. Holding it up to my face, I read the address quickly and made sure to commit it to memory.

"You're right. Two months. Nice picture by the way."

He was quiet and agitated again, trying to get himself in the right frame of mind for the house he was about to see. Just that morning he was gentle and attentive, sweet almost as he told me about his dream. But those moments were long gone as I glanced at his harsh profile nostalgically.

His dream was something I had to shove on the back burner until I had the privacy to fall apart, because at the moment, there was a more pressing problem at hand.

This house of his.

I tapped my fingers on the wheel as I drove, scanning the streets with nervous eyes as I took us closer to what was potentially another fight.

Words failed me when we came to the address on the outskirts of the city and there was actually a house standing there. I stared at it for the longest while, tempted to double check the address again just to be sure, but he already had his licence tucked away in his wallet.

We stayed parked in the car for a solid minute, just staring at the house together.

I didn't know what the hell to do. There was still no guarantee that it belonged to him. And what if there were people in there?

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, quietly.

I turned to him with my best impression of calm and control.

"I'm fine."

"You seem almost...alarmed, by something," he said, cocking his head to the side.

"Really? By what?"

He was trying to imply something, but I wouldn't let him. That calculating look in his eyes was trying to catch me off guard, and it would always be a point of contention between us, regardless of how right he was.

"I don't know, Bella. You have to tell me."

"I'm just overwhelmed, is all. I haven't been to your house since before your accident. It's just...sad, for me. I guess."

_Shot one! _I started giving myself mental pats on the back every time I was able to duck one of his questions successfully.

"Ok," he said. "How do we get inside? I don't have keys, but I'm assuming you do."

_Aaannnd...we're back._

"Fuck," I said, slamming my fist into the steering wheel. "I didn't even think about looking for my keys before we left. And with my bedroom overturned like it is right now...I really shouldn't have thrashed my own room like that by the way. I can't find a thing."

_Shot two?_

He blew a sharp breath through his nostrils and passed his hands through his hair, eyeing the house with a strenuous stare.

Then he stepped out of the car and the air around me literally released. I had to close my eyes and inhale, and try to collect myself before attempting movement of any kind.

I was in over my head and couldn't think straight as I watched him walk through the front gate with his hands jammed in his pockets. Sweat started bursting through my pores. My heels were bouncing off the floor of the car and my hands were about to break the steering wheel in half.

"Please don't let anyone be home," I chanted. "Please don't let anyone be home."

The house was neat and average at best. It wasn't big or small, was one level, and had a tight barren yard at the front. A lonely bench sat under a tree that came out of the faded, interlocked clay tiles, and the neighbours were a good distance away on both sides. From what I could see, all the windows were locked, so if anyone lived in the house they were probably out at the time. That at least, was a relief.

I mustered up enough courage to get out of the car when I saw how militant he was about getting inside. He spared no second for hesitation. He went straight to the front door and grabbed the handle to test it. When the door opened without him having to turn the door knob, he hesitated for the first time, and looked back at me.

"My God," I mumbled, as I made my way up the path with my head down. "We're breaking and entering. Charlie would turn in his grave if he knew about this. Daddy, I'm sorry. But technically we didn't break anything. The door seemed to be open."

Edward disappeared inside the house and I hurried my steps. I saw why the door opened without any effort when he tried. The lock was damaged and there were deep welts dug into the wood all around it. Someone had broken in...before us.

This didn't feel right. A bad vibe came off that house, and I got the sudden urge to turn and leave as fast as possible. That vibe had clashed with me the moment I laid eyes on it, and it was definitely there as I stood gaping into the dark quietness on the inside.

But I stepped through the door anyway and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, trying not to breathe in too much of the mustiness.

"Edward?" I called out, pushing the door wide enough to let more light inside.

I almost collapsed when the scene unfolded before me.

"_What the...oh my God!_" I gasped, grabbing my mouth with my hand. "Edward?"

The entire place was vandalised. The furniture pieces were smashed to bits, things were thrown everywhere, and the floor was completely caked with debris and damaged paraphernalia. The walls were spray painted with obscenities and a putrid stench permeated the air.

"Edward?" I called out again when he didn't answer.

Stepping over something unrecognisable, I made my way past the foyer and into what was supposed to be a sitting room. The couch was overturned and practically sawed in half, the coffee table was broken and lying in a pile of shattered glass, the curtains were slit into shreds, and there were torn books and damaged pieces of art everywhere.

"_Edward!_" I screamed out, giving in to my anxiety.

"I'm in here."

I hurried toward the sound of his voice and in my carelessness, tripped over the mess and fell.

Always _fucking_ falling.

Cursing the floor, I shoved away a picture frame under my hand and climbed to my feet.

"Wait a minute," I muttered, bending over again to pick up the frame.

I was shocked to be staring at my own face behind the broken pane. A loose shudder passed through me and I dropped the picture scornfully. I didn't know why I felt like crying, but I never wanted to flee a place so badly before.

I knew that picture of me. And the fact that it was there at all meant we were in the right place, but I couldn't determine the reason for the destruction.

Was it on purpose? Was this supposed to be a way of masking the things that acted as props in his house? Or was it a real burglary?

I found him inside one of the bedrooms, standing with his hands on his hips and his head hung low, gruesomely studying the destruction.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered when I saw him. "Edward, I don't know what to say. This is awful."

He was quiet as he stared about, noticeably struggling, and devastated. He wanted to see his house and his things, to try and find a connection to himself. I was sure he had hoped to find answers by reacquainting himself with his belongings, but what he didn't know was that he had no belongings to reconnect with. There was nothing left in the world that could link him to the answers he sought, because the truth didn't belong in this world or time. He had been looking for tangible things, things he could hold and touch and call his own, to give him a sense of purpose and belonging. He needed to feel reconnected to the life he had before he lost his memory, and it saddened me that he never would.

I almost cried as I watched the destruction consume him. Barely anything was recognizable. And I wondered if Aro had his minions fill the house with junk instead of it actually being a genuine break in. There were clothes flung everywhere. They were all dank and soiled and beyond recognition, except for one blue sweater hanging off the side of the bed.

I walked over and touched it.

"This is mine," I said, more to myself than to him.

He turned and took a few leaden steps toward the open chest of drawers and fingered something on the top of it. Moving over behind him, I looked around his shoulder and saw that it was another picture of me in a frame.

_Where the hell did they get all these pictures of me?_ _And my clothes?_ I wondered. _Focus, Bella. This isn't about you._

I looked up at Edward to try and offer support, but because his face was hard and expressionless, I stepped back and decided to give him some space instead.

I made my way through the other rooms of the house, studying the mess, and making sure not to touch any of it. The kitchen was the only place that looked unscathed, because it was empty. There were no appliances except for the stove and the fridge.

"I guess the appliances were stolen?"

I tried guessing the thought process behind the plot, if in fact there was a plot to begin with.

Using the end of my sleeve as a glove, I pulled open the fridge. It was plugged in but that too was empty. There was absolutely nothing that could be salvaged from the house. Even if Edward wanted to, he couldn't take anything back with him. Whoever it was that passed through made sure to leave no object unscathed in their wake.

I went outside when my disappointment for Edward got overwhelming. I wanted to reach out to him and hug him so badly, but whenever he was this upset he withdrew and wanted to be alone. I didn't have much of a choice.

Not two steps out the front door, however, I heard him scream.

The sound made me freeze on the spot. Then the air pinching sound of shattering glass made me jump, and with my heart in my throat, I dashed back into the house.

"Edward?" I shrieked, pushing my way through the debris to find him. "Edward?"

I heard him scream again and was just in time to see him muscling the torn curtains down from the windows. When they were down, he started grabbing random things of the floor just to throw them at the wall.

It didn't matter how many times I called his name or how loudly, he didn't stop. He kept screaming, so hard the veins on the sides of his face and neck bulged. And his face turned a sickly red.

"Edward!"

This was a much more violent version of what I had done to my room the night before. He left no object unmarked as he mauled through the mess with murderous intent.

"Edward! Wait!"

A ceramic lamp came flying in my direction, and had I not ducked out of the way, it would have hit me right in my face. That's when I realised he was lost in his head again, like when he had almost strangled the man on the street to death. He couldn't hear or see me.

He was blinded by his rage and sucked so deep inside his own head that he couldn't hear me screaming at him. When he lost control like that I felt overwhelmingly helpless. But I had to do something to stop him. He was smashing everything against the walls as if he was being attacked.

When he ran into the wall with his fists and started hitting it viciously, I almost lost _my_ mind too. Five punches into his attack, his knuckles cracked open and started bleeding.

"STOP!" I screamed at him, grabbing my hair. "You're hurting yourself, _EDWARD_! STOP!"

But he wouldn't. Over and over he cracked his knuckles against the wall, screaming painfully through every blow. Tears stung my eyes as I watched him fall apart. I don't know how the walls didn't break and bring the entire house crumbling down.

"_Edwarrrrd_!" I screamed. "For fuck's sake! You'll break your hands if you don't stop!"

Nothing was getting through to him. I ploughed through the mess and braved his stabbing elbows through the air to grab him from behind.

Pressing my cheek into his back, I shut my eyes tightly and squeezed him with everything I had inside of me.

He had helped me the night before when I lost it to a tantrum in my room. Now it was my turn to save him from his. I didn't care what I had to do to find him through the turmoil, I was doing it; even if it meant getting hit accidentally in the process.

I held him like that until my arms gave away, and he was still screaming and throwing himself into the wall like a mad man. Breathlessly, I ducked out from behind him and climbed onto the bed at his side. Then I grabbed a broken chair leg off the mattress and threw it at him.

I needed to break through that indestructible wall and get his attention, and that was the only way I could think of in my desperation. His blood was smearing all over the wall from his bruised fists and the cracking sound they made with every punch made me cringe.

"Fucking stop!" I shrieked, when the chair leg had no effect.

I grabbed a hard cover book off the bed next and threw that at him too, surprised when it connected with his face with perfect aim.

He turned on me in one ferocious motion when it hit him, and widened his eyes. His nostrils were flared like a breathing dragon's and his chest was heaving up and down in feral waves.

"JUST STOP IT!" I continued to scream, clenching my fists at my sides. "Are you trying to break your hands and give me a heart attack in the process?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" He barked at me, stepping forward threateningly.

"I want you to shut up, open your eyes and fucking see me here!"

I matched his anger easily, but he didn't back down.

"I SEE YOU!" He screamed up into my face, his entire body trembling in emotion. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? YES, _I SEE YOU_!"

The way he was shaking, I thought he would faint from over exertion. And his face was so red I thought it would burst.

"No, you _don't_ see me! All you see is _this_!" I waved my arm across the room. "All you see is what you've lost and you're letting it win! You haven't lost everything, Edward."

"I _have_ lost everything!" He spat at me. "Can't you see? You don't understand."

"You think I don't understand loss?" I retorted, determined to match his intensity. I leaned over with my hands on my hips and fumed as he tried to reign in his anger with a deep breath.

Then he turned away from me.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" I screamed.

He dug his fingers into his hair and closed his eyes tightly.

"Fucking look. at. me! Aargghh! You make me so angry!"

He still didn't look.

"I understand loss _very_ well, thank you very much," I bit out nastily."How _dare _you say that to me? I lost my parents three years ago. And since then I have been living like a fucking zombie, wanting to be dead too so that I don't have to pretend to care about people or the stupid, shitty little things they whine about!

"I left _everything_ I knew behind to move to this city and try to start over, and fought every god awful day just to keep my head above water! Then two weeks ago I lost the_ man I loved_ more than my own _wretched_ life! Yes,you! I lost you to.._..THIS!_ So don't bitch to me about not knowing what loss feels like, Edward. Because I do."

His breathing was erratic. He turned back to me with live wire sparking in his eyes and just stood there staring at me, so despicably and beautifully tortured. The anger in his face was just a reflection of his pain, I knew, and thankfully I was sensible enough to understand that none of it was actually meant for me. Still, it pissed me off to a level near insanity.

Angry as I was however, the burning tension between us was palpable, especially because he was staring at me with blazing eyes, not saying a word. There was nothing I wanted more than to grab his face and make a fool of myself by kissing him until I_ made _him want me.

He was too intense and passionate to be cold on the inside. All I needed was that one moment of bravery, where rejection didn't matter, to force him to _feel_ something other than anger.

That wall between us would crumble at my feet and die if it was the last thing I ever accomplished.

"I am sorry you lost your parents," he said finally. "But Bella, it's not the same. You still know who you are. You are comfortable in your environment because you know it. I am not. I lost my memory, Bella. I feel like I have no purpose. No family. No work. I am responsible for the death of my own fiancée...and now this. My home..."

"Stop it," I choked out, as a tear rolled down my cheek. "Just stop it. I am standing _right- here._ It may not mean much to you, but you still have _me_."

He closed his eyes and sighed so deeply that his shoulders fell.

And the silence that came after that was just as exhausting as the screaming tirade. All of a sudden I felt suffocated in there, like there wasn't enough air for the two of us. And I could tell by the look on his face that he felt the same way.

I climbed off the bed and went outside, rigid and upset with the whole goddamned world.

He didn't come out right away either. He stayed in the house for at least ten more minutes, doing God only knew what, and I almost fell asleep waiting in the car.

When he eventually opened the car door and came in, he was quiet and sour, but it didn't bother me. I was getting accustomed to his withdrawal after episodes like this, and was fine with another quiet drive home.

XXX

"Hey guys!" Angela chimed when we walked into the apartment.

"You're back," I responded, trying my best to sound as happy as she did. "How was Christmas with the folks?"

Edward passed by and raised a stiff hand to Angela in acknowledgement before disappearing through the kitchen door with Blade as his shadow.

"What's with him?" Angela asked, gesturing over her shoulder with her thumb. "And what happened to his hands?"

"I'll tell you later. Right now I need a drink."

"Blade certainly likes him a lot," she noticed. "Oh, by the way...what the hell happened to your bedroom?"

"Oh that," I answered, dragging a bottle out of the cupboard. "Another long story."

"Bella, it's the middle of the afternoon," she said, pointing to the bottle in my hands.

"I know."

"You only drink like that on mornings."

"Well," I replied, swallowing my first shot of Vodka. "I didn't this morning, so it's no wonder I'm such a mess."

She leaned over onto the counter and pushed her spectacles up her nose bridge.

"Are you okay?"

"No, but I will be in a few minutes."

"Well, maybe this might help. My folks got us a Christmas present," she said, smilingly.

"Yeah?"

She gestured to a box on the floor on the side of the couch.

"What is it?" I asked, frowning at it after swallowing another mouthful of Vodka.

"Say hello to HBO, Cinemax and Showtime, baby!"

I widened my eyes at her and smiled.

"They got us a TV?" I asked.

"Forty two inches of flat screen, plasma goodness."

"Wow," I said, laughingly, though the joy never really made it to my eyes. There wasn't much happiness I could get from a television, not with everything else that was going on.

"That's really generous of them," I said, taking another swig of my only real shot at temporary happiness. "Tell them thanks for me."

"I already have. Ben's coming over to set it up later and the cable company agreed to come by this evening as well. It would be a good time for Ben to finally meet your Edward."

"Angel, Edward isn't in the best mood today."

"Is he ever? He has freaking amnesia...of course he's cranky."

"No I mean..." I dropped my voice and glanced over my shoulder at the door before continuing with a sigh. "We went to his house today and it wasn't good."

"Oh no. What happened? You both look so stressed out."

"Someone broke in and smashed the place up. It was awful. Looked like a tornado chewed everything up then spit it back out."

"Bella...nooo," she gasped with a cringe.

"He's in a terrible state over it."

"Of course he is. The poor thing. On top of everything else?"

"He's not going to want to hang out with anyone. So please warn Ben."

"Did you call the cops? Talk to a neighbour?" She asked with wide eyes.

"We didn't talk to anyone. I'll call the cops in a while I guess, but it won't help the situation. Edward hasn't been to his house since before his accident. That's over two weeks ago. Who knows how long ago the break in happened?"

I was lying to everybody now, and getting so good at it even _I _started believing the bullshit that was coming out of my mouth.

"You still need to call the cops, Bella."

"I will. I'm dreading having to go back there though. And I'm sure we're going to have to clean it all up too."

"Pay someone to do it," she suggested. "Let Edward take what he wants, and pay someone to clean out the rest."

"See that's the thing," I said, glancing back at the kitchen door over my shoulder again. "It's so bad I don't think there's anything he can take with him. And from what I saw, everything else was stolen."

The police came to my apartment half an hour after I called and took a statement from both Edward and me. Just like I thought, we had to go back to the house with them so we could take them through step by step.

They had a lot of questions about Edward's amnesia, but once I showed them his medical records on returning to my apartment afterward, they dropped it and classified the case as a burglary. They also suggested that we board up the house until we had the time to clear it out, because just leaving it like that would attract more trouble.

That day had to be one of the longest days I could remember. After the cops finally left, Edward went back up to the roof with Blade. Ben came over to help Angela install the new TV on the wall and the cable guy arrived to put in the cable right after. And because Edward knew we had company, he stayed on the roof all evening and didn't come down. I shrugged at Angela apologetically more than once. She understood, and she let him be.

I was glad to lock myself in my room once all the commotion settled. The sun had already set and I worried about Edward and Blade being up on the roof so long, but I didn't call them inside. Instead, I channelled all my frustration into the task of cleaning my room. It wasn't hard to straighten, especially when compared to the mess at Edward's house...his _fake_ house.

Halfway through my cleaning, a soft rapping sound on my window made me look up from the floor.

With a small frown between my brows, I stood up and dusted my hands off on my pants. I pulled the curtain aside but because the light was on, I couldn't see outside. Slightly perturbed, I let the curtain fall back into place and took a step back.

Then it happened again.

I snatched at the curtain feverishly and shoved it aside, this time almost suffering a heart attack when I saw a white face pressed up against the glass.

"What the fuck!" I yelped, jerking backward. Then the face against the glass registered and my heart leapt for joy.

"Alice!"

She slapped her finger over her lips quickly and widened her eyes at me to be silent.

"But...!"

"Sshhh!" I heard her hiss through the window.

I nodded and folded my lips closed, thrilled beyond measure that I was actually looking at her, but worried about the concern on her face.

I smiled, but my smile was cut off when she held up something against the window and pointed to the latch for me to open it. I did as she wanted and opened the window, reaching out with my hands to touch her the moment it was open. She wrapped her cold, steely fingers around mine and pressed a piece of paper into my hands. Then she pushed my hands back inside and closed the window quickly.

_'Get Edward to take a shower so that you can meet me out back. Ben just left with Angela, so the coast is clear. Hurry, Bella. It's urgent.'_

When I looked up from the note she was gone. So I went to work immediately. Throwing on my coat and shoes, I ran to the back door, grabbed a dog treat on my way out, then took the stairs two at a time to the roof.

Blade was howling like a wolf, and I knew exactly why he was annoyed. He couldn't warn us that there were Gargoyles around, and by his behaviour, he really _really_ wanted to.

"Blade!" I called out to him, holding the treat out so he could smell it. "Come here, boy! Look what I have!"

"Something's wrong with him," Edward warned. "He was fine all evening, then suddenly he changed and got irritable."

"He's a dog," I said. "He gets worked up very easily. It's time for his dinner anyway. He usually gets cranky around this time."

I was successful in getting Blade to come to me for the doggie treat. He licked it off my palm with one swipe then raised his front paws for more.

"Ok, let's go get you some more." I looked at Edward. "I have something for you too. Are you coming in?"

"I'm not hungry," he said.

"Come on, Edward," I replied. "You've been out here all evening. It's cold and wet. Come inside so you can eat and take a warm shower."

"The cold doesn't bother me. I like it up here. As long as I stay away from the edge, I'm fine."

Just as I predicted, he was resisting.

"Please?" I begged, not knowing what else to do.

My belly flopped when he laughed softly and cast me a sideways glance. He still laughed the same way. The sound was like heaven to my ears. Not everything changed, after all.

"If it that's important to you, okay," he said, walking over to me.

With an appreciative smile I nodded and started down the stairs between them both. And because I knew Alice was around somewhere, I was extra bouncy and hyper.

"Hey," Edward said, touching my elbow once we were inside again. The warmth that simple contact ignited in me released a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

"I'm sorry about earlier today."

"It's okay," I said, loving the new calm in his eyes. "I'm just glad you're fine now. You'll feel even better after a warm bath."

"It's not okay, Bella. It's not okay to scream at a lady like I did. You shouldn't have to deal with something like that. I'd hate to think that I was always like this_..._before."

"You weren't," I said, trying to reassure him. "You're going through something very difficult right now. I understand and I'm okay, dont worry. You wouldn't have yelled at me if I'd just left you alone anyway."

"I'm glad you didn't leave me alone," he said meaningfully. Then after a few more seconds of steady eye contact, he turned and walked down the corridor.

I fumbled around the kitchen afterward, wiating for him to get into the shower. I fed Blade his dinner and stuffed the microwave with Edward's frozen one, then finally, heard the bathroom door close and the water go on. With a silent prayer of praise offered to the heavens above, I darted to the kitchen door in search of Alice.

I was face to face with her the moment I stepped outside. And before I could even say a word, her hand was over my mouth. With a finger to her own lips she warned me with narrowed eyes and waited for my silent nod of cooperation before touching a worked up Blade on the top of his head. One touch was all it took to have him under her control too.

I was two seconds from exploding if she didn't start talking soon. When she finally moved her hand from over my mouth, I lunged forward and threw my arms around her neck with a heavy sigh. She hugged back briefly and the feel her arms sent a flood of longing washing over me. She set me away from her with a thin smile after letting me hold her for a few seconds.

Movement at my right caught my attention. And to my surprise, Esme was there, with the same kind of caution in her disposition. Instinctively, I moved to say hello, but Alice held my hand and stopped me. With one shake of her head she dismissed the idea then whispered something to Blade.

He got up and went back into the apartment without argument, and to that moment, their interaction with him hadn't ceased to amaze me.

By the time I looked over to Esme again, wondering what the need for silence was all about, a third person had materialzed at my back door. I glanced at Alice questioningly, having never seen this one before but I knew immediately that she was one of them. She was taller than them both with a face that was neither pretty nor ugly, and her hair was long and dark. The command in her presence was humbling and I just knew by the look of her that she was older than both Alice and Esme, which would have made her higher in rank.

Esme nodded at Alice then, and with one swift move, my Selenite was unclasped from the back of my neck and removed.

"Hey..." And Alice's hand landed over my mouth again. "Amihlssss," I mumbled into her hand.

She warned me to be quiet again and when I calmed down, she hung the Selenite on the kitchen door knob, then took a few steps away. Suddenly Esme was in front of me, and the moment we made eye contact my body deadened. I literally felt every sensor and muscle in my body turn off and go numb. With nothing left to do, I stared at her, horrified and confused. I tried to open my mouth to react, but even that I couldn't do. That was the first time I experienced Esme's gift directly. It wasn't something I ever wanted to feel again.

'_She will not hurt you,'_ came a strange voice inside of my head. _'Relax, Isabella.'_

The third one passed behind Esme so that I could could see her, though I couldn't pull my eyes away from Esme's, and my heart shot off in fright. I realised that the voice in my head belonged to the third one. And the fact that I heard it with my mind and not my ears was not helping to calm me down.

'_Hello Isabella._ _I am Zaphrina_,' the voice said.

My heartbeat was the only thing that showed any sign of life within me. It beat like a speeding train, twisting off its tracks.

_'Esme will release you if you agree to cooperate and stay absolutely quiet,'_ said the voice._ 'We can't afford mistakes tonight. We are being monitored and so anything we say will be heard. Do you understand?'_

**'**_**I'm scared**_**,'** I thought. **'**_**What are you doing to me?'**_

'_Don't be afraid. I will not hurt you, and all I am doing right now is talking to you. Is it okay for Esme to release you?'_

_**'Yes, please.'**_

_'Remember not to speak.'_

**'**_**I won't.'**_

Zaphrina touched Esme on her shoulder then and I immediately felt the weight of Esme's stare lift off of me. Once I was free of her, I took a deep breath and fell back against the wall, my eyes rolling to the back of my head in relief.

"Never do that to me again. That was awful," I said to Esme.

_'You promised you wouldn't talk,' _the one called Zaphrina said in my head.

Her gift was downright freaky. I didn't like her in my head. Not one bit.

_**'Right. Sorry.'**_

'_Esme wants to aplogise_,' Zaphrina said.

I shot Esme a weak smile then glanced at Alice who tried to reassure me with hers.

_'Your friends, Alice and Esme, wanted me to come and search your thoughts tonight,' _Zaphrina said. _'Since I would only agree to join them if I had the opportunity to read your mind and see for myself if what they say about you is true.'_

_**'And?' **_I communicated.

_'And..it seems they were right. You are strangely but deeply attached to our kind and for the while, have no intention of hurting us by exposing us to your world.'_

**'**_**I would never do a thing like that,'**_I thought hastily. _**'I know how dangerous that is.'**_

_'No need to get defensive. I saw it for myself, so I know. Only now that puts me in a predicament. I am torn between forming an alliance with The Coalition, or standing for the Legion with The Uprising.'_

**'**_**Wait...what are the coalition and the uprising?' **_

_'The Coalition, Isabella, is the team that your friends, The Cullens, are forming in order to protect you from The Uprising...the army that was created to avenge Aro's decision to leave you with your memory.'_  
**  
'**_**Ohhhhhh...'**_

She stared at me a while longer, searchingly, before looking over at Alice. The comforting smile on Alice's face was just about the only thing that returned my heartbeat to normalcy.

Then Zaphrina turned to me again, this time with gentler eyes, and continued our conversation in my head.

_'I was created to protect humans,'_ she said. _'And so, I shall. I will join the Coalition and help my friends, help you.'_

**'**_**Thank you**_**,' **I thought toward her.

It was getting easier to adjust to her method of communication.

_'But there is something I have to tell you._ _What we __have here on our hands is something that has never taken place within the Legion before, Isabella. You need to understand the magnitude of this situation. You already know about the army, but what you don't know is that they approached Aro and asked him to reconsider his decision about you and Edward. He stood by his decision however, and demanded that they withdraw. Now they are infuriated, even worse than before. and have taken things into their own hands. They know the penalties they will face if they go against Aro's word, but they are willing to take the risk for the sake of the Legion. To them, this is about protecting their kind, which in actuality, is bigger than Aro's ego.'_

_**'I don't know how many times I need to tell you people. I will never ever tell a soul. I am just one little insignificant human girl. There is no WAY I can be capable of bringing down a Legion of Gargoyles! You've seen my thoughts. Why don't you just tell them that I'm made of sugar and spice and everything nice. They are safe.'**_

_'My gift isn't enough to sway an entire army. Gargoyles are rigid rule followers and are ruthlessly protective of their kind. Nothing I tell them will change the fact that you are a human with intimate knowledge about us. Not to mention, you have gotten Aro to bend a rule that stood for two millennia. A seed of knowledge planted in a human's mind has the potential to grow and fester,_ _until it becomes too heavy a burden to carry anymore. You will crack eventually and when you do, what you know will spread like wildfire.'_

**'**_**I. will. never. tell,'**_I reiterated.

_'Not intentionally, you wouldn't,'_ she said. _'But mistakes happen, and from what I have see so far my dear, you are privy to mistakes. You have been under constant surveillance, both by the army and the Cullen Host. Every word you whisper is heard and every breath you exhale is counted. Even during the day you are monitored. The army has taken up inconspicuous perches at various points throughout the city so that when the sun comes up, no matter where you go you are within ear shot. You are surrounded, day and night.'_

I had to wrap my arms around myself in order to smother the anxiety that vibrated through me. I didn't think the army would go through the trouble of making sure I was monitored during the day as well.

_'Yes,' Z_aphrina said, sensing my discomfort. _'Even now as we communicate their senses are focused on you. That is why we can't speak. Their army is growing by the night. However, you are lucky to have found such good friends in the Cullens, and even more so that they are well liked in their circles. It was challenging, but they found support. The Coalition will make sure that no Gargoyle from The Uprising steps out of line to hurt or tamper with you, but we are much smaller in numbers. We need you to cooperate, and to be extremely careful, especially with your Edward.'_

I raised my hand then to interject.

**'**_**Okay, fine, then you need to know something as well.'**_I shot Alice a worried look. **'**_**Edward has been showing strange signs throughout his transition. I think Aro might have underestimated him a bit.'**_

_'Tell me.'_

**'**_**H**__**e**__**'s been having dreams and visions, and some of them are linking him to his Gargoyle past. That's not supposed to be happening. I can control what I say, but I can't control what **_**he**_** says. In his innocence, he says things in conversation that can get us into trouble.'**_

Something dark fell over Zaphrina's face as she digested what I was saying. She looked over at Alice and Esme, passed on the message since they couldn't read my mind, then turned back to me.

**'**_**He is extremely meticulous,' **_I went on with my inner rambling.** '**_**He misses nothing and is very suspicious of me hiding things from him. He even dreamt about my tattoo last night. And when he woke up he was able to tell me what it said and what it meant. The only time he has ever seen my tattoo was when he was a Gargoyle. Why the hell is that coming to him in a dream?'**_

_'You are sure of this?'_

**'**_**Positive. He also has the strangest aversion to Selenite. In fact, he hates it. He refuses to wear it and was pissed with me for trying to sneak it into his pocket last night. Then he flushed it down the toilet! I can't tell you how worried I am that he won't wear it. He needs to wear it. I am running out of lies to placate him. I am always fumbling with a story and scared that he will interrogate me to the point where I will trip over one of my own lies and...break.'**_

_'See, even you can admit that there is a breaking point. But you can't, under any circumstance, allow him to break you.'_

Then she turned to Alice again, communicated something then nodded before turning back to me.

_'Alice says that you tried to tell her some of this last night, so she brought something for you. Take it when you go back inside, but don't let Edward see it. There are instructions on the package. Read them carefully.'_

I looked at Alice and she pointed to a barely visible pouch sitting on the last step of the staircase to the roof.

**'**_**Boy, you're good,' **_I thought of Zaphrina, amazed at how fluidly she jumped from one mind to next and was able to keep us all connected.

_'You need to stop calling out to Alice like you do,' _she instructed next. _'Everything you said to her last night was also heard by every other Gargoyle within a mile, including those from the Uprising.'_

**'**_**Fuck.'**_

_'Yes my dear...fuck. You're only now realising how drastic this is. Do not give them a reason to take action.'_

**'**_**I didn't know. I won't do it again. But how do I reach out to one of you if I need help? I can't control the things that are happening with Edward. And I know he doesn't tell me everything because he doesn't trust me, so I'm almost sure there's more. How do I keep him from innocently admitting to things that will get us into trouble?'**_

_'If you need one of us to come to you, tap on your window three times. The code will change after every meeting so that it cannot be traced. And you better hope, for your sake and his, that_ _you are wrong about these signs he is showing. Because Isabella, if you are right, there will be nothing we can do to save you...'_

"Bella?" Edward called from inside.

And with that the three of them leapt into the sky, lifting my hair with the heavy gust of wind they left behind.

XXX

**A/N:** **Was it as bad as you thought? Remember, this is only chapter 5, the story still has a long way to go. Things will unfold, just be patient with our lovebirds. They will appreciate it. :o)**

**Once again, I'm on Twitter on Facebook if you want to know about teasers and news etc. Links on my profile. Or just PM me. Check the blog Sunday for the next teaser. Thanks for reading, xoxo**


	7. Chapter 6  Push and Pull

**A/N:** * chanting * _patience with Edward, patience with Edward, patience with Edward._...

*wriggling my fingers over your heads and trying to pass some patient mojo onto you *

I am hoping that works. Happy reading. My super A/N is at the bottom.

**Chapter 6**

**Push and Pull**

**Edward**

When she came inside she was fiddling with the clasp of her necklace at the back of her neck. The odd looking pendant fell inside of her t-shirt with a quick swipe and she looked up at me.

"I'm here. Are you hungry?" She asked, noticing my bare chest with a darting glance.

"A bit. Um, are you tired?" I asked. I knew she had a long day and that I hadn't made any part of it particularly easy on her, but I needed her help with something.

"Exhausted," she answered, locking the kitchen door behind her.

Her glance skipped over me again, and I felt compelled to explain my uncharacteristic lack of attire. Though she was clearly taxed by something heavy on her mind, she twitched slightly when she noticed me, and for some reason I wasn't the least bit uncomfortable.

What bothered me was the paler than usual tone of her skin and the dark circles under her eyes. Her shoulders were pressured into that slouch of hers, and her eyes were blunt and distant.

"You_look_ exhausted," I noticed aloud, starting to reconsider the question I came out to ask.

"I'll be okay once I eat and shower. I reheated one of these for you earlier. If it's not hot anymore, let me know." She placed a container in front of me on the counter top.

"What was outside?" I asked, curious about why she was out there at all. That however, wasn't my question.

"Nothing," she shrugged, moving over to the counter. "I took the garbage out."

The fact that the bin was still full against the wall caught us both at the same time.

"The _other_ garbage," she came back, dismissively.

I let it go.

"I needed your help with something," I said. "But if you're too tired..."

"What do you need?"

With a rueful expression on my face, I raised my bruised hands and showed her. "I'm having some trouble dressing my stitches tonight with my hands like this. I can barely bend my fingers."

"Edward!" She gasped. "Your hands!"

They were swollen and bluish purple now, and stinging like hell since washing them off in the shower.

She rushed around the counter to me and took my hands in hers.

"Ouch." I flinched.

Her eyes darted over my chest again and I saw when she made the mental connection as to why I wasn't wearing a shirt. The stitches on my back still needed dressing.

"Edward, your hands look pretty bad. You need to go to the hospital and get them x-rayed."

"X-rayed? First things first," I said, rolling my shoulders slightly. The pain on my back was currently much worse than in my hands. "Will you help with this?"

"Of course. Let's go to the bathroom."

I followed her in and sat on the covered seat. My mixture of Savlon and salt was already seated in warm water by the sink.

"What's this?" She asked, sniffing the bowl.

"Something they gave me in the hospital. Savlon, and I found salt in your kitchen."

"Ok, so what do I do now?"

"Soak the towel in the water and press it on the stitches. Leave it on the spot for a few seconds then work your way down."

"Got it," she said, with a secretive, upward tilt of her lips. She dipped the towel in the solution, wrung the excess water out, then came behind me.

"It's hot," she said.

"It's fine."

Though, I grimaced when I felt the first touch on my back. The cuts were long and far from healed, but the pain always came from a deeper spot, like something had been ripped out from my muscles on the inside.

"Sorry," she whispered. "Too hard?"

"No, it's not you. Go on."

She had gentle hands. One did the work while the other steadied my posture by holding on to my shoulder. For a while we struggled with conversation, until her touch changed from the unsure, hesitant dabbing to a soft kind of caressing, and I realised that she was communicating without words.

"Sorry," she would say softly, whenever I flinched or shifted.

"You're doing it perfectly," I would then say to her. "Don't worry."

After a while like that, of her learning confidence on my wounds and me learning to trust her with them, we both relaxed.

"Edward, I'm worried about your hands."

My hands were, at the moment, the very last thing on my mind.

"I'll be alright," I said, trying to flex the fingers.

"Look at that. You can barely bend your fingers. I think they're fractured."

"Hardly. They're just sore."

"I'm taking you to the emergency room. They are swollen. That can't be normal."

"Right now?" I bellowed, turning to look up at her over my shoulder.

"Yes. I don't want your hands to get infected," she said. "They are scary to look at."

"Bella," I said with a sigh, grimacing when she pressed the towel to my back again. "We can go in the morning. You're tired, and we both had a very long day."

"Please don't make this about me," she said. "I won't be able to sleep anyway knowing your hands are rotting away all night long."

"They won't rot." I laughed out, turning to look at her again. "I promise you, they won't rot off overnight."

"Either way," she said, touching the tip of my nose with the towel. "I'm not taking the chance. You need your hands."

It was getting increasingly more difficult to argue with her. She had a charm that melted my arrogance and made me feel as small as a mouse.

I had sat on her roof all evening, reflecting on what we had found at my house, struggling with the intense disappointment that wouldn't leave me alone. Not only was I disappointed in the wreckage, and that someone would be venomous enough to do that to a perfect stranger, I was disappointed that nothing about the place spurred a memory. Nothing about the street, nothing about the yard, nothing about the house itself or anything inside of it...none of it was familiar. Even if every piece of furniture was still perfectly intact I wouldn't have remembered.

My hope had increased one hundred fold after seeing Bella's tattoo in a dream. I thought it was a miraculous breakthrough, that I was beating this thing, this...disease. I was sure that seeing my house again and being inside of it would bring things back to me, and when that didn't happen, I lost it.

Not even the night Bella hit her car and I had that man's throat in my hands, was I this furious. The pool of dementia in my head opened and unleashed a maddening onslaught of mental chaos. I wanted to incinerate the arrogant walls for laughing at me when I realised I didn't remember. I wanted to tear the paint away and bite into the concrete until I found its weakness and made it bleed like it had made me. And because I detested my impairment with the fire of a thousand hells, a part of me wanted to hurt myself too.

But then Bella held on to me. She found her way through the chaos in my mind and forced me to calm down. If it weren't for her, I don't know what I would have done to myself. She had saved me, this girl who was still as faint as any other arbitrary fragment in my mind...saved me.

"There," she said, touching up the last of my stitches. "All done."

With a small pat on my shoulder she stepped around me and dropped the towel in the sink.

"Come here," she said, calling me over with her fingers. I stood up and took the two small steps toward her.

When I realised what she wanted to do, I held my breath and shot her a wary look.

"Don't be a big baby," she said with a smile, dipping my hands into the Savlon and salt.

"It stings," I grimaced, and she was right. I was a big baby.

I stared at her face as she tended to me quietly, washing my cuts, then dabbing them dry with a towel. It wasn't a long time, but since leaving the hospital I had been with her every waking second of every day. My dependency on her was escalating, daunting to say the least, but as every long hour passed, I grew less and less edgy in her presence.

The more time I spent with her, the further away that first day in the hospital seemed. I was encased in her aura as she stood there next to me with my hands in hers, and the internal battle with my suspicion continued to fade, gradually.

"Do you need help getting your clothes on?" She asked, with her eyes averted. "We're going to the hospital."

"I think I can manage," I said. "I'll just put on a shirt and jacket. These pants are fine, right?"

"You'll freeze to death in those," she said, eyeing my sleep wear. "Wear jeans. If you need help, just call me."

Then she walked out, and I was left alone in the cloud of Jasmine and Amber that lingered behind.

XXX

Somehow, and with much difficulty, I got myself dressed, grimacing and cursing myself through every stage of the process. Only after suffering through the ordeal did I admit to needing medical treatment. Maybe my hands _could_ rot off overnight after all.

Bella was finishing the last of her meal when I met her in the kitchen afterward.

"I can feed you if you want," she said, nodding to my hands. "Can you hold a fork?"

"Feed me?" I snorted proudly. "I'll manage."

"Suit yourself," she sang, jumping off her stool. "I'm going to get changed. I reheated your dinner again. Good luck."

Eating was, of course, another unconquerable feat. I didn't think that holding a pissing fork would be that painful, _or _that difficult. My fingers wouldn't bloody well bend around the handle without unnecessary force and after four strained mouthfuls, I dropped the thing on the plate and gave up.

"Bella," I called out, lightly patting the top of Blade's head. Even _he_ looked like he wanted to feed me.

"Yes?" She answered playfully, knowing she had won by the stack of rice and beans still on my plate. I should have let her feed me.

"We can go now," I grumbled.

"Tummy full?" She was thoroughly enjoying this.

"I've suddenly lost my appetite," I answered, pushing the plate away and shooting her a disparaging look. "Stop smiling."

She took the uneaten dinner and put it in the refrigerator, biting back her giggles.

"See you when we get back," I said to Blade. He whimpered sadly and licked my shoe. Bella stopped to drop a kiss on his head as she passed by.

"Here, put this on," she said, taking my jacket off the hook by the door. "I'll help you into it."

I eased my hands through the sleeves slowly, never expecting the sudden pang of heaviness that fell over me when I did. It felt exactly the same like when I touched the Selenite. I dropped my gaze to her and studied her face. She was looking at me pleasantly without the slightest blunder.

"Where is it?" I demanded.

"Where is what?" She frowned. I patted the pockets gently, but couldn't find any sign of it.

"The Selenite thing. Why do I feel weird all of a sudden? You sneaked it into my jacket again, didn't you?"

"Edward...I don't know what you're talking about. You flushed it down the toilet, remember? There is no Selenite but the one around my neck."

She was right. I did flush it down the toilet. And that straight face of hers made me feel ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. The sensation was definitely present.

"You're overreacting again," she said, reaching for the door handle. "And stop looking at me like that. I didn't do anything. The only Selenite I have is mine, and you're not getting me to throw it away."

XXX

We waited for a long time in the emergency room. The longer we waited, the heavier I felt, and everything irritated me; the crowded waiting room, their incessant chatter, their clothes, and particularly...the ogling of one woman.

Her skirt was so high up her thighs that when she sat, her panties showed. When she saw me notice, she crossed her legs the other way and pulled down her blouse so that more of her cleavage showed. I took a deep breath and turned my eyes away, trying to focus on anything but her directness, but she made it hard. It was almost impossible not to look. Even from the corner of my eye I saw the pale swell of her chest bursting out of her clothes and I felt the impulsive urge to cover her up.

Her face was worn and her lipstick was too red. Her hair was an ashy shade of blonde which her long red nails were curled inside of, and the scars on her knees and elbows were bleeding.

A violent poke in my ribs got me to look away embarrassingly.

"What?" I hissed at Bella.

"She's a prostitute, Edward. Stop staring so hard or she'll sit right in your lap."

"Oh," I answered, clearing my throat for the millionth time. "How do you know?"

"Some things are quite obvious."

"Isn't she cold in that outfit? Or lack thereof? I think she would appreciate my jacket."

Finally, a reason to take it off.

The look Bella flashed me was priceless. It was amusing how she managed so much with one face in one second.

But I'd wanted to take that jacket off since putting it on at the house. This was how I was going to do it. The leaden feeling, like I was being pressed into the ground with every step, was unbearable. And the fact that I couldn't find anything on my body to attribute that feeling to made the stress worse.

"If I didn't know better," I smirked, leaning toward Bella slightly. "I'd say you were jealous of my wanting to share my jacket with the lady."

"Lady? Absolutely not," she shot back quickly. "I want you to keep your jacket though. I'm pretty sure it's not your jacket she wants."

"Mr. Cullen," a nurse called.

Them with that _Cullen_ name again.

"It's Masen..." I muttered.

"Shut up," Bella hissed, standing up. "That's us," she answered with a small wave.

"Cullen..." I grumbled, getting to my feet. "Right."

I had indeed fractured three fingers; two in one hand, and one in the other.

After the x-ray with an inquisitive technician, the nurse dressed the cuts, filled my prescription for pain killers and wrapped both hands in bandages.

Bella was tense the entire time we were in there. She refused to leave me alone with the x-ray technician for some reason. When the nurse asked her to wait outside the radiation room, she pushed her way inside and confronted the technician herself, saying that she was my fiancée and that we weren't to be separated.

Surprisingly, he was amused by her forwardness. He allowed her to sit at the back of the room, though every time he asked me a question, she answered it before I had a chance to.

All the while I studied this incredible piece of equipment they called the x-ray machine, fascinated that with a single flash a picture of my bones could be had...through my skin..._through my skin_.

I asked for more pictures to be taken of the other bones in my body, but Bella started ushering me outside so we could pay and leave.

On the way out, we passed through Emergency again and I saw the blond woman still waiting. I stopped in front of her, much to Bella's chagrin, and politely asked if she wanted to have my jacket.

"You got cash in the pockets?" She asked. "How much is the jacket worth?"

Taken aback by her brashness, I frowned and attempted a re-approach. Certainly, even for a prostitute, she was rough around the edges.

"Pardon me, ma'am" I answered. "But I don't know how much it's worth. I just thought you were cold and might appreciate it."

"I _am_ cold," she said, uncrossing her legs. "But it's not your jacket that I want to warm me up."

"For now, my jacket is all I can offer."

I turned to face Bella. Her face was as bland and as hard as a white table.

"Help me out of it, please," I asked her.

"Why don't you ask _her_ to take it off for you?" Bella grumbled. "I'm sure she'll be glad to help. She'd be good at taking your clothes off."

"Fuck off, Vampire Barbie," the prostitute snapped at Bella.

"Oh, that's just_ great _coming from Prairie Dawn on crack," Bella sneered, brushing past me to confront the woman face to face.

I put my forearm across Bella's chest and pushed her back gently.

"Bella, just help me out of the jacket so that I can give it to her and we can leave."

"You can't take it off," she said stubbornly.

"Why not?" I challenged, tugging the sleeves down myself. The bandages on my sore hands made it hard, but I was doing it.

A defensive wall righted itself in Bella's eyes, bringing back that hidden mysterious nature of hers.

"_This_ is what you choose to be chivalrous about," she bit out, grabbing the jacket as it passed over my wrists. "I can't believe you're doing this."

When the jacket was off, I took it from her and handed it to the woman, hardly noticing the attention we were getting from the others in the room. What I _did_ notice was the instant relief when the jacket was off. The weight was lifted and I was able to take a proper, deep breath again. And that's when I knew...

There was something wrong with the jacket and Bella was behind it. I saw it in her eyes as we stood there challenging each other defiantly. She had lied to me again.

"These pockets are empty," the prostitute said, drawing my attention back to her.

"Yes," I answered. "Why?"

"You really are just giving me your jacket_?_" She blurted.

The incredulous look of insult on her face was so blatant I almost snatched it away from her again.

"Of course. I told you. You look cold, and you ought to be wearing one. Why else would I give it to you?"

Someone in our audience snickered something out loud.

"What the fuck am I gonna do with your jacket, Mr.?" She cursed, tossing it back at me.

I didn't even bother to catch it. I just let it fall to the floor.

"Keep your damn jacket. If I wanted to wear one I would have, you asshole. If you really wanna give me something, lose the Barbie and we'll talk."

"Alright, that's it," Bella said, bending to grab the jacket off the floor. "Let's go."

I snatched the jacket from Bella's hands, rolled it into a slack ball even though my hands hurt, and pitched it into the bin.

"What did you do that for?" Bella squealed, widening her eyes at me.

"Leave it," I muttered, and headed for the door.

"Edward," she bit through her teeth, following behind me.

"Leave it alone, Bella."

"What is your obsession with throwing everything away? That's a brand new jacket!"

"It fell on the floor. It's dirty."

"So - _what_?"

She was huffing and panting behind me, fussing way too much over something as unimportant as a godforsaken jacket.

"We could have _washed_ it! We could have dusted it off! You don't throw something away just because it fell on the floor!"

I turned on her unexpectedly and she walked right into me. For the moment, the scent of jasmine and amber had to be ignored. I had to file it away under "things to quietly ponder later", since at the moment she was making it very difficult for me to control my insistent temper.

"What's the real problem here?" I demanded, exhaling into her close face. "Why do you care so much about a jacket? Is there something special about it, Bella.?"

"Special like _what_?"

"I don't know," I shot back, narrowing my eyes down at her. "But I'm hoping you can tell me."

"What are you_ talking _about?" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air.

"I wore that jacket all day today, Isabella," I started, pointing an accusing finger at her. "And I was fine until I put it on again tonight. What did you do to it?"

"You're _crazy_!"

"I told you already," I hissed. "I am operating on _very_ little patience and I have no tolerance for lying. I told you when we were leaving the apartment that I felt like that thing was near to me again. You said no, but the _moment _I took the jacket off the feeling disappeared. Why do you think I am stupid?"

She pulled her pendant out from inside her t-shirt and shoved it in my face, her eyes burning with flagrant contempt.

"It _is_ near to you, Edward. Because it's on me and I'm _always_ next to you. I can't believe you're overreacting like this to a stupid piece of rock. What the hell is wrong with you? It's a rock!"

"It's stupid, is it?"

"Yes!" She yelled, dropping it onto her chest. "You're so paranoid! Always thinking I'm up to no good. It's stupid! It's just a stone!"

I did the unthinkable then.

"Then get rid of it." I grabbed the pendant and tore the chain from around her neck.

"Edward!" She gasped when it whipped away from her neck. She swiped through the air with her hands, but I threw it away before she could reach.

"NO!" She screamed, pouncing behind it as it disappeared in the dewy grass.

I looked at her dejectedly as she fell to her knees and started raking her fingers through the grass frantically.

"I can't believe you just did that!" She screamed, tearing tufts of grass from the earth in her trembling hands. "Where is it?"

I regretted it as soon as I did it, especially after seeing the way she reacted. I didn't think it would upset her so badly. I didn't think she would drop to her knees and tear the earth to shreds just to have it, nor did I think her entire body would tremble the way it did, in such anxiety. I watched her. She was shaking.

"Bella..." I whispered, going to her side.

"Shut up!" She screamed, continuing her frantic search through the blades of dark green. "I have to find it! I can't find it..._fuck_! How far did you throw it?"

She keeled over and grabbed her hair at the both sides of her head, gasping in tears. Every nerve in my stomach twisted together as I looked at her. I felt sick. I'd have done anything to reverse time and redo that last minute between us, but I couldn't. I stared at her helplessly, guilty and embarrassed, wanting to take her in my arms and hug her until she stopped crying.

"I'm sorry," I said, kneeling beside her, raising my hand to touch her back. But I stopped mid air and dropped my hand. "I'll help you find it. I'm sorry."

We searched together, filing through the grass, one in desperate hunt, the other in shame.

Then the glint on the silver link caught my eyes and I stopped. I crept over to it on my knees, trying my best to keep my weight off my bandaged hands. She didn't know that I'd found it again. She was still creeping across the lot under the curious gaze of passers by, her face close to the ground.

I looked back at the thing in the grass and touched it, and the surge of discomfort that shot through my fingers was instantaneous. I knelt there staring at it, trying to figure out why my body reacted in such strong vehemence toward it. Then the swirling hole of madness started to scream out in my head and I doubled over to shake it off.

She was right of course. It was just a piece of stone. I'd even read up about it in one of her encyclopedias after she tried giving it to me the first time. It was once common, with no astounding attributes or special features. But then one day, some centuries ago, all the deposits disappeared, strangely. There was some speculation about it, but the stories soon turned to myth and involved beasts that were neither factual nor slightly believable.

Because the stone itself bore no inherent value and was too simple to be a bother, its disappearance went generally ignored after a while. And all speculation ceased.

Nothing I read however, explained why it affected me the way it did. In fact, the literature suggested, as Bella did, that it was used by some for good luck, and by some witches for spells. I couldn't find anything to explain my problem.

Her small hand broke through my vision then, and I saw her fingers close around the whitish stone in the grass. I shifted my gaze to her face and saw the relief which was fast replacing her anger. And a part of me melted. Her eyes danced over the thing, but when she saw that the link was broken, her spirit dropped lower and she shook her head.

"I'm sorry," I said again, surprised by how badly I wanted her forgiveness.

"You were just there staring at it," she said, tucking it into her pocket. "You weren't going to tell me you found it, were you?"

"I would have," I answered, affected by that aura of hers again. "I would have."

She stood up and without looking back, took off toward the car. I followed quietly, the tips of my thumbs tucked into the beginnings of my pockets, and kept my eyes on the ground.

My frustrations were no excuse to treat her like that. I often felt like she was lying to me, but I needed to learn how to approach things differently. I was losing her before I even decided that I wanted her.

I couldn't remember feeling any worse than I did that night. And needing her forgiveness like I did, was frightening. I knew that in spite of everything there wasn't much I wouldn't do to get her to smile at me again. Even if it was impossible, I had to try.

Yet another drive in silence, I stared out the passenger side of the automobile. Her silence didn't bother me before then. We had bickered and we had screamed at each other, but the aftermath wasn't something I'd ever dwelt on. This time was different. For the first time her silence bothered me, especially because it was my fault.

She parked the car hurriedly in the street in front of her apartment and rushed inside before me. At a much slower pace I followed, and ended up face to face with her friends at the front door.

"Hi Edward," Angela said, sullenly. "Should I even ask?"

With a sigh I stepped inside, closed the door, and squatted next to a very excited Blade. I touched his head and like always, it calmed him.

"I think she needs you," I whispered to him. "I've been a bad boy, and you're just about the only one that can make her feel better right now."

He licked my face and yelped intelligently.

"Go," I said, patting his side softly. "Go to Bella, and if you can, please tell her that I am sorry." Then he turned and skipped away toward her bedroom.

"That's amazing," Angela said, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "The way you are with him. Nobody gets him to obey like that."

"Maybe I talk in dog," I answered.

"Nuh uh, he's no ordinary dog. You talk in Blade."

I tried to smile but the moment ended up more awkward than either of us would have liked.

"This is Ben," she said, waving over to the young man behind her. "My boyfriend."

"Hello, Ben," I acknowledged.

All I really wanted was to retreat to somewhere quiet where I could read or sleep. I was exhausted and upset.

"Hey man," Ben said, stepping forward to offer me his hand. "I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to meet you finally. Sorry about your...accident."

More awkwardness.

Angela wrapped her fingers around his wrist and nodded.

"Well, we're out for the night," she said, glancing at the corridor toward the bedrooms. "Please tell Bella I'll be at Ben's if she needs me."

"I will. Good night."

XXX

I paced outside of her bedroom door restlessly. It was slightly ajar since Blade had gone in, but not wide enough for me to see inside. I heard her voice as she talked to him softly, and it took every ounce of self restraint to not barge my way in and beg for forgiveness.

Something was changing in me. I'd known there was a dormant connection to her, one that started rearing to life after that dream about her tattoo. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but being around her constantly was starting to tamper with my judgement. She was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing before bed at night. Everywhere I turned, she was there and her voice was attached to every new experience I had.

She was seeping into me in a way I couldn't explain, and unless I put physical distance between us, there was nothing that could be done about it.

Did I really want distance between us though? I was lost in a world with no help but hers. I needed her more than I wanted to admit, but there was still that haze of mystery around her.

The mental tug of war was more taxing than any physical infirmity I had at the time. Wanting to trust her when I was suspicious of her motives was hard enough, but now it seemed I was developing an emotional attachment to her. And all that would do was complicate things further.

I dug my fingers into my hair, ignoring the discomfort under the bandages, and continued to pace.

The door was right there in front of me, and she was behind it. Where the hell was my nerve? If I could scream in her face and take something from her that I had no right to take, I could man up to the situation and make her see how sorry I was. Because suddenly, just saying the words alone wasn't enough – not nearly enough. I wanted to show her.

I could have gone to sleep instead. I didn't need a change of clothes. I was tired enough to fall asleep just the way I was, sprawled on the couch. But I didn't want to go to sleep without talking to her first.

"Bella?" I called, pushing the door in slowly. I waited for her voice.

"What do you want..." she answered, dryly.

"May I come in?"

"Go to sleep, Edward. It's late."

"Please."

When she didn't answer, I pushed the door some more and poked my head inside.

She was lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Blade was snuggled in next to her and the sight of them together made something buck inside of me. I felt...left out.

"I know you're sorry," she said, keeping her eyes on the ceiling. "It's okay. You can go to bed now."

"Stop saying that," I said, and she turned her tear stained face to look at me. The sight of her dried tears twisted something else inside of me and I took a moment to absorb that new feeling.

"You always say it's okay after I do something to upset you. It's not okay."

She swallowed harshly and turned her eyes back to the ceiling.

"Did I hurt you, Bella?"

"Did you hurt me?" She scoffed, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I know I hurt you. What I meant was, when I broke the chain away from your neck. Did I cut you?"

"It's nothing."

That was my answer right there.

"Bella, please answer me."

"It's nothing, Edward. Forget about it. Good night."

She rolled onto her side and turned her back to me. I was anxious now, afraid that perhaps this time I had pushed her too far.

I bit back an ugly word against myself and closed the space between me and the bed. A number of things were unfolding inside of my chest, I didn't know what, but it made me cross yet another line that night. Without permission, I pushed my fingers into her hair and touched the back of her neck.

She only had to move in surprise for me to find the bruise on her skin. My hand fell away when she sat up, and if I could, I would have rammed that same hand into another wall and break it off, just so I could never hurt her with it again.

Her eyes did everything to kill me. I hated it. I brought harm to that girl, and now I hated myself.

"I hurt you," I whispered.

"Shush," she uttered, dropping her eyes. "It's okay."

"No...it isn't."

I raised her chin with a finger and made her look at me. "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am. I keep saying the words, but it doesn't feel like enough. What I did was unforgivable."

"Edward," she stopped to sigh. "I'm not perfect either. I'm upset, yes, but I've done shit and needed forgiveness too. It wouldn't be fair of me to hold this against you. Just don't do it again."

I didn't deserve her unwavering patience. There was a spirit inside of her that made it too easy to forget all the bad and drift toward what felt good. Especially when she looked at me like she was then.

I passed my hand through her hair again, dropping my eyes to where it parted through her hair, and found the raised bruise at the back of her neck.

She sat still with square shoulders and watched me.

An unfamiliar heat started smouldering in my chest. There was desire in her eyes. I didn't know much about anything anymore, but I knew want when I saw it. That look of hers could hit me anywhere.

Part of me felt like running from it. Though the other half, the bigger, stronger half, made me bend and press my forehead to hers.

"Bella..." I whispered, shaking my head slightly against her. I moved to pull away but she dropped her hand aggressively on the back of my neck and pulled my face flush with hers.

Everything fell away suddenly, and there was only us. She knelt on the bed with her arms around my neck and kissed me in a way that put all others to shame. Behind her soft lips was a multitude of passion that demanded my response, and threatened my wailing reserve to shut up and stand down.

The energy was nothing like the delicate feel of her little body in my arms. It was raw and it was harsh. And every push of her tongue resulted in a series of strangled groans, pushing their way out like they had been repressed forever.

She even tasted like jasmine and amber. The smell was so strong, it filled my nostrils and transferred to my palette. I was suddenly voraciously hungry for more of her. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that kissing her would make me feel like that.

I pushed her onto the bed and winced through the pain in my hands when I landed on top of her. Her legs came around me and she grabbed my hair, pressing her face so roughly to mine it was hard to breathe.

Something fired off in my head then and I opened my eyes in shock. Reaching out from the pit in my head were two groping arms, ended by two hands that were covered in blood. I reached around my shoulders and held her wrists, trying to unwrap her from around me, but she protested and held me tighter.

"Not yet," she panted.

"Bella..." I gasped, struggling with the strength of this thing that was trying to push through to me.

She pressed her open mouth over mine before I could say anything else and pulled me down again.

The hole of madness in my head started acting up. Things started flashing and my heart raced off for an entirely different reason now. I saw Bella's face in there, for the first time. She was sad, very sad and her eyes were red and blood shot. Then_ Tanya's_ face pushed over, and she had the same red, blood shot eyes like Bella. Like they had both been crying too much.

"Edward," she gasped against my lips, only it didn't sound like Bella. I opened my eyes again and pulled away, stunned almost to death when a pair of blue eyes twinkled back at me.

I jumped back with a clipped scream, falling to the floor as Tanya sat upright on the bed with a look of confusion on her face.

"Edward? What's wrong?" Her blond hair fell into her blue eyes and with a toss of her head she flicked it away. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Tanya?"

"_What?_!"

I closed my eyes and passed my hands over my face, shaking from the force of my heartbeat alone as I swallowed the air in huge mouthfuls.

Afraid to open my eyes, I dropped my head between my knees and waited for the storm to pass.

"Edward, what the hell is going on?"

Bella again.

I raised my head, relieved to find her brown eyes staring back at me, though her face was stark white and blanched in shock.

I needed an exit. I shouldn't have touched her. The sensible part of me tried to turn away but I didn't listen. I got to my feet and backed out of the room, trying to apologise...again, with the look I gave her. But she wasn't having it.

My stomach churned in remorse as I turned away and left her behind, feeling like a fool, and thoroughly shaken.

When I was safely on the couch, I threw my head back and took a deep breath. Thankfully, Blade was there. He climbed into my lap and tried to pass his calm to me, like he felt my anxiety and was trying to help.

"It's your turn for the bedroom," Bella's voice came through. I looked up to see her standing by the couch in her night gown.

If I thought I had needed forgiveness before, this was worse. She couldn't even make eye contact with me.

"It doesn't matter," I replied. "I can stay here."

"We made a deal, Edward," she said in a blunt tone, dumping her pillow and blanket next to me. "You won't remember, but you are _stringent_ about the deals you make with people. Get up."

I sighed and stood. I wouldn't win, not after what had just happened. She turned the light off with me still standing there and settled into the cushions.

Like a fool, I stood and watched as she bundled into a ball under the blanket; the words "I'm sorry" on the tip of my tongue.

"Good night, Edward," she said. "Go to bed. It's okay."

I bit back my reaction to her telling me _"It's okay," _because once again, it wasn't, and she knew that too. It would never be okay, not for two people in a situation as dysfunctional as this.

"Good night, Bella," I answered, and retreated to the bedroom with Blade at my side, hoping to redeem myself at least partially, in the morning.

XXX

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Remember to follow me on Twitter for news, teasers and updates, or just to chat. I'm on Facebook too, as Psyche Elena. **

**I just entered the Enchantments Contest. It's anonymous, but I hope you stop over there and read the lovely stories that have been submitted. Maybe try guessing which one is mine? Do you know me well enough yet? Lol. I put the link on my profile to the contest so you can check it out. There are only four entries so far.**

**I also wrote a O/S for the Halloween Countdown. It's another anon, but this one isn't a contest. It's just a fun guessing game. There are author's hints at the end of each O/S, so you get to guess who the author is based on the hints. My hints are a dead give away! #FAIL**

**That link is on my profile too. Put the countdown on story alert and you will get a O/S everyday until Halloween. All lemontastic and spookylicious! Spookward is rather sexy.**

**I have one rec tonight. Madonna, Metal, and Molly Ringwald Movies by TKegl. It's an 80's O/S! Loads of fun.**

**Ok that's enough from me... See you Sunday night for the ch 7 teaser. xoxo**


	8. Chapter 7  Have Mercy

A/N: So I failed at review replies again this week so you didn't get your private teasers. I'm sorry. But I got them all, and I thank you for being such wonderful readers. I will do better next week. I have a new job and my time has been cut in half.

Thanks to my amazing beta, fiftylover. And pls don't forget to check out the Enchantments Contest. The link is up on my profile. Happy reading.

**Chapter 7**

**Have Mercy**

**Bella**

He kissed me. He kissed me, then he freaked out and ran away from me. I was livid. Not to mention he had the audacity to screw with my name.

Tanya?

Of all the ludicrous insults to toss in my face, he chose that one. And yes, I knew there was a reasonable, or perhaps a medical explanation for it, like everything else that happened with Edward. But for the first few minutes after our botched kiss I wasn't in any frame of mind to "understand" his dilemma. All I wanted was distance.

While I was kissing him, _he _was apparently kissing his dead fiancée from two fucking centuries before. Her body was so far into the ground the dust from her corpse was probably calcified, but for some godforsaken reason she was still around. I was losing my patience with everything, becoming more and more disappointed with my emotional inability to cope. This is what I wanted for crying out loud. I was warned about the consequences over and over and still, I catapulted myself head first into a situation without a strap for security.

"Just fucking awesome..." I grumbled as I pulled my nightgown over my head.

It was hard before, wanting him and having to hold it inside, always nervous about making him uncomfortable around me. But now that I knew what it was like to kiss him, it was torture.

There was no way I'd be able to control this raging unrequited desire for him now that we kissed. I wouldn't be able to continue in pretentious nonchalance, like I didn't want to pounce on him whenever he was around. With one kiss he had created a monster; one that could only be pacified by his affection, and without that, I'd be nothing more than a cranky, symptomatic bitch.

I figured he'd be sorry too. He said that a lot. And it made me wonder. If he knew he was in the habit of being sorry after every act, why not just stop and think first before doing something stupid? But Edward wasn't exactly rational in thought, not as a Gargoyle and definitely not as a human. He was vilely impulsive and commanded by passion, both good and bad. It took less than a second for his mood to shoot from one end of the spectrum to the other. And fuck anyone who ended up in the line of fire.

Five o'clock the next morning I awoke in my bed, even though I remembered falling asleep on the couch, with another nightmare about Charlie and Renee. As was my luck, my nightmares returned with Edward, as if they knew I'd be more vulnerable than I had been in a while. And just like before, the only thing that ever helped in the wee hours of the morning was alcohol.

Blade jumped off the couch when he saw me enter the kitchen and stood at my feet as I watched Edward sleeping on the couch. I didn't even know when he moved me to the bed during the night. Nor did I know what to make of it.

"So, you left me for Edward, didn't you," I nodded at Blade. "Not that I can blame you. I abandoned you and you got accustomed to sleeping without me. But just so you know, he's just as guilty as I am. _He_ was the one who took me away. So how come he gets to sleep with you and I don't?"

He wagged his tongue out at me and whimpered.

Holding the bottle in my hands, I leaned against the stove and remembered one of my first interactions with Edward on that very spot. He had pinned me to the stove the night he broke into my apartment to warn me about the bell tower. Our first intimate encounter. The first time he got close to me.

His fingers had brushed against my breast when he put the Selenite in my pocket and just like that, he had me. I didn't know what he was yet, or who, but the energy that came through his gun metal eyes captured me on that spot, and from then on, he was ingrained in me.

That all felt like a lifetime ago, now. Only a few months had passed since we first met, but so much happened since then. It felt like centuries of time had passed between us.

I looked over at him asleep on the couch, sadly. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much, and he was right there, just a few feet away from me.

He turned over on the couch and his back came into view. And as I watched him roll I remembered his wings; arguably one of my favorite things about him. Now there were only scars on his back, horrid ghastly looking streaks of reddened tissue that would stay with him permanently.

I turned my face away with a sigh and pressed the bottle to my lips again, trying to singe the memories that hurt the more I looked at him. I had to find a way of making my love for the Gargoyle evolve into love for the human. The Gargoyle was dead, and I needed to let that disappointment go. Human Edward needed me, but I never thought for a second that loving the human would be this hard. I just figured that our hearts would have fallen in line like they did before; naturally. But apparently, fate had something different in mind for us.

I padded back to my bedroom with a buzzed head and fell onto the bed lazily, waiting for sleep to take me asunder again, when I remembered Zaphrina.

The army was growing. They were spreading out all over the city and doing things they wouldn't ordinarily do just to be close to me. I only realised how on point she was when we went to the emergency room and a Gargoyle was waiting to take Edward's x-ray. The effort they expended in my name was unfathomable. I wasn't remotely dangerous, not by a long shot, but still, there they were, cropping up all over the place like eager shoots grasping for the sun.

I knew he was one from the army; the x-ray guy. The challenging smirk on his face and the aura he embodied wasn't anything like Zaphrina's. I made up my own name for the army after that. I called them the 'mucks', because whenever I saw one of them I got the overwhelming urge to bleach my brain clean of their faces. Like washing muck from my mind.

I loved their kind intensely. I was eternally mesmerised that creatures as beautiful as them existed, but a new bead of distaste developed in my heart everyday the more they insisted on this fight against me. It actually hurt my feelings.

The x-ray muck tried to separate Edward and I in the hospital, no doubt because he wanted to badger Edward with questions. And even though there wasn't much Edward could say to give the muck motive against me, I didn't take any chances.

I played the bossy wife-to-be and spoke over Edward whenever a personal question was asked. He had no right to the answers he sought. He wasn't a doctor. He even had the audacity to smile at my vehemence, either amused by my panic or impressed by my sharpness. And I was certain he knew that I knew what he was. The tell tale glint in his eyes was obvious.

Then Edward pulled the jacket stunt on our way out. I was shocked that even the diluted, powdered version Alice gave me in the pouch still wasn't weak enough to fool him. The instructions on the plastic valve of translucent powder stated that it was a weaker strain of Selenite because the dust was stretched and mixed with other minerals. All I needed to do was sprinkle a little of it on him or his clothing, and he would be covered. That's what the instructions said, and that's what I did with his jacket.

But of course, nothing was ever that simple. I should have known there would be an issue with that too.

Not two seconds after putting on the jacket, his face crinkled in derision and he confronted me.

Then when he threw it away in the hospital I went berserk. There were mucks everywhere, one not five yards away from us in Emergency, God only knew how many more, and Edward was just walking away from the only thing that could block their powers.

Then he did something I never thought he would do. He dared to tear mine from my neck and throw that away too.

I panicked before I got angry. The most important thing right then was finding that Selenite. I only had to imagine the mucks hovering overhead, tempted by their window of opportunity to make an advance, and I was in tears.

But I comforted myself with the knowledge that for every muck in my immediate environment, there was also a halo. The 'halos' were my own name for the defence, the team that the Cullen Host created to help me; the ones on Team Bella.

Words alone failed to describe the point of insanity I reached that night.

He flushed his Selenite down the toilet and threw away his jacket, but he had no right to take mine away from me. I knew he was irritable and felt like he was trapped in a bottle. He felt like it was him against the world and his many questions kept spinning him around in circles.

But that didn't give him the right to treat me like that. I was not his emotional punching bag, no matter how much I loved him.

I wanted to hurt him after that. I was so pissed, I would have ignored him for the next week just to show him what it would be like to do this all on his own.

I would have let him push me away like he kept trying to do, and turn my back on him, even if just for a day...

But then he kissed me and fucked with my world again, and I was back at square one.

Every emotion that man projected was misdirected. Even his kiss was troubled, and the fact that Tanya managed to work her dead ass into our kiss was the last cherry on top. I'd had it.

After the humiliation, I decided that we needed distance. We needed distractions. We needed to fill our days with things other than each other. God only knew, we were in each other's faces all the time and one shy step away from murder.

When I woke up for the second time that morning, I decided to leave him on his own for a few hours and go out.

There were things I needed to do and Edward was slowing me down. First, I needed to get my job back, and then there was another special something I'd been wanting to do since I returned from France. Something I wanted to do alone in order to avoid the third degree.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked, when he saw me putting my coat on by the door.

"I have to go out."

"Okay, allow me to change quickly. I won't be five minutes."

"No, Edward," I stopped him. "I'm going alone."

He looked at me dumbly for a few seconds then smirked.

"I don't understand."

See, he was programmed to think that he was expected to follow me everywhere; uncomfortable in his own company for too long a time; lost to the point where he didn't make sense unless he was next to me. He was overtly dependent on my company, and not in a healthy way. It was like a slow death because we never lasted half a day without arguing about something.

"Did you move me to the bedroom last night?" I asked out of the blue.

"Yes, you looked uncomfortable on the couch."

"I was fine."

"Still, I'd rather you had your bed, Bella."

"And I'd rather you stuck to our agreement. Please."

"I won't do it again. You're obviously still upset."

I didn't feel like talking about it, not then. Nothing he could say could make it better. It was what it was.

"I have to go...alone. I need to be alone today. I'll see you later."

He frowned copiously and balanced his weight evenly on his spread legs. "You don't want me to go with you?"

I bit back the word 'no' and glanced away.

"I'll be quicker if I go alone. You'll be fine here, and I won't be long. There's ravioli in the fridge, and look," I pointed to the new television. "You have TV. That ought to keep you occupied for a few hours."

He wasn't biting the bait. He continued to bore his eyes through my skull with a concerned look on his face.

"I think it would be good for us to have some time apart, Edward."

He took a step forward and sighed. "Bella, is this about last night?"

"Yes and no. It's about a lot of things."

"Can we at least talk about it?"

"Look, I know you're trying. I see how hard you're trying, Edward, and I empathize. But still, I think some space would do us both some good. You haven't been alone since waking up in the hospital, and neither have I. We've been under each other's skin constantly and it's starting to affect the way I...the way I...feel, about you."

He didn't like that. I saw the way his breath hitched in his throat, and the gloom that clouded his deep stare.

"I know I'm difficult," he said softly, taking another step forward. "This entire situation is difficult, but I want this to work Bella. I hope you know that I _am _grateful to you, despite my behaviour. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me."

"Thank you. I appreciate that. Have a good day. I'll be back early." I turned away, but then remembered something. "Oh by the way, do you know how to work one of those?"

I pointed to the remote control on the coffee table.

"No," he said, picking it up. "What is it?"

"It's a remote control. It operates the TV. Point it like this," I said, walking over to take it from his hand. "And press this red button here. See what happens? Voila. TV."

His eyes flared in surprise when the picture and sound came on simultaneously, again, like a child with a new discovery. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit to melting a little when I saw his reaction. His innocence, above all else, was his most endearing quality.

"To change the channel you just play with these two arrows here, and the volume, these two over here."

Technology was always an easy distraction. He forgot about me standing there when he started playing with the channels and I couldn't resist the small smile that tugged at my lips.

Cute.

XXX

Barca didn't open until 11o'clock, so I had enough time for my detour. I drove to the place where I'd gotten my tattoo three years before and waited in the car until they flipped the little sign on the door that said 'Open'. I was the first customer there.

"Hey, I remember you," the burly, stereotypical looking, tattoo artist guy said. "You came here before."

"Yeah, like three years ago. How did you remember that?"

"I never forget a pretty face," he said with a brawny chuckle. "You're very early."

"Sorry, and I don't have an appointment. I thought maybe you could squeeze me in."

"Tattoo or piercing?"

"Tattoo."

"Know what you want?"

"I wanna add to the one I already have."

"Let's see it."

I took off my top layers and sat in my bra so he could inspect my back.

"Yeahhh," he said. "I remember it now. I did it myself. _Fama Volat. _What does it mean again?_"_

"The rumour has wings."

He pulled the curtains around us and made it a private booth.

"What are we adding?"

"I want to make it bigger. Make the wings cover my entire back. And I want the words touched up too. Make them bolder."

"Bigger and bolder," he reiterated, slapping some gloves onto his hands. Then he unbuckled my bra and started rubbing my back with alcohol.

"Get comfy."

XXX

**Edward**

Time apart.

At first I thought she was trying to avoid me because she was upset about the kiss, but then she didn't seem upset at all. She seemed aloof - distant, which was decidedly much worse. I wanted to talk to her about it, but she blocked me with the perfect distraction, the television.

I stared at the box like a dumb monkey for a long time and didn't even hear when she left.

The light it projected was fascinating. The images had life like precision and they flowed like they were happening right there in front of me, like moving pictures - pictures that came to life.

Pictures that lived inside of that box...

I walked over to where it was hoisted on the wall and examined the body.

Impossible.

Where were those images coming from? The box was almost flat and neither tall nor wide enough to hold such large, three dimensional scenes. The first time I heard the word was in the hospital, but that one didn't do anything like this.

I tried to think "TV" with my eyes closed, fighting for the courage to get near enough to the raging hole in my head to pick the word from inside. But then the groping, wailing arms came reaching out for me and I had to open my eyes and turn away.

I had to do this on my own.

I touched the box and felt the vibrations pass through my hands. Then I squatted under it and looked up, trying to find anything that could explain how it all fit inside.

"Edward?" A voice called from behind and startled me.

I turned around on the floor and looked up at Angela.

"What are you doing?" She asked, closing the front door.

I had to ask. Regardless of how silly I felt, I knew I wouldn't get an answer unless I asked the question.

"Silly question," I said, pointing to the TV as I stood up. She folded her arms and arched one eyebrow at me.

"They're not actually _in_ there...are they? What I mean to say is...well of course not," I scoffed. "Right?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked, coming to my side.

"The people," I said. "In the television. First there are whole bodies, then...there! You see? Only a face. It zooms! How does it change like that? In any case, I measured it. A whole man can't fit in there."

By the look on her face I knew I was going down the wrong path, or maybe asking the wrong questions. She was both amused and off set by it, but I saw when she adjusted her thought process, and a wave of pity which I resented, crossed her face.

"You know, I used to think the very same thing when I was little," she said. "And back then it was even less likely because TVs were so much smaller. I'm pretty sure there's a TV somewhere that can fit a whole man. In fact, when you go to the cinema again for the first time, you'll see how possible it is. But your answer is no. They aren't really in the television."

"What's a cinema?"

"A place where you go to watch movies on a large screen."

"Movies?"

She giggled, then choked in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but your innocence is kind of...cute, I guess. What you're looking at right now are transmitted images that pass through electrical wires and cable. See the white one at the back?"

"Yes."

"That's the cable that brings the moving images to the TV. Follow it with your eyes."

I did as she said.

"It goes outside," I observed.

"Yup. That cable goes straight to a box on the electrical pole outside. And that box is connected to a larger cable which runs to a Satellite Dish somewhere else. That's where the signal comes from."

"What kind of dish?"

She giggled again.

"It's magic, Edward," she said, with a whimsical shrug.

_That_, I actually understood.

"Hey, I have an idea," she said with a smile. "Where's Bella?"

"Not here. She went out."

"Okay, I'm just going to get her laptop. Wait here."

When she came back she opened yet another device that fascinated me. I'd seen it around the apartment, but until then, I hadn't seen it in use.

"Why is it called a laptop?" I asked.

"Because you hold it in your lap like this," she demonstrated. "Unlike the bulkier ones that have to sit on a desk. Those are called desktops."

"I see. What is it?"

"A computer. You can find information about anything you want on here. You can connect to the internet which is an online network that connects people all over the world, and stores information. Look, like this. This is called a search engine. You use the search engine to do just that...search. You can find whatever you want with it. We use Google."

She was tapping at the little square letters furiously, and as best as I could, I tried to keep up.

"So, you want to know about how TVs and cable work, right?"

"Yes please."

"Do this," she said, showing me. "Just type the words, _How do TVs work_. And bam, you get all these links with information. Click on anyone of them with the mouse here, like that, and you get an article to read. See? Easy. Does any of this...ring a bell?"

"Not even slightly," I answered, taking the thing out of her lap and sitting it down in mine. "Thank you. I will try it for myself."

"Good luck," she said, getting to her feet. "Do the same thing for anything else you want to find. Usually just the key words will get you what you want. And don't worry, Edward. Things will start coming back to you eventually."

I appreciated her sentiment and smiled at her.

"Thank you, Angela."

"You're welcome."

XXX

**Bella**

The stinging across my back was sensational. Every time he dabbed at my blood with tissue and threw it in the basin at my side I felt a little headier and something akin to pleasure. It hurt, but knowing what I was doing was exhilarating. It made the pain sweet and it made me feel more connected to the memory of Gargoyle Edward.

I knew it was worth the hours of pain when I looked at if afterward in the mirror. It was beautiful. The wings were much bigger than before. It covered most of my back and the black feathers fanned out in detail. I paid the artist and he gave me a bottle of Vitamin E.

"Rub that over it before you bathe for a few days. You know how it works, you did this before. In a few days it will scab, then the scab will peel away and you'll be good to go."

"Thank you," I beamed.

And with a secret smile on my face I drove all the way to Barca, sitting forward.

XXX

"Mike, come on," I coaxed, tapping one foot on the floor in his office. "You haven't hired anyone new. I was here the other night and there were the same faces behind the bar. It's the holidays, I know you're swamped. You need the help."

"I _have _hired someone new, to replace the ex boyfriend you drove to depression with your Houdini act. Exactly how stupid do you think I am?" He argued. "You run out on me without a word, then waltz back in here and expect me to just _give_ you your job back?"

"Full time too, not just the weekends...until school reopens."

"You have some fucking nerve."

"I'm sorry about what I did, Mike. I know I messed up, but you _know _me. That was completely out of character. I don't not show up for work unless it's an emergency. This was an emergency."

"We thought you died. Do you know how fucking scary that was? Then when you _did _come back, you never even bothered to check in with me and explain, or even tell me you're okay! No, Bella. Get out of my office. You're lucky I don't get the bouncers to haul your little ass out."

"I will grovel."

"What?"

"I will beg and do whatever you want me to do. It doesn't even have to be behind the bar. I'll wash dishes. I'll supervise the cooks."

"That's what the chef is for."

"Then I'll be the chef."

"I already have a chef, and you can't cook."

"I'll be the cashier."

"Covered."

"Cleaning lady?"

"Now we're getting somewhere."

"Mike...you wouldn't!"

"Bella, I get that you need work. School is out, you got rent to pay and you have a new boyfriend in town, but I'm not your 'fall back' guy. Sorry. You're right, you fucked up, and I don't run a charity. This is a restaurant and bar."

"Why are you being so snotty with me? You know I kick ass behind the bar. You know I work hard."

"Yes, but then you ran out on me..."

"And it won't happen again. If I need to leave I promise to tell you first. I have nowhere to run to anyway. It won't happen again. I promise. You were more than a boss to me, you were like a friend..."

"Fuck woman, now you're manipulating me?"

"Not manipulating! I'm trying to get you to see that you're only this mad at me because I was more than just an employee. I was your friend, and I hurt your feelings and I am genuinely sorry. Half the reason I couldn't show my face after ward and apologize to you guys was because I knew everyone was upset and I was chicken shit. I didn't know how to make it right. I was in a really bad place, sick with depression. I didn't know how to face anyone. Please, give me another chance. I'll even work the first week for free. And if it doesn't work out you can let me go, no questions asked."

"One week probation," he said, slamming things around on his desk.

"Yes," I said, with a slow nod, waiting for the right moment to drop the next bomb.

"I can't believe you're actually talking me into this. I knew you'd show up sooner or later and I told myself I wouldn't let you get under my skin. One week probation with no pay. Then we'll take it from there."

"And..."

"There's an 'a_nd_'?"

"And...a possible job for Edward too?"

"What the _hell_?" He gaped at me open mouthed and dropped his heavy palms onto the desk. "What is this?"

"One week no pay for him too...I promise it'll work out!"

"The amnesiac boyfriend? Are you trying to get my license revoked?"

"How is that going to get you into trouble?"

"Bella, I can't put a mentally impaired person, _without training_, to serve alcohol or operate kitchen machinery. Where the fuck is your head?"

"Then don't make him bar tend, or cook, obviously! Let him wait tables. He doesn't need much training for that. Jessica and I will keep our eye on him. Come on, Mike. One week no pay is a steal of a deal. You need the manpower. Just try him out."

"Get out of my office."

"Do we have a deal?"

"Tonight at 6pm, both of you. Now get out of my office before I throw something sharp at you."

"Mike, you're the best. Thank you!"

I ran out before he had the chance to change his mind, grinning all the way to the car. It was a good day so far. I got my tattoo redone and got jobs for both Edward and I.

I smiled the entire way home, eager to find Edward and tell him the good news. I knew he wanted a job because he asked. He hated the idea of sitting around all day with his nose buried in books and not much else to do.

_I_ definitely needed a job.

I had lost the one at the Administration office on campus too and I didn't want to have to dip into my savings for rent and utilities.

When I got home, I skipped up the front steps and burst through the front door, more excited than was necessary, and found Edward standing in the same spot I had left him that morning, in front of the television. Even his posture looked the same. His legs were apart and his hands were on his hips. He didn't even hear me come in because the volume was on full blast.

"Whoa!" I yelled over the noise. "Whoa there, Tiger!"

Blade came over to say hello, but Edward stayed frozen with his eyes on the screen. The remote was sticking out of his pocket like a gun in a holster on his hip.

I hurried to the television and reduced the volume manually.

"Why is it so loud?" I turned back to him.

He blinked out of his stupor and nodded.

"Hello."

"Hi...What are you doing?"

"Looking at the television. I know how it works now."

"That's great," I answered, looking around the room sceptically. I saw my laptop on the couch next to an open pack of Doritos. So much for the ravioli. "I have good news."

He shifted his eyes back to the screen and continued to stare with consternation on his face.

"Earth to Edward. I got you a job," I said. "We have to be there tonight. Mike agreed to take us on for one week probation."

He didn't respond.

"Edward...are you listening?"

"I want to do this instead," he said, gesturing to the screen with his chin.

I turned back and frowned in terror when a race car sped across the screen. Two seconds later another one sped across, then another and another. They were going so fast their tires burned white on the track, and the engines roared like they were about to explode.

I cleared my throat nervously, glanced at him, then back at the TV, then back again.

"What exactly do you..._meeeaan_?" I ventured, afraid to find out.

He pointed and tilted his lips sideways.

"That," he said. "It's called rallying. And according to the man's voice...the one who's talking but I can't see him..."

"The announcer."

"Okay, him. According to him, these drivers are paid to do this. They have sponsorships and something called endorsements."

I dropped my head and chuckled in disbelief. He couldn't have been serious. There was no way he could actually be thinking of becoming a race car driver. Did people even _do _that in real life?

When I continued to chuckle, he shifted his eyes to me and stared at me blankly.

"Why is that funny?"

"You want to be a race car driver?" I asked, with wide eyes. "Edward...I don't even know where to start..."

"It's called rallying."

"I know what it is."

"Some of them do drifting too. I found some video's on your lap computer when I Giggled it. It's incredible."

"Oh..hold up...you did what? You Giggled it?"

"Yes, Angela showed me how."

"Oh darling," and despite my shock I couldn't resist an actual _giggle_. "I think you want to say Google."

"Yes, that. Google! Anyway. I saw videos for both rallying and drifting and I like them both. I need to find out how I can...hey stop laughing at me. I'm serious."

Even _he_ was smiling.

I swallowed my giggles and looked back at the TV. He didn't have to tell me he was serious. It was obvious by his expression and by the taut lines of his jaw.

"Edward," I said in a small voice. "You can't seriously be thinking about this."

"Of course I am. It's the first thing that has_ really_ excited me since the hospital."

He shifted his eyes to me and his face dropped.

"Bella, I didn't mean..."

"Forget about it," I interrupted him. "Let's not even go there. Edward, this is too dangerous. I don't want to upset you, but you have to..."

"Don't even say it, Bella," he said, turning toward the couch. He sat down and pulled the laptop into his lap, then at a laboured pace, started typing.

"I _have_ to say it," I said. "This is important. You need to hear it."

"Look," he huffed, raising his eyes to me. "I know what you're going to say. You're going to remind me that the reason I'm in this mess right now is because of an automobile accident. I understand your concern but I'm not afraid of this, Bella."

"It's not about being afraid. It's about being smart. You don't need to be afraid of something to know it's not a good idea."

"I want to do this."

"Why?"

"Because it feels right. I found it by accident on the TV and I haven't been able to look away since. When I see how fast they are...it _moves_ something inside of me. It's raw and it's harsh and...I just have to feel it."

I tried comforting myself with the fact that him wanting it didn't necessarily mean that he was going to get it. He didn't know how to drive. No team in their right mind would let him drive after seeing what he was like behind the wheel.

I turned to look at the screen just in time to see someone's tire explode and the car go crashing off the track. With a sharp intake of breath, I closed my eyes and turned away. The thought of him being hurt in one of those cars was ghastly.

"They only let professionals do that, Edward."

"So I'll practice until I become a professional," he said. "Is it alright if I use this by the way?"

"Huh?"

"Your lap computer."

"Yes, Edward. It's fine," I sighed, flopping down next to him. "And it's a laptop. So, what about tonight then?"

"What about tonight?"

"Barca," I replied. "Mike agreed to let you work. Don't you at least want to try?"

He raised his head and looked at me with a pained stare, then after a few seconds, sighed and put the laptop on the couch at his side.

"Is it that important to you?" He asked, and my heart flipped.

"Yes, actually. It is."

"Then I'll try it, for you," he said. "But only temporarily. Just until I figure out how to get into what I really want to do."

I couldn't believe how determined he was to do this. It was ludicrous! I knew how Edward drove. I knew how drugged he got on speed, and I knew that he was feeding off the Gargoyle in him; the one that was supposed to be dead. That affinity to speed could not have been just a coincidence. It was too eerie.

I tried not to think about it.

At first, I had hoped that he would go against the odds and prove Aro wrong, by proving how "special" I knew he was. But now that there was so much danger around us with mucks everywhere...I wasn't so sure I wanted that any more. All I wanted was to move forward with him quietly; to overcome our hurdles and find a new kind of happiness, even if it meant learning each other all over again.

"This need for speed is not like you at all, Edward," I said, trying to steer him off track...to safety. "You know you used to be a school teacher right?"

He blinked dazedly and frowned then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and shook his head. "That makes absolutely no sense to me."

"Why not?"

"There isn't even a small part of me that connects to that concept. I have instincts and reactions to certain things when I hear it or see it. But teaching? I can't see it at all. I can't imagine that I ever stood in front of a classroom of people and tried to instruct them."

"Can you imagine yourself in the priesthood then?" I challenged.

As soon as I said it his face changed. The passion in his eyes died and a wall of harshness enveloped him. I cringed inwardly when I saw it, regretting it immediately.

"That was the reason Tanya killed herself," he clipped. "Because I wanted to join the priesthood, right?"

"Edward..."

"There's much about that night I still can't remember, and the things that happened before that are still sketchy as well, but deep down I do know that at one point, the priesthood was important to me. So the answer to your question is yes. I feel that, because I remember it."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"It's okay."

He fell back onto the couch with his eyes on the television, and withdrew right there as I stared at him. I knew I couldn't hold him back. If he wanted to experiment with fast cars and race tracks, I would have no choice but to let him be. He was after all, an adult, despite his mental infancy.

"I'm going to take a nap before work tonight. Will you come?"

"If it's important to you, yes."

I didn't expect him to touch my hand on the couch between us, so my natural shuddering reaction wasn't masked.

"Thanks," I said. "If you need me, I'll be in my room."

I sat on the bed afterward with my back to the door and started to undress. The skin on my back was burning. I needed to coat it with the Vitamin E and take a shower before my nap, but I had left the oil in my purse next to Edward.

"Damn it," I mumbled, as my bra fell to the floor. Just for the while the open air felt good on my skin, so I took a few minutes to enjoy that before worrying about the oil.

Then the sound of shattering glass made me spin around to face the door. Edward was standing in the doorway in a puddle of orange solution and broken glass, with his jaw dropped to the floor. His eyes fell to my breasts and immediately, my cheeks pool with flushed blood.

"My God," he gasped, running a shaking hand through his hair with his eyes still hung on my breasts. "_Sil placet_...Miserere_._"

XXX

**A/N: What does it mean? Review and I'll tell you! *giggle* Ok, I won't do that to you guys. LOL**

**"My God. Sil placet, miserere" = "My God. Please...have mercy." **

**Or, the title of this chapter. Oh and BTW, if you want to see Bella's tattoo, it's on the blog. Link on my profile. Just click on IDoL, scroll down and you'll see it.**


	9. Chapter 8  Boundaries

A/N: Surprise! Early update! I love you guys. Thanks for all the inspiring reviews. They make me vera vera happy. And a special happy belated birhtday to a sweetheart, readingmama/vampiremama.

No profound author's note tonight. Happy reading!

**Chapter 8**

**Boundaries**

**Edward**

The bottle of Savlon in my hand never stood a chance. The moment I opened her door and spotted the wings across her back I dropped it. If I thought her tattoo was a shocker, guess what happened when she spun around and her breasts bounced into view?

I swallowed my tongue.

It was exactly what I deserved too, for being the sodding fool that I was.

The orange antiseptic I used for my stitches started seeping into the soles of my feet as we stood there staring at one another.

_Say something_, I scolded myself inwardly, fighting the impenetrable urge to drop my eyes to her chest again. All I managed was an uncomfortable swallowing motion which still didn't wet my throat enough to let my voice pass.

I stole a chance to gape again when she bent over and took her shirt off the floor, admitting to the physical reaction that was taking over my body fast.

_I have to learn how to knock_, I thought. _And exactly how far back did my tongue go when I swallowed it?_

She pushed her arms through the arm holes in her shirt and when she started buttoning it at the front, I finally found my tongue, and stopped her.

"Wait..."

Her eyes flickered up to mine, mild surprise flashing back and forth between them. I inhaled sharply as her fingers paused on the top button, and looked down at the valley between her humble swells that were only partly covered by the material. The glimpse of skin in the middle was twice as provocative as the plain view from before, and with a lot of effort, I cleared my throat and tried to focus on the original source of my shock.

Her tattoo.

"What is it?" She asked, pulling my stare up to her face again. I had been shamelessly, but unconsciously, staring at her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to intrude. I should have knocked."

"I should have closed the door properly. Guess I'm not in the habit, but then again, neither were you."

"Not in the habit of?" I asked.

"Knocking. You never knocked. You always just sort of...appeared."

It was getting increasingly harder to control this new pull to her, something I wasn't even sure was new to begin with, if we did in fact share the past she talked about. Regardless, it was happening. My feelings for her were evolving despite my stringent need for caution, and so far, accidental moments like these only propelled them further. I was first and foremost, a man, and Bella _was_ unmistakably beautiful, especially when she was as compromised as she was right then.

"May I button my shirt now? Or do you have _other_ plans for me tonight..."

Not to mention her knack for knocking the earth out from underneath me with intentional, forward comments like that one. She liked seeing me squirm, and perhaps, I deserved the embarrassment.

"Please, turn around," I asked.

She frowned and glanced away hesitantly.

"What you did to your back...it's absolutely...incredible."

"Ohhh, that," she mumbled, biting into her bottom lip with a small shuffle on the spot. "I redid my tattoo today."

"May I? I have to see it."

She narrowed her eyes slightly but didn't move, challenging me with a stare that could light fire over the coldest moon. She had every right to her privacy, especially since I didn't deserve her trust. But bloody hell on earth, there was something indescribably magnetic about what I had seen on her back, and I had to get another look at it.

"You _have _to see it? Or you _want _to see it."

"What's the difference?"

"There's a very big difference actually. _Wanting_ to see it means you just..."

"It's both," I cut her off. The pause between us after that was strained.

"It's um...still very sore, and not as pretty as it will be in about two weeks. It's all reddish and irritated and..."

"Please," I interrupted her again. "I won't touch it if you don't want me to. I just want to," I said as I stepped over the broken glass and walked over to her, "look at it."

She shifted uncomfortably, but turned her back to me and shrugged out of her shirt. I tried not to pay attention to the way her shoulders rolled, the way she scooped her sheath of thick hair over to the front, or the way her back curved inwardly just above the small of her back. And thankfully, I didn't have to suffer my foolish indulging very long.

Because there it was, the marvellous depiction of dark beauty etched into her skin in black ink. I didn't understand its connection to me, nor why it made me want to touch her in ways I shouldn't be thinking of. But my body was drawn to it, and hence her, and in a moment of spelled euphoria, I raised my fingers and grazed them over her back, forgetting what she had said about it being sore.

"Ouch," she winced, jerking away. "It hurts."

"Sorry," I said in a small voice, running my eyes up to the back of her head. "What made you do it?"

"I don't know. I had wanted to for a while now, so I did."

"It's beautiful. I can't...I can't stop looking at it."

Everyday brought me a new piece of the Bella puzzle. And a large part of me worried as more of that picture came together. As simple as she seemed, there was an obvious dark light inside of her, and as time passed I couldn't shake the feeling that that darkness was somehow linked to me.

I didn't suspect her of lying as much as I suspected her of hiding things. I knew now that she was a part of my past after finding her inside the hole in my head. The problem was...exactly _how_ was she linked to me, and why was her darkness the thing that drew me to her. Something as simple as being _just_ her fiancé didn't feel complete. There was more. And I had to gain her trust if I wanted to find out. So far, trying to force it out of her hadn't worked.

"Thank you," she said. "It'll develop a scab that will start peeling over the next few days. So I need to keep coating it with Vitamin E, like before I bathe and stuff."

She turned around to face me, bringing her shirt up and over her shoulders again.

"I may need your help with that," she said, buttoning it at the front. "If you don't mind."

"Mind?"

Whatever it was that settled over me made me raise a finger and push a lock of hair away from her eyes.

"I don't mind. You help me with my stitches, don't you? I don't mind."

I would have done anything to tend to that tattoo on her back, just because being near to it stirred something that I couldn't reach on my own.

There was a moment between us then, both awkward and intense. She swallowed and I dropped my hand away from her face. Then like a fish out of water I pushed my finger tips into my pants pockets and tried to dispel the silence with conversation.

"What did it mean? What you said when you just came in. The thing in...Latin?"

"Something to the effect of...have mercy...please."

"It comes back to you so easily?"

"Apparently so. Do you want me to help you now with the Vitamin E? I could, if you'd like me to."

"Well," she mumbled, shifting on the spot. "I was about to take a shower, but..."

Blade interrupted us then with a sharp bark. We jumped at the same time and turned to see Angela darting across the doorway in a hurry.

"Shut up you silly mutt," Angela grumbled as she fled. The sound of the slamming front door made Bella jump again, then a look of horror crossed her face.

"No!" She shrieked, as Blade bent his head to lick at the spilt Savlon off the floor. "You can't drink that, baby!"

With an unsteady hand through my hair I watched as she tried to pick the pieces of glass away from him.

"Be careful with that," I said, stepping up behind her to move her away.

I held on to her by her waist and gently pushed her aside. "Let me do it."

"There are towels in the kitchen," she said, standing upright. "I'll go get some."

"Was I encroaching on your lady?" I joked with Blade after she had left. Such a lover of attention, he threw himself against me and started licking my face.

"Or, maybe it's _her_ you were jealous of?" I asked laughingly, stretching my face away from his wet kisses.

When she came back in she had some water in a bowl and towels.

"I'm just gonna take a quick shower," she said, handing the towels to me as she rested the bowl on the floor.

"OK, I'll just clean this up afterward then. Where's the oil?"

"I got it, don't worry," she fumbled. "Thanks. Don't worry about it."

Confused about the sudden change in her, I stared off as she disappeared in the direction of the bathroom.

XXX

**Bella**

I was sure I was close to my period. I had hormones and estrogen dripping out of my ears.

One minute I was fine, then the next, I wanted the Milky Way between Edward and I. Ideally, I needed his help with the oil on my back. But then he started staring and touching my hair and the only thing I could think about was kissing him again.

The memory of our last kiss was less than encouraging, traumatizing at best. I would have died if I had given in to my weakness and tried to kiss him again, only to be pushed away like the first time.

Suddenly, I didn't want him touching me. I didn't want him so close that I felt his breath on my face. I didn't want him admiring my tattoo for reasons that were more obvious to me than to him, and I didn't want him gently dabbing oil on my back,_ touching me_, while I was growing wet for him between my legs.

He wasn't ready for physical intimacy, even if I tried pushing lust on him instead of love. He freaked out after just half a kiss...and that was with my clothes on.

I realised when I went into the kitchen that asking him to help with the oil was a bad idea. I wouldn't have been able to control myself if that mood continued building between us. My tattoo was undoubtedly the thing that drew him to me. It happened the first time he saw it, and then again that night. Him touching it would have been intimate and unless that intimacy was going places, I didn't want to be teased by it.

So I did it myself. I applied the oil quite clumsily in the bathroom, then had my shower.

One hour later, Blade was fed, Edward was showered and dressed, and we were walking down the front steps to my car. I didn't get to nap like I had wanted, but at least Edward was willing to try working at Barca.

"So are you going to let me drive?" He asked.

"Edwarrrrrd," I groaned. I absolutely abhorred having to tell him no.

"I need the practice."

"For what?" I asked, disarming the alarm. "I'm not going to help you with your race car fantasy."

"Rallying."

"Whatever it's called."

"It's not fantasy, Bella, it will happen."

He jumped ahead of me and opened the driver's door, putting his arm out across my chest to block my path.

"It's going to happen, Bella," he said again, dropping his face and lowering his voice. " And I need you to be okay with that. I won't be happy if I don't have your support."

"I am not okay with you behind the wheel of a race car, I'm sorry, especially since you don't know how to drive. People have died doing that shit, Edward."

"That's why I need the practice. It's not that I don't know how to, I've just...forgotten. All it takes is instinct."

"It takes a hell of a lot more than just instinct."

I hated when he stared at me like he was, like his eyes were never ending vacuums of need. I hated it because I loved it, because green was so surprisingly striking on him, and because I liked feeling needed by him.

"You can't anyway," I said. "Your hands are hurt. You won't be able to steer."

"I took the medicine that fools the pain."

"They're called pain killers. Still..."

He leaned over more and went so far as to dip his gaze to my lips.

_Not fair._

"You're cheating," I retorted. He raised one eyebrow and brought his eyes up again.

"Cheating?"

"When you look at me like that, it's cheating."

He straightened his back and moved away, exhaling a line of cold mist into my face. "How am I looking at you? And why is it cheating?"

"You're looking at me like you want to kiss me. It's cheating because you don't."

His expression darkened somewhat and he twisted his mouth into a rueful smirk. After staring at me thoughtfully for a few moments, he moved his arm out of the way and nodded.

"That isn't true," he said, then walked around to the other side.

And I wasn't so daft that I missed his implication. He wanted to kiss me again.

XXX

Barca was a crowded mess as usual, and noisy. I loved the noise. It was one of my favorite things about that place. Just two nights before New Year's Eve, and the customers were already swaying in drunken anticipation.

"Thank God you're here!" Jessica panted, as she waved us over. "I have instructions to take boy wonder to the back for a crash course in waiting, while _you_ get reacquainted with the bar. It's about time you showed up, Swan. And you don't look like shit, thank God. Welcome back."

She stuffed an apron into my hands before I had time to respond, and gave Edward the once over with her eyes.

"Well hello there, boy wonder," she teased. "I'm Jessica. We met the other night when you came in and were looking for Bella."

"Hello," Edward said, smiling at her politely. "I'm Edward, and I remember. It's nice to meet you."

Jessica had no idea how important those words were for him to say. _"I'm Edward, and I remember."_

She just made a ridiculous "O" shape with her mouth and winked at me. "I'm loving the accent! So cute!"

Then she slipped her hand into his bandaged one and started pulling him to the back.

"Where's Mike?" I called after her.

"Cussing off the chef! Apparently he screwed up an order," she called back. "You okay out here?"

"I can do this in my sleep," I said, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Oh and Jess? Be careful..." Then I nodded toward Edward teasingly. "He breaks stuff."

He smiled over his shoulder at me as Jessica pulled him away. Right there, we had a sexy moment, and the goosebumps attacked.

I couldn't glow in the moment though, because the moment I turned toward the bar, I met a pair of eyes that made my heart quit.

"_Jacob?_!"

"Sshhhh," he hissed, shaking his head with a gleeful smile.

_Fuck, if you guys don't like me reacting...find a way to warn me first! _I thought.

"Pineapple and Malibu, please?" Someone ordered.

"Scotch on the rocks!" Came another.

"Apple Martini...and make it dirty!"

"I'd like a Godfather."

"Hey, are you listening? My girlfriend just ordered a virgin Daiquiri."

All I could do was stare back at Jacob, dumbly.

"I thought you could do this in your sleep?" He teased, leaning over the bar slightly.

I shook my head and let my smile break out all over my face. God, it was good to see him. The nostalgia almost made me cry. He winked playfully then gestured to someone on my left with his chin. I turned to find another pair of silvery eyes looking at me; another Gargoyle. But what the hell was he doing behind the bar...and wearing a Barca apron?

"Huh?"

I looked back at Jacob who nodded in approval. So apparently, the new guy was safe, and that's why Jake was there. He came to present the halo.

Still unnerved by his Barca apron however, I asked him, "What are you doing back here?"

The halo slipped something into my apron pocket and pushed me gently toward the counter with a small pat on my shoulder.

"I'm Riley, and I'm the new bar manager. It's good to finally meet you, Bella."

"Excuse me?"

"Hey dude! Are we going to be served or what?" Someone yelled.

"We'll be with you shortly, Sir," Riley answered him, coolly. The man backed down immediately.

I snatched the piece of paper from my apron pocket and read it with darting eyes.

_'I am here to help. You can trust me. Please, go on as usual and treat me like I am one of you.'_

This was completely out of character for any Gargoyle. First Edward's doctor at the hospital, then the x-ray guy, now this. They were penetrating the system and it was bothersome. Where were the boundaries?

They only got close enough to help someone in need, but never _this_ close. Never this permanent. This was dangerous for them. This was crossing a line. The halos were putting themselves in the line of fire just to protect me. That had to mean that things were getting worse on the outside.

I found myself skimming through the faces at the bar, over their heads, and through the spaces in between for any sign of mucks.

Jacob was still there in front of me on the other side of the bar, subtly trying to get my attention. But then I saw what I was looking for. There was a table of mucks sitting to the right of the restaurant, and another in the leftmost corner; seven of them in total. And there were only two halos that I could see, Jacob and Riley.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I remembered only then that I had forgotten to sprinkle some of the powdered Selenite on Edward before we left home.

_I'm an idiot. I'm a stupid, careless idiot and I'm going to pay dearly for this._

My heart took off like a skittish hare's. I stared straight at a wad of bills being shoved in my face, and at the moving mouth behind it, but couldn't move. Riley's hand came into view and took the money from the irate customer, then put it on the counter in front of me.

"He wants a rum and coke, Bella. I suggest you give it to him."

"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. I grabbed the bottle of rum with sweaty palms, mixed the drink and slid it across the counter.

_I'm a coward. I can't function like this. I'm so stupid. Where is Edward? _

"My change?" The rum and coke guy demanded.

"Oh just fuck off," I snapped at him, then stormed over to the cashier to get cash for my pockets.

I needed to get my shit together if I was going to work. I'd promised Mike that I would behave, and already I had cussed off a customer within the first five minutes of my shift.

The Selenite in my bra burned my skin the more I thought about Edward without his. I never forgot that. _Never_. Not that Edward had made the Selenite situation easy for me, but certainly I could have tried another way to fool him with it. There were numerous ways to try with something as versatile as powder.

"I have a problem," I turned to Riley.

"Work," he said, pointing to the customers.

I turned to find Jacob, but he wasn't there anymore.

"Riley..."

He pushed me toward the other end of the bar, trying to get me to focus, but my inner panic was starting to take over.

I tried not to look at the table in the left hand corner, distracting myself with the pushing mob at the bar and the money being shoved in my face.

But then Edward walked out to the front with Jessica and my already frayed nerves burst into flames.

I couldn't stand the pressure. My head was about to burst. I grabbed a pen from under the counter and scribbled a hasty note to Riley.

_'Who's side are you on, exactly?' _I wrote.

He replied underneath.

_'Yours.'_

_'Prove it,' _I wrote back.

_'Zaphrina is my mate,' _was his reply.

I looked up at him and nodded in satisfaction.

_'I have a serious problem.'_

_'I know your problem. Relax, and please stop passing notes.'_

_'How do you know?'_

He crumpled the page in his hand and disintegrated it. I watched the paper dust waft down to his feet with my heart in my throat. Jessica was still guiding Edward through the crowd. He had a tray in his hands and a terribly bored expression on his face.

"Ma'am?" A girl waved at me. "Hey, I'm trying to order here. This service sucks ass."

"What do you want?" I asked, my eyes trained on Edward's moving mess of hair.

I knew the mucks could hear the way my heart raced, and smell the nervous sweat on my skin.

"Miller on tap," the girl answered.

I grabbed the handle on the tap and shoved a glass to the mouth.

"Stay here," Riley said.

"Where are you going?"

He cast me a blank glance over his shoulder and walked around the bar toward Edward and Jessica. I saw him pat Jessica on her back then say something to her. She came stomping back to the bar with a scowl on her face.

"I hate that fucking Riley," she grunted.

"Oh for the love of God!" The girl screamed on the other side of the bar. "Just hand me the beer already! It's poured!"

I glared at her, shoved the glass into her hands and snatched her money away.

"What happened?" I turned my attention back to Jessica as Riley guided Edward through the crowd. An immediate rush of relief simmered my rattling nerves now that he was close to Edward.

"He sent me back to bar and said he would take over with Edward."

"Oh, that was pretty nice of him," I said, trying to feign nonchalance. "He's trying to help."

"He's bossy."

"Well he's the bar manager. I think he gets to make that call."

"Whatever. I don't see what's so great about him. He has Mike wrapped around his fucking pinky. It's so odd, and it makes Mike look like a douche bag."

"I think he's nice."

"You only just got here," she said, rolling her eyes dramatically. "He never talks. He's antisocial and he avoids people unless it's absolutely necessary. Plus, his eyes are creepy. He doesn't have the personality for bar work. Now all of a sudden he wants to suck up to Edward? Ohhh...wait. Of course!"

"What?"

"He's a queer."

"What!"

"You better keep your eyes on your man. Riley has that sort of strong, silent type thing going on."

"And why would I have to keep my eyes on Edward? Edward isn't gay."

"What the hell is going on out here?" Mike demanded from behind. "There are people practically clawing their way over the counter and the two of you are here catching up! Where the fuck is Riley?"

"Getting chummy with your new employee," Jessica grumbled.

I grabbed a bottle of gin and made my way to other end of the bar, both to look busy and to follow Edward and Riley's progress.

So far the mucks weren't stirring up trouble. They were, as always, quietly observing. But then I saw something that almost made me scream out at Riley, when Jacob materialized in front of me suddenly. Riley had walked straight up to a table of mucks with Edward, and was making Edward take their order.

_What the fuck?_

"My heart can't take this," I whispered, hanging my head.

"Take it easy," Jacob spoke back. He took a pen and paper from his pocket, scribbled a note then pushed it across to me.

_'They can hear us. Just act normal, Bella. Riley won't let anything happen to him. He's safe.'_

A chair dragged loudly on the floor across the room, and I looked up to see the table of annoyed mucks shoot me a look of dissidence and walk out of Barca. A wave of relief slammed into me just as hard as my anxiety. But my joy was short lived when I saw Edward and Riley make their way across to the second table of mucks across the room.

"I need a stiff drink," I gasped.

"How about getting one for me instead?" Jake suggested. "Offer me your best Absinthe."

"Absinthe? Are you kidding? I'm pretty sure we don't have that. But here...have this."

I poured him a glass of brandy and handed it over. Managing to keep my eyes on Edward in the crowd, I continued to serve the customers as best as I could with shaking hands. Jake was creating quite a stir at the bar meanwhile. It wasn't hard for him draw attention to himself. He was huge and handsome with long dark hair, and penetrating eyes.

The women were giggling and making horrid fools of themselves in an attempt to get his attention.

If only they knew the truth about him, they would run. They should.

I was surprised when the second table of mucks got up after Riley and Edward visited, and on their way out, shot Jake and I the same look as the first group.

Edward, for some reason, had a murderous expression on his face. He was irritated about something, which by any standard wasn't new, but I still worried. He followed Riley to the back, red faced and annoyed, and by the time I turned back to the bar, Jake was gone too.

With the fingers of one hand curling desperately into my apron, I glanced at the time on my watch.

"Fuckin' hell," I gasped. "You gotta be kidding me."

Only one hour had passed. We still had three more to go.

XXX

**A/N: I'lll go back to regular updating on Wednesday's from next week. But enough of you asked for an early update so I thought I would surprise you to show my appreciation.**

**Please remember to check out the Enchatments Contest. I submitted a O/S anonymously, but I do hope you read them, there aren't many and VOTE! Thanks! **


	10. Chapter 9  Good Ideas

A/N: It's still Wednesday! Thanks for reading this far and for all your wonderful reviews and to my amazing beta, fiftylover, who allows me to rewrite even after she betas...lol. Please forgive any typos.

Here's to hoping you enjoy this chapter and to good ideas. *smug smirk* Happy reading!

**Chapter 9**

**Good Ideas**

**Bella**

Any further into the toilet bowl and my face would have been swimming in water. Jessica tried her best. She held my hair away from my face and rubbed my back as patiently as she could, when really what she wanted to do was smack me upside the head.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" She chided. I could hear the cringe in her voice as I spewed my guts. "How the hell could you let yourself get this drunk? If Mike sees you like this he will fire you on the spot. He'll fire me too for hiding you in here. God, Bella! I really think you have a drinking problem."

"Riley," I mumbled, "Oh God..." And I spewed some more.

"Riley?" She asked, slapping her palm to my forehead. "What's that idiot have to do with this?"

I remembered the first shot he slid my way when no one was looking. It wasn't out of the ordinary, having a shot or two behind the bar. Jessica and I used to do it all the time. But he saw how tense I was with mucks moving in and out of Barca all night long, and tried to help by sneaking me two shots.

Vermouth never tasted so good.

He thought two would have done the trick, except, when he left me and went back to Edward, I took a third, then a fourth...then I mixed it with numerous rounds of Tequila. By the end of my shift I was wasted and poor Jessica had to cover for me.

I knew it was irresponsible, but once I felt the way my body unbuckled under the heat in my veins, I couldn't stop. Not to mention the way the mucks seemed to multiply by the minute. One minute they were leaving the place, then the next, more came inside. Maybe it was the alcohol that doubled my vision, but by halfway through the night, the grey eyes were every fucking where, and they all looked like the same person.

Then there was Edward; innocently going through the motions of a new job. The scowl on his face every time he forgot something, and his determination to not fail at basic human interaction touched me. He was trying, but every mistake cut away at his patience and by the end of the night I just knew he hated it.

The hours lugged by, and the thicker the crowd got, the less able I was to monitor Edward between tables. I lost sight of him too many times, my heart beat way too fast, and not being able to talk to Riley or Jacob about my frustration was driving up a steep wall.

"Riiiiiley," I mumbled into the toilet again. "He started meee..."

"Ssshhh," Jessica hissed. I could hardly focus on much else but the cold bowl under my cheek, but I heard the sound of her foot jabbing the door, and my head spun.

"Someone's in here!" She yelled at the door. "Find another stall!"

"Jessica, what the hell is going on?" It was Mike's voice.

"Fuck," she whispered. "Ummm..."

I raised my head and tried to beg her to be quiet, but the small room spun out of control and my stomach wretched again. I couldn't tell whether it was the smell of the bowl or the alcohol that made me sick, but I was sure I was vomiting stuff that wasn't in my stomach any more. Stuff came from everywhere.

"Bella's sick, Mike," Jessica called. "I can't open the door."

"Sick with what?"

"You really want the details? Her shift is done. I'll make sure she gets home, don't worry about it."

"The boyfriend is looking for her. What the fuck do I tell him?"

"Tell him to wait. We'll be right out."

I wretched again at the word "boyfriend".

"Is she puking?" Mike asked.

"I'm _dying_," I cried into the bowl. "God, I'm going to die in a toilet..."

"That fucker has another thing coming if he thinks I'm going home with him tonight," Jessica grumbled when Mike walked away.

"You have a boyfriend..." I sobbed.

"Long story...but no, I don't. And that bitch of a boss was nasty enough to hire a new guy to manage the bar when I've been here for years. A bar manager that gets his staff_ drunk _by the way. I hate that Riley asshole. He's an asshole."

Then her foot jammed against the door again.

"What the fuck! I said someone's in here!"

"Bella?"

I jerked my head up too quickly and groaned.

"Edward?" I cried. "It's Edwarrrrd. Jessie...it's Edward... Edwarrrd's out there...Edw..."

"I know who it is, fuck. Shut up already." She let go of my hair and stood up. "Are you ok there? I'm going outside to make sure the coast is clear so that your man can get you out without a scene."

I tried to push my hair away, but my fingers were useless. I wanted to sleep. My face was pressed to the seat and all I wanted was to crawl into a hole and sleep...or die. Whichever.

The next thing I knew, Edward's voice was in my ear.

"Bella? What happened?"

Then his hurt hands were on my arms.

"So, I'm assuming you'll drive her home?" I heard Jessica ask.

_Uh oh..._.

"Great," I heard Jessica say. "Give me a minute to make sure Mike isn't around, then you can take her out. If Mike sees this he will shit a cow."

"Thank you," Edward said, closing his fingers around my shoulders.

"Bella..." he said. "Are you inebriated?"

"Fuck no...I'm drunk. What's ineboolated..."

"Inebria...never mind. Can you stand?"

I raised my head heavily and unfolded my legs out from under me, but not for anything could I get my head to stay up.

His arm came around my waist and before I knew it I was on my feet and pressed into his side, then the white basin of the sink flashed before me. I felt it before I saw it, the cold water on my skin. He soaked the bandages on his hand just so he could dab water on my cheeks and forehead. I felt like an ass for being so stupid, especially when he raised his wet fingers and passed some water over my lips.

"Drink."

He cupped his palm and filled it with water and held it to my mouth. I slurped at it in the most unladylike manner, hating to see what my face looked like in the mirror. He passed his fingers through my hair and wiped my face clean, then made it so that my face was nestled against his shoulder.

"Why do you drink so much?" He asked, quietly. The question was rhetorical, but still I tried to answer. I opened my mouth to talk, but then Jessica's voice came back.

"Ok, he's in his office. Leave quickly or else I'll lose my job too."

"Too?" I gagged. "I got fired?"

"No, but you will if you don't leave right now."

My feet were swiped off the floor suddenly, then Edward was hurrying through the back of the restaurant with me in his arms. The spinning was so volatile that I had to close my eyes, and I begged myself, begged with every inkling of my crumbled pride, to not finish the rest of my insides all over him.

"Oh nooo," I groaned, once I realised we were inside the car. I tried sitting up in the back seat, but I slid right back down and almost rolled onto the floor.

It took him a few seconds to run through the process in his head. I glimpsed the way he ran his hands down the steering wheel, as if paying homage to it, then he nodded.

"I knew I was going to die..."

He turned his face over his shoulder to look at me and I tried to sit up again. Then he stretched back with one arm and pushed me by my forehead gently, back into a lying position.

"Lie down," he said. "We'll be at your home before you know it."

"That's what I'm afraid of," I mumbled, curling into the fetal position.

_I am so stupid_, I rambled inwardly. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, and I deserve to be driven to my death for every stupid mistake I've made tonight._

By the grace of something holy, I fell asleep in the back seat and the drive happened without me knowing.

XXX

I woke up in my bed with another nightmare early the next morning. It was still dark, and sitting upright made my head split in two. Still in my work clothes, I put my legs over the side of the bed and cringed when I felt the raw skin on my back burn. Forgetting about my tattoo, Edward had put me to lie on my back...or maybe I had rolled over without knowing it.

I bore my teeth and let my toes touch the cold floor as Blade trekked over to my side and offered his head for a pat.

"How come you're in here?" I asked, wincing with every step I took toward the door. He whimpered and pressed his side to my thigh.

"Did you stay with me last night?"

He whimpered again.

"Aww, thank you, baby. You _do_ love me still. My skull feels like I cracked it down the middle and my back is on fire, but somehow, you still got me to smile. And yes, Renee came back again tonight," I told him as I opened the door. "Let's go get mamma some poison."

The night came back to me in snippets, though most of it was forgotten, all except my fright as I watched Edward walk through Barca, never less aware of how exposed he was to the mucks.

I glanced at Angela's door as I stepped into the corridor. It was closed and I had no idea if she was home or not. I tiptoed toward the sitting room and saw Edward, fast asleep on the couch. I exhaled in relief and pressed my hand to my chest.

"Thank God. He's ok," I whispered.

Then just to make sure, I tip toed over to him and put my fingers under his nose.

_Still breathing_.

"Fucking mucks," I whispered as I looked down at his beautiful face.

With a sigh I went to the kitchen, grimacing whenever the wood creaked under my feet, and pulled the liquor cabinet open slowly.

My head still hurt and I was terribly hung over, but my muscles were still in tight knots after waking with another nightmare about Charlie and Renee. Add the memory of our close call the night before and the knots tightened even more.

_Just one shot...not two or three. Just one...that should do the trick._

A strong hand came around me unexpectedly and made me yelp in surprise as it pulled the bottle away from my hands.

"Stop," Edward said, in a low and gruff tone.

I froze, my heart trapped in mid seizure.

"I thought you were sleeping," I whispered.

"Why do you drink so much?" He asked, leaning over me from behind. "You do it every morning, then last night. Why?"

I took a deep breath and turned around slowly, thankful for the darkness that masked my sleep creased face. His face however, wasn't hidden. Even in the darkness his eyes twinkled, though they more like glowered. His jaw was pulled in a tight line and his eyebrows were pulled together in a commandeering frown. He wasn't weak or overwhelmed, not that morning. He was neither flustered nor withdrawn like he usually was. He was intent and staring straight at me, waiting for me to answer him.

My heart flipped at least three times.

"I don't know why," I uttered. "There's no reason...I just...do."

"There is a reason for everything," he said, shoving the bottle out of my reach. "There is a reason why I am angry all the time, and why I can't remember something as basic as putting a television on. There is a reason you brought me to your home and helped me, though I don't deserve it...a reason I feel obligated to let you, a reason you lost control last night...and a reason you stand here every morning and drink like you do, when you shouldn't."

"Whoa...that's quite a mouthful for 4 o'clock in the morning."

"I want to know why you do this to yourself. You take such good care of me, then hurt yourself."

I looked up at him, my eyes fully adjusted to the dark by then, and tried to find a way out of this conversation.

"Why do you even care?" I countered, pushing him back so that I could walk away. But he grabbed my elbow and held me in place.

"Because," he said. "I want to return the favour."

"What favour?"

"I want to help you, like you help me. And I want you to let me, like I let you."

It wasn't hard to pull my elbow from his grip since his hands were injured. I stepped away from him and put a large gap between us, where I ran my fingers through my hair awkwardly and took a deep breath.

"You don't owe me anything. I help you because..." And suddenly, I couldn't say it. I couldn't say '_because I love you._'

I _was_ helping him because I loved him, because at one point in time I was ready to die for, or with, him. Because I'd have done anything just to have him alive, and because protecting him was more important than protecting myself.

But things didn't pan out like I expected. I was uncomfortable all the time and unhappy. He was more different than I could ever have imagined, and I found myself clinging more to his dead memory than to the flesh and blood that stood right there in front of me.

The longer we went on like two strangers struggling for middle ground, like he barely knew me, let alone loved me...the warier my heart became. The warier I became.

I loved him. I did. That wasn't something that could change, but our dynamic was challenging. We weren't easy with each other anymore, and the words ended up stuck in my throat.

"Because?" He probed.

"Because you need me," I replied. "And because, you're...important, to me."

_And because it's my fault you are in this mess in the first place._

"You don't need to feel like you have to repay me for anything," I continued. "That's just ridiculous."

"That's not my only reason, Bella," he said. "I don't want to help you _only_ because you help me. I want to help because..."

And now it was his turn to trail off, and my turn to pick up the slack with, "because?"

"Because, I know now that you exist in a place deep inside of me. I felt you when I saw your tattoo, both times. The sight of it alone unsettled the hole in my head."

"The..._hooole_..." I mumbled, cocking my head to the side.

"I can't explain it in a way you would understand." He passed his hands through his hair and leaned back on the counter behind him. "But I _can_ say that I know there is something...important about you. Like there is more to all this than just what's in front of me. I just haven't figured it out yet."

"There is nothing to figure out," I answered quickly, walking over to the couch where I fell into the cushions with my hands in my lap. Blade jumped in next to me and settled in, always intuitive enough to know when something wasn't right.

"I am there in your mind because you used to love me. That's all your instincts are trying telling you. There's no mystery, Edward. There is no code to crack. You_ know_ me, even though you don't remember. You have to let go of this conspiracy theory."

I raised my eyes to him as he walked over, and continued to ramble.

"It's still incredible to me that you've forgotten me so completely. I mean..." And I needed to be careful, because I was threading a thin line which dangled dangerously over the truth - a truth that he was not allowed - a truth _I_ was not allowed...and one the Legion wanted to reverse by any means possible.

I chose my words carefully.

" I mean, we loved each other so much. It's just hard to come to terms with the way you just forgot..."

He sat beside me on the couch and nodded.

"It was my accident," he said. "I don't think I'd have wanted to forget you."

"I know." I shifted uncomfortably next to him and looked down at my hands in my lap. "I'm sorry."

He sighed and from the corner of my eye I saw him lean forward and rest his elbows on his knees.

"I don't doubt that there was something significant between us, Bella," he answered, quietly. "And I'm not trying to hurt you when I badger you with questions."

"Suspicion," I corrected him.

And the thing was, I couldn't hold that against him, because he was suspicious with good reason. I really _was_ hiding the truth from him and lying to him everyday. But I had to, in order to protect him.

The shoe was suddenly on the other foot and our roles were reversed. Where he was once the strong one guarding a secret, I now resided. And my ignorance and quest for the truth back then, was now _his_ cross to carry. The irony was cruel.

In that intimate, quiet setting, the truth begged to burst from my lungs. I wanted to shed it all over him and make him understand why this was happening to him. The burden was heavy and the innocence in his eyes gutted me.

"Not suspicion...questions," he said. "I'm just trying to understand. It is extremely difficult to live in the dark like I am, where nothing makes sense, and where everything feels wrong, somehow. You are the only one that can give me answers. There is no one else."

He turned his face and looked at me. "Imagine feeling like that, and the only person who can help even just a little...hides from me."

I got to my feet in a bout of perspiration and shook my head down at him. Time to lie.

"I am not hiding anything from you, Edward."

I moved to walk away, but he shot his hand out and held my wrist so I couldn't.

"This wasn't supposed to be about me," he said, curling his fingers around my wrist. "I'm sorry. I wanted to talk about you."

"Be careful with your hands," I said, twisting my wrist in his palm.

"Please...sit down."

I sat between him and Blade again and he let my wrist go.

"Tell me why you drink every morning, Bella."

I shook my head a little and kept my eyes ahead. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Did I used to know why?" He asked, making me close my eyes in sad regret.

"Bella?"

"Yes," I answered him. "You used to know why."

"Then why don't you want me to know now?"

"You weren't supposed to know the first time," I whispered. "But you barged your way in."

He shifted his weight in the cushions and came closer. "Is it something serious?"

"It's _stupid_ actually. And that's why I don't like talking about it. I know better, and I can do better, but I don't try."

"Why?"

"Because it's easier like this. And I need easy. Everything else is too damned hard. _This, _this is easy. This I can actually control."

"Why do you need it so badly?"

"It makes me forget...okay?" I charged, turning on him. "It makes me forget and it takes the pain away. I wish you wouldn't care so much about this all of a sudden. It's nothing. I'm just trying to forget."

The look on his face said it all without him even needing words, and I felt a stake gut me. There I was, trying to forget my problems, when all he ever did was try to remember his.

I felt like a child; like a stupid, naïve, spoiled child.

"I understand the need to escape," he said, bending his head to the side but keeping his eyes on me. "What are you trying to forget?"

I swallowed and looked away.

"You can trust me, Bella."

"I do, but it's stupid."

"It's not stupid if it affects you like this."

"I have nightmares, Edward," I mumbled. "I told you already about my parents' death. I was with them when they died."

_And you saved my life._

"It happened three years ago but every night I dream it a different way. Over and over, I see what my mother's face looked like when they pulled her out of the water, and no matter how much time passes, I just can't get the memory to leave me alone."

He sat back and released a slow, heavy breath.

"I wake up every morning in the same way, frightened, and sweating...and the only thing that prevents an anxiety attack is drinking. It calms me down."

"May I ask something?"

"Sure."

"When you called at my home before my accident, visited," he said, "Did you stay the night with me often?"

I glanced at him and nodded.

"Ok, and when you stayed the night with me, did you drink when you woke up with nightmares?"

And again, a lie that wasn't so much of a lie made its way to my lips, and the chips started falling away.

"No," I stated, simply, drawing from the nights I slept with him in the castle in France.

"Because I wouldn't let you?"

"Because it was easier to manage when I slept next to you. The nightmares were less frequent and besides, you had a way of...distracting me."

"How did I distract you?"

"With sex."

He shifted his weight again and cleared his throat. I was starting to enjoy his new found nervousness whenever I referred to our sex life. That part I wasn't lying about. He did distract me with sex at the castle.

We were so intimate back then, we were inside of each other, and the adventure had taken my mind away from everything pertaining to my life in the real world. It was a few weeks of torturous bliss.

Only since returning home did the nightmares come back.

"And the night we fell asleep next to each other on the floor of your bedroom," he went on. "Did you dream then?"

"I can't remember. It all blurs together. But even if I had...the shock of waking up next to you half naked was distraction enough."

"But you didn't drink that morning, did you..." he pursued, trying to get to a point.

"No."

He sighed then and sat forward, propping his elbows on his knees again. After a long pause, a lot of frowning and a few glances back and forth, he faced me and nodded.

"Would you be willing to try again?" He asked. And the knots in my stomach turned to mush.

I blanched for a second, begging myself to take care not to misinterpret what he was asking.

"Exactly what do you mean?" I asked.

"I don't like it when you drink, Bella. Last night was, well it was just awful."

"Look, I'm sorry about last night. But you have to know that despite what you see here, or what you _think_ you know, I don't get drunk like that often. Last night was very difficult for me, and I slipped. But..."

"Let me finish, please."

I blew a line of air from my mouth and the breeze lifted the hair off my forehead.

"I'm not judging you. I'm just saying that, you scared me. You stopped responding and the only thing I could think to do was put you in bed. I knew you were asleep but you were so far gone, you seemed almost dead. I never want to see that again. And it's alarming that the first you do the moment you open your eyes again is head for more alcohol."

"I told you already, I don't -"

"I need you Bella," he cut me off. "You're all I have. As much as I struggle and push you like I do, I can't do any of this without you. I see now that you have your own problems, and things that you're also struggling with, and I feel like a selfish fool for not seeing it sooner.

"You need somebody too. I think that perhaps, I used to be that person, and now that things have changed, you've lost that. You're dealing with both your burdens and mine and that's not fair. I want to help you too."

"As much as I appreciate your sentiments, Edward, I still don't know where you're going with this."

"What I'm trying to suggest is...maybe... if we slept _next _to each other, it might help you again, like it used to."

My entire mouth dried up.

The idea was more than just tempting. It was sinfully delicious. He wasn't proposing a sex life. He said he wanted to try sleeping _next_ to me...not with me. I heard that part right, but still...still.

The problem with that however, and my continuous battle with our situation, was that getting closer to him made it increasingly harder to lie to him. I wanted both...I depended on both, but both scenarios couldn't co-exist. I was either going to allow him to get closer to me, open myself and make it easier to slip with mistakes; or keep myself at an uncomfortable distance where it was easier to lie.

Still, all that was logic talking. I knew what I craved more than anything else. I wanted him in my bed, under my covers, pressed up and intertwined so tightly that our skin chaffed. I wanted his face on my pillow and his toes between mine. And I was weak enough to give into that part of me that wanted the fantasy again.

Something would surely happen between us if I let this happen. Love wasn't necessary. Two human bodies that close to each other would breed lust, and my greedy heart wanted it.

_Oh, for crying out_, I scolded myself. _You're going to ponder yourself into a ditch. He's not asking you for sex, you damned idiot. There isn't even a hint of desire in his suggestion. He's trying to keep your hand off the bottle and this is the only way he knows how to do it. You scared him. He wants to make sure you are alive so that he isn't left alone in a world crowded with televisions, lap computers and__ 'Giggle.'__ Get over yourself and see this for what it is._

"Does the idea make you uncomfortable?" He asked quietly.

I closed my eyes and inhaled, feeling my shoulders bend under the brooding pressure of his stare.

"I promise you, I will be a gentleman."

"That's not my concern, Edward." I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I'm not worried about you taking advantage of me. I'd be very happy if you _weren't_ a gentleman, as I'm sure you already know."

He dropped his head and laughed softly, and the sound gave me goosebumps.

"Still," he went on to say. "I have no ulterior motive. I'm trying to help you."

"I know," I said, with a laboured sigh. "I know."

"Then?"

In genuine ignorance, I frowned down at his bandaged palm which he held out for me, and raised an eyebrow.

"What...like _now_?"

"It's still dark out," he answered with upturned eyes. "Besides, it may be good practice for us, just to see how we fare."

_Damn you and your old century charm, _I thought._ Damn you and your aristocratic, polished, sexy, British accent. Damn your new eyes that twinkle even in the dark. And damn your good ideas that are so, so, so, so, soooo unfairly good._

"Damn you, Edward Cullen," I surrendered, and put my hand in his.

With a small nod he stood up and took me with him, to something that had the potential to make or break any chance I had of rekindling our romance again.

We could hardly stay in the same room for half a day without clawing at each other's throats. What would happen if we spent the nights together too?

It was surprisingly awkward getting in to bed with him that morning. He let me go first, and once I was under the covers he climbed in next to me and lay flat on his back. He didn't try to hold me, but still, he was there. I felt the warmth on his body and I heard him breathe. I had to lie on my side because I couldn't lie on my back, so I ended up turning my back to him, too careful to turn the other way and face him instead.

I felt the bed move under his weight as he shifted, and I turned slightly to look over my shoulder at him. He was on his side now, facing my back with his arm tucked under his head.

"Good night, Bella," he whispered, giving me a small smile through the darkness. The first sliver of genuine peace passed between us and my body relaxed.

"Good night," I answered, and with a smile, turned back toward the wall.

Blade then jumped onto the bed and surprisingly enough, settled in front of me instead of next to Edward. I wrapped my arm around his warm, furry body and nestled my face against his coat.

Somehow that dog understood my need for reassurance, and I clung to him in gratitude. The minutes ticked by slowly and took me further and further away from consciousness, lying happily though reservedly, between the two men I loved the most in the world.

XXX

**A/N: *cough cough* Limbs and bed sheets...*cough* That is all. **


	11. Chapter 10 Bring It

A/N: Here it is, Chapter 10. Thanks for reading and for leaving reviews. I am usually better at responding. Please forgive. I will do better this week. Thanks to my beta, fiftylover, to SR for rec'ing it to his readers, and to all those who make this a joy to write. Much love, Psyche.

**Chapter 10**

**Bring it**

**Bella **

He wasn't a deep sleeper, though he fell asleep almost as soon as we lay down. At first though, and because he moved intermittently while he slept, I thought he was still awake.

"Edward?" I whispered, and peeked over my shoulder. His eyes were closed and his breathing was steady, so I turned back to stare at the wall.

About an hour later I awoke to the feeling of his arm across my waist and his warmth on my skin. Reactively, my eyes shot down to the connection between us and the sight opened the floodgates to a swarm of butterflies. I didn't know if he had consciously put his arm around me or if it happened by accident, but I dared not move to find the answer, lest it be the latter.

I stayed as I was, silent and unmoving, with my eyes on the wall. But then his body twitched violently and he awoke with a start. All too soon, he moved his arm away and I felt the bed dip under his weight.

Then a soft curse fell from his lips.

Pretending to be still asleep, I closed my eyes and listened. He cursed again, and by the way the bed bounced then lightened, I knew he had gotten up. Blade's tapping paws on the floor signified movement, and when the door opened then closed softly, I opened my eyes and sat up. I was alone, and with a sinking heart, couldn't help but wonder if he had changed his mind about his idea.

My toes shivered when they touched the cold floor, but nothing was worse than waking up in clothes from work the night before - vomit clothes. Plus, the skin on my back was screaming for a coat of Vitamin E.

With another glance at the door to make sure it was properly closed, I undressed and made my way around the bed to the small bottle of oil on the dressing table.

There was no sign of either Edward or Blade on the way to the bathroom, so I opted to dress my tattoo on my own. The process was tricky and painful, and I gave up halfway through and stepped under the running water instead.

"Bella?" Came Edward's voice through the door. "Are you in there?"

"Um, yeah?"

"I'm attempting coffee. May I interest you in a cup?"

I smiled at his phrasing, liking the polished sound of him the more he talked.

"Yes, please," I called back to the door. "I like it with sugar only. No milk."

When I got no reply, I guessed that he had gone about it.

I felt better after the shower, and my back hurt less.

"Thank you," I said to him, taking my spot on a stool in front of my steaming cup.

"Good morning," he said, staring at me with intense lines on his face.

"Mmm," I said with a smile, when the scent drifted up to my nostrils. "Nothing like coffee in the morning. Good morning, Edward."

He looked nervous, moving his stare from me to the cup in my hands, back to me, then to the cup again. And as much as I wanted to giggle at the way he stressed over a cup of coffee he had made, I didn't want to offend him. Good or bad, I'd have praised him for it...just like I did with Angela, no matter how badly her coffee stunk.

Surprising to him, he did well.

"Oh Edward, it's _good_."

His face relaxed. "Is it really?"

I was able to afford him a genuine smile and an appreciative nod before bending my head for another sip.

"Yes." I chuckled. "It is." For once, I didn't have to lie to him.

He took his seat opposite me and tried his next.

"You figured out the coffee maker," I mentioned. "Good."

"It wasn't difficult. I look at you when you do it, so I had an idea. And I know where all your things are by now."

"How's yours?" I asked, gesturing to his cup with my chin.

He sipped, rested his mug on the counter and frowned. "I'm not sure. I tried the milk, but...I'm not sure."

"Well, you have lots of time to figure it out."

After a long pause he mustered up the courage to ask his next question.

"How did you sleep?"

By the way his arm was moving back and forth at his side I could tell that he was stroking the top of Blade's head. I couldn't help but notice the way they always touched. They were always cuddling and he was always whispering something to Blade.

_I refuse to be jealous of a dog - _my _dog. Maybe if I dyed my hair rust brown and learned how to whimper..._

"Bella?"

"Oh, uh, not bad," I replied, with a jerk for a nod. "Not much, but I slept okay. Thank you."

"Sooo, did it help?"

"I don't usually wake with nightmares once I fall asleep again. The real test ...would be tonight."

He wasn't getting away so easily. If he really wanted to "help", he'd have to commit to a few nights of sleeping next to me. And I had absolutely no qualms about tricking him either. I wanted him in my bed, and he put himself in it.

Match point - Bella.

"What about you? How did you sleep?"

As cocky as I tried to be, I couldn't negate my secret worry that he had changed his mind and would try to revert to the original arrangement. When he stirred uncomfortably in his stool and avoided my eyes, a wave of anxiety snagged me.

"It was actually _me_ who had the nightmare this time," he said, and I blinked in surprise.

"What?"

"Well, nightmare is probably an exaggeration, but still, it was...strange."

"Is that why you cursed?"

Fuck...

He raised an eyebrow and twisted his lips.

"You were awake?"

"Ummm. No?"

_Oh come on, Bella. Save your lies for the big stuff...like - Are you his fiancee - kind of stuff. Not stupid shit like this._

"Fuck it. Yes, I was already awake."

_So I knew you were holding onto me._

He stood off the stool and took his cup to the sink, dumped the contents, and started to wash up.

"Tell me about your dream."

_Better to avoid uncomfortable topics._

"It's already started to blur. I can't remember most of it."

He was blocking. He accused me of hiding on more than one occasion and there he was, doing the very same thing. I watched his profile as I drank. His face was pulled in tight lines and his thick brow hardened over his eyes.

"Do you have plans for today?" He asked. And even though I knew he was changing the subject I went along.

"Yes, actually," I answered, swallowing the last of my coffee. "Mike agreed to take us on full time until school opens next week. That means we have to be there by lunch time today. Maybe he'll keep you full time after that too, but I'll have to switch back to weekends only once classes start."

Then it hit me. I didn't want Edward working the night shift at Barca if I wasn't there with him, especially with the way the mucks liked to lurk around there.

"Maybe we can get him to give you the day shift instead of full time, while I'm at school," I went on, more to myself than to him. "That way, you can come home early."

He wrung the towel in his hands and slapped it on the side of the sink.

"Bella," he said with a sigh "I don't want to work at Barca. I tried, but...I'm sorry. I hate it."

Something leaden sunk to the pit of my stomach. "But you only did it one night."

"And once was enough," he countered. "I appreciate you trying to help, and I know I was the one that asked how to go about getting work, but serving arrogant people things they shouldn't be eating and drinking is going to be a very slow death for me."

"That's funny, Edward. Because racing isn't something you should be doing either, but you still want to do that. So why talk about people who eat and drink things they shouldn't. There's nothing wrong with the job."

"They can eat whatever they want, I just don't want to be the one serving it to them."

"What happened last night while you were serving? What was it that pissed you off?"

"Nothing in particular. I just didn't like the way some of the customers talked to me."

I remembered the way his face had changed from hopeful to demonic after trying to serve the mucks.

"How did they talk to you?"

"Like they were in charge of me, and wanted me to fail. One even said, _you are going to fail at this._"

A flash of heat flared in my face when he told me that, and I started bouncing my heels off the floor.

"They said, _what_?"

"They're right, Bella."

"Edward..."

"Listen to me," he snapped, turning to face me squarely. Then with a sharp release of air he shook his head. "It's not about them or what they said. I tried it, and even without that, I didn't like it. At the risk of sounding like a complete idiot...it just isn't _me, _though I'm well aware that I don't know who "me" is."

I dropped my face on my forearms and rolled it from side to side.

"I know you're disappointed, and thank you for trying, but I don't want the employment. I'm sorry."

"You're not gonna get to race, Edward," I mumbled with my head down.

"There's a track here in Seattle," he quipped. "I planned on visiting it today."

I raised weary eyes to him and distorted my expression.

"I wish you would reconsider this," I said. He shook his head, took my cup off the counter and started washing it.

"I have to at least try, Bella."

"I can't take you over there in any case. I have to be at work in a few hours."

"That's ok. I'll find my way."

"How?"

"There's an address I found yesterday, on the...the um..."

"Internet," I finished for him.

"Right. I can take the public transport. I'm sure I will find it."

Fire in hell...I wouldn't be able to focus on anything if Edward was out there on the godforsaken public transport by himself. That would be _my _own version of a slow death.

"Where is this stupid track?" I snapped, pushing my stool back. "You're unbelievably determined!"

"The address in on the coffee table," he answered, turning his eyes over to me.

I walked over and snatched the address off the coffee table in a huff. Sure enough, there was a track in Munroe called Evergreen Speedway, about forty five minutes away.

"What exactly are you going to do, Edward?" I demanded, turning to face him with the piece of paper held high in the air. "Just _walk _onto the track and say you want to drive? You don't even have a car. You don't even know how to drive!"

"I drove your drunkeness home last night, didn't I?"

That shut me up promptly, though not in a good way. I almost said "fuck you", but he continued arguing.

"And I plan on buying my own car. I have a valid licence whether you like it or not. Plus, there was money in that machine the other day, the one I pushed the little plastic paper into. I'm sure there's enough in there to buy a car."

"It's an ATM machine, and that little plastic paper is called a debit card."

"I don't care what it's called."

"Well you should!"

It was a miracle he hadn't asked about the source of that money yet. And Alice hadn't given me a straight answer when I asked about it either. She eluded to the notion that Aro "knew what he was doing", but somehow that wasn't a pacifier, because from everything I'd seen so far, Aro certainly did _not _know what he was doing. The evidence was currently staring right at me.

"Maybe you were right yesterday," he grunted, walking over to where I stood. "Maybe it's a good idea to give each other some space after all. We're with each other all the time and we argue more than we talk. Working together isn't the best idea."

I knew it. I just knew he was changing his mind after sleeping next to me. I'd gone and given into it and now he was trying to put distance between us. And damn me for being the one to suggest "space" in the first place. It came back and bit me hard in the ass.

"I don't like arguing with you, Bella. It makes me feel ungrateful."

"I never thought you were ungrateful," I grumbled in reply, folding my arms like a spoilt child.

"Doesn't mean I don't feel that way."

"I'm suffocating you, aren't I?" I blurted out. "Just say it. You had this grand idea early this morning, which I agreed to, and now you're changing your mind."

"What? No," he said quickly, taking a step forward. "This has nothing to do with any of that."

"Then why did you wake up like you regretted it? You cursed and then you left the room quickly, and now this...space?"

"You were the one that wanted space."

"I love how you're twisting this like..."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"You're misunderstanding me and overreacting." He closed the space between us and tugged on the hem of my shirt gently. "I didn't change my mind about sleeping with you, Bella. This has nothing to do with that. I woke up in a strange mood because of a dream I had, and the only reason I don't want to work with you, apart from the fighting, is because I want to race cars instead. This isn't me trying to push you away. I need to do this, for myself. Please...try to understand."

I was either on the bandwagon or off. And being off meant I would be left behind because, clearly, Edward was doing this no matter what. I would have to support him if there was to be any middle ground, even if I had to grind my teeth to dust the entire way behind him.

"Fine. I'll take you there before work," I mumbled. "Get showered and changed. And _I'm _driving."

Before leaving the apartment an hour later, I tucked the vile of Selenite dust into my jacket pocket, when he wasn't looking.

XXX

It was a cold, rainy day, but for some reason the stands of Evergreen Speedway were populated. There were people everywhere, some milling about on the track, some hanging out under umbrellas in the stands, and some with their heads under the hoods of parked cars.

The smell of burnt rubber was also prominent. And the moment we walked down to the track at the bottom of the stands, the loud roar of engines and the squealing of tires made us snap our heads to the side.

One minute the track was empty, then the next, there was thick white smoke everywhere. Two cars went flying past us, one in front, and one close behind. In a moment of panic, I grabbed my throat, noticing that the car behind was enveloped in the curtain of white smoke jetted out from the one in front. There was no way the driver behind could see through that. His car skid and twisted and his tires burned white, leaving his own cloud of white behind him. I was sure he was going to crash.

Then it got worse. They both took a hairpin curve at that speed and skated, tilting so badly that two tires left the road. Fighting for the inside corner, they reared and growled. The car in front made a 360 degree spin and jerked to a violent stop. In a split second, the car behind whipped around the side of it on two wheels, cut in on the inside where he got his nose pointed forward, and sped off in the lead.

They missed each other by a hair.

And apparently, I was the only one who thought it was crazy, because the onlookers were screaming and whistling in raucous excitement.

I glanced at Edward worriedly, knowing what I would find on his face before I even saw it. He was already intoxicated, especially after being near enough to smell the exhaust. He asked one of the onlookers if it was an actual race. The man laughingly answered that the drivers were just practising, but people still liked to come by and watch.

That explained why there were people around, but not enough to pack the stands. Edward patted my shoulder then and swung himself over the barricade onto the sidelines.

I stayed behind and watched as he approached some of the men who were poking around under the hood of another car, half expecting that he'd be laughed at and sent back. But after fifteen minutes, I was still standing there, looking at him converse with these men, receiving pats on his back from these men...laughing, with these men.

Then they started pointing at the engine and showing him stuff. I was shocked.

"That _charming_ fucker," I mumbled under my breath, half amazed, half disgruntled. "I can't believe they're actually taking him seriously."

But my problem wasn't that Edward could get whatever he wanted just with his charm. My problem was my esoteric need to keep him caged...because I felt responsible for him. What sense did it make protecting him from a Legion of angry Gargoyles, when he was going to get himself killed on a race track anyway? I'd heard stories about racers who lost their lives while racing, either because a car blew up, or crashed nastily. And despite him getting us home safely the night before, he still drove like a maniac.

After a solid half hour or so, he ambled back to me with his thumbs stuck in his front pockets and a wide smile on his face.

"You can go to work if you have to," he said. "It's okay to leave me here."

I widened my eyes and blinked up at him.

"Leave you?"

"Yes," he answered with a nod. "They said I could stay and watch them practice. They have a burn out, or something of the sort, coming up next weekend. They're practising."

"And who are _they_, exactly?"

"The one in the red jacket drives. That's his car. The other men are his crew members, and a navigator. The other drivers at the end of the track. They're going to introduce me."

I shifted my gaze to the men, then back to him. "You want me to just leave you out here? With these _strangers_?"

"Everyone is a stranger, Bella," he clipped. "I'll be alright. Plus, I have the carry along phone in my pocket. I'll call if I need you."

"Cell phone," I corrected him absently.

"Thank you. You have to be at Barca soon anyway. So go, I'll be okay."

"How will you get home though? I'll be at Barca until midnight."

"I _am _a grown man, Bella. I can find my way."

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration and tried to swallow my rising hysteria. Everything about this bothered me. Everything.

"You don't know the city well enough, Edward...how are you going to..."

"Bella?" He said, taking my shoulders in his hands. He even bent so that we were eye to eye. "I need to learn how to take care of myself. I can't depend on you for everything. That's not fair to either of us. Thank you, but I can do this."

"But...you don't know how to get back to the house..."

I was panicking already, and scolding myself mentally for wanting to cry. The betraying lump in my throat was hard to swallow, but with a lot of effort I got it to behave.

"I'll figure it out, and you will be proud of me when I do," he answered.

Then he turned me by my shoulders toward the exit. The only thing he didn't do was push me toward it.

"Go to work. I'll be back at your home by the time you get there later."

So, I started walking mechanically, like a numb fool.

"Oh, and Bella?" He said, pulling me back gently by an elbow. His lips at the side of my ear only made matters worse. Now I was quivering for two entirely different reasons. "Thank you for bringing me."

I chewed down hard on my bottom lip and nodded, and after three robotic steps away from him I turned back. He was already on his way back to the men on the track. Quickly, I pulled the vile of powder out of my pocket and took a pinch of it between my fingers.

"Edward, wait," I called out to him, shoving the vile into my pocket quickly. He looked over his shoulder and stopped. "You're going to need this to get into the apartment."

I then took the house key from my other pocket and held it out for him. He smilingly walked back toward me, and before he could take it, I pretended to trip and dropped the key on the ground.

"Oops."

"It's okay, I'll get it." When he bent over to pick it up, I sprinkled the pinch of dust in his hair then stepped back with my hands loosely at my sides.

The change in his mood was immediate. When he stood upright, the smile was gone from his eyes. A dark shadow crossed his face and he looked at me in pensive confusion.

"Have fun, and be safe," I said, suddenly needing to get as far away from him as possible. Surprisingly, he didn't try to stop me.

I sighed in relief an infinite amount of times once I was in the car again. I was worried about him on the track, alone, but at least when night fell, he'd be covered by the Selenite. And this time, he couldn't get rid of it by throwing away his clothes.

Feeling triumphant, I smiled all the way to Barca, though I wondered where the mucks were positioned throughout the city. Observing random rooftops as I drove didn't help because wherever they were perched, they were out of sight and not obvious to the wandering eye.

I made a quick stop on the way to buy Edward a new bottle of Savlon since he had broken his, and still managed to make it to work with time to spare.

XXX

When the sun set that evening, I took a break from bar tending and snuck into a bathroom stall to call Edward. I was relieved when he answered after the first ring.

"Bella."

"Yes, it's me. How are you?"

"I am alive," he answered, flatly.

"Okayyy...um...are you home?"

"I am at your home...yes."

I tried to ignore his repeated insistence on calling it "my" home, and tried to decipher his mood. I knew he felt the Selenite on him. I had seen the recognition in his eyes when I sprinkled it, although, he didn't see me do it.

"So, you found your way."

"I said I would."

He was definitely upset. His answers were brief and to the point.

"How was it today? On the tracks?"

"It wasn't what I expected," he answered. And a jolt of hope sprung in me.

"It wasn't?"

"No, but not for the reason you think. I still want to do this."

"Ohhh. Okay well, we can talk about it when I get home if you want to. I'll be done here in a few hours. There are frozen dinners in the freezer when you get hungry. And if Angela doesn't come home, you'll have to feed Blade. He'd be hungry around now. His food is in the cupboard under the sink."

"I've already fed him. See you when you get here. Good evening."

And he hung up.

"I bought you a bottle of...Savlon," I said to the empty line. "Bye."

I chewed on my lip feverishly, more than a little guilty for tricking him. But what choice did I have? I figured he'd have tormented himself all day long trying to locate it on his body, and having no luck would have made him cranky.

I wasn't happy about it. I wished he was immune to Selenite like I was. That would have made things a hell of a lot easier, and he would have been able to enjoy his day. I couldn't leave him unprotected, especially when he was on his own. I'd almost gone clinically insane with anxiety the night before when I'd forgotten to cover him and Riley had to follow him around Barca. I never wanted to go through that again.

Of course, and true to form, the mucks visited Barca again that night. And for once, I lost my mind in the right way and grew the pair of balls I needed to stand up for myself. I marched over to their table and looked them straight in the eye, each in turn.

"You got to him last night," I sneered, much to their shock and annoyance.

Riley wasted no time in grabbing me from behind, but I continued to greet our customers. "You got to him, but it's gonna be a _hell _of a lot harder trying to fuck with me."

"Bella..." Riley warned.

"Shut up, Riley." Then I continued issuing my threat. "For things with supernatural intelligence you're pretty fucking stupid if you think your passive aggressive tactics are going to scare me. Bring it!"

"Bella, that's enough!" Riley growled into my ear. Any tighter and his fingers would have broken my arm in half.

"Let her talk, Riley," one of them responded, with eyes that twinkled disgustingly bright. "She is confident because she wears the cross of Selenite." Then he leaned forward and rapped his nails on the table. "But I wonder how brave she would be if perhaps...she _wasn't_?"

I opened my mouth to bite out another answer but my feet left the floor as Riley dragged me to the back.

"That was very, _very_ stupid," he lashed out, pulling me toward Mike's office.

"You're hurting my arm."

"Good."

"I'm not afraid of them."

He pushed me into the office and slammed the door behind us.

"You should be! After everything the Coalition has done to protect you, this is how you want to go down?"

"So what? They can't take a little talk? If they can say shit to Edward, I can more than say_ fuck you_ if I want to."

Riley couldn't contain his anger. He was pacing up and down, back and forth, looking for the right words to reprimand me, but couldn't find them. Then his phone rang and he snatched it out to answer. And by his tone I knew it was Zaphrina.

Mike walked into his office then and was surprised to find us in there alone. He raised an eyebrow at me, but I shot down his suspicion immediately.

"Hell no," I snapped. "That will never happen. He's just being a "manager" and shouting at me for something I did."

"What the fuck did you do? And where is the boyfriend?"

"He's not coming back."

"I hope he doesn't think he can just walk back in here and ask for another chance," Mike bit out.

"I wouldn't bank on it."

Riley came off the phone then and glared at me.

"What did she do?" Mike asked.

"She was rude to some customers, and they left."

"Oh, just great," I mumbled, throwing my hands into the air.

"What?" Mike pressed.

"I don't think Bella is in any condition to work tonight. I'm sending her home."

"You're a flagrant liar! I'm in fine condition!"

"Hey!" Mike yelled at me. "You promised that you would behave. You convinced me to take you on for a week's probation and that this would _work out_. So far your boyfriend has left me high and dry without having the decency to talk to me himself, sounds fucking familiar by the way, then you come in here and run my customers away?"

"Mike..."

"Go home, Bella."

"What? You're firing me? He's exaggerating! You're not even giving me a chance to explain!"

"Go home for the _night_," Mike emphasized. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Riley's in charge of you and if he makes a decision I'm respecting it."

"So I can come back tomorrow?"

"That's what I said, wasn't it?"

With a furious breath, I stormed out, grabbed my stuff from behind the bar and left.

I sped the whole way home. It was easy in a car as fast as the Volvo, and I had to admit to the life it shot through me. I was furious. And even though I brought it all on myself I still wanted to smash every Gargoyle from there to Timbuktu when the sun came up.

The door was unlocked when I got home. The television was off and the apartment was quiet. I shut the door violently and stomped down the corridor with Edward's bottle of Savlon in my hand, readying myself for _his_ bullshit next.

But what I saw when I walked into my bedroom made me freeze on the spot and blanch in shock. The bottle fell from my hand and shattered on the floor.

XXX

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Look out for your teaser on Sunday night. And for those of you on Twitter, follow me Psyche001. Thanks!**


	12. Chapter 11  Answers

A/N: Your response to last chapter was amazing. Thank you for the inspiration to continue onward. A bit of good news - I won judge's pick First Place in the Enchantments Contest this week. So for those of you who are interested in reading an enchanted little oneshot, it's on my profile. It's called **Into The Deep**. I hope you will read and leave me some feedback. Thank you.

Enjoy tonight's chapter! Happy reading :)

**Chapter 11**

**Answers**

**Edward**

Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe she was right and I was so paranoid and caged inside of myself that I was imagining things that weren't actually there.

But why would my body lie to me? Why would I feel that thing so emphatically if it wasn't there?

I replayed the last minute between us on the track, over and over, until it grew its own pair of horns and started laughing at me.

She stumbled. The key fell from her hand. I bent to pick it up. She stepped back so I'd have room to bend. Then all of a sudden...I was blind sided by the pressing weight.

She hadn't touched me. She never laid a finger on me, but still, it happened. One second I was fine, then the next, the heavy pressure came down on me and I couldn't shake it off.

She left after that, and no matter how hard I tried to focus on the cars and the drivers showing me all the things I wanted to know, I couldn't relax.

The natural next step was to suspect her even though I had no evidence. I blamed her because there was no one else to blame and because that feeling was only ever associated with her. I even noticed the sudden ease with which she walked away as if she'd had a miraculous change of heart and was fine with leaving me on the track.

I took off my jacket to test it. But it wasn't the jacket that time. The feeling was still there. And I couldn't very well strip down to nothing on the track just to locate it.

Bella...that Bella. There was something going on with that Bella...and I was going to figure it out.

I made friends on the track. They liked me. They said I could return the day after and watch them practice, and when I said I was interested in learning, the one named Tyler offered me advice on what kind of car to buy.

I wouldn't be allowed to rally in the official races without a team or sponsor, but they invited me to a "burn out" off-track, the week after, where anyone with a decent car could register and "goof around", as they phrased it.

I found my way back to Bella's apartment late in the afternoon. I'd have stayed out longer and tried to explore the city on my own, but the odd sensation was draining me. I paid attention to the street signs and was able to manoeuvre the public transport system to get myself to the bottom of Bella's street without any trouble.

Under any other circumstance I'd have enjoyed the walk, but every step forward felt like three ones backward, and by the time I got to the front steps I was winded, weighing a ton, and dehydrated. I dragged myself to the kitchen once I got in and swallowed two glasses of water in no time at all.

Blade knew something wasn't right when he saw me. He sniffed and licked my shoes and whimpered an awful lot. Then he bit into the hem of my pants and started pulling me toward the inner corridor.

"Wait, I have to sit down," I panted, touching the top of his head.

I sunk heavily into the couch and took him in my lap. But sitting didn't help much. Whatever it was, it was on me still and I needed to get it off before I passed out from the stress of lugging it around all day. It had never stayed on me that long before. Every other time I was able to find the source of it soon enough and throw it away.

And because I didn't know where to start in my search, I decided to strip completely. I forced myself to the bathroom and undressed, shocked beyond belief when even that didn't help.

"Whoa," I gasped, thoroughly bemused and frowning at my reflection in the mirror. The only other thing I could think of, was to take a bath.

The first wave of relief came when the water passed over my head. Almost immediately, it started washing away. I washed myself furiously when I realised it was working, gunning for that deep breath I hadn't been able to take all day long.

And when all traces of it finally disappeared, I collapsed on the floor of the bath and inhaled so deeply my chest hurt.

I stayed under the running water for a long time, vegetating, and thinking about what I should do next. I tried not to blame Bella. I tried not to tie her to an act that seemed advantageous, but I didn't understand. I didn't know what to think or where to start. And I hated the way my questions went across to her as interrogation.

When she called later in evening to find out about my whereabouts, I didn't have the patience to pretend. I was upset, and despite the pleasant tone in her voice, I couldn't make myself reciprocate.

I fell asleep for a few minutes on the couch after dinner and a furious battle with the thing called a microwave. And when I opened my eyes again, Blade was biting into the hem of my pants and trying to get me to stand.

"What's the matter?"

He dug his claws into the floor and pulled with all his might, until I surrendered and got up. He took off into the corridor and yelped at me to follow. So with one eyebrow arched, I followed him into Bella's room.

"What are you doing?" I asked, when he threw his front paws onto the cupboard doors. "You better stop doing that," I pointed out. He was scratching the varnish away. "Bella's not going to be happy."

"Woof!" He barked at me.

"Would you like me to open it?"

He hung his tongue out happily in answer.

I opened the doors, watching him closely. With a full view of the inside of the cupboard, he barked toward the top shelf.

"This one?" I asked, reaching to touch the shelf.

"Woof!"

I started removing things from the top shelf to show him. First, there was a box.

"This?"

No. He turned his head up again and continued to snap.

"This?" I asked, when I took down a folded blanket.

No. He got louder still.

"This?" I asked, showing him another box of books and magazines.

No.

"There's not much else up there," I groaned, reaching blindly toward the back of the shelf. My fingers found the edge of a bundled parcel, wrapped in something thick. Dragging a chair across for better leverage, I reached behind and took it down.

Whatever it was, it was heavy and wrapped in a jacket.

"This?" I asked Blade for the final time. He barked in approval and wagged his tail. "Okay."

Sitting on the bed, I undid the jacket. It looked like Bella's size but there were holes in it, ten to be exact, five on either side of the open zipper at the front. I pushed my fingers through the holes and found that they fit exactly.

Climbing onto the bed next to me, Blade hunkered down and watched my every move.

"Looks like I've found the winner," I said, with a shrug. "Is it something of yours?" I asked, undoing the layers of plastic wrapping. He was almost in my lap with restlessness.

I stripped the package bare and was left with the leather bound frame of what that looked like a journal, in my hands. I was suddenly very interested. It didn't look like anything a dog would play with. It was classy, and very much like something I would choose for myself.

I opened the cover next and read the inscription on the inside.

"To my Isabella, delicaie. Te valde amo ac semper amabo. I love you very much and always will, forever. From your..._Edward?_"

I frowned on the last word, then the door opened and she walked in. Like a child caught in the act, I stared at her with my mouth open.

After the bottle fell from her hand and broke, and ten seconds of blatant shock slapped her in the face, she ran over and snatched the journal away.

"What are you doing?" She shrieked, her eyes large and frightened. She turned toward the open cupboard and took in the entire scene - the other things from the top shelf which were now resting on the floor, the displaced chair, and a very guilty Blade.

"How did you... I mean..._what _did you...How?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head harshly. Before I could utter a word of explanation, she ran through the room, shoved the curtain aside, peeked out, then pressed her back against the window with the journal held to her chest tightly. She was panting, gasping even, and her eyes were wide and shocked.

"What have you done?" She whispered, shakily.

I scratched my head in bewilderment and pointed to Blade.

"He made me do it," I said.

Blade jumped off the bed at the sound of his name and skipped out of the room; the culprit.

"Yes. Wonderful," I called after him."Just leave me behind to deal with the trouble you caused. Thank you, Blade...thank you."

"Edward, this is serious," Bella snapped.

I turned to face her and saw that her eyes were welled with tears.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I said, pleadingly. "I didn't realise I was doing something wrong."

"So you just go through a person's private things without permission? You don't know that's wrong?"

"Why are you crying? Please, don't cry...I didn't mean to invade your privacy. Blade was being strange and persistent. He wanted me to go up there and find that, and wouldn't stop until I did. I honestly thought it was about him."

I dropped my stare to the journal being crushed against her protectively, and my glance made her arms close in tighter around it.

"What did you see?" She whispered.

"Why are we whispering?"

"Just answer me!"

"I only just opened it," I answered quickly, unnerved by her panic. "I read the dedication in the front and then you walked in."

She opened the book and skimmed over the words herself, slammed it shut and pressed it to her chest again.

"Is that all?" She asked.

"Yes," I answered warily with a squint, more than just mildly curious now by her peculiar behaviour. "Why?"

"It's private," she clipped. "I need you to get out of my room."

"Bella..."

"We'll talk after. Right now I need a few minutes alone...please."

"I gave that journal to you, didn't I?"

She clenched her teeth and narrowed her eyes at me warningly. "Edward, I need to be alone."

"Bella." By her defensive posture I knew that trying to approach her wasn't a good idea, so I stayed where I was and tried to use gentle persuasion to get her to open up, since so far, force hadn't worked.

"Please, if that book is something from my past, and it can help me...let me know."

"It wasn't from you," she snapped, then closed her eyes. "It was from someone else entirely."

"It says _from Edward_. I even understood the Latin without the help of the translation."

"You aren't the only Edward in the world who knows how to speak Latin."

"Really. Is that your answer? So there's another Edward somewhere that you had relations with? Someone that would dedicate such meaningful words of love to you? Another Edward besides me?"

"I don't see you dedicating any words of love to me, so as of right now? Yes, there was another Edward who did."

"You're a raging liar!"

When she blinked, two swollen tear drops fell from her eyelashes and rolled down her cheeks. And as lost and frustrated as her stubborn silence made me, the sight of her tears was worse. I hated when she cried.

"Just...," I started, taking a deep breath and a small step step toward her. "Please...just_ talk _to me."

"I can't."

An explosion of emotion pushed me forward then. I went to her without thinking, took her face in my hands and made her look at me. But she shut her eyes, forcing out another few rounds of tears in the process, and it took every measure of my strength to not smash our lips together.

I didn't last very long though. The longer I stood there and stared down at her forlorn face, and the longer she refused to open her eyes and look back at me, the harder it was to fight off the surge. I needed to get on the inside of that wall. I needed to get her to open up to me, because suddenly, I realised that my trust wasn't the only thing at bay. I needed to get her to trust me too. I had to show her that I was willing to try, or die from pent up frustration right there on the spot.

With her reddened, tear stained cheeks under my thumbs, and her eyes still tightly closed, I breathed into her face.

Still tense and unmovable, she parted her lips for a breath, and my temper continued to rush through me.

So I kissed her cheek, drawing the courage to face Tanya if our lips should touch.

And already I knew that my first mistake was made by putting Tanya in my head in the first place. But Bella's face in my hands was soft and warm. Her breath on my mouth undid my failing reserve and her whimper was the last straw.

I pulled on her face gently but firmly and brought our lips together. And with nothing else but that pining pressure of two pairs of lips on each other, the world and her breathing stopped altogether. One brief flash of Tanya's face later, I opened my eyes and raised my head, and tried not to show any reaction to it.

She didn't smile when she opened her eyes, only looked at me with layers of pain and remorse.

"That's not going to make me give it to you," she whispered, and dropped her gaze.

"I'm just asking you to talk."

"Then okay, but give me a few minutes first."

"Alright," I answered, letting go of her. "But I'm waiting for you outside, Bella. We are going to talk."

Only when I got to the door did I realise what had broken on the floor. I stepped over the orange liquid and pushed the torn label aside with my toe.

"You brought me another bottle."

"Yes. Please close the door behind you."

Sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter afterward, I thought about the journal, my name in it, the lie she told me, the reasons for her hiding it from me, and Blade's strange behaviour that lead me to it. While humouring him, I had thought I was finding him a toy or something. I never expected to come across something personal of hers. But now that I had, the plot thickened.

"Why did you want me to find it?" I asked Blade. "You knew what it was, didn't you?"

With wisdom that didn't belong in a dog's eyes, he looked at me and whimpered.

"I gave it to her, didn't I?"

He hung his tongue out and panted through his mouth. I then moved to the other side of the counter and pulled a pen and envelope from the second drawer.

"What does my handwriting look like," I muttered pointedly, to the blank envelope.

I wrote exactly what I had read in the journal on the back of the envelope.

'_To my Isabella, delicaie. Te valde amo ac semper amabo. From your Edward.'_

The handwriting matched. I didn't have the journal in front of me to compare it to, but from what I could remember, they were very similar.

"The Latin, it's like second nature to me."

"I'm sorry I freaked out," came her voice. I looked up from the envelope and dropped the pen.

"Look at this," I said, showing it to her. She barely looked at it. "The handwriting is the same."

"Leave it alone, Edward."

"No," I said. "I know I shouldn't have been in your things, and I'm not trying to blame the dog, but he really was quite persistent. He wouldn't stop barking at the shelf, and only relented when I took the book down and showed it to him. I think he _wanted _me to find it, Bella. And now that I have a sample of my own handwriting, I'm convinced, even with your lie."

She chewed on her lip and glanced at Blade, but kept a straight face for my benefit.

I didn't know how to probe any further, or how to get her to open up and just tell me the truth. I realised that my loss of memory put a significant burden on her shoulders but there was more. There was much more under the pale surface of Isabella Swan.

Her eyes had a depth that showed she knew pain. Her patience through adversity showed strength, and I just knew this girl had seen things and been through things that I didn't yet understand. But she kept herself so tightly locked away that I wanted to pull my hair out.

I was sure to go crazy if the mystery stayed unsolved.

"Did I give you the journal, Bella?" I asked.

"That's personal."

"Why? Aren't we engaged? Weren't we lovers? Wasn't there a time when I knew everything about you?"

"Yes to everything," she answered with a sigh.

"Then why do you hide from me now? Why should things be any different now?"

"Because you aren't ready." She brushed past me and into the kitchen.

"Not ready for what?"

"Let me ask you something, Edward," she said, spinning to face me. "Do you like me?"

I frowned at the strange question and nodded. "Yes, of course I like you."

"Do you _care_ about me?" She asked next.

I cleared my throat and took a moment to pause before I nodded again. "Yes, I care about you... yes."

"And do you _love_ me, Edward?"

My throat dried up and I didn't know how to answer, though no answer at all would have been much worse than the formidable "no" - much worse. I was certainly intrigued by her; drawn in, and the unspeakable physical attraction was obvious...but love?

"That _right _there," She said, pointing at me. "That's how I know you aren't ready."

"I _will_ love you," I said, walking straight to her. "I may be all sorts of injured and impaired right now, but Isabella Swan, I will love you."

"That's only a promise," she responded in a small voice. "And what's a promise but words with good intentions..."

"Are you trying to tell me that you are waiting for me to fall in love with you before you let me in?"

"Would you bare yourself to someone who didn't love you, Edward?"

I exhaled sharply and shifted my eyes between hers. "Perhaps not."

"Listen to me," she said. "I am not trying to punish you here. I know you feel lost and confused, that nothing feels right, and that everything seems hopeless. And even though at first I was impatient with your pace and the fact that you had to get to know me all over again...I see now how fragile this all is, and all I want is to take care of you and make sure you're safe. If I am to take care of you, we need to take things slow, and not _push _each other."

"In other words...you won't push me on the condition that I don't ask questions. I will never stop wanting to know, Bella. As long as you keep secrets from me, I will feel like this. I am tired of the emptiness and this..._hunger_, this..._thirst_ for knowledge...to find the things I lost...the _woman _I lost. You! I'm trying to find you in all of this, and for some goddamned reason, despite you telling me how much you love me, you insist on hiding and lying to me! I'm fighting for you, Bella!"

I grabbed her by her shoulders in a moment of blind passion, and shook her.

"Stop it," she gasped, alarm filling her eyes.

"Did I give the journal to you?"

"I said stop it."

"What is the missing piece in this puzzle? I look into your eyes and I see panic. I know there is something missing. And whenever I ask, you either close up or lie."

"Let go of me, Edward."

"No," I growled, shaking her again. "Tell me what happened today? What is the secret you aren't telling me? What is going on behind my back?"

"There is _nothing_ going on behind your back. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Today when you left me, I felt that thing again. The Selenite. I felt it every second, of every minute, of every hour. I practically dragged myself to your door this evening and stripped myself, and it was _still_ there. Only after I bathed did it go away. What did you do to me? Are you _doing_ something to me, Bella?"

I was shaking her, getting rougher and angrier the more I talked.

"Edward, you have to stop," she gasped. "Edward!"

"There is something wrong with me, isn't there? There is something terribly wrong with me and you're afraid to tell me. What is wrong with me?"

"There is nothing wrong with you!"

"What did Blade want me to find?" I shook her again. "Whatever it is, he knows. If he could talk he would tell me. He knew there was something wrong with me today. He stayed with me then lead me straight to that book. Why wouldn't you want me to see something I _gave _to you myself? I don't understand!"

There were tears on her cheeks again. She felt like a rag doll in my hands. I could have broken her so easily. I should have broken her. Maybe that way I'd have found the secrets she hid inside.

"Did I give it to you?"

"No..."

"Did I give it to you?"

"Nooo..."

"Stop lying to me!"

Her shrill scream erupted in my face and stunned me. Then all of a sudden she went limp. She let her legs give away and her small frame fell against me. I had to hold her up so that she wouldn't fall, snapping out of my craze so that I could hold her up.

I took her to the couch and let her fall on top of me with her morose sobbing as I stared into space like a numb, empty fool. I longed for time to take me back to the last minutes before my accident, so I could change it, or to years into the future where I didn't have to feel like this anymore.

Then the front door opened and Angela walked in.

"_Oh_ fuuuck," she groaned, when she saw us on the couch. That only made Bella wail louder. I cradled her head into my chest and looked up at Angela impatiently.

"Is she okay?"Angela asked. "Stupid question. Obviously, she's not. Am I allowed to ask?"

I shook my head and she understood.

"Bella, I'm in my room if you need me, okay?" She offered. Bella nodded into my chest and wrung her little fists into my shirt.

After Angela disappeared, the sobs subsided but I wanted to die. I wished right then that the accident had taken my life so I didn't have to deal with this kind of self loathing.

I raised her face and exhaled in exhaustion, shifting my eyes between her sad ones.

"What are we going to do with all this?" I whispered. "We can't go on like this, Bella."

She wiped her cheeks and swallowed. "One day at a time."

"But for how long?" I asked, softly. "I can't bare this feeling much longer, fighting between wanting to trust you, and not being able to. And I certainly can't keep hurting you like this."

"You aren't hurting me," she whispered, forlornly.

"Another lie. I am. I hate it, but I'm literally going out of my mind with every new thing that happens."

She sat up and shook her head. "I'm not hurting because of you, Edward. I am hurting _for _you and _with_ you. There is a difference. I detest seeing you like this. I understand your frustration and it kills me. It's killing me. You have no idea how badly I wish we could move past this and carry on as if nothing ever happened. I wish it so hard it depresses me. But please, you have to know that you _can _trust me. I would never, ever do anything unless I was sure it was in your best interest."

"Like lying?" I whispered, dropping my gaze to her lips.

After a long pause she dipped her eyes and whispered. "Yes...like lying."

I cupped her cheek with a sigh and brushed it with my thumb. "How could lying to me be in my best interest?"

She turned her face into my palm and closed her eyes, and the gesture made something leap in my chest.

"God, Bella..."

She got up then, tore the envelope on the counter open so that it turned into a makeshift piece of paper, and walked back to me with that and the pen in her hands. She scribbled something down after sitting again, and gave it to me.

_'I'm trying to protect you. Please don't hate me.'_

After reading it over and over, I looked at her. We stared at each other in rapt silence, her fingers curling desperately into the edge of my shirt. And for the first time, the alarm in her eyes stirred something other than frustration in me. She was trying to tell me something that she couldn't say, and that unspoken message struck me with indelible force.

I took the pen from her hand, still staring at her with a pointed frown.

_'What are you protecting me from?' _I wrote back.

After reading it, she answered on the piece of paper,_ 'From something I can't explain right now. But should the moment ever be right, I promise I will.'_

I brought the pen to my mouth and took a deep breath, shifting my stare between her and our notes, then wrote again.

_'Am I in trouble?'_

_'You will be if I tell you the truth. Your life and mine depends on my silence. All you can do right now is trust me. I am taking care of you.'_

We were running out of space to write, so I made my letters smaller.

_'I am very concerned. How can I protect YOU if I don't know what is happening?'_

_'Your ignorance is the only thing that can protect me. That's all I can say right now.'_

"I won't hurt you," she whispered, tearing the paper to tiny shreds."Trust me."

When I tried to answer, she put her fingers on my lips and hushed me.

"Shhhhh."

"Just one more," I whispered against her finger.

I grabbed her hand then and opened her palm to the nib of the pen.

_'Did I give you the journal?'_ I wrote on her palm.

And after biting down on her jaw nervously, and hesitating for a few terse moments, she took the pen from between my fingers and turned my hand over.

_'Yes.'_

XXX

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Look out for the teaser Sunday night on the blog. On a different note, I also wrote a spooky Oneshot for the Halloween Contest. I will be posting that to my profile later tonight. It's called What Lives in Here, and it's quite creepy (insert evil laugh here) :p Look out for it a little later, and again, I'm on Twitter. Please follow Psyche001.**

Quick rec to you tonight. I started an adorable little fic yesterday (and I use the word little on purpose - you'll understand once you check it out). It's called **True Love Way** by teambella23. I think you will find it quite charming. Check it out!

Thanks for reading! And good night :o)


	13. Chapter 12  Catch and Release

A/N: Hi all. Just a quick recap before we dive into this chap. Jasper's gift is the "stone touch". The touch of his bare hand will turn any living thing to stone. Bella's name for the two Gargoyle sides are the mucks and the halos. Edward found the journal which he had given her when he was still a Gargoyle and Bella gave him the first of his answers under the pressure of her guilt. Before this he had damaged his hands while attacking the walls of his own house and got them bandaged.

This is an important chap, and the two chapters after this one are intense. Happy reading to all, and thank you for your wonderful response so far.

**Chapter 12**

**Catch and Release**

**Bella**

Even with Edward next to me, I awoke with a regular nightmare. Jerking heavily, my eyes fluttered open, then a strange, deep rumbling sound stirred me. Whatever the noise was, it was easily forgotten, since I was too disoriented to focus on anything but my hysteria and Edward's arm around me.

I couldn't afford a secret smile at his unconscious affection this time. I was out of breath, drenched in sweat, shaking, and panicked by imagery.

The water curled around Renee's neck in swirls of black, and as it strangled her, her arms groped for me with eyes that were gorged and swollen out of her head...begging.

I pushed Edward's arm away roughly and moved to jump out of the bed, but he grabbed for me quickly and pulled me down again.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I need to get up," I gasped, pushing down on his arm. "Move."

He leaned over me and tightened his arm.

"Bella, is it a nightmare?"

I didn't have to answer. It was obvious by my rigid body that I was within inches of an anxiety attack. I kept pushing at his arm, needing the warmth from a bottle in the kitchen, but he didn't budge.

"Bella...look at me."

"I can't," I bit out, turning my face into the pillow. "Let me get up, _please._"

My voice was shaking, and every time I closed my eyes, their faces twisted and cried out to me for help. First it was Renee, then it was Charlie – then both. I could hardly breathe. My chest erupted in spasms over the friction of my heart and lungs that fought with each other for more space on the inside. The silence behind their torment screamed like nails scraping against a blackboard, and I felt like dying. I needed a drink. I'd never been forced to fight through the anxiety before.

Edward was doing more harm than good.

"I need to get up!" I gasped, fighting to sit upright. "I need to..."

He moved his arm away, and for a moment I thought he had released me, but I only had to swing my legs over the side of the bed before his hands were holding me back by my elbows.

"I know what you want," he grunted into my ear from behind. "But what you don't _need_ is to poison yourself with alcohol right now. Just stay with me, and we'll get you past it."

A violent shudder rocked me just as I felt Renee's cold fingers cling to my ankle and pull. I buckled over and pressed my forehead to my knees, rocked back and forth, and tried to ride it out. A chill started settling in my bones, and if I didn't singe the cold with an alien source of warmth, I was going to succumb to the anxiety, and that was never an option.

Another attempt at getting off the bed was pointless. Edward snaked both of his arms around me and pulled my back flush against his chest.

"My tattoo," I reacted, with a mild flinch.

"That's good," he whispered. "Transfer yourself to the pain on your back."

"No...it's only making me nauseous," I begged.

He allowed a sliver of space between our bodies but didn't unhand me. Instead, he put his chin on my shoulder and started to rock with me. "It will pass. Just let it run its course and it will pass."

"It won't pass fast enough unless I make it," I panted breathlessly. "She never goes away. She stays unless I force her out."

"Who is she? Your mother?"

"Yes."

"Is she here right now?"

"_Yes._"

"Tell me what she looks like."

I shook my head rigidly, wondering if he was crazy. I didn't want to talk about her. I wanted to forget about her. I wanted her to go away. Alcohol _made_ her go away.

"No."

"Does she have dark hair like yours?"

"No..."

"Are her eyes brown like the fallen leaves in autumn?"

"...No."

"Does she smell like lavender, and sweetened amber?"

My rocking slowed and my breathing started to temper when I realised these were things he thought about me.

"She smells like pancakes...and sometimes like cinnamon."

He scooped my hair back and made me feel the side of his face on my neck. "Are her hands so little that when she holds yours you actually feel like a grown up?"

I sniffled and raised my face partially off my knees.

"I make you feel like a grown up when I hold your hands?"

He chuckled softly and rubbed my arms up and down. "I didn't realise we were talking about you," he teased.

I turned around to face him, not even realising I had tears in my eyes until he wiped one away with his thumb.

"My hands aren't that little," I poked at him, looking down at my hands.

"Bella," he said, chuckling some more. He took my hands in his bandaged ones and closed his fingers around them. "See how they disappear?"

I scoffed gently. "That's only because yours are so big."

"Then let it suffice to say, that mine are big, and yours are small...and they make me feel all grown up when I hold them."

I sniffled again, still looking down at our clasped hands between us and shook my head, welcoming the calm that started to displace my panic.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?"

"I feel better."

He took both my hands in one of his and swept my bangs to the side with his other.

"Is it over?"

"I'm still tense, but it's not as bad as before."

"Come here."

Shockingly, he pulled me into a hug, and whatever anxiety there was left started drifting away inside of his arms, especially when he opened his mouth and started singing.

Goosebumps for a different reason crawled over my skin. Not only was it unexpected, but his voice had an outlandish, old quality to it. My breath literally caught in my throat as the early morning rasp in his voice passed over me.

…_. Hash and slash the briars down_

_Tread them in the mire_

_I was just a servant boy, but I shall be a squire._

_Beyond the tangled roses lie_

_A castle hid from mortal eyes_

_A wall of blood that cloaks the prize_

_And all because of a spindle..._

I unwound against his chest and closed my eyes, listening to the way his drumming heartbeat competed with the hair-raising oddity of his captivating voice.

…_. Beyond the aching of my back_

_The cruel barbs and their attack_

_Lies the love they say I lack_

_And all because of a spindle_

_Beyond the mangled wall so vast_

_By my blunted sword I pass_

_And find my heart is lost at last_

_And all because of a spindle_

_And all my pride is fallen down_

_I see her face and understand_

_I was just a servant boy, but now I am a man..._

He sang it twice, and before I knew it, Edward had sung me back to sleep, like the Sleeping Beauty in his song who fell under the spell of the spindle.

XXX

Hours later, it was Blade who woke me up.

"Shit! It's 10 am."

The apartment was quiet as I walked Blade to the kitchen door. Angela was already gone and by the looks of it, apparently, so was Edward. I scrunched my nose and frowned. There was a note on the coffee table under the remote control.

_'Dear Bella, I didn't want to wake you. I left to go to __Speedway. See you when you return from work. I will have a surprise.'_

"That smart fucker," I grumbled, remembering with a smile the way he sung to me earlier that morning. "He escaped his Selenite."

I couldn't control the way my heart sunk when I realised I wouldn't see him until later that night. For an amnesiac without a car, he was awfully mobile all of a sudden. I flopped backward into the couch and sulked.

"What are you lookin' at?" I shot at Blade. "And what is this about you leading Edward through my cupboard last night? Did you really take him to the journal?"

He turned his nose and trotted toward the kitchen door.

"Dog, don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you. You really did it, didn't you?"

And since he was intelligent enough to lead Edward to the journal, then walk away from me when I asked about it, he was intelligent enough to understand the trouble he was stirring up.

"Blade," I complained, following him to the door then opening it for him to go out. "You know more than anyone else how dangerous it is for Edward to see the..."

What I saw when I opened the back door made me stop.

"What the hell?"

I hurried to where Blade was licking the fingers of a broken-off hand on the floor...the stone-like hand of a statue.

I shoved Blade out of the way and kicked the morbid thing away from him, wrapping my arms around myself as a freakish chill snagged me. Looking around warily, I prayed not to find any other body parts on the ground, but didn't stick around to find out. Hurriedly, I pulled Blade back into the apartment and locked the door.

Though I tried to comfort myself with a barrage of ridiculous explanations, I knew that something had gone down during the night...and by some miracle, hadn't made it through the walls of the apartment.

I also knew that whatever had happened, it had something to do with Edward finding the journal and our conversation afterward.

"Shit," I uttered, gasping over the thundering drum in my chest. I scampered to the floor by the couch and started grabbing the pieces of shredded envelope that we had written our notes on. I dumped the pieces in the kitchen sink and opened the water over it, knowing there was a simpler way to do this, but too worked up to slow down or think straight.

The pieces of paper thinned under the running water and before long the ink washed away and the paper disintegrated. I turned my hand over next and read the faded ink on my palm.

_'Did I give you the journal?'_

I grabbed the scouring pad by the sink and started scrubbing my palm vigorously with the exfoliating side.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I scolded myself, scrubbing until my palm turned red and started to burn.

Then I thought of Edward's palm with the word "Yes" written on his bandages. That wouldn't be able to wash off. He would need to re-wrap his hand.

Sensing my panic, Blade licked my heels and whined. So I turned to him and grabbed him by his ears.

"You need to stop!" I squealed at him. "I know you love him, but Blade! You can't show him things."

Wishing that he could read notes too, I stopped and stared into his doggie eyes, needing the gift of a Gargoyle to pass him a silent message without needing my voice.

"Be good," I settled with saying. "Do you hear me? You be good! Don't do anything foolish. I know you think you're helping him – but no."

He seemed to understand momentarily, so I let him go. "I have to go to work and I can't take you with me. So I'm trusting you, Blade."

XXX

Anxious to see Riley, I hurried to work even though I knew he wouldn't be there until dark. And all day long I tortured myself with the number of possibilities behind the hand in my back yard.

"So what's the plan for later?" Jessica asked.

"Later? Nothing." I shrugged. "I'm going home after work."

"Umm, no? It's New year's Eve, Bella. Mike isn't letting you go anywhere at midnight."

"Oh no," I bit out, slamming my hand down on the counter. "I completely forgot."

"Who forgets New Year's Eve? Duh, obviously _you_ do. What, did you have other plans?"

How utterly ridiculous of me. I actually forgot about New Year's eve. My mood had just gotten worse.

"No plans," I grumbled. "I just wanted to go home."

"Good gawd, woman. Why is you so depressin'?"

I swatted her with my towel and tried to ignore her very bad impression of street talk.

The hours to nightfall dragged, and the moment the sun set, I rushed to the bathroom and called Edward.

I wasn't sure that the mucks knew about the journal, but with powers like theirs, nothing was impossible, and I dared not underestimate them.

Thankfully, Edward was home. He was fine. He even mentioned something about a surprise again.

"I'll see it when I get home. See you later."

"Good evening, Bella."

Only partially relieved, I emerged from the bathroom in time to have my heart ripped from my chest again in shock.

"Carlisle?"

"I can't say it's good to see you again, Isabella," Carlisle said. "Not under the circumstances."

"I knew it," I gasped. "Something happened last night, and Jasper was involved."

Then Riley materialized.

"Where's Mike?" I asked Riley. "Does he know Carlisle is back here?"

"_Mike _is your concern right now?" Riley asked.

"I don't want anyone else getting involved in this, Riley," I snapped. "That's why I ask."

"You need to leave with us right now," Carlisle interjected.

I couldn't even answer. All I could do was stand on the spot and stare at him like my tongue had been cut from my mouth.

"We'll explain once we get you somewhere safe."

"Safe?" I mocked. "That's not going to work, Carlisle. I know enough about all this to realize that as long as they want me, nowhere is safe. I am no safer anywhere else than I am here. They will find me anywhere."

"Hush," Riley hissed, opening his palm to me. "Give me your Selenite."

"What? No!"

His hand was inside my bra before I could blink. A second later, he was tossing my Selenite to the floor away from him and Carlisle.

"I can't believe you just..." I started, but before I could finish Riley's voice was inside of my head.

"Oh shit, not you too," I winced, on realizing his gift was identical to Zaphrina's.

'_Listen to me,_' he said, in my head.

"I hate this."

_'Should I summon Esme back here to make sure you shut up?'_ He threatened.

Anything but that...

_**'No. Fine. I'm listening. But please, make this quick. I hate it when you guys snake yourselves into my head.'**_

_'You need to leave Seattle, Bella. Either you cooperate and leave willingly, going to a quiet place of your own choice, or you let us decide, and leave with us.'_

_**'What the hell are you talking about? Leave?'**_

_'I don't have to tell you that what happened last night was a tipping point for the Uprising. We were able to hold off the few that came forward, for a few hours, but not without risking the lives of innocent ones in the process. This fight just got serious, Bella. And being in a city as busy as Seattle is not where this needs to go down.'_

_**'The hand in my back yard...was that...'**_

_'The work of Jasper. Yes. Like I said...this just got serious. Lives were taken last night – all from the Uprising mind you, which only served to make them angrier. You have to leave this city.'_

_**'Where the hell will I go? School starts in a few days! And what about work, and Edward?'**_

_'Bella...'_

He turned to exchange a glance with Carlisle, and Carlisle's expression filled my stomach with dread. When Riley turned back to me, I was almost sick with what he said.

_'You have to leave Edward behind. It's safer for him.'_

_**'Hell fucking no.'**_

He turned to Carlisle again and communicated this, to which Carlisle shook his head. Of course, he expected that reaction from me.

_**'I didn't do anything wrong last night. I covered it up.'**_

_'According to them, your reaction was weak and faltered and Edward was able to put his hands on something he should never have had such easy access to. You are proving them right, Isabella. You are visibly cracking under the pressure and as much as they have no personal vendetta against you, the Uprising are demanding a speedy solution.'_

_**'You'll have a very hard time trying to convince me that this isn't personal,' **__I bit back. '__**I ran before. I ran all the way to France with Edward and that still didn't help. We were found and nothing worked out the way we had hoped. Running won't fix this.'**_

_'Maybe not, but it reduces the risk of innocent people being caught in the crossfire. Your responsibility isn't only to Edward, Bella. You holding this secret makes you responsible for the entire human race. You also have to think about the rest of the people around you. If and when this fight erupts, and things get out of hand, it will be better if we are all in a place that is remote and secluded.'_

_**'If I run, then they win,' **_I communicated._ '__**We keep giving them the power to control us. Why are we constantly reacting? We need to stand forward and make them back down. Aro gave an order and they are directly disobeying that order. Shouldn't that count for something?'**_

_'Until a human gets hurt or killed, Bella, Aro won't get involved. Do you want to wait until that happens? Someone could die.'_

I hated the guilt trip. I closed my eyes to shut Riley out, and shook my head. When I looked up again, it was Carlisle in front of me instead. He rested his hands on my shoulders and smiled gently.

"I know it's frightening, Bella, but we'll take care of you."

"I can't leave him, Carlisle," I whispered, on the verge of panicked tears. "I won't."

"You may have to," he said in return. "Our team is growing stronger, but we will never be big enough to withstand the wrath of the Uprising."

"Find another way," I said, sullenly "I'm sorry, but I'm not running."

They let me move to my Selenite on the floor. I saw Riley try to come after me, but Carlisle touched him with a restraining gesture, and let me pass. Hurrying back to the bar in front, I tried to tune out all the distractions from work; Carlisle, Riley, and all the other confusion.

I wasn't surprised to see Emmett and Jake in the crowd, nor was I surprised when I saw Jasper looking at me with regret and fervour in his eyes. Alice's face made my heart leap. She wanted to come over and talk to me. It was visible by the compassion spilling out of her; compassion that shouldn't have been so obvious in a Gargoyle. She was struggling, but not more than I was. She couldn't possibly have wanted to run to me the way I wanted to run to her.

"Hit me," I said to Jessica, pointing to the bottle of Johnny Walker in her hand.

"Wound up?" She asked with an eyebrow in the air.

I reached for the bottle myself but she pulled it away.

"Open up."

She poured a mouthful to the back of my throat and watched me swallow.

"What's the matter?" She asked. "You seem upset about something."

"I'm fine," I lied. "I just need to unwind a bit."

As the clock took us closer to midnight, the invisible tension between the rival sides inside Barca grew worse. And the harder Emmett's daggers came at me, the more I drank. There were no exchanged kisses between the mated Gargoyles at midnight. The humans were practically swallowing each other's heads, but the Gargoyles were focused and adamantly holding their ground.

I wanted to call Edward and wish him a Happy New Year, but the bar was busy and so was I, needless to say, trying _not_ to think about the heavy supernatural aura in my immediate environment. Soon after midnight, Zaphrina appeared, and then another face that seemed very familiar. It took me a while to remember, but I was sure that I was looking at Dr. Emily Young, Edward's doctor.

I was even more surprised to see her standing next to Carlisle, confirming to me what side she was on – a halo.

"Your skirt is twisted," Jessica said.

I snapped out of my trance and looked at her, noticing her plump, swollen lips. Then I noticed the way she straightened her own skirt.

"Mine? Or yours?" I asked.

"I know," she said with a wide smile and a wink. "Happy New Year, Bells."

Rolling my eyes, I took another shot, losing count of the number of drinks I'd mixed in my system so far.

People didn't want to leave Barca that night, and the more time passed, the more irritated I got. The mucks were still pretending to be patrons and the halos did everything but create a force field around me from where they stood, pretending as well, to be patrons.

All I wanted was to go home, to curl into my bed next to Edward and have him unconsciously drop his arm across me during the night.

But time continued to tick by in its slowest rendition of mockery, and I wasn't anywhere near stoned enough to become oblivious.

I almost kissed Mike when he closed the kitchen at half past midnight, then the bar at one o'clock. I was dead tired, drenched in a mixture of sweat and booze, and buzzed.

Riley walked me to the parking lot after we closed, like a guard dog, and didn't waste a moment in trying to convince me again to leave Seattle.

"Reconsider," he said.

"Not tonight, Riley. I'm sorry."

"You're being foolish. You know that, right?"

"For the first time, Riley, I'm actually thinking before I act. I have more faith in the Coalition than you do in yourselves. I'm not trying to be difficult, but please, you have to understand how overwhelming a request like that is."

"It's not a request, Bella., and eventually, you'll see that you don't have a choice. Are you okay to drive, by the way?"

"I'm fine. I only had a few shots."

"Very strong ones," he came back.

"I'm fine."

"We'll follow. Drive carefully."

Before I could say thank you, he was gone, leaving a cold gust of wind behind him.

XXX

As soon as I pulled up in front of the apartment, I knew Edward's surprise.

It was parked in my spot.

He was sitting on the hood of a deadly looking car with thick, white stripes down the sides and wide mufflers at the back. It was laughable how menial of a problem his racing fantasy was all of a sudden, as I sat in my car and watched him.

Racing was, actually, the very least of my worries at the moment.

"Surprise," he said with a smile as I approached him.

"You bought a car," I answered, nodding at the beast underneath him.

He rubbed his hand over the hood adoringly and winked. "Her name is Sue."

"You named your car," I regurgitated.

He grinned. "They said I should."

"Who said..." Then I shot my hand up and shook my head. "Never mind. How'd you get it?"

"Tyler helped me. He knew someone who had it for sale, and I took the money out of the machine with the plastic card."

"For the last time, it's called an ATM machine," I said. "Say it with me. A-T-M."

"ATM," he responded with amusement in his eyes.

"Now say, debit card."

"Debit card," he repeated after me. Then he hopped off the hood onto his long legs and crossed his ankles.

"It's not ready to race yet though," he said, tapping the hood gently. "Tyler said the engine needs work, and my rubbers need replacing."

"Your _what_?"

Then he kicked the front tire and pointed. "The rubber wheels."

I closed my eyes and exhaled in relief. "Tires, darling. Tires."

_Good God in heaven, how is he going to race this thing when he can't even name the parts right?_

"Edward, do these new friends of yours know about your..." I nodded toward him, pushed my hands in my jacket pockets, and twisted my lips, "...condition?"

"No," he answered bluntly. "They don't need to know about that. They assume that my questions are because I don't know anything about racing, and they would be right."

"It's beautiful, Edward," I said quickly, feeling bad about the question. "The car is beautiful. Congratulations."

His face lit up like a light bulb. "Do you mean that?"

I had to admit it. As "creaturistic" as it looked, it was a good looking machine. You knew it was fast just by the look of it.

"Yes, but just promise that you'll be careful in it, and that you'll obey the traffic laws."

"I promise."

"Can we go inside now? I'm exhausted. Is Angel home?"

"No, she isn't."

Once indoors, Blade heeled himself to Edward's side. They sat on the couch together, flicking through cable channels while I guzzled a bottle of water in the kitchen. My head was still spinning from everything that had happened at work, and with a glance toward the kitchen window, I wondered if that hand was still out there on the ground. Shuddering at the thought, I put the bottle of water on the counter and looked over at Edward on the couch with Blade, none the wiser.

"Happy New Year," I said to him from across the counter.

He looked at me and smiled. "Happy New Year, Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't remember until I heard them talking about it on the track today. Did you enjoy your night?"

I shrugged tiredly and leaned over the counter on my elbows. "I forgot about it too, and I'm glad I'm home. Work was...hectic."

"I'm glad you're home too."

He flicked his hair from his eyes and turned back to the television.

"So what else do you guys talk about on the track?" I asked, trying to make light conversation.

"What do you mean?" He replied, his focus still on the screen.

"I dunno. Like, what kinds of things are you learning about? What do you guys talk about?"

"Lots of things," he said, glancing at me. "Although, there was one thing today that confused me for a while. I felt foolish to ask, so I just laughed along with them since they were slapping me on my shoulders like I was supposed to understand. So I just pretended to."

"What confused you?"

"Umm..." He raised his eyes to the ceiling and squinted, trying to remember. "What was the word they used..." Then he snapped his fingers and looked at me.

"Yes. Apparently there is a girl named Bree who works on the track, and she makes Brady come in his pants. That's what they said."

I coughed out loud and ended up knocking the bottle of water off the counter.

"Are you alright?" He asked, sitting upright.

I nodded dumbly and waved him on.

"Well, I didn't understand what they meant by _come in his pants_, though I pretended to. But as long as I laughed along they left me alone. Why are you looking at me like that?"

I picked up the water bottle and set it down on the counter, then smoothed my soiled shirt down the front.

"Bella?"

One look at him and the axis in the room shifted. The halos wanted me to leave town. They wanted me to consent to leaving a very vulnerable Edward behind, on his own. I realised right there on spot that I had absolutely no guarantee about anything any more, not that I ever did. There was no guarantee that Edward and I would survive this fight, no guarantee that the mucks wouldn't come bursting through the door at any second, and no guarantee that I'd wake up in the morning and find Edward's arm around me again. Time was never more precious. Edward...was never more precious. And in a moment of pensive consideration, as I stared back at him, I made a promise to myself to take advantage of what I still had control of. I wanted to make the best of what I still had left. Because with the way things were going, who knew how much time I had left with Edward before it all went to shit?

"I can show you," I said_._

He creased his brow in confusion and asked, "show me what?"

"I can show you what the guys on the track meant."

"Okay," he answered with a shrug. "How do I do it? How do I come in my pants?"

Trying not to crack a smile, I moved around the counter toward him.

The look on his face when I put my knee between his thighs then raised my other leg over him was priceless. Straddling him was easy. However, holding my smile inside, was not.

"What are you doing?" He gasped, shifting his weight underneath me.

"I'm going to show you how to come in your pants, Edward. Be quiet and follow my lead."

Blade jumped off the couch then, the intuitive creature that he was, and skipped away.

"Does it involve you sitting in my lap?" Edward asked, cracking the smallest of smiles.

"It involves many things actually, but yes, sitting here helps. You'll soon understand."

He swallowed and made his Adam's Apple jump. "Bella..."

"Sshh," I hushed him, putting my finger on his lips. "Don't say anything unless it's _oohhh_ and _ahhh_."

He licked his lips and exhaled roughly, then dropped his head against the back of the couch, giving in to my persistence.

I took his left hand and passed my thumb over the word "Yes" on his tattered bandage inside of his palm. Then I unpinned the clasp at the back and started undoing the bandage.

"Why are you taking it off?" He asked quietly.

"I need your hand to be free for this," I answered.

I also needed to get rid of the evidence, "_Yes."_

I raised my hips, pushed the bandage into my pocket then resettled over the already responsive bulge in his pants.

"Now," I whispered, grinding down on him gently, to which his breath hitched. "I want you to imagine that everything I do to this finger here..." And I pulled his middle finger up. "Is actually happening to you _here_."

I slid my hand between my thighs and pressed down on his erection. His chest expanded with a deep breath and he swallowed again, a heated flush creeping over his face.

"Don't close your eyes," I said, stroking the head with my hand. "Keep looking at me." Then I sucked the length of his middle finger into my mouth, very slowly.

His eyes widened momentarily, then his lips parted and curled at one corner. And it took every shred of self-control to not lean over and kiss him...or laugh in Tanya's face.

I sucked down on his finger and started riding him back and forth, making sure that my swollen pearl made repeated contact with the head of his. The layers between us weren't distracting. The building friction of my rubbing on him was so maddeningly arousing that every part of me got sensitive. And before long, his eyes were rolling to the back of his head.

But I didn't want them closed. I didn't want Tanya to find him in there, so it was very important that he kept looking at me.

"Open your eyes, Edward," I whispered. And thankfully, he took instruction well.

I licked up his finger, then rolled my tongue around the tip before sucking down on it again, all the while dry humping with growing intensity. He grabbed my hip with his free hand and dug his fingers into me, giving in to the carnal pleasure.

"You like that," I whispered, sliding my tongue down his finger then back up again. "Imagine that I'm doing it to you _here..._." I jerked in his lap roughly and shoved down hard on him, making him gasp and drop his head back again.

I unhooked his fingers from my hip and pushed his free hand under my shirt, enjoying his light headed gaze as his fingers brushed upward on my stomach, searching for the peak at the top. His eyes weren't green anymore. They had darkened to deep pools of desire, of pleasure that was building up erratically between his legs and mine.

I rocked harder on him when he found my breast and squeezed it, impressed when he didn't try to fondle gently. He grabbed me like he _wanted_ my body. Like if he didn't do it right then and there, the moment would pass and he'd have lost his chance. He grabbed it like he depended on it. Then he tugged on my bra and groped for my bare skin, pinching my nipple so erotically I bit down hard on my lip.

He wasn't the only one close to coming on that couch. My clit was screaming from the friction of being rubbed on him over and over. And it felt like the more I sucked on his finger, and the faster I rocked on him... the harder he got.

His body slid downward, heavier under the movement. We maintained eye contact as I ate up and down his finger, doing everything to it that I would his erection, making him envision it...making him dream of it. And he loved it.

His eyes closed again and his forhead pinched in the center.

"Look at me," I panted.

I went faster cupping my hand over his on my breast. But then the pleasure started commanding me as well. I literally felt the swell between us, surging into me like it wanted to burn at my insides. I imagined rubbing my wet folds against his skin, and the thought made me gasp loudly. His finger fell out of my mouth and before I could grab for him again, he was pushing that hand under my shirt too.

With my both breasts in his hands, he rubbed himself on me from underneath. I bit into my bottom lip and threw my head back, ready to throw my back into it when he sucked in a hissing breath and closed his eyes for the last time. His body bucked and tensed. I felt him pulsate between my legs, hardening more, to point where it actually stabbed me.

"_Yesss_."

His shuddering release of air did me in. It was utterly incredible to see him come at my will, to see his face mold to his orgasm and to hear the sweet release of air as it oozed out of his mouth.

I hadn't orgasmed yet, but it wasn't about me. This was about him.

"Edward," I whispered smilingly, watching his chest swell and contract between his laboured breaths. His hands fell away from my breasts, but he wrapped his both arms around my waist and pulled me against him.

"Bella..." He breathed out.

"That's how you come in your pants."

XXX

**A/N: The song Edward sang to her in this chapter is actually a rhyme/song from the late 1700's/early 1800's. **

**Major drama right around the corner. Stay tuned, and thank you for reading. Psyche.**


	14. Chapter 13  His Bella

A/N: Again, a million thank yous for reading and reviewing. I managed to get to some reviews on last chapter, but not all. If you haven't heard from me, pls forgive. I appreciate your feedback more than you know. This chapter is a bit lighter, and sweet. It's the last calm before the storm. It reigns heavily in the next chap, so be ready :) To those who thought the scene on the couch was belittling of their past, I appreciate your point. But remember, in Edward's head there is only the present. He doesn't remember the intensity of their love, so naturally, Bella has to adapt to who he is now. It wasn't for the mere purpose of "getting off", it was a desperate grasp, in a split second decision, at a connection between them. And as reality would have it, even though this is a story, most "firsts" aren't perfect. I do think however, that their "connection" in this chapter provides the emotional angle you seek. Or at least, I hope.

Andee, my beta, all thanks. And to Nikki, my personal cheerleader and pre reader, thank you! Happy reading to all :o)

**Chapter 13**

**His Bella**

**Bella**

He touched me a lot now. Two weeks had passed since our moment on the couch and Edward Cullen's hands had become an accessory on my body. Innocent though it seemed, it was affection, and I very quickly got used to it.

He was subtle about it too. If he had to pass next to me he would move me to the side gently by holding my hips. He cupped my elbow whenever he wanted to get my attention. When he walked at my side his hand was at the small of my back, and should a lock of hair dare fall into my eyes, his fingers were ready with a wistful stroke to right it in place.

Not to mention, our sleeping arrangement. His arm around my waist during the night was as innocent as the rest, and perhaps unintentional, since it only happened after he fell deep into slumber. But it was there every morning to hold me in place when my eyes flew open in a fit of anxiety, ready and willing to rub the nightmarish chill away.

It worked like a charm.

And I wondered why I hadn't thought of it sooner. An orgasm – the surest way to make a man agreeable.

Our day-to-day interaction also improved. He was lighter, smiled more, and stressed less about things he didn't have the answers for. I was well aware that our apparent happiness was a temporary illusion, but I turned a blind eye to intuition and clung dearly to the smidgen of peace between us.

It also helped that we weren't in each other's faces all the time, anymore. He went to Speedway every day and released whatever frustration he had pent up inside. And I started school again. I was glad for the distraction of school. It took me away from Barca and being in classes meant I didn't have to watch Edward practice his stunts on the track._ Ignorance is bliss_, as they say, and he agreed not to tell me every gory detail about the close calls he had.

On weekends I still worked the night shift at Barca, however, and came to appreciate my days at school the more I interacted with the likes of Riley at work. There were no Gargoyles at school trying to force me to leave town, and after a long day apart, Edward and I were happy to meet up at home. Our lives were settling into a comfortable routine, and even though the supernatural element was still obnoxiously present, it was ignored since my focus was redirected toward things like homework and trying not to fail out of college.

I purposely chose classes that ended no later than 4pm as well, since Edward came home once he knew I was there. That way, I didn't have to force Selenite on him because he made it home before dark. Without that, he enjoyed his days better, he asked less questions, and we fought a lot less.

There were evenings when, after staring at me quietly for a while, he would scribble a question to me on paper, and and as best as I could, I answered him with a vague but pointed response. Sometimes he accepted it, sometimes he didn't, but for the most part, he took my caution of danger seriously and stuck to his promise to trust me. At the very least, he tried.

I hadn't pushed myself on him in a sexual way since the night I made him come in his pants. No. Instead, I gauged his behaviour and subtle hints, and gave him the room to make a move on his own. The light flirting was infectious and I saw the way it slowly but surely wore at his polite, 19th century manners. I was certain that soon enough he would either drive himself crazy and explode in sexual frustration, all pun intended; or throw himself at me like I was a dog in heat.

Either way, I was getting mine, and it would be _him _who made the first move this time.

Riley, on the other hand, made it very hard for me to relax in my illusion of happiness. After two weeks he still hadn't stopped trying to convince me to leave Seattle. He took every opportunity to barge his way into my thoughts without permission, quite expertly snatching my Selenite away first with his supernatural skill.

Well, I found a way to deal with him too. I repositioned my Selenite from my bra to my panties, and whenever I saw his eyes scanning my body to find it, I'd quite simply state where he could.

Sometimes I even humoured myself by pointing down to the general southern area.

"In my panties, dear Riley. Do have fun."

That always, without fail, sent poor Riley packing. It was also the first time I'd seen the pallor of a Gargoyle actually deepen to a shade close to crimson.

"You'll be sorry," he growled between his teeth. That was the night that ended my two weeks of mental solitude. "You'll be sorry when it's too late."

I studied him ruefully as he walked away from me at the bar, and tossed his towel at an eavesdropping Jessica.

"He's such an asshole!" She hissed, and attempted a re-attack by throwing it back at him.

By the time I got home that night I was tired, grumpy and once again half drunk, because of course, the mucks were still my regular customers. At least, the Cullens were there too. So for every muck I tried to avoid, there was another pair of reassuring grey eyes to ease the tension.

Angela was still awake when I got home that night, and lately, she was such a relief to be around. Her having no part to play in the mess I lugged back and forth, was refreshing.

"Is Edward on the roof again?" I asked her, when there was no sign of him in the apartment.

"Yup," she answered. "All night. How was work?"

"Like ass," I mumbled, glancing nervously at the ceiling.

"Lovely," she smiled. "You certainly smell like you had a ball."

"I'm not drunk."

She raised her eyes from her text and gave me a transparent look.

"But you aren't exactly sober either, are you?" She quipped. "Look, I won't lecture you. Whatever it is you're dealing with is obviously big. You've been distracted, secretive and distant since Edward got here, but I'm not gonna pressure you. Just take care of yourself. I'm hitting the hay, it's late. See you in the morning."

"Good night, Angel. I love you."

XXX

I climbed the steps to the roof immediately after, looking for Edward and Blade, and caught the staunch scent of smoke. Scrunching my nose at the smell, I opened my arms to a leaping Blade and welcomed his sloppy kisses. Edward righted himself over a spot he was studying on the floor of the roof, and sent me a small wave. I'd been expecting a written note asking about the poems on the roof, but strange enough, he hadn't written any. Though he did send me that silent, calculating look, as if he was trying to read my mind.

"Hello," he called. I noticed the cigar in his hand.

"You're smoking?"

"Not exactly. I'm tasting."

Walking over to him, I answered, "It looks like smoking to me. Is that something you boys do on the track too?"

He shook his head and sat down on the poems, resting his forearms on his knees. "No, I've had this cigar since the day I went to my house. I found it on the floor of my bedroom, so I pocketed it."

"Ohhh, and what do you mean by you're _tasting_? You're definitely smoking."

"One doesn't _smoke _cigars, Bella. Not unless you want to burn your lungs out and die the day after. At least, you shouldn't. It's really for the taste...well, that's the way I like to do it anyway."

"I didn't know you liked that."

"I didn't either, until I found it and remembered."

"Remembered..."

He swept me with his eyes as I sat next to him.

"You probably did it back in England before you moved to the US," I said, thinking quick.

I realised that it was something from his previous human life, so I tried to steer the topic away.

"I don't see the sense in it if you're not inhaling."

He held it out to me and jerked his head sideways, motioning for me to come closer. "Care to try?"

With a shrug, I shuffled nearer until our legs touched and took it from his hand. He dropped his chin to his bicep and watched me from under his eyelashes.

"Wait," he said, reaching to stop me by holding my hand. "You've consumed alcohol, haven't you?"

"Oh get off it," I retorted, chucking his hand away playfully. "I only had a few. I'm fine."

Though if I was honest, I would have admitted to the pleasurable buzz dancing through my veins at the moment.

"Bella, I don't think you should if you have alcohol in your body."

I leaned over and snatched the thing from his hand, then stuck my tongue out at him.

"I hate it when you drink."

"And I hate it when you race cars," I jeered, bouncing my head childishly from side to side.

He cast me a sideways glance and shook his head. "Touché. I can't win with you."

"You got me to quit drinking on mornings. Feel proud."

Putting the cigar to my lips I pulled on it gently and squinted against the orange glow at the tip. He pressed his shoulder against mine and brushed his finger along the length of the cigar while it was still in my mouth.

"Don't inhale," he warned. "Just drag the air into your mouth and hold it there. It's very concentrated, and you only want to taste it."

"I do?" I countered, as the smoke left my lips.

He smiled. "Yes."

"Mmm, you're right. It_ does _taste good."

Blade whimpered quietly for attention and dropped his face onto his front paws. I watched him for signs of irritation, then swept the sky with a quick glance.

We were no safer indoors than we were outdoors. If the mucks wanted to get into my apartment and take me, they could. The halos were successful in holding them off once before, but I had a feeling that it wouldn't be so easy to stop them if they tried again. And if I believed any of the crap I had been preaching to Riley about bravery and standing up for myself, I had to start practising it. So I coerced myself into sitting up there with Edward for a while, and forced calm on myself. Though really I was reeling to run inside, and tuck Edward into a bubble wrapped box.

"How was work tonight?" He asked, passing the cigar to me again.

"Tiring," I answered, dragging on the butt. "I wish I didn't have to work on the weekends, but I have to if I'm to pay rent without draining my savings."

After three puffs, I passed it back to him.

"Let me pay your share," he said unexpectedly.

"Huh?"

"I can help you pay, so that you don't have to work on the weekends."

"Edward..."

"Just listen. You never just.._.listen_ to me."

I swallowed my argument and folded my arms, knowing that he'd never get me to agree to that, no matter how much I listened.

"I'm living in your home, aren't I?"

"Yes, but..."

"And I have money, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"There is no but. Where is there a but in this?"

"You don't earn a salary, Edward. Yeah, you have money in a savings account, but if you start using that without replenishing it, it will soon run out. Don't forget, you also just bought a car. It takes money to keep a car on the road."

"I'll be making money very soon. Let me earn my keep."

I glanced at him abjectly as he handed me the cigar again. "What do you mean you'll be making money soon? They're paying you to goof around on that track?"

"They're enlisting me in the upcoming races. If I do well, I'll make the team. And if I make the team I will get sponsorship. Apparently, that pays."

"They're entering you in the_ races_?" My eyes bugged.

"I've been driving, Bella," he said in a whimsical tone, turning excitable eyes toward me. "And I've been getting very good at it. They say I'm a natural. A few scouts called by the track this week to observe us and they were actually impressed. They said I'm really fas..."

"Please," I cut in, blowing a line of smoke out of my mouth. "Don't tell me how fast you are, not unless you want me to throw up in my mouth."

His shoulders dropped and he lowered one leg flat on the roof.

"Why are you so afraid of speed?" He demanded.

I shot him a wry glance, to which he shook his head.

"You have to forget about my accident, Bella."

"It's not just about that."

"Okay, but life goes on."

"Exactly, and I want _yours_ to go on. Look, I know I can't stop you. I just hope you're being careful."

"I am careful. I don't drive without gear and they rebuilt the body of the car for me. They reinforced the cabin with a frame that protects me when I'm inside, just in case I..."

"Don't even say it."

He sighed and pulled on the cigar between his thumb and index.

"I want you to come and see me race."

"Not fucking happening."

I leaned over and snatched the cigar from him and took a long drag, swirling the taste around my tongue. It really did taste very good. My head was already feeling lighter. My muscles were limp and my eyes were grainy and droopy. Forget alcohol - where the hell was _this_ baby all along?

I blinked hard through my fast blurring vision and tried to shake off the buzz.

"I tried Barca when you asked me to," he continued.

"That's a cheap shot." I answered, and took another pull on the cigar.

"And what's a cheap shot..." he mumbled.

"It's just a saying. Like you're hitting me below the belt."

His eyes fell to my belt with a twitch, and a slight colour crept into his cheeks. "I did what?"

"Forget it." I chuckled. "At least you're cute when you're clueless."

My vision swayed slightly, or maybe it was me, because Edward took the cigar from my hand and braced his shoulder against mine again.

"Whoa. Are you okay?" He brushed a few strands from my eyes and steadied me by holding me against him. "Your eyes are drifting and you're swaying."

He touched my cheek with the cigar between his fingers and made me smile.

"Why do I feel so, so _higggh _all of a sudden?" I asked, with a woozy giggle.

I looked to the right, then back at him on my left, and everything vibrated in slow motion, like a sticking, whirring blade caught between intervals.

"Yup, I'm high." I nodded heavily. "What the hell's in that thing anyway?"

"You inhaled...didn't you."

"Dunno. I did what you told me to...then...poop."

"Poop, huh?"

"Give it to me again, let me see."

He put it between his teeth and shook his head to say "no". So I grabbed for it, though gracelessly so, and he caught my wrist with one hand.

"Your lack of coordination is quite endearing."

"Shut up," I grumbled, knuckling my eyeball with a closed fist. "God, I'm hungry."

"Here," he said, passing it to me again. "But _don't_ inhale."

Without intending to, I sucked a long line of smoke into my lungs then blew it out.

"It's impossible to not inhale, Edward. It's happening all on its own."

"It's not impossible. Watch me."

He demonstrated. After dragging on the butt with his lips, he opened his mouth so that I could see the white smoke curling around in neat circles on the inside.

A loud snort bubbled right out of me, and I laughed. "That's _soooo_ cool," I drawled.

Then he blew the smoke out and made it dance over my face.

"Try again," he said. "Close the back of your throat and trap the smoke in your mouth."

His hooded gaze fell on my mouth. I took the cigar with a deep breath and put the short, burnt down length between my lips. I drew a line in, but there was nothing in my mouth to show when I opened up for him to see.

"There's no smoke, Isabella."

When I laughed it all came tumbling from my lips and nostrils. "You say my name so authoritatively. Do you want to spank me, Edward?"

His raised eyebrows and made me double over in laughter. "You know what you could do?" I asked.

"No. Tell me."

"You can blow the smoke into my mouth. That way I don't have to draw it in on my own...since I'm doing it wrong and all."

Without objection, he took the remnants of the cigar from between my fingers and drew the last of its strength into his mouth. His long eyelashes touched his cheeks as he squinted down on it, then he crushed it on the ground and turned to me with a heart stopping smirk on his lips.

I leaned over heavily, having lost most if not all of my motor skills by then, and opened my mouth in a way not even my dentist could get me to do.

Somehow he managed to keep it sexy. He held me by the back of my head and bent his face over mine. Then with our eyes connected, he blew a long line of white smoke into my mouth.

But then an unexpected and nasty nausea blind-sided me, and I swayed violently.

The mouthful of smoke rolled out of my mouth and I fell heavily against him.

"Uh oh..."

He grabbed on to me and tried lifting my head. "Bella?"

"I can't see anything...I have to puke."

"Are you sick?"

"Yessss."

Letting my head fall out of his hands was a bad idea. It made everything spin and made the ground look like it was rushing up to my face. I lost touch with reality very quickly after that. My focus contracted with my narrow vision, and a wall of black started encroaching.

"Put me down...quick. I have to...like right now."

"You _are _down, Bella."

He sounded concerned, alarmed and nervous, but before I could respond, my stomach keeled and erupted onto the ground.

I barely felt his hand rubbing my back, and the effort it took to try locating his movement made me wretch even harder.

The roof spun. My hands blurred on the floor of the roof. The letters of a love poem written in Latin wobbled and stretched, and my eyes all but rolled into the back of my head as another burst of alcohol sprung from my gut.

It was awful.

His touching got fussy. He was pushing my hair out of my face, touching my cheeks, holding my head up, propping my body against his...

"Bella, what do you need me to do?"

But the crisis for me at that moment, quite surprisingly, was the vomit coated poems on the floor.

"I messed it up..." I cried out between gasping breaths.

"Messed what up? Sshhh. Don't try to talk."

"My poems! I dirtied them!"

Far from sober and way too high, I had no censor for my mouth nor recognition of what I was saying. I was sweating like a cow in the cold January night, and shuddering in every joint on my body.

"Did I write these?" He asked gently. "I've been looking at them for a while."

A grotesque hiccup made its way out and my head fell forward again. "Yes."

"I figured as much," he said, pulling my body into a standing position. "Though I wondered how I managed it so neatly in the concrete..."

Knowing how disgusting I smelled but not having the strength or presence of mind to bother, I turned my smeared face into his chest and hiccuped again.

"Your lion sharp claws did it..." And my head bobbed again.

"Okay, that's it," he said, lifting me into his arms. "You're talking crazy. Let's get you inside."

I heard everything that was coming out of my mouth, but couldn't, for some reason, get myself to _think_ enough to stop.

"I'm dying," I wept. "Edward...I'm dying."

"You're not dying," he rounded as he took me down the stairs. "You're just very, very sick. And I shouldn't have let you smoke the cigar."

I didn't know I was inside the bathroom until I felt the water gushing down on my head.

"We got here so fast..."

I tried to raise my heavy head, but the urge to vomit was stronger. I slumped to the floor in the shower, still fully dressed, and expunged myself of the last of my insides over the floor drain.

"I told you not to inhale," Edward scolded from somewhere nearby. "It's too strong to...wait...what was that?"

"Whut wuz whut?"

"That terrifying noise. Didn't you hear it?"

"Oh God, I'm going to die..." Yet another mouthful of bile came rushing out. My knees skidded out from underneath me and I fell on my face, hitting my forehead against the tiles. Damned as I was, I heard the sickening thud, but didn't felt it.

"Bella!"

He pulled me backward from over the floor drain and cradled my head against his chest.

"Does it hurt?"

"I'm dyyyyying..."

"I think you're all done now," he said, wiping my mouth clean.

There was water everywhere. I forced my eyes open and looked up at him. He was still fully dressed, sitting with me in his arms under the open shower. When he cupped a handful of water and held it to my mouth for a drink, my chest heaved and I started to cry.

"I'm sorry! I'm always screwing up...I'm so _sorry, _Edward."

"Ssshhhh," he hushed, as he continued wiping both the water and tears from my eyes. His bandages were off and for the most part, his fractured hands were back to normal. "You're not always screwing up. Be quiet."

"I am. I always do this," I sobbed weakly. "I'm stupid, and I'm _weak, _and I'm always trying to escape something."

"What are you trying to escape, Bella?"

"Everything...this...you." I unfolded against him foolishly, sobbing so hard my shoulders shook. "I just wish I could be what you need me to be. But I'm stupid. I have so much to tell you and so much to give, and I'm always so afraid that I'll lose you because I can't, and then it will all be for _nothing!_ I still lose in the end, don't I?"

"Hey, hey. Stop. Please, stop. You do more for me than you know. It's my fault you feel this way. It is _me_, Bella, who wishes I could be what you need me to be. I am no saint in this. There are things I hide from you too and that makes me a hypocrite. You are no more guarded than I am and I've done nothing but make you feel badly about it."

The water gushed down hard, washing away my spewed impurity as it ran out of me. The clean and the dirty, the beautiful and the ugly...they separated from our souls only to mix again in the purest of all elements, as it pooled between and around us.

I shook my head against him helplessly and continued to sob, tricked by the illusory bubble that the light headedness wrapped me in.

"This could never be your fault," I wailed. "It's mine. I made this mess...it's my fault you're like this...it's my fault you're unhappy. I don't deserve your trust because I'm a liar."

"Bella," he groaned, turning my face up to his, though I could hardly see through the water and tears in my eyes. He brushed some of it away and held my face close.

"We don't have to talk about any of this right now. You're sick and very upset, and you should probably get some rest. Let's go to bed. Tomorrow we'll talk about everything when you feel better."

"I want to tell you everything..."

His snapped to the side then and his whole body jerked.

"There it is again," he gasped, bringing me upright with him.

I grabbed my temples and groaned. His sudden movement unleashed a stab of pain in my head, one that I had to bend over to contain.

"Did you hear it?" He asked. "Bella? That! Again. Bloody..."

"The screaming in my head? God,I hear it."

He propped me against the wall and held my head straight.

"Will you be alright on your own for a while? I should see what's making that god awful noise outside."

"I don't hear anything," I mumbled, sliding down the wall, in a slow and deliberate path to the hard tiles. He shot out his arm to catch me, just managing to save my skull from being cracked open.

"Oh god, I have to vomit again. I need the water...put on the water..."

"The water is on, Bella."

With every sucking motion my stomach made, I gagged and grunted, though there was nothing left to come out. I was empty, and quite possibly dry. I fopped back onto my ass when nothing came out and started peeling off my clothes.

"What are you doing?" I heard him ask.

"I'm suffocating," I mumbled. "And I'm wet, and these clothes are so..._.heavih_."

"Yes Angela!" Edward called. "I heard it too. I'll be right there."

"No, no, no!" I wailed, as my shirt dropped to the floor with a heavy plop. "Not Angela...not Tanya...it's _Bella!_"

"Bella, Angela is here."

I raised my heavy head and met my reflection in Angela's glasses. "Ohhhh."

"I'll be back in a minute," he said. Then the two of them disappeared.

"Not good for my self esteem," I grunted, raising my hand then letting it drop with a splash on the floor next to me. "Not good at all. I'm half naked, dammit."

Voraciously thirsty, I dropped my head back and started gulping at the falling water. Voices in the hall caught my attention, and I perked my ears clumsily to listen.

"Edward?" I called. "Angel?"

Blade barked somewhere.

"Blade?"

More distant voices and barking...howling.

"Why won't anyone stay with me?"

Then Angela materialized. "Wow," I gasped, jerking backward. "You're pretty fast too. How did you do that?"

"Aren't you hearing that racket outside?" She asked me. "Are you high? What's the matter with you?"

My giggle rounded with a snort, but she shook her head and ran back out.

"I looked but I don't see anything," Edward's voice came.

"It kinda sounds like a storm," Angela said. "But at the same time...not. Weird. There's no rain. I wouldn't go out there again if I were you, Edward. If it's a storm, hopefully it'll pass. I'm gonna call Ben, see if it's happening over by him too. Are you okay with Bella? She seems like a handful tonight. But what's new?"

"I have it under control. She'll be okay. Good night, Angela."

He was next to me again, climbing into the shower so that he could lift me.

"We should get you into bed."

"I'm soaking wet," I complained, unhooking my bra. When it fell into my lap he dropped on his ass and ran a hand over his face.

"Sweet Jesus," he whispered. "What are you trying to do to me?"

"You don't think I'm pretty, do you..."

"What?" He hissed.

He sat there and gaped at me stupidly for a while before talking again.

"Bella...pretty isn't the word I would use for you."

Just as I gulped at the rising lump in my throat he opened his hand and held it out to me.

"I think you're beautiful."

The warm eruption in my chest dispelled the cold immediately. I put my hand in his and let him pull me across the water logged floor on my ass. He tucked me snug between his legs, wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and pressed his forehead down on mine.

"Don't ever say anything like that again," he said softly.

The sudden spark of electricity ran over my wet skin and spread goosebumps all over me.

"I don't want to pretend anymore, Edward," I whispered into his face. "I hate having to think so much all the time. If you think I'm beautiful and you want me...for heaven's sakes, just take me."

He didn't answer. He didn't move. And the water that ran off his face and mine, dripped off our chins and collected in the space between us.

I clung to his drenched jacket, chest exposed outside a naked soul, waiting for him to respond.

He swallowed. Then his arms tightened around me and his fingers curled possessively into my shoulders. I raised my head and lined up our lips, feeling his eyelashes brush on my face.

Breathing heavily, I found his shirt buttons inside his open jacket, and started unbuttoning.

He didn't stop me.

Too close for eye contact, I unbuttoned his shirt with our lips barely touching. When I was done, I tore his jacket and shirt away from his shoulders, and Edward still hadn't said a word, hadn't moved a muscle.

But I felt him breathe, and saw how his chest rose and fell under the pressure. And though our lips hovered uncertainly, too afraid to touch yet too afraid not to, the tips of our noses found solace together.

With my nails, I scraped a path from his shoulders to his belt. He shuddered slightly, his forehead pressing to mine so surely it almost pushed through.

His conflict was quiet but palpable and by the possessive grip of his fingers alone I could tell he wanted this. Still, the rigid lines in his neck communicated differently – his stress. He was afraid to kiss me, because he knew as well as I, that in this place and in this condition, a meeting of our lips would be nothing less than desperation. There would be no sweetness. And surely, Tanya would find him somewhere at the back of his mind.

This was it though. This moment, right here, was all or nothing. He either had the guts and the balls to fight for me...or not. There was no middle ground. The question was...which form of hell was Edward willing to take? And how far was I willing to push him so that he'd set me free?

Simple really, since I had already chosen selfishly. He was all I wanted, and so I'd push him as far as he'd let me.

"Kiss me," I demanded.

The clasp of his belt buckle was in my hands. One tug and his breath was hitched.

"Bella..."

"Kiss me, Edward."

My lips braved the tight gap and grazed his, though only slightly. And even though the water had since run cold, the heat from the blood that rushed under his skin made its way across to me. We had barely touched each other and yet, we were already burning.

He wanted to kiss me. He was trying to kiss me, but his fear of something undead was already between us.

"I love you," I whispered, coaxingly.

Unfair, but true. Those three little words gave my lips the wings they needed to brave the last atom of space, and finally, he gave in.

"Bloody hell..." He sighed with a gutteral grunt.

He pulled my bare chest flush with his and shoved his lips over mine.

His fingers, buried in my flesh, tightened harder still, as the first of his anxiety staggered him. He communicated it to me without having to stop or talk. His body tensed, and my shoulders screamed under the delightful sting of his branding touch. I pushed my hands up around his neck and grabbed him by his hair.

He gasped loudly and tried to turn away but I held him tightly, keeping our foreheads pressed together.

"It's Bella," I whispered, pulling hard at his scalp. "Do you feel that? It's me, Edward...Bella."

He nodded and let out a sharp breath. "Bella..." he whispered, and only after convincing himself was he able to pull me against him again.

This time was stronger. He opened his mouth and our tongues met at the centre. And when his hands communicated stress to me again, I broke the kiss and spoke calmly.

"Look at me," I whispered, trying not to damn Tanya for all eternity. "Who do you see?"

He swallowed hard. "Bella."

An encouraging smile egged him on, and before I knew it, my boy was lifting me off his lap and onto the floor, and coming down on top of me.

I unbuttoned my pants and pushed them down my legs hurriedly with the help of my feet. Then I unbuttoned his and did the same, taking his boxers with it. A shocking sight stabbed my heart then. Before I even had the chance to look down and reacquaint myself with his outward beast, the faint glistening mark in the centre of his chest caught me by surprise. The cross. I had seen him bare chested since he moved into the apartment, but never this close. The mark was barely visible, but under the sheen of the water and with my face so close to him, I saw it. And my heart raced for a different reason.

"Are you okay?" He gasped breathlessly, pressing against my scant, wet underwear. I forced a deep breath, swallowed deeply and closed my eyes under the raining water.

"You're shaking," he whispered, bringing his arms tighter around my sides. "Are you cold?"

I shook my head truthfully and he pushed me across the floor on my back so that the water didn't fall directly onto my face. Then he raised my head and slid his bundled jacket underneath for a pillow.

"Is that better?"

I nodded and took a deep breath, then raised my hips against him so that I could slide out of my underwear, determined not to let anything stop this.

The instant his naked skin pressed on me I convulsed. He passed his eyes over me, trying to understand the meaning behind my changing expressions, but all I could do to answer him was wrap myself around him with tight arms and thighs.

Much warmer than stone and one hundred times gentler where it counted, he readied his body, and mine, for his first human thrust in over 200 years. Not even he knew how monumental this moment was.

"Make love to me."

The feeling in my chest was too strong. It was no wonder it hurt like it did, physically, like a hole had been bludgeoned through my body. It was no wonder this love had us on the verge of death at every corner. It couldn't be contained, not when we were different, and not when we were the same. Even in his ignorance it was there; an unspeakable passion so intense he was confused by it; something so powerful, the supernatural world was threatened by it.

I had been owned from the moment Edward saved my life. Our bond had cut me open and made me bleed, weep, die a million different ways, killed him a million different ways, until we became slaves to it.

Lost memory or not, he felt it on the floor of that bathroom. His eyes were back and forth between mine, drinking in my greediness, connecting to my love and esoteric need to have him inside of me again. He dropped his face and kissed me, passed his hand over my chest and palmed my breast, rolled my nipple between his fingers and tugged until I cried out and arched into him.

Breaking our kiss, he bent and sucked down on the same nipple, then ran his tongue down to the valley and up to find the peak on the other side. He kissed and hummed then pushed his hand down between us and touched me. My head fell back againt his water logged jacket as I swallowed the first intense gasp, rolling my eyes to the back of my head just from his touch alone.

I couldn't believe he was touching me, that his hands were on me like this, that he wanted me like this...that this was actually happening. Welded together like two metal slabs in a hearth of fire, I stopped breathing and held on.

My lungs couldn't move fast enough to keep me alive. I was either going to pass out from no air, or from emotion. Until he spoke to me...

"I need to hear your voice," he whispered. "I need your help."

"I love you, Edward," I gasped, burying my nails deep in his back. "I love you in a way that will surely kill me if you don't put me out of my misery right fucking now. Does that help you?"

He smiled knowingly and gave in to the devil on his shoulder before kissing me again. When I felt the tip of his head roaring and pushing at my entrance, I gasped and bit hard into my lip.

And just so that there was no confusion at this insignificant moment of truth, I offered,"Only your Bella."

Water and perspiration ran down the sides of his face and dripped on to me. His elbows were locked around me and his face hovered overhead, putting my face in his neck.

"My Bella," he whispered, making my chest constrict in sweet pain.

He thrust himself in with one hard push, pausing to revel in the pleasure with an deep gasp; shaking almost. Or maybe that was just me.

An earth shaking rumble rocked the room then - something that sounded like a crack of thunder after a terrifying flash of lightning. But I paid no mind to the outside world.

Edward was moving in and out of me, finally. I was clutching onto him with everything I had. Our bodies were slapping and rubbing together, burning with friction and reeling in pleasure. There was no part of me left over for worry about the world outside. I was consumed by what was happening on the floor of that bathroom. Only he and I existed, and what was unfolding between us.

We made love to each other for the first time since he became human, and it was like our first time all over again. There were moments he scared me, moments when he stopped suddenly and his entire body seized. But holding his face and whispering his name helped, and every time he came back to me, his response was sweeter than the last.

This was why I had held on so stubbornly through the torture, the frustration, and danger. This was why I risked my life and refused to run away when the halos asked me to. This was what I had been fighting for; this moment right here. There was passion inside of him, and love still waiting to be discovered. I was his girl. From the moment he saved my life and for all time, in stone or in flesh, in darkness or light, and even when he forgot it...I was his Bella.

XXX

**A/N: I know, finally. Really though, it wasn't that long a wait! You are just spoiled..lol. These two go through a lot though, so I understand your anxiety. Thnx for reading )**


	15. Chapter 14  Lost

A/N: Howdy, gang :) This early post is for Miss Snazzy who has to leave town tomorrow and won't have access until the weekend. Thank you for all the support and reviews. I was a good girl this time and replied to most if not all. Some may have gotten a reply twice. I tend to spazz out and forget things. In that case, I'm sorry. LOL. Anywayz, here's the chapter I promised. Happy reading and I look forward to your passion at the end...*runs away*

**Chapter 14**

**Lost**

**Bella**

In the height of winter, I woke up feeling hot, bothered and sticky. My head felt like mush and my mouth tasted like something had died inside. Grumbling loudly, I rolled over and stretched out on the bed, then in snippets, the night slowly started coming back to me.

_Smoke...cigar...the shower...lots and lots of water...being on the floor of the shower...Edward inside of me, on the floor of the shower...vomit...limbs...lips...limbs..._

I blushed intensely, but the moment was short lived when I remembered what led to Edward and I making love on the bathroom floor. I has high, out of control and anything but ladylike.

I would have liked our first time together again to be better than a "needy fuck" at my insistence, while I was high and half drunk. Not only were the memories stuttering and spastic at best, they were sodden with vomit and lines of apology for my behaviour, afterward.

"Edward?" I groaned, raising my head off the bed to look for him.

He wasn't in the room. So I dropped my face in the pillow and kicked my legs belligerently against the mattress like a child suffering a tantrum.

Things only got worse when I realised how late it was. At eleven o'clock in the morning, I had already missed my first class of the day and Edward had probably left for Speedway.

Sore and half dead, I grumbled again and fell out of bed.

Another wave of disappointment hit me when I walked into the common area and found a very vague note sitting on the counter.

"_Bella, we have to talk. Edward."_

"I bet we dooo," I answered it, twisting my lips as a deep flush set in my cheeks. I thought he should have stuck around, or at least gotten me up before he left, since his "need to talk" warranted the written word. Now I'd have to wait.

Five minutes into my day, and already, I knew it was going to be bad. I tried not to get annoyed with the fact that he left without saying goodbye, or without waking me up for class; just left me to rise to an empty house after we'd had sex less than 24 hours before. No good morning...no hello...no peppered kisses, or breakfast in bed.

"I imagined this differently," I mumbled.

I tried not to over analyse or obsess about it, but kidding myself wasn't a strong point of mine. I was pissed. I didn't want to have to _wait_ to talk to him. This was important to me, and it should have been more important to him too.

I re-read the note with chastising eyes then crumpled and tossed it across the room.

"_We have to talk,_" I mocked his tone.

What we needed to talk about was obvious, but when? When he came home from the track hours later? When I came home from school? After I'd killed and buried myself in a million questions over the course of the day? On the phone? Would he call? Or was he expecting me to? Was he upset that we made love? Was he off somewhere dissecting it to death? Or was he scratching his balls on the track with his racing buddies...

God!

"Great. You're out playing with cars while I get to obsess about this all day. Like I don't already have enough on my mind."

Blade started jabbering from the back yard in an urgent call, but instead of going to him, I headed for the shower.

"In a minute, Blade. I have my own crisis to deal with right now."

Needing to feel like a new person, I stepped under the warm water and sighed unhappily. A bath didn't do the trick. Looking down at the floor drain only made me cringe, and the memory of my vomiting everywhere but inside of Edward's mouth was downright humiliating. There wasn't much else I could do to kill my pride. I was officially an embarrassment onto myself. Losing his memory had essentially given me a clean slate, to present the best image of myself to Edward, thereby creating new memories for him. But all I ever seemed to do was fuck it up. How he could he ever love_ this_?

Our first time together again should have been a beautiful memory. Our past and the love we once shared deserved better than this, and surprisingly, I wished I could turn back the clock and stop myself. If I knew I would feel this shitty the day after, I wouldn't have laughably "seduced" him on the bathroom floor.

An hour after my bath, I was dressed and restless, and Edward still wasn't back. I sat on the couch with a lukewarm cup of coffee in my hands, staring at my cell phone on the coffee table, holding myself back from calling him.

For at least ten minutes I sat with my eyes on the speed dial digit, wanting to call him but hating the fight I would cause over something so special. I only got angrier the more time passed.

For someone from the turn of the 19th century, he certainly lacked manners in an area so tender. If anything, I'd have thought he'd be more concerned than I, being the one with the moral conscience and all.

The ring tone from my phone startled me out of my inner argument then, and my body jerked forward. I swallowed anxiously when I saw his name blink across the screen and set the mug of coffee down.

"Hello."

"Bella, good morning. You're awake," he said.

"No thanks to you, yes."

He paused at the acidity of my tone, then continued. "I just wanted to check in and make sure you were alright."

There was no masking my impatience. I couldn't even try.

"Check in? Make sure I'm alright?" I stood up and started pacing, my pulse shooting off across my body. "If you wanted to make sure I was alright, you should have stuck around to see for yourself."

"You're upset. I didn't intend to be this long. I thought I'd be back before you awoke. You were in bad shape last night, and I thought it best to let you rest."

"Thanks a lot. Now I don't feel like one pile of shit, I feel like two. Did you think I'd sleep the whole day so you could run down to the track and play with your new friends instead of waiting for me? Thanks for nothing, Edward. Not only am I humiliated, I now want nothing more than to hang myself from a thick rope."

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Oh give me a god damned break. It's a figure of speech, don't get your panties in a bunch. You're not gonna find me hanging from the ceiling whenever you _do _decide to come back and _check in_ on me, because I won't be here when you get back."

"I wish you would calm down so we could talk about this properly."

"If you wanted to talk about this properly, Edward, you wouldn't be calling me on the phone to do it."

I was so angry I was shaking, and the heat I had built up from pacing the room made me perspire. I had lines of sweat running down the side of my face where I held the phone to my ear, which made me even more irritable.

"I didn't expect to be this long. This was more difficult than I exp..."

"What the hell are you talking about? You stay the entire day on the track! Don't tell me you didn't expect to be long. And didn't you think this would be difficult for me too? I'm not sitting here painting my nails, Edward. Last night is all I can think about!"

I heard myself, and was well aware that I sounded like one of those 'text book' disgruntled women who drove their men away with unreasonable, incessant bitching. But this had to come out. I wasn't going to let him get away with treating me like a one night stand. I wasn't going to let him escape the burden of facing me, my rage, or what had happened between us; regardless of the demons he had to battle through it.

"I can't get a word in with you," he sighed. "Are you going to allow me to talk? You've misunderstood me completely."

"Oh that's right," I snapped. "You run out on me after we have sex, and _I'm_ the bitch."

"I didn't...oh for pissing sakes, Bella. I haven't run out on you. I'm trying to be back, I just had to sort something first."

"Well take all the time you need to sort whatever you're sorting," I bit back. "I have to go anyway."

"Where are you going? I'm not done talking to you."

"Well guess what! You don't get to call the shots. You don't get to sneak out and leave me with a vague note, or call when you feel like it then demand that I stay on the phone to talk to you. I'm not doing this over the phone, Edward. If you wanted to talk to me about this, you had a right to stick around this morning and do it to my face."

"I didn't sneak out, Bella. Quite the opposite actually. I waited, but you were sleeping so soundly and I didn't want to disturb you."

"That's a lousy excuse. You could have waited."

"Then I'm coming right now. I'll drop what I'm doing and come right now."

"No."

"No?"

"I'm way too pissed to try and talk. All we'll do is fight and we're not supposed to be fighting about this. I already feel shitty about what happened and this just made it worse. I need to clear my head. I need to leave and come back when I feel better."

"You feel..._shitty_, about what happened?" The prude even had trouble sounding out the word "shitty".

"I said I'm not doing this over the phone. I have to go. See you later, or whenever. Good bye."

"Bell..."

I didn't wait for him to rebut. I hung up on him, switched off the phone and tossed it onto the couch before burying my face in my hands to cry.

'Awful morning' had just turned into to 'awful afternoon', and was well on its way to being 'awful day'. I shrugged into my coat, grabbed my keys and stormed out of the apartment, noting the sweet soreness between my legs with chagrin.

Two steps down the front steps, however, I stopped and grabbed onto the railing. There was white dust everywhere. It covered the floor and the steps and filtered all the way down to the small piece of lawn at the front. With a poignant frown, I stepped down warily and took in the scene. I bent over and passed my finger through some of it and rubbed it between my fingers. It felt like crushed ceramic, and there was no smell.

Suddenly perturbed, I dusted my hand off on my pants and scanned the small yard, almost choking on my breath when I saw a dismembered limb behind the hedge.

_Just like the time I found the hand..._

A small squeal left my lips. My heart jumped into my throat, and a swell of goosebumps spread over my body. I tried really hard then, to remember what had happened between Edward and I the night before. But I kept coming up short amidst the visions of his naked body. Not much else made is past the cross on his glistening chest or his bunching muscles under the scars on his back. Though I felt with certainty that something bad had happened...something very, very bad.

I glanced at the sky worriedly then turned and ran back onto the apartment, heading straight for Blade at the back. His hyper barking had been in the periphery of my consciousness all morning, but only then did I realise why he sounded so urgent.

When he saw me, he leapt forward desperately and almost broke the link on his chain.

"Yes...I know," I gasped, unbuckling his leash. "Relax, I'm here now, boy. I'm sorry...shhhh, I'm sorry, relax."

He climbed onto me and let me pet him until his body started to settle.

I saw that the same dust that coated the front was scattered all over the back yard too. I couldn't even say the words. I dared not even think them. I had little to spatial memory of the night before, but I knew myself, so it was easy to guess that I had said something I shouldn't have and caused a fight.

I wrapped Blade's leash tightly around my wrist and held him steady. He needed to walk it off. He was tense and unhappy, having sat in the dust of Gargoyle remains all day so far. With nervous eyes I searched the area around him, expecting a broken Gargoyle to jump out and scream "boo!" at any minute.

"Wanna go for a walk, boy?" I half asked, half gasped through my short breaths.

There was nothing I could do until sunset anyway. I decided to take him for a walk and come back early, then call for Alice and Zaphrina by my window. I was sure they would have lots to tell me. And I dreaded having to listen to it. I knew that I did something wrong, and that they would try to get me to leave the city again. But now of all times, I couldn't leave Edward, not after what had happened between us. He and I had a lot to work through.

XXX

I chewed on my lip numbly as I walked alongside Blade through the city afterward, trying to remember anything of use from my conversation with Edward after the cigar.

I remembered him referring to a noise outside. And Angela...she was there too, and they were both talking about it. I reached into my pocket for my phone then. I would call Edward and ask about the strange noise he kept hearing, but then I realised I had switched off my phone and left it on the couch.

Cursing out loud, I closed my eyes, the worst kind of anxiety starting to spread through my core. I needed to see Alice urgently. She was the only one who would have an answer and a way to deal with this.

"What is it?" I turned to Blade, responding to his violent tugging. "Stop pulling so hard. You're gonna cut into my wrist..." I pulled back on his leash harshly. "Relax."

But he continued pulling, then released a growl so low and threatening I actually flinched and loosened my hold on him.

"Blade?"

Slackening my grip was a bad idea. The next thing I knew, the leash was whipping around my wrist, then Blade was peeling away down the pavement.

"No!"

I darted off behind him, colliding with and pushing everyone out of my way.

"Blade! Come back!"

I was pushed back and cursed a lot, but I didn't stop. He raised his hind leg against a wall and marked it after sniffing the spot aggressively. Then he was off again before I could get my hands on the end of his leash.

"Blade! Wait up! Where are you going?"

"Is that your dog?"

"YES, IT'S MY DOG!"

"Control your animal!"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO DO?"

He marked a second spot and just when I thought I had him, he leapt away, scraping his paws against the ground and near knocking everyone off his path.

"This isn't fucking happening," I cried out. "_BLADE_!"

Then the worst of the worst happened. He bended the corner and disappeared. I almost tumbled over with my heart in my throat. When I finally made it around the corner, there was no sign or sound of him anywhere. He was gone – just like that.

"Miss?" A stranger called, touching my shoulder lightly. "Are you okay?"

I turned to him in shock, refusing to believe that I'd just lost my dog. Blade...who had been with me since he was a puppy, a permanent fixture in my home, my life and the lives of everyone around me, was just...gone?

"Miss?"

"My dog," I mumbled, half paralysed with my jaw dropped. "He just...I mean he...I can't believe he... He ran away. I can't...I... "

"Was that your dog?"

Panic struck me with full force then.

"Yes...I mean, _YES_!" I cried out. "What am I supposed to do? I have to find him!"

"Maybe you should go to the police," the man said. "Make a report."

"The police," I mumbled. I had my car keys in my pocket, but my car was at home. And I wasn't about to go anywhere with a stranger, so I nodded in dumb shock and started walking like a stiff post in the direction of the police station.

"Are you going to _walk _there?" He called after me.

I ignored his question and hurried away, too panicked to do anything but react. I held my eyes out for Blade, desperately, hoping he would materialize out of the thin air and throw himself at me, but I had made it all the way to the police station without any luck.

Waiting for assistance at the station was another problem. The wait drove me crazy. I couldn't sit patiently like they wanted me to. I paced up and down with clenched fists. I was perspiring. My face was both flushed and and pale at the same time. My heart was racing, and the only thing that prevented a burst of tears was my state of shock.

Finally, an officer couldn't take my pacing anymore, and called me over.

"What seems to be the problem, ma'am?"

"My dog disappeared!"

He stared at me nonchalantly and passed his hand over his face.

"Stolen?" He asked, nonplussed.

"No, he wasn't stolen. I was walking him and he just...pulled away from me and ran down the street. We have to find him, officer! He's never been alone in the city before. He'll be terrified!"

"Were did he go missing?" This man was completely bored with me.

"Along 15th.. I was walking him but he was agitated, annoyed. Kept wanting to mark his...well he was worked up. Then just like that, he took off and I couldn't hold him back. He's strong!"

"He's never run away before?"

"Well yes, but...why are you asking these kinds of questions? You have to find him!"

Blinking his heavy lidded, droopy eyes, the officer scratched at this afternoon shadow and sighed.

"What kind of dog is he?"

"A Labrador," I answered tremulously. "A rust brown lab, and his name is Blade."

I rocked forward and threw myself onto the table between the officer and me, trying to come to terms with the fact that he was actually _lost_. It was ludicrous.

'Awful day' couldn't have possibly gotten any worse by that point.

"Ma'am, the best we can do is file a report, but you're going to have to make an effort to find him yourself. Make flyers and post them up all over the city. Call friends and neighbours. Put the word out there, so that if anyone finds him, they can contact you."

"That's it? You can't send a squad car out to look for him?"

"Really?" He almost laughed at me. The crinkle of humour around his eyes was the most life I'd seen in his face since our conversation started. "Ma'am, we have men out there right now dealing with murder, various types of assault, gang rape, armed robbery and car accidents. I'm not about to call a unit back here just to send them after your dog."

"So what, you don't have extra policemen? What about you? What are _you _doing right now?"

"Sitting here talking to you," he drawled. "Give me your number. I'll send the word out over the radio and if any one spots him, we'll call you."

I scribbled my number on a piece of paper and pushed it over to him, unsure about what to do next.

"Is there anything else?" He asked with a lifted eyebrow when I hadn't moved.

"What am I going to tell Angela?" I asked him with wide, frightened eyes. "Oh my God...what am I going to tell _Edward_? I was horrible to him this morning!"

"Horrible to who exactly? Edward or the dog? Or is Edward the dog?"

"No, no, no! The dog's name is Blade! Write it down!"

"You're gonna have to clam down, ma'am," he replied seriously. "I suggest you go home now, in case your dog finds himself there on his own."

"Oh my god! He could do that? You think?"

"Stranger things have happened."

Motivated by the possibility, I burst out of the station and started running, homeward bound and without a hound; cursing myself for my everlasting stupidity.

"Watch where you're going!" Someone yelled at me.

"Sorry!" I shrieked in return, catapulting into another person immediately after. "Sorry!"

"Hey, watch it!"

I needed a short cut. The crowds on the street made it impossible to move as fast as I wanted, and of course, the throngs were all moving against me. The last time I ran that fast was at the castle in Loire Valley, away from the Victoria the wonder maid.

I threw myself into the street with no faster way to cross it. Tires screeched. Horns blared, and an unsuspecting hand grabbed at my elbow.

"Are you crazy?" The stranger shrieked, pulling me back onto the pavement.

"I have to get home!" I screamed into his face.

Throwing my hands out in front of me, I stepped into the street again and forced the cars to stop. By some miracle I made it to the other side without being flattened, and ran. I ran so fast. My sneakers pounded as hard as my heart. But no matter how hard I pushed, or how I tried to cut through the cold air, I couldn't go fast enough.

Out of breath and struggling for oxygen, I stopped against a bench and bent over gaspingly. The sun was already setting. They had made me wait too long at the police station and now the sun was setting. I was on my own, without my car or cell phone, and still a good distance away from home.

I swallowed a mouthful of cold air and looked at the setting sun, dreading what was waiting for me at one second past the last ray of orange.

_I'm never gonna make it_, I thought fretfully. _Please, let me make it!_

I rounded the corner of my street a few minutes later as the last of the orange fell behind the city skyline. Then a thunderous clash made me shriek, lose my step, and throw my hands over my head for cover.

_Almost there..._

Another deafening clash rocked the skies. I saw people in the streets duck for cover too, fearing a freak storm or a sudden lash of rain. But the rain wouldn't come. I knew that much. This was Alice. Alice was angry. And when Alice got angry, everyone within a hundred mile radius heard it.

I held my eyes forward, focusing on the rhythm of my pounding footsteps up the street. An unnatural gust of wind shaved the top of my head mid step and made me shriek. I spotted Edward's parked car then, and the sight pushed me forward faster.

_Almost there..._

I only needed the halos to hold the mucks off just a few seconds longer so I could get inside and collapse. I wasn't safer indoors, but the illusion of cover would counteract my adrenaline, if not pacify me completely.

My body was on fire. My breathing was short and scattered out in loud gasps. A crumbling sound made me jump. Then a body of stone fell out of the sky right in front of me and shattered, making me trip over the broken rock and tumble to the ground.

With my face down, I grabbed the pavement and pushed myself up, terrified to look back at what I had tripped over but doing it anyway. The horrific sight almost castrated my heart from my chest. A stone head rolled away from the pile of clothed rubble and rocked to a stop against my foot.

_Get up, _I screamed inwardly. _Get up, NOW!_

With courage I didn't know I had, I kicked the thing away from me in shuddering aversion, pushed myself up to my feet and catapulted the rest of the way. Past Edward's car I ran, then mine. I skated around the hedges onto my pathway and darted up the first steps to the front porch. Just as I stretched for the doorknob, something grabbed me unexpectedly from behind - so fast my scream didn't have time to make it out of my throat.

I was flipped inward, my face crushed against the rock hard surface of someone's chest, and almost cracked in half within the vice like grip. The whoosh of a strong breeze cut my last breath short, and my feet left the floor. The sudden darkness blind sided me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't think. Every internal, natural impulse screamed out in abysmal terror as I approached catatonia.

They got me.

XXX

**Edward**

I sat on the couch with her carry along phone in my hand and stared at the time on the clock, clenching my jaw until it locked. It was dark already and she hadn't returned. She hadn't been home for hours.

After our argument that morning, I tried calling her back, but she didn't answer. And only when I arrived at her apartment did I understand why.

She left home without her phone.

Blade was gone too. I'd found it strange when I didn't hear his call the moment I walked through the front door, and was even more surprised when I opened the back one and he wasn't there.

Agitated and harassed, I paced the floor of her apartment for hours that evening, waiting for her return. I knew she was angry, but why would she leave without her carry along phone? Did she want to avoid me that badly?

I never expected that leaving her to sleep would cause this much trouble. And what did she mean by she was humiliated by what had happened between us?

Maybe I should have just told her why I left that morning. She assumed that I went to the track, and didn't give me the chance to correct her when I tried.

This was supposed to go differently. I was supposed to get back to her before she awoke, but still, I had to be careful because what I left to do couldn't be rushed. Before I left, I had sat at her side while she slept and stared at her, thinking about what was happening between us, about the displaced gap in my chest, staring at the finger where my ring used to be.

As time ticked by, my decision only set itself deeper in my mind. I needed to be a man and do right by her. She was my fiancée, and despite my loss of memory and innate discomfort with her strangeness, making love to her was an important step for me. I hadn't planned it. I even struggled with it, but in the last second I failed my conscience and gave in to my evolving feelings; not to mention, the demands of her body and mine.

Now, hours into the night, she was gone, and I was at a loss about what to do. I assumed that she took Blade for a walk because his leash was gone too. But she left no note to explain, so all I could do was guess. The guessing was driving me crazy.

I sat forward restlessly on the couch, rested her phone down and picked up the small velvet box off the coffee table. For the hundredth time that evening, I opened it and looked at the diamond encrusted ring inside. The sales women had tried helping me choose, but my perfectionist nature slowed me down, and by the time I called Bella to check on her, I still hadn't decided.

My feelings were still in array, confused and decidedly impaired by her insistence on secrecy; let alone my own secrets. I had been having vivid dreams, nightmares even, of beasts with wings that matched the ones on Bella's back almost perfectly. The more I dreamt, the clearer and more terrifying the visions became until I found myself too afraid to ever find out the truth behind her link to it.

Nightmares and secrets aside however, my relationship with her was evolving fast. And if I was to obey the masochist in me and unleash the carnal beast she so willingly fed, we would have to do it the right way – the only way that her made her mine, and only mine. I would put the white elephant to rest, clothe her bare finger and replace the ring that was lost. I would make her my wife.

The way I saw it that morning while I watched her sleep, marriage was the only solution of making any progress with Bella. She loved me, and I couldn't live without her. We were stuck in a warped cycle of mutual dependency, give and take, abuse and surrender, war and bitter sweet forgiveness. But at the end of each day we came together quietly and let each other be. And instinctively I knew...she was permanent. She was etched into a part of me I hadn't yet reached, but she was there, my little brunette, my Bella.

I would take this step with her, knowing she would agree, and whatever we lacked, would fall in place eventually.

After our argument on the phone, I grabbed the first of the two rings on the counter and hurried the sales woman to prepare it. I didn't like the hysteria in Bella's tone and wanted to get back to her as quickly as possible. There was much we needed to talk about. But by the time I got there, she was already gone.

Hours into the night my pacing hadn't slowed, and when the front door finally opened, my hope made me lurch forward.

"Hey?" Angela greeted.

My heart plummeted so heavily I felt the sickening thud at the bottom of my cavernous stomach.

"What's with you?" She asked.

"Hello, Angela," I answered, unable to hide my disappointment. "Have you heard from Bella today?"

"No," she returned, dropping her bag on the couch. "Why? What happened?"

I slid the velvet box into my pocket and ran my hands through my hair before falling into the couch again.

"I'm not sure. Nothing, hopefully, but she hasn't been home all evening."

"Her car is out front."

"She is on foot. And she took Blade."

"Blade isn't here?" She bellowed, scrunching her nose. And as if she didn't believe me, she went to the back door and checked for herself. "You're right."

"Has Bella ever been out this late with him before? On foot?"

She turned to me and raised an eyebrow. "Sorry to tell you, Edward, but Bella is known for her disappearing acts. It's not strange at all. What's strange is that _you_ don't know where she is, since her disappearances usually has something to do with you. But I wouldn't worry about it. She usually turns up eventually. And if she's with Blade, she should be back soon."

"She's been gone all day, Angela. It's been hours. I'm losing my mind just sitting here not knowing where they are."

"Have you tried calling her?"

I pointed to her phone on the table and nodded.

"Ohh. Did you two have a fight or something?"

I sighed and passed my hands through my hair again, giving her the answer without needing words. The look she gave me was disheartening.

"She'll come back when she's over it," she said, attempting comfort. "You know Bella, she does things big. Nothing is an overreaction. I'm sure she's just blowing off steam somewhere."

She took her bag off the couch then and headed to her room. "Good night, Edward. See you in the morning. Oh, and when you see Bella, please tell her the landlord called and said she's getting some guys to come by and clean the yard tomorrow. The mess is all up the street, and no one knows what caused it."

Angela's flippant assessment of Bella's absence didn't feel right. It bothered me to the point of anger. Something could have been dreadfully wrong and she was talking about unimportant things like the mess in the yard. It was impossible for me to relax or think about anything else but Bella's whereabouts. I didn't even try to.

My uneasiness worsened as the hours passed, and by midnight my anxiety had turned to full on fear. But I sat there on the couch with the velvet box in my hand... waiting for her to come back.

XXX

**A/N: *ducking for cover***


	16. Chapter 15  Holmes Away from Home

**A/N**: This chapter may not answer all the questions you had regarding Bella's location, who exactly took her, or what's happening. But it shows her first few hours in a strange place and how disoriented and overwhelmed she is. It also shows the beginnings of Edward being brought up to speed with Bella not there to shelter every move he makes. Your answers will be in the next chapter, sorry. Every chapter has to end somewhere and I don't like crossing 5 to 6k per chap anymore. It flows better this way.

To those who can't take the angst and cliffies...it gets worse. There hasn't been any real angst so far, trust me. I can't say there won't be pain and you wont want to pull your hair out at various points through this adventure, but I CAN say that it will be worth it. Stick with it, it's just a story, and Happy Reading!

**Chapter 15**

**Holmes away from Home**

**Bella**

A hair raising noise, copped by a vicious rumbling, shook me so hard I awoke with a scream. I forgot what had happened at first, dazed and confused as I widened my eyes against the darkness. Then another crashing sound rocked me and I jumped off the floor in fright.

The last thing I remembered was my panicked flee through the city before being grabbed just an inch shy of my front door. Then I woke up in this place.

The room was dark and I hated the dark; hated it so badly that the very knowledge of it restricted me worse than if I had been bound and gagged. I would have preferred that. That would have been kinder. The impenetrable darkness inhibited and held me in place, worsened by the shrieking wind and ominous bursts of thunder. I didn't have a prayer.

The cold bit at the skin of my face and hands. My heart had developed its own spasmodic rhythm. My blood was cold and hurt my bones, and my lungs were fast failing to my anxiety. If some measure of physical light didn't come to me soon, the mucks wouldn't have the pleasure of torturing me themselves. The darkness would win before they even had the chance.

I heard the animalistic howls of wraith-like creatures, sounding like they were being maimed and crippled. And surely, I felt the static aura of death and destruction as it unfolded beyond the four walls around me. But I was fading again and losing the fight to my own demons. The darkness got darker. I couldn't breathe. I collapsed to my knees and grabbed the floor. My chest tightened. I forced it to expand with a wheezing breath, but couldn't hold it long enough to matter.

"Alice..." I coughed out, squeezing my eyes shut.

Panting now, I let my body fall and pressed my cheek to the cold floor. A wretched swarm of goosebumps fanned out all over me and pricked every hair, making them all stand in unified surrender.

"Help..."

I opened my eyes to find shadows within the shadows. Then the last of my courage ruptured when a shower of turbulence connected with the building and shook the whole room. With trembling hands I tried to locate my Selenite, and on realizing that _that_ too was taken from me, I finally succumbed.

The black faded to nothing...and I was conquered.

XXX

**Edward**

Hours into the early morning, Bella still hadn't come home. My insides were knotted, tumultuous with worry, bludgeoned by guilt, and nearing a catatonic state from anxiety. I sat transfixed on the couch for hours with the ring in my hand, haven taken it in and out of its box about a thousand times by then.

Something was terribly wrong. I felt it. The dread sank to my gut and hooked into my flesh. And Angela's flippant reaction was borderline disgusting. I knew very well that Bella was capable of a bad temper. I knew she was angry the last time we talked, but no matter how angry she was, she wouldn't be out with Blade so late. Being out this long interfered with his routine, and Blade never missed his routine. Bella was stringent about that.

Not to mention, her car was still parked in the street, her phone was sitting next to me, and the backpack she used for school and doubled as a purse, was on the coffee table. She hadn't taken anything with her, so I knew that she didn't plan to be away long when she left.

I raised my eyes from the ring in my hands and looked at the clock. Somehow, the thing survived the fervent latch of my eyes all night long. I'd been glaring at the 'second hand' so intensely for the past few hours. It was a wonder it hadn't leapt to its own death and smashed itself on the floor just to get away from me.

_What had I done?_

I had been driving this girl away for weeks. I had challenged her relentlessly in my mad reach for understanding, and hadn't given enough weight to the possibility of her actually turning her back on me. Now Bella was gone and I was alone, and in that moment, not even my wildest nightmares stood up to the fright of this.

That heaviness was further exacerbated by the intimate memory of making love to her. I had held her, put my hands and mouth on her skin just some hours ago, and fought past every haunting vision of Tanya in the process just to feel a reconnection to her. Memory or not, past or present, in lies or questions marks, I had fallen for Bella, and what was happening that night was heavy enough to crush me.

I placed the ring in its case for the thousandth time and rested it squarely on the coffee table. Then I cleared the table of everything else so it could stand alone in the centre. With nothing else to do, my eyes shifted restlessly from the ring to the clock, to the front door, then back to the ring again - over and over in that sequence until I was seething in frustration.

Sunlight started peeping through the windows some time later, and I realised the entire night had passed with me sitting there.

Leaden and murderously agitated, I got up and stretched my legs by pacing the floor. My attempts at guessing what had happened had already evolved into hideous tales of terror, putting me one move short of crawling up the walls.

My guesses started off innocently, with her losing track of time and falling asleep by mistake at a friend's house. Then the picture merged into her being in another man's arms...which made me want to burn the whole pissing building to the ground. And by the end, I had visions of her being kidnapped, assaulted or worse...

I was close to screaming.

On the brink of insanity, I stalked through the place and checked the rooms again. I knew she didn't come home and had somehow slipped by without me knowing, but I checked away, dying a little more every time I opened a door and found the absence of her inside.

My last stop was the back door. I opened it and stared at Blade's vacant spot dejectedly, worried about him too. Then I spoke the only words that ever seemed to calm him.

"Canis timidus vehementius latrat quam mordet."

_A timid dog barks more violently than it bites_.

Somehow he always got my subtle message, that there was more to fear in the quiet and calculating than in the loud and obvious. It made for better predatory skills, even though I knew he was just a dog. He usually reverted to his natural self eventually, as it should be, but it had amazed me how well he responded, as if we were somehow connected on a plain higher than even I understood.

My heart almost leapt right out of my chest when I heard the front door open behind me. I spun to face it and had already covered half the distance when I realised it was Angela again. My disappointment almost consumed me whole.

"Have you slept at all?" She asked, fully dressed and on her way out the door.

I sighed heavily and shook my head, not meaning to communicate my obvious disappointment.

She walked past me, poked her head into the backyard, then closed the kitchen door. "They haven't come back, have they?"

"No." I fell into the couch tiredly, and passed my hand over my face. "Something's not right. I think we should go to the police."

She turned to face me with her lip between her teeth. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't bother, since Bella's done this before, like I told you last night, but I will admit that it's strange about Blade."

"Angela, last night you said something about Bella's disappearances usually having something to do with me. What did you mean by that?"

"Yeah...well, she vanished twice. The second time doesn't really count since she called from the hospital a few hours after, on the night of your...accident. Though how she got there...I don't know. She had been on the roof with Blade then all of a sudden...poof...Blade almost died in a fit. It took hours for me to calm him down. She didn't come back for a week, but when she did, she came with you."

I sat forward and frowned seriously into space. "And the first time she disappeared?"

"I might as well," she said with a shrug. "The first time she vanished was just _awful_. I honestly thought someone had kidnapped and killed Bella. I was terrified. She left one night in a mad, secretive rush and didn't come back. I called her cell over and over the morning after, and when she didn't answer I was worried. But I only started seriously panicking when her car was found abandoned by the pet cemetery. More than a week passed and I hadn't heard anything from her. I was a mess. I filed a missing person's report but the cops weren't much help. She missed school...she missed work...

"Then one day just out of the blue, I get this vague phone call from her, and I swear to God, I almost fainted from relief alone. I was so pissed though. She sounded fine. She was off somewhere on a joyride and had taken _that_ long to let me know she was okay. Even worse was her refusal to tell me where she was, or with who. She was being really weird and secretive..."

"Why doesn't that surprise me," I cut in absently.

"Anyway," Angela went on. "She was fine. And at the time I hadn't met you, so I had no clue what was going on. Then she just reappeared magically one day, with a vague story about some guy she had been having a discreet relationship with. She had run away with him, but of course, she wouldn't tell me why. Said she couldn't talk about it. Plus she looked like hell. She was rail thin, white like paper, and her eyes were sunken into her head and blood shot like she hadn't slept for weeks and had been crying the whole time.

"She hasn't been the same since that. Not that Bella was ever the extrovert, but imagine someone who's quiet and introverted becoming quieter and more secretive. This is why I have half a mind to ignore this. I wouldn't be surprised, Edward, if she showed up unexpectedly with that wide eyed stare of hers. And it's usually after you've driven yourself half crazy with worry."

"Angela," I said, clasping my hands between my knees. "Are you absolutely sure she was with me when this happened?"

"Yes. She said she was with Edward. Then she showed up here with you one night and said you lost your memory and had to stay with us. There can't be that many Edward's she's like this with."

"Actually," I said with raised eyebrows, remembering what she said the night I found her journal. "You'd be surprised. She would tell you otherwise. You said her car was abandoned?"

"Yup. At the Pet Cemetery where Ben's dog is buried. It was so creepy that her car was found there when she disappeared, because at the time she had this odd obsession with the old bell tower at the back."

"What bell tower?"

"There's a bell tower on the property behind the cemetery. I think it's part of an old church or something. She went all Sherlock Holmes on me when she realised there were Gargoyles at the top. Started snooping around there and trying to get close to them."

"Gar...? Gargoyles? You mean to say...those grotesque looking stone creatures on churches and cathedrals?"

"Those would be the ones...yah."

"What on earth did Bella want with _Gargoyles_?"

"Beats me, Edward. She said something about her thesis, but she's quite the eccentric. Knowing Bella the way I do though, I would say it had something to do with their wings. She has a thing for wings, as you can probably tell by what the skin on her back looks like."

"Wings..."

The onslaught of questions and pieces of the Bella puzzle started reaching inwardly for my attention. Then something in a black hood flashed before my eyes and I recoiled into the couch instinctively.

"Uh...Edward?" Angela muttered.

My heart was racing, and for no reason at all I was perspiring. I looked up at Angela and tried to blink out of the stupor, but that proved hard since waking the abyss at the back of my mind. That hole hadn't cried out to me in a while, but something about Angela's story unsettled it.

I needed a change of scenery. I needed to go where I could take a deep breath and comb through my thoughts. I got to my feet and studied Angela's perplexed expression as my next thought developed.

"Where can I find this cemetery?"

XXX

**Bella**

It seemed like a miracle when I awoke again and the room was filled with sunlight. I was still on the floor, and despite having passed out during the dark hours of the night, I was still exhausted and felt like my body had been bashed in.

But at least, there was silence. There wasn't a single crack, peep, or whisper of life anywhere. Slowly, I pushed my sore body into a seated position and swept the room with my eyes. The ceiling was very low and slanted, and by the view of tree tops through the window I knew I was in an attic. There was a single, iron bed against the wall across from me, with one pillow and some folded blankets.

There was also a small table and chair, an open box of old books and dust coated paraphernalia, and a brown paper bag on the floor by the door. I went straight for the door. I kicked the paper bag out of the way and grabbed the doorknob, not surprised when it didn't budge.

I didn't have the energy to hit it like I wanted to. So instead, I crouched next to the brown bag an opened it. Inside I found a bottle of water, a banana, a juice box and a wrapped sandwich; like a mother had lovingly packed lunch for her child.

Brimming with aversion, I tossed the bag away from me and scowled. As hungry as I was, I was not going to cooperate in any way with the mucks, and I was sure it was them who had kidnapped me. To my grave I would go down being a stubborn bitch since that quality had gotten me through many a pickle until that day. It was the only thing that ever got me what I wanted, or helped me survive fuckery like this. It made me feel like I still had some measure of control over something.

I kicked the bag further away and turned toward the bed, suddenly craving the warmth of the blankets on top. That, at least, I would give in to. I dragged myself over and climbed in, then pulled three of the blankets over me, shivering violently once I was curled up on my side.

"Fucking mucks," I grunted through clenched teeth. "Taking my Selenite and leaving me defenceless is coward and low. I know you can hear me, so you better listen. You will pay for this. I promise you."

XXX

**Edward**

Mill Creek Pet Cemetery

January 19, 2010.

The hyperactive hole in my head gave me a nasty headache the moment I walked through the cemetery gates. I didn't know anymore, if the hole was some kind of innate protective instinct, or a lifetime of memories that were reaching out to me, but whatever it was, it was definitely reaching out and wanting to grab hold of _something_.

I went to the police station first and reported Bella's disappearance, then followed Angela's directions to the cemetery. The maze of headstones lead me to a small slope of land at the back which levelled off to an area, like she said, bordered by a high and wide wall. The gate was easy to find. It was short and narrow and looked at least a century old. And there was a sign on it that read:

"No trespassing. Danger."

I passed my fingers over the letters, cringing against the increasingly violent surges in my head. Something was trying to make it through to me, and it had to do with this place. Unsettled as the eeriness made me, I grabbed the iron bars and climbed over the gate. The wailing in my mind would only get louder the further I went, I knew. And as horrified as I was whenever the hole bent out of shape, if it could answer at least one of my questions about Bella, I would face it.

Moving through the weeds and bush at the foot of the trees wasn't easy, and I suffered a few scratches on way, but made it to the clearing in good time. There was no church when I got there, and definitely no bell tower. All there was, was piles of rock and rubble. Whatever used to be there was now smashed to the ground, and any hope for answers along with it.

Standing there staring at it was wasting time, so I turned to make my way back.

"The journal," I whispered to myself, finding a renewed sense of encouragement.

**Bella**

The day passed too quickly. My sleep was fitful and I awoke even hungrier than before. The view through the one window in the attic was unhelpful. There were only trees outside and I guessed that I was surrounded by them, in a forest perhaps. I could have been anywhere.

As the last of the sun's rays crept down the wall, the small room dimmed, and my panic released a bitter taste at the back of my throat. I was scared already. Sunset was here and soon the Gargoyles would be awake. Not even my determined will could fool my body into not shaking. In a few minutes, all hell would break loose. The howling would pierce the silence and raise my hair. The beastly screams would make me shudder in horror, and the sounds of Alice's anger would make me fear her in a way I didn't think was possible.

Both sides were fighting for their right to claim me, and I prayed to gods I had never prayed to before, that the right side would get to me first.

I knew the sound of Alice the moment I heard it. The wind and the loud clap of thunder, and the sound of the storm without the rain made me hug myself. If a fight had broken out the night Edward made love to me in the bathroom, it would have to be Alice's wrath that caused Edward and Angela's concern. I remembered them mentioning something about a freak storm.

Dropping my face into my hands, I scolded myself viciously for losing control that night. While it was happening I had known I was saying too much. At the back of my mind I felt the pressing need to stop and shut myself away where temptation couldn't get to me, but it turned out that the Gargoyles were right after all.

The secret was much bigger than me, the preciousness of which alone was sometimes too magical to contain. It was always bursting to free itself from the meagre reserves of my humanity despite my best intentions. I would never tell it in a coherent state because I knew how important it was. But what was to stop me once I was compromised? I didn't know how to control myself when I was under the influence, and lately, being under the influence was the only thing that kept me together...ironically enough, since it was also the thing that tore me apart.

The challenge complicated itself even more since my evolving relationship with Edward. He was needy as was I, and we fed each other's neediness. Wanting to make him happy worked directly against the secret. The closer we got, the harder it was to lie to him, and I absolutely hated the look in his eyes when he saw me lying. It made me want to dissolve into the air and wither. It made me feel advantageous.

I fumbled with the light switch on the wall as the darkness continued to cover the room, trying to swallow the bile that my racing heart pushed upward into my mouth. I actually feared the sight of Alice after this, hoping there _was_ an "after this". Her thunderous tirade vibrated through the room and rattled the window. It was one minute past sunset, and already, the gruelling battle had begun

The light didn't work. I backed into a corner and hugged my knees on the floor, taking deep breaths as I focused on the door. A shrieking scream made me jump. A swooshing wind slapped the side of the house, then the door burst open and slammed against the wall with a loud crack.

I screamed.

"Stay with her," a familiar, demanding voice ordered.

The last of the light fell on Emmett's face and my heart leapt both in trepidation and relief.

"Emmett?"

The belligerent look in his eyes shunned me, and I pressed my back further into the corner.

I almost died of a heart attack when I heard a dog bark, then saw Blade leaping toward me through the dark.

"BLADE?"

He jumped into my lap and wet my face with sloppy kisses. "Oh! Thank God! Where have you been?"

Emmett wasn't in the doorway anymore when I raised my eyes again. I jumped up and ran to the door in a panic.

"Emmett! Wait!"

Something opaque stepped into the doorway just as I reached it. I clashed with the hard wall of a body and was winded on contact, the lash pushing me backward. Then suddenly, a ball of yellow light originated from the centre of the darkness and illuminated the figure I'd just collided with.

I stopped breathing when a little girl stepped forward and brought the light with her into the attic.

"Don't be afraid," she said to me. "It's only light."

The amber glow raised like a ball through the darkness and framed her petite face. She looked no older than twelve or thirteen, though she seemed tall. There wasn't much else I could see of her behind the curtain of the shadows, but I knew by the keen interest in her eyes that she wasn't a threat.

"Who are you?" I whispered, taking a few steps away from her.

"I came to give you light," she said. The beam moved from her face and fell like a ball of fire into her hands. She moved her hands apart and the movement made the beam grow. It spread outward and stretched with her arms, and lifted the darkness away.

"That's incredible," I gasped, sweeping the walls with an amazed look. "You have the gift of light."

She smiled at me and nodded, then shut the door behind us and pointed to the far corner.

"Please, move as far away as you can from the door and sit quietly."

Blade was restless in her company. He ran in circles and snapped at the light, but never crossed beyond a certain distance to get close enough to her.

"You didn't tell me your name," I said to the girl, more than grateful that she was kind enough to bring me light when I feared the dark so badly.

"I am Makenna of Poland," she answered.

I could tell by her accent that she was European.

"Hello, Makenna. I'm Bella."

"I am aware."

"I didn't know there were Gargoyles as young as you."

Closest to her look was Jane, I remembered, but even Jane didn't look as young as this. As well as, Jane carried a harshness in her eyes that told you she wasn't young at all, nor should she be perceived as innocent.

"Young?" Makenna clipped. " My dear, I am more than two centuries old. Don't be deceived."

"Well I realise that in Gargoyle years you would be older, but still, you look like a child. I don't mean that in a bad way, of course. I'm just...amazed."

"I'm not offended."

"May I ask...what determines the age of your face?"

"Two things. Children need guardians too, and some will take assistance easier from someone who looks less like an adult and more like them."

That made sense.

"And the other reason?"

"Nature, I suppose. We reflect our animal spirit."

"And what animal are you?"

She looked slightly embarrassed to say, but then a cheeky giggle erupted from her throat and her mischievous nature bubbled forth.

"I am a Bobcat!"

Then she sighed and the light in the room blazed brighter, which in turn, made me calmer. "Oh my bright stars," she said smilingly. "You are the first human I have said that to."

"Feels good doesn't it?" I mumbled. "The release of getting a secret out of your system?"

Her sudden seriousness fell over her prettiness then, and darkened her expression. "Do not attempt to equate our situations. The secret you hold is by far the most dangerous and is powerful enough to hurt both your world and mine. A lot of damage has already come from it, and if things don't change very soon, the balance between the two worlds will be lost. You have no idea how bad this can get, how bad it is already."

I shifted uncomfortably on the floor and broke eye contact with her. I pulled Blade into my lap and tried to comfort him by stroking his fur, but the sounds outside were driving him crazy.

"May I ask whose side you're fighting on?" I asked.

"Would your enemy bring you light?"

"I suppose not. Thank you, Makenna."

The sounds of the storm started to subside, and both Makenna and I snapped our heads toward the small window. There was a red tinge on the sky, the symbolism unearthing me impossibly more than I already was.

"Makenna?" I gasped.

"Yes Bella."

I swallowed anxiously and inhaled. "Has anyone from The Coalition...um..."

"We lost three," she answered. "Last night."

I stood up and clasped my hands over my mouth in horror, feeling a well of tears prod behind my sockets. Gargoyles were dying for me, and there was nothing I could do to help them, stop the situation, or reverse any of what had already happened. Worse than that gutting feeling, was my fear that a Cullen would get hurt. I would not, under any circumstance, be able to live with or forgive myself if one of them lost their life in this war.

But before I could ask my next question, Alice walked through the door. Her face alone broke the bank of tears and made them fall.

"Alice," I gasped, running to her.

Her embrace was surprisingly tight. She hugged me, really hugged me, for the first time in too long. I was surprised when she didn't push me away and scold me vehemently for my behaviour. I was surprised that a creature capable of such freakish and terrifying sounds from just a few minutes ago was also capable of affection like this. My crying quickly turned to uncontrollable sobbing.

While hugging me, she touched the top of Blade's hysterical head and hushed him promptly.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Alice asked, setting me away from her gently when it was clear that I wasn't going to let go.

"Barely, but I'm much better now that you're here. I knew you'd find me, Alice. What's going on? Has the fight ended? Are you going to take me back?"

"Bella, I think you should sit down," she said, warningly. "There is a lot we have to talk about. And this time, you'll have no choice but to cooperate."

XXX

**A/N: Next one is Gargoyle POV! Thank you for reading :)**

**Rec: True Love Way by teambella23. Lovely little tale :)**


	17. Chapter 16  Blood on the Moon

A/N: Hi everyone, Gargoyle POV as promised. It's just some insight into the battle. I hope you enjoy it.

There was much I needed to answer from last week's reviews, but I have been ill for a while. Hopefully your answers will be addressed in this chapter. If not, send them to me again and I will get to them in your reviews this week. Thanks for reading, and Happy Reading. :o)

**Chapter 16**

**Blood on the Moon**

**Matthew 26:41 - "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."**

**Alice**

The human mind will always be a travesty to me; a false representation of strength despite all they are capable of in this miserable world. They will build great war ships and sophisticated weapons to take down their enemies, spawn inventions that push generations forward, single handedly lead nations and mighty armies to victory, and cure diseases through ingenious medical developments. They will move people to God himself through powerful words and heart rendering testimonies.

But something as simple as keeping a secret? Impossible...

I've watched them for centuries, and despite the breed of a man, his race, culture, gender, age or character, a secret will eat at him inside, until he has to free himself of it and spit it out eventually – even if "to just one person."

The vicious cycle then starts again and spreads like a virus, causing enough damage to tear the tightest bonds or rock the deepest foundations.

Bella was willing. From the very beginning her heart was in the right place, but it didn't matter how badly she wanted to do the right thing. Inevitably, the flesh took over, as we all knew it would, and she began to crack. And to that point, the only thing that kept any of us at bay for so long, even more so than the Selenite that she wore, was her free will; her most powerful asset and the one thing we couldn't tamper with.

The Legion was ordered by Aro to obey one of the most fundamental rules of our time – respect for free will. She was not to be tampered with, removed, displaced, hurt or avenged in anyway that involved the overriding of her free will; except, and always, in the case of self defense. We could only interfere if she became an obvious threat to our existence. So, with that as their only wild card, The Uprising nailed themselves to her day and night, and waited...waited for her to give them a reason.

They waited for her to squeal.

And the moment she showed signs of doing it, all hell broke loose. It happened the night she smoked the cigar with Edward on the roof, of all places, and lost control of her tongue.

Before that night however, on the night Edward found the journal in Bella's bedroom, Jasper made himself a target when a few of the mucks, as Bella referred to them, got too close to her. Three of them dared to cross into our territory and got as far as her back door.

We intercepted them of course, and when they refused to retreat, Jasper stepped up, not surprisingly so, and made a gruesome example of one.

That night was essentially the beginning of the end.

"Retreat," Emmett growled menacingly.

I was first to move past them and stand in front of the door. Jasper flanked Emmett while Carlisle and Esme held down the fort with Riley and the rest of our team, on the roof and at the front door.

"Stop making fools of yourself," Eleazar snapped.

"You traitorous swine," Carmen spat next, from his side. "How can you stand to call yourselves members of this Legion after belittling yourselves like this? And drafting other Guardians into your cause? That only makes it worse. You are despicable."

Carmen was an Augmenter. With enough focus she was able to weaken another Gargoyle's power, not completely, but enough to be a threat.

"Think what you will of us, Carmen," I replied. "But we won't let you near the girl."

"Won't let us? You are sorely outnumbered, or haven't you noticed?" Garrett scoffed. Eleazar and Garrett were identical, both physically and gift wise. They had the gift of synchrony and were able to merge together to form one bigger, stronger being.

"We are prepared to go down fighting," Emmett snapped. "And I wouldn't be so hasty to cast judgement if I were you. You are the ones defiling the purpose you were created for. Regardless of how strongly you feel about this, hurting the human goes against everything you were ever trained for."

"Who said anything about hurting her?"

"Tampering," Emmett growled, "...is just as bad. We won't allow it."

"Again, your arrogance amuses me," Eleazar chuckled out. "Exactly how do you intend to stop us? If we want to get into that house and extract the girl, we will."

"No, you won't," Jasper interjected with a step forward.

His gloves were already off and tucked into his pockets. One look at the wild fire in his eyes made Emmett take a step backward and out of reach. I moved minimally to the side and tried to get eye contact with him, trying to hold him in place before an unnecessary mistake was made, but he purposely avoided my stare.

He focused on Eleazar threateningly, holding the other two in his peripheral, his muscles twitching and rearing to pounce...fingers dangling at his sides.

"Don't let it come to this," I urged them all, seeing how serious Jasper was. "This isn't the place for this anyway. Follow us to the sky and we will talk."

"We've talked enough," Carmen snapped, taking a step toward me. "Get out of our way, Alice, or I will move you myself. A storm won't stop me."

Her stare sunk deep into my head, and already, I could feel the weakening threads of poison roll through my limbs. I wouldn't be able to keep her away from the door if she pushed her gift on me fully, not when my limbs felt like jello.

"Jasper," I whispered, which was perhaps a mistake of mine. Jasper roared into action and flitted forward until his chest was pressed to Carmen's back.

"Release her!" He threatened.

The twins stepped into each other and expanded, and Emmett cracked his knuckles, always ready for a brawl.

"Stop," I whispered, wobbling forward weakly.

But Carmen wouldn't stop. And just as the twin reached forward and snatched hold of Jasper's shoulders, he retaliated and grabbed Carmen by the throat. Her shrill scream, as a cold path of stone crept out from between Jasper's fingers, made the Twin jump backward and fall out of each other's bodies. They split in two, and with eyes as wide as the moon, darted around Emmett and flew off.

Almost immediately, I felt my limbs roar to life again, just as Carmen's body cast itself and trapped her scream inside.

When Jasper let go of her throat, the statue rocked and fell to the ground on its own, and broke in all the wrong places.

"Are you okay?" He asked, rushing to me with his hands in his pockets.

"I'm fine," I answered, leaning into him. "I hoped it wouldn't come to this. There will be trouble."

With that, Emmett took off.

"Alice," Jasper said, trying to be soothing. "A war means casualties. You have to condition yourself to losing some."

Bending his face, he stroked my cheek with the tip of his nose.

"I can't lose you, Jasper," I whispered, closing my eyes against his face. "I couldn't stand it."

"Hey," he whispered, slipping his gloves on to touch my chin. "You're not going to lose me."

"You just made yourself a target," I uttered, shaking my head. "They'll try to.." He stopped me by putting a finger to my lips, then he bent and kissed me.

"Sshhh. Just promise to stay close to me at all times." He knew he had opened a hornet's nest by touching Carmen. She was the first real casualty of the war, and by his hands. The Uprising would be furious. The war was now more than just a fight over a human girl. It had expanded into a rebellious clash of supernatural egos, which neither side was prepared to lose.

"I'll stay close to you," I promised, our foreheads together.

A whooping summons came from the sky and broke the still around us. We hurriedly collected Carmen's remains and left for the skies, not realising that one of her hands had fallen back to the ground in our rush.

XXX

We had managed to hold off a fight that night. The Uprising retreated on realising how daring Jasper was, but we knew it would not be long. They were simply buying time to recalculate their position and re-think their strategy before their next move.

But Carlisle had proven himself again. He was crafty. He made up for our lack of numbers with quality. He knew we would never be big enough to beat the Uprising, so he strategically chose Gargoyles with gifts that put us at an advantage. It wouldn't get us out of the war unscathed, but it was the best shot we had at holding our own. Plus, Carlisle was very well respected in the Legion, more so than Amun, the leader of The Uprising. Amun was not an elder, like Carlisle was, and was notorious for his cunning nature. As good a guardian as he was to the humans, he was power hungry. It was rumoured that he had manipulated a few Gargoyles before him in the line for Eldership, and had gotten them into trouble. He was a faithful minion to Aro and would do anything for good favour, but Aro's recent drop in popularity since the Bella and Edward situation presented an opportunity which Amun couldn't resist...an opportunity for power - power that may very well be able to override Aro's authority if he stirred up enough trouble. He wanted to be a hero.

It wasn't hard for him to spawn The Uprising. There were too many Gargoyles that felt just as passionately as he did about Aro's decision to leave Bella with knowledge of our kind.

We were lucky on that first night when he ordered The Uprising to retreat. But that wasn't the case on the night Bella smoked the cigar with Edward. The moment Edward hauled her indoors and shoved her into the shower, a nasty clash ensued.

"Stand down!" Carlisle boomed, in the dark skies. "This is not the way to handle this!"

"How long do we have to wait before this girl falls apart and exposes us?" Amun barked into Carlise's face. "You heard her yourself, Carlisle! This is where we draw the line! Even now as we hover here debating like fools, she is talking...JUST LISTEN TO HER!"

"Even if she says something, Amun, it isn't likely that he will believe her. It's too incredible to believe."

"That is your answer to this?" Amun barked. "Do you think we don't know that the boy is special? We see his dreams, Carlisle...he can see us."

"What in heaven's name are you talking about?" Esme gasped, fortifying her position at Carlisle's side.

"Never mind that, Esme," Amun demanded.

"Amun, brother," Carlisle said, composing himself under Amun's malignant stare. "If you insist on clashing with us, at least, let us take it elsewhere, where others won't be caught in the middle."

"I am no brother of yours," Amun spat. "I lost favour with all Gargoyles, and particularly the elders, who have brought disgrace to this Legion by allowing this charade to go this far. All this over a human. It's such a shame."

I turned to Leah at my side, held her hand, then made eye contact with Zaphrina. Leah was our Sensor. She had the ability to sense the gifts of all Gargoyles within a certain range, and knew what they were capable of. As much as we could, in the time leading up to the war, we kept our collection of gifts a secret so that The Uprising wouldn't be able to target us individually.

From where Zaphrina was, she read my mind then passed the message on onto Leah. I wanted Leah to find the one in The Uprising who could see into Edward's dreams.

A few seconds later, Zaphrina passed her eyes over to mine, and communicated.

'She is searching for the dream catcher.'

I looked at Leah for any obvious signs of her using her gift, but there were none. The Uprising was none the wiser of what she was doing, as Carlisle and Amun continued to argue. She squeezed my hand a short while later to send me a signal, then she passed the message to Zaphrina.

'She found the dream catcher. She is here, higher to the top.'

Typically, the front line, which comprised of the strongest Gargoyles, fought closer to the ground because it was nearer to the target, the target being Bella. The back line fought higher in the sky, and tried to hold off the masses from impeding on the squad down below. They were like support.

Zaphrina looked into the swarm of mucks and moved swiftly to the side, drawing the attention of some of them, and hence, their steely eye contact. Through their eyes, one pair at a time, she searched for herself, through the front line, then upward, until she found the one.

She then turned back to me.

'Her name is Kebi, and they keep her closer to the top. She is not happy about that. She wishes she could fight at the front, down here.'

'Does she know you just read her thoughts?' I asked.

'No, I didn't communicate. I only read."

'Good. Dear Kebi might be useful to us."

"Glory?" Amun spat out, breaking my connection to Zaphrina and Leah. "You think I am doing this for glory? How dare you."

"We aren't fools, Amun, your tactics are transparent, even to the ones who follow you. You want leadership, and you will try to take it like this."

Amun darted menacingly toward Carlisle until they were nose to nose.

"Be careful," he snarled. "You are in a fairly compromising position, Carlisle of the Cullen Host."

"And you, Amun, shouldn't forget that I am your Elder. I have authority over you. And when I tell you to stand down, I Damn. Well. Mean. It."

"I love you," Jasper whispered into my ear from behind me. I heard his swift but subtle movements as his gloves were shoved into his pockets. "Remember your promise to me."

Suddenly, all eyes on the mucks' front line were on Jasper. It was as if his bare fingers shot out a radioactive signal that connected with each and every one of them.

Being the one with the most dangerous gift, he would be their first target, and already my heart was dropping to my sepulchre of a stomach.

"It's not me you need to worry about, Jasper," I whispered, turning my face to the side.

He dropped a light kiss on my nose and breathed into my face. "They can't get close to me, buttercup. And if they do...they'll be sorry."

"Jasper! On your left!" Leah alerted us suddenly. "I sense a sponge."

I whipped to the side to shield Jasper.

"A what?"

I intercepted the aggressor with a bolt of lightning and he fell back.

"If he touches you, he will absorb your gift," Leah gasped, breathlessly.

"MOVE!" I screamed at the Gargoyle, but it was too late. Before we knew it, the hoards were descending on us and we had to move fast. Jacob jumped out of nowhere and grabbed the Sponge. When the Sponge grabbed back he drew from Jacob's gift and they both belted out a sonic howl so air piercing, every Gargoyle cringed and grabbed their ears. Thankfully, the howl was so high pitched, it was out of human range.

The fight escalated to a catastrophe in the blink of an eye. It was like nothing we had ever seen before; Gargoyles fighting each other, using their gifts against one another, tearing at each other with snarly teeth and hateful intent. It was excruciating. It was painful. It was downright unacceptable, but if we allowed that to overwhelm us, we would lose easily. And our egos were just as large as theirs. We could not, and would not lose. We were fighting for life. We were fighting to protect the weak. And despite the ones we would lose along the way, we would win.

"Alice!" Jasper screamed when I left his side. "What are you doing!"

Everything after that happened in a deathly whir. The apartment building was marked at all access points and guarded by the halos, as Bella referred to us, but the mucks were fighting aggressively, and quite impressively side stepping our gifts with theirs. I had to make sure the points of access to Bella's apartment were properly covered. If any muck got into that place, that would be the end.

"Stay alert!" I screamed back at him, just as Leah shrieked another warning.

"Jasper!" Leah screamed in warning. "Close your eyes now!"

They were coming at poor Jasper like hungry animals. He closed his eyes and spun himself into a tornado with his hands out, creating a shield around himself.

In my tumultuous uproar, the skies cracked and roared with rounds of thunder and any Gargoyle who dared to intercept me got a bolt of lightning straight to the centre of their chest.

As I moved through the throngs of wailing, gnashing creatures, I spotted Carlisle moving from post to post, healing all those he could, but there were literally thousands and the space we covered was so vast. The fight virtually covered the entire city. I hoped that at least, the sounds of a threatening storm would keep the humans indoors.

Esme was another primary target of the mucks. I saw very early on the way they came at her with their best gifts, trying to find a way past the stunning effect of her stare, trying to blind her. But she was as smart as she was fast. She positioned herself above Jasper, and with just the smallest glance, she stunned them three at a time, making them fall into Jasper's deadly tornado below. Once their bodies fell within his range, and his hands touched, they were turned immediately and consequently fell to their death below.

We had two Gargoyles stay close to the ground beneath Jasper, making sure the street was deserted so that when the bodies fell and smashed on the ground, no one would witness, or get hurt.

Carlisle darted from point to point throughout the team, managing to heal every halo that was unlucky enough to be struck by an opposing power. That kept him very busy because the mucks were many, and the damage was heinous.

Our ESP Gargoyles like Zaphrina and Riley worked from two points in the center, like Leah. Through forced eye contact, they were able to read and predict the strategies of the mucks before they were executed, then scream warnings to the front line. They were third on the mucks' hit list. The mucks were realising very quickly that they had underestimated our collective strength.

"Don't look into their eyes!" Amun screamed. "None of them! Avoid eye contact!"

Closer to the ground, something scary but interesting happened. While Emily Young was having fun manipulating a group of mucks, by making them strike each other with her telekinesis ability, I noticed something she did not. She was pushed forward aggressively by a wind that was not mine.

I scanned the area, trying to find another that could manipulate the elements like me, but without Leah's help, I was helpless. Lower down below, another brash wind pushed through the center of a brutal brawl, and passed on.

"There's something there," I mumbled, letting out a thunderous howl. "LEAH!"

I flew back the few hundred miles and found her. "I need you!"

"But I can't leave here!" She shrieked. "They're coming too fast! They need me!"

"Go," Zaphrina ordered. "Riley and I will cover. But be quick."

I grabbed Leah's wrist and pelted downward in a straight line.

"What's wrong!"

I passed the two levels where I had seen the strange movement, then went lower still. "There's something around here...it's moving fast. I need you to use your senses for any gifts that we may not be able to see."

"Like what? An invisi...ok, I feel it."

"Where? What is it?"

"My goodness...Alice."

"Leah? What, what...WHAT?"

"That can't be right," she muttered. "Move with me. I need to get closer."

We were almost on Bella's rooftop when a striking blow hit me in the back and ploughed both Leah and I to the surface. I turned over to find a squad of them coming down on us rapidly.

"Gravity," Leah gasped. "I sense the gift of gravity."

And surely, we were welded to the spot. Though we squirmed to the best of our ability, we couldn't uproot ourselves.

"Oh no..." Leah gasped next.

"Oh no?" They were descending faster. "I don't like oh no, Leah."

"Possession."

"What the hell is possess...Oh no."

I turned by eyes upward, and with strength pulled from my toes straight up, I released a shower of lightning, and lit them ablaze with friction.

"Don't let him touch you!" Leah screamed as they fell toward us. "He can invade your body!"

"Tell me which one is gravity!"

"Furthest right!"

I focused on Gravity alone and blasted his roaring form out of the rank, just in time to roll away before the possessor landed on me.

Leah and I jumped to our feet and squared off with the five of them. I hauled wind and lightning at them, but was only able to hold them off temporarily. They were too strong and were trying to get near to us. Trying very determinedly.

That was the wrong time for Leah to distract me with what came next.

"I know what it is now," she said, in a trance like tone. "It's incredible."

"Leahhhh..." I growled, grinding my teeth through the clashing thunder and the wall of lightning that was very slowly frying the five mucks.

"Whoever he is...he's invisible."

"Wha..." I gasped, glancing at her for a second then back. "Invis... that's not possible."

"Apparently it is...and he's at Bella's back door."

"NO!" By some miracle, the five mucks turned away from the lightning, scorched and burnt from the excessive exposure. Two fell to their knees, and the other three used the last of their strength to fly back up.

"We need Liam," I yelled at Leah, pushing her toward towards the edge, while I took off toward the back door. "Get Liam and bring him here as fast as you can. Go!"

I dove off the roof and sent a stab of lightning blindly to the back door. Whoever it was, he was just about to open the door when the flash of lightning illuminated his silhouette. I heard his roar. His outline twitched but disappeared again once the light bounced off of him. So I did it again, harder this time, drilling the light onto that spot so hard it was a miracle he didn't explode in flames.

I pushed my way between him and the door and felt when the presence recoiled from under the light.

"Alice, you fool!"

"Who are you?" I bit out threateningly, trying to keep my voice low so I didn't wake Bella and her friends. They were asleep by then. This fight had already been going on for hours and thankfully, Bella was heavily knocked out.

Liam landed at the foot of the stairs then, like a hunter on the prowl.

"I sent Leah back," he said. "They need her up there, it's not pretty. What do you need me to do?"

I pointed toward the wall then sent a bolt of lightning across it until I found the silhouette again. It buckled and roared and tried to flee from my clutch.

"He can go invisible," I said. "Match him. Maybe you can see him, if you're like him."

Liam was a chameleon and would resemble anything he touched. He was better than a sponge because apart from absorbing his victim's gift, he also took on their physical appearance.

It only lasted while his hands were on his prey, however, but that was all we needed.

Liam sprung forward and I retracted the lightning bolt so that he could hold my prey. The second he touched him his body vanished from within his clothes, leaving his garments suspended in the air around his frame.

"I still see your clothes," I said, mesmerized. "But I can't see you."

"He is weak," Liam called back to me. "And you're not going to believe this."

"You can see him then."

"Yes."

"Who is he?"

A body materialized out of the thin air and collapsed to the floor, with streams of steam sizzling off his naked skin. I almost didn't recognize his face.

"Caius?" I gasped, incredulously.

Aro's right hand man, an Elder...

XXX

By some miraculous feat, hours of gruelling battle took us straight to sunlight and not a single muck got into the apartment. As dawn approached, The Uprising started turning away, but not of course, before they issued their various threats and curses for the Gargoyles we had either wounded or killed that night.

It was Carlisle who kept us alive so far. He spent his hours catching and healing maimed and dying bodies, managing to save their lives just moments before death, some of them multiple times. Thousands to heal at various points all at the same time should have been impossible, but he did it, thereby putting himself high on the hit list for the next night.

"This isn't over!" Amun shrieked, angrily. "I will smash you all to dust, one by one. When the sun sets tonight, we'll be back, and trust when I tell you that we will be ready this time. We know you all by now. And you will have hell to pay."

I'd kept Caius weakened until dawn with repeated shock therapy while Liam held him, staying invisible as best as he was able, given the spill over sparks of electricity he had to absorb just to do that. After The Uprising left to go to their perches, and the exhausted members of The Coalition turned toward their corner, I handed Caius over to Carlisle.

"Of all the despicable surprises," Carlisle said. "What are you doing here, Caius? And what were you doing, trying to get into the girl's house? Are you out of your mind?"

"I don't answer to you," Caius wheezed out.

"And apparently not to Aro either," Carlisle grunted, "since you are here, directly disobeying his orders."

"I have no allegiance to a leader who damns his entire race on account of his ego. This girl is a problem, and she needs to be dealt with. She's only one girl in the entire world. This shouldn't be such a heinous problem."

"It's a life, and a very vibrant one at that, one that loved our kind intensely before you all grew horns and made yourselves her enemy. She is not to blame for any of this. She cannot be responsible for the actions of thousands of Gargoyles who raged war against each other all night long and cast the dust of their dead brothers and sisters all over this city. You are right, she is just one girl. And we are thousands. We are to blame.

"If you had a problem with Aro, your anger should have been directed there, not at this poor girl. You are an Elder, Caius... an Elder! And you have stooped to the orders of one much less than your rank. Amun? I'm at a loss for words."

Caius turned away, snarled at me nastily, then spread his parched wings.

"Save your lectures for your fool hardy followers, Carlisle. You will lead them all to their death, then hang your head low afterward for leading an army against your own kind. You are the one who should be ashamed, not I."

XXX

The moment the sun set, we snatched Bella and took her to a remote place where the rest of the city wouldn't be in danger. She lost Blade on their walk after he went haywire from sniffing the remnants of Gargoyle carcasses on the streets. The poor dog almost combusted as he marked his territory wherever the dust of a dead muck lay.

Then he took off in search for more, letting his nose lead him, as if he could protect the city by sealing it off with his urine. We sacrificed a few halos to go out and bring him to Bella, hoping that his company would comfort her, somewhat, in the midst of all her upheaval. It seemed to help, but not more than the light Makenna was able to give her. That would be the best Makenna could do, since her gift wasn't combative in nature. And given Bella's history and phobia of the dark, Makenna ended up being perfect in that regard. She was happy to be of help and out of our way in the sky, since there wasn't much a girl with light could do against an army of dangerous Gargoyles who preferred the dark.

That night was the third and worst night of battle. Things got fatally overwhelming and we lost three members. Grievously, Riley was one of our major losses, and the thing that almost made us lose that night.

Zaphrina had gone out too far, trying to get the thought-out plots from the back before they came to the front. The mucks had figured out Riley and Zaphrina's gift and how they were working with Leah to intercept their every move. They developed a new strategy and kept their strategists at the back line, and sent their strongest ESP members to the front; the ones strong enough in mind to resist and avoid all eye contact with Riley and Zaphrina. That made it harder to get internal information from the mucks, so Zaphrina ventured out and got into trouble when the possessor took hold of her body. He put his mind into hers and controlled her thoughts by swaying her towards their side.

Riley went crazy, lost focus and threw himself at the possessor to get him off her. And that mistake cost him his life.

Despite how quickly Carlisle got to him, he couldn't help, since the mucks had since adopted a method of execution that Carlisle couldn't reverse. They tore Riley's heart from his chest and destroyed it.

That moment changed everything.

We lost focus. Zaphrina was almost dead herself from shock, and in our distraction, two others went down in the same way right after Riley.

That's when Carlisle put himself forward as a sacrifice.

"AMUN!" He screamed, charging right through the centre of them to get to their leader. "AMUN!"

"Carlisle! NO!" Esme shrieked, taking off after him.

"Esme!" Emmett and Jacob screamed next.

Jasper grabbed the back of my cloak with his bare hand and tugged me harshly. "Don't you even think about it," he warned.

"They're going to get themselves killed!" I yelled.

"Hold your ground!" Jasper ordered the rest of The Coalition. He swiped his hands through the air and hit another three sneaky mucks out of the sky.

"Do not lose your focus! Keep fighting!"

"Mergers," Leah warned. "The merging twins...Emmett..."

"Emmett! Look out!"

Zaphrina was screaming like a dying animal and I had to take her in my arms, still sending gusts of wind as strong as hurricanes toward the oncoming army. It worked like a shield of sorts against some, but those who had strong mental gifts were able to find their way in and around the wind.

"Zaphrina," I begged. "You need to hold yourself together...just a little while longer."

"Riley," she sobbed. "They took his heart!"

"Jasper, I can't hold her... Jasper?"

He was grabbed from below.

I let go of Zaphrina and cast a steady stream of lightning downward and forced his attacker to release him.

"Are you ok?" Horrified, I watched as he snapped out of whatever hold his attacker had put on him.

"I'm fine," he gasped, shaking it off. "Muck got into my head. I hate when they get into my head."

"Cease and desist!" Came a booming order from within The Uprising. "You are ordered to retreat!"

The twins were wrestling heatedly with Emmett, but at Amun's order, they fell out of each other and split in two. Emmett took the last mighty punch and hit one of them a good hundred yards backward. The twins were stronger than him together, but weaker than him when apart.

"What the hell is Amun up to now? What is this?" I barked. Carlisle and Esme flew over to our side again.

"What's going on, Carlisle?"

Carlisle waited for Amun and his army to retreat somewhat before advising us on what was happening.

"They agreed to temporary relief on the grounds that we go to Aro and summon him here, right away. Someone from both sides must leave right now and go to Aro, and find some way of convincing him to intervene."

"Aro won't come, Carlisle."

"You don't know that. He has to know how badly this has progressed over the past few nights. I wouldn't be surprised if he was on his way already. This is too much of a catastrophe for him to ignore."

"Well he's been doing a great job at ignoring it all so far, hasn't he? What's going to change now?"

"It's worth a try, Alice," Jacob came in. "It's gives us immunity for a few hours, nights even, so we can rest...and Bella will be safe. They won't touch her until Aro comes here and answers."

I knew that even if Aro agreed to come, it wouldn't change his mind. And I wasn't sure that I wanted him to change his mind either. Whereas I wanted him to find a way to end the war, I didn't want him to change his mind about Bella. I didn't want him to give in to their demands and take her memory, or worse yet...her life. He couldn't. Not after all this...he just couldn't.

He would take his time to arrive, fist of all, and once he arrived in grandeur with his minions, who knew. Anything could happen. Anything was possible with Aro involved.

"Carlisle, what exactly is it you want Aro to do, as it pertains to Bella?"

"Alice," Carlisle answered tiredly, looking at a stunned Zaphrina in Esme's arms. "At this point, we just need him to get here. But I promise you, that to the best of my ability, I will try to keep Bella's fate ensconced in safety."

"Promise me that nothing will happen to her, Carlisle."

The piteous exhaustion in his stare unnerved me. I needed him to look me square in the eye and promise me. But the truth was, he couldn't, because at the end of the day, the call wasn't his to make.

"Bella has to stay here," Esme said to me. "She can't go back to the city, not until Aro arrives and this is somehow sorted out. In case this explodes again, we need to be where this fight won't be detected, and where other humans won't be in danger. You need to tell her."

"She isn't going to like that. It means she has to be separated from Edward."

"It's for her own good," Jasper said, rubbing my back.

"And it's about time she starts taking orders," Emmett snapped. "This could have gone down differently if she had cooperated and left when we asked her to. Now Riley is dead."

At the mention of Riley's name, Zaphrina shrieked, and Esme had to take her away.

"I'll talk to her," I said, moving forward through the air. "Please come with me," I asked Jasper. His gloves were still off, and as we moved toward the old cabin in the Forks forest, The Coalition parted so that Jasper could pass comfortably.

As we moved away, we heard Carlisle commending them for their bravery and excellence, rewarding them with praise for their loyalty and team work. Jasper put on his gloves and stopped me by cupping my face.

"Let your heart be at rest, my love," he said, putting his forehead to mine. "I love you, and we made it this far. I am here with you."

I sighed, melancholy, and tried not to think of the excruciating pain Zaphrina was currently going through.

"If anything ever happened to you, Jasper, I don't know wha..."

He shut me up by kissing me and welded my chest to his. I fell into him, like a helpless fawn, uncharacteristic of anything befitting a Gargoyle, and let him love me.

God only knew what this war still had in store for us.

XXX

**A/N: So Riley died. I don't know how you guys feel about that. There is so much that's going on in the Legion, much that needs attention. The next Chapter is EPOV. You won't want to miss it! It promises to be heart rendering. Lots of love, Psyche**


	18. Chapter 17 Surrender

**A/N:** Hello hello. Sorry for the late update. Like I mentioned before on the blog, I've run out of updates because I was tweaking and re-writing past chapters instead of writing new ones. And now the Holidays have caught up with me and I'm a crazy mess in RL. Thank you for reading this story and for all the wonderful reviews you leave me.

I get to some of your reviews and intend to get to all this week. Thank you to those who haven't heard from me yet. Please know that I appreicate every word you leave me, and your support. Thanks to my beta, fiftylover and my amazing pre reader nikkiwindland for all their support!

**I won't be updating until the New year, January 2nd.** I need to take a short break to get my house and family in order for Christmas. And I won't have time to do that, work and write. I hope you understand! I want to wish you all Happy Holidays, Merry Chirstmas and lots of joy and love! See you in the New Year and enjoy!

**Chapter 17**

**Surrender**

**EPOV**

There was no life in that place. None. No sound. No stirring. No barking. No lavender and amber...

It was empty. Nothing I did eased my anxiety, my pain or my worry. I looked for her everywhere. I saw her in everything, and on more than one occasion I thought I even heard her voice.

I locked myself in her bedroom, confined myself within the four walls that trapped her scent the strongest, and tortured myself. The two strands of hair she left on her pillow were wrapped so tightly around my index it stopped my blood and made the tip of my finger red and cold.

The ring I bought her was stuffed as far as it could go on my baby finger and her phone was tucked into my shirt pocket.

Two days passed, and there was still no sign of Bella. The hours passed grievously slow, and life itself seemed to stall as if in mid sentence. I sat on the floor, rubbing my thumb back and forth on the strands of her hair around my finger and stared at the way I tore her room apart while looking for the journal.

Twenty six hours, forty minutes and twelve seconds of feverish hunting...and I finally found it. I almost didn't find it at all. I stripped her cupboard bare, her drawers, her desk, her book shelf. I pulled down the curtains for no apparent reason, raised some of the tiles in the ceiling, attempted to pull out the floor boards...

It was only when I pushed the mattress over did I notice the foam spouting from a tear on the underside. She had sliced the mattress open at the bottom and forced the book inside.

Sitting with it in my lap afterward was only half the accomplishment. I still had to read it. I could have straightened the room again before devouring the first few pages, but my lancing thirst for answers didn't allow it. The size of the thing alone was intimidating. It looked to be more than a thousand pages, if so little, of carefully hand crafted script. I didn't know how much time I had with it, and even though Bella wasn't around to stop me, I still felt like I was being watched. I had to hurry.

**Page 1**

_My Isabella, _

_I'd have written this for you even without you asking, despite my inclination to resist it. Putting such things into written words will do nothing but worsen the situation, I know, but when have I ever been able to deny you? Especially now at the end, I find myself more inclined to follow my heart than follow the rules. I find myself conforming to that which has been bound within me for too long. I have no choice. You win. You always win._

_In any case, this is all I have to give you. And perhaps, it is only fair that I leave you with something after the pain I have caused. Perhaps it comforts me that you will have something physical to remind you. Perhaps it will comfort you too._

_I hate seeing you cry. I hate the way you hurt. You lie beside me, curled up by the hearth of the man made flame and even though you sleep, you weep. Your tears slay parts of me I didn't know I had, and your longing for something that cannot be has wounded me deeper than you will ever understand._

_And still, I cannot bring myself to regret saving you. I don't regret the steps I have taken in bringing you here. I take myself back to that night by the lake and the water is still as greedy and devilish as it was back then. I would save you again, a million times over, if I knew it would land you in my arms, if I knew it would bring me your kiss, if I knew it would lend me your heart._

_This is my gift to you, a story of life and death, of love and damnation, of truth and sovereignty, and salvation. Keep it close to you always and bury it when you cannot be near to it. It is meant for your eyes only. It is my heart. I love you._

_Edward._

"A story..." I mumbled, as my eyes ran over the lines. I turned the book to the side and passed my thumb over the page edges, fanning them out under my thumb. To the very end, the book was filled, as if I had written until I ran out of space.

Frowningly pensively, I concentrated again, and flipped to a page near the front.

**Page 7**

_She was a rare beauty at the time. Her skin was as chaste as her virtue and her eyes were a vibrant blue. She loved me deeply, as I did her. But like most things that seem too good to be true, tragedy befell us and we lost each other. And through no fault of her own, she suffered._

_I did it to protect her. I did it to save her, not realizing that I was killing her anyway. Her eventual death was much worse, and though she did it to herself, the blood is still on my hands. I've carried that guilt with me for centuries, and despite the lessons I should have learned, I did it again. I did with you._

"Tanya," I whispered, flipping forward feverishly. My eyes were scanning the pages in traces of fire.

**Page 15, or so...**

_They took me out night after night and exposed me to the underground suffering in the world. I was put in front of victims of all kinds of violence, taken to people in unnatural dying circumstances, and told to extract from their pain and follow my instincts. They were trying to find my gift, and it wasn't hard to locate. My natural instinct, no matter the person or situation, was to touch them and will their pain away. And the moment I did it, they were healed. Carlisle was pleased._

_What came as a shock was my secondary ability to repel the gifts of others. It was rare, but some of us could balance two gifts at the same time though one would always be stronger than the other. We saw it the first time Rose tried hypnotizing me. Her hypnosis bounced right back onto her. She was livid, not only because it didn't work, but because the entire host now knew her secret. Rose had been carrying a silent flame for me, and had secretly tried to win my desire through deceit. That didn't go down very well with Carlisle. Emmett, however, was oddly understanding of it. He shocked us all._

It didn't flow like a story, not at all. It read more like a personal affirmation, like someone was releasing from his own life experiences, like he was telling his story in a journal. This someone had to be me. Who else would it be? Bella admitted to it the night she wrote the "yes" in my palm, but reading it confused me more than enlightened me.

Gifts? Healing? Hypnosis? Who were Rose, Carlisle and Emmett? Did I save Bella's life? From what?

**Somewhere near the middle...**

_Things got progressively worse. I wasn't adjusting well as my humanity didn't wean properly. I became an outcast by my own will. I pulled away from them more and more, hating the rules and the terms of my sentence with a passion that crippled what was supposed to be a glorified existence. I never took animal form unless the sun governed it, and as long as my time was still mine, I wandered alone. _

_It hurt them, and they worried. Alice, Jake and Carlisle tried to puncture my self imposed bubble with reason and guidance. My creator had since left me to my own devices, disappointed with me, but nothing righted the upheaval in my mind. Nothing made their rules spark loyalty in my stone for a heart. I went with the motions, but enough was wrong with the system to turn me into a disillusioned loner. There was too much I had to hold back, too many I had to let die, and too many screams I had to tune out, all for the sake of upholding rules and balance. I had known for a long time that I would reach a breaking point; a point where I would give in to the smothered life in me and just do what felt right. The time would come when I would break formation and do something stupid but liberating. The time came when I found you._

The words _animal form_ and _my creator, _made my eyebrows jump off my forehead. Whatever this was that I had written, I had written it smartly. There was an obvious weight behind the words, something forbidden, some sort of confession, yet still, it was done without giving everything away. It still left too much to the imagination. It still left me guessing.

I started flipping through randomly, skipping huge chunks at a time, passing my fingers over the lines as I read, back and forth...waiting for something to jump out and hit me with irrevocable force. But it didn't happen.

I looked for the word _lion_, looked for some reference to black wings and black hooded cloaks, perhaps the word _Gargoyle_...but it didn't matter how many pages I read, I couldn't find anything substantial to hold on to. Perhaps it was written that way on purpose. Perhaps I was crazy and looking for the wrong things in the wrong places. Then suddenly, something caught my eye, and I stopped.

**Somewhere three-quarter way through...**

_You wouldn't take the Selenite. I was so terrified for your safety after your discovery that I stepped forward just to give it to you. But you were difficult. You saw something in me that you wouldn't let go of, and you pushed. You pushed me so hard that I broke and gave into you. You wouldn't stay away from the god damned bell tower and you insisted on getting my attention by not wearing the Selenite. You had absolutely no clue about the danger you were playing with, and being the one to put you in that situation in the first place, I had to find a way to pacify then shield you. I couldn't leave you unprotected. Rose wanted to tamper with you._

"The Selenite," I whispered.

_They got angry with me, of course, but my choice was made even before I made it. I tried direly to fight my attraction to you, but after loving you from afar then finally getting close enough to touch you, and after feeling the rays of your desire connect with me directly... on what green earth was I supposed to resist? It shouldn't have been expected of me. If only they knew how many times I had died to myself inside, how __many__ times I died to my longing for you, they'd understand._

_But they didn't, and they don't. And I am trapped between my love for you and my loyalty to my own. I die anyway. At least this way I die partially fulfilled. _

"Trapped between my love for you and my loyalty to my own..." I uttered. "My own..."

I was starting to get the feeling that Bella wasn't lying when she said things like she "couldn't" tell me the whole truth. Whatever the truth was, it was in here but written in code, to someone who already knew what was being said and didn't have to read between the lines. To anyone else it would read like a story. It made little if any sense to me, but key words like _Selenite_ stayed with me. The uncanny, peculiar presence on the journal unsettled me and made me uncomfortable. It made me anxious, but still, I skipped ahead and read some more.

**A page close to the end**

_I wish you would agree to being hypnotized into losing your memory. Just let Rose take away the pain. You won't miss me that way. There is no point in holding on to suffering like this. You can control this but you won't listen. You never listen. You think you have this under control but Bella, you are broken. Your sadness has taken over your body. Your slouch is worse tonight than it was last night. Your eyes are blood shot and glassy. Even when you smile you look like you want to cry. I'm dying before my time just seeing you like this. _

_Still, I continue to write this because I know you won't cooperate. I know that one day you will sit with this and hurt all over again like you intend. They won't act against your free will and take your memory, and you, I know, will hold that sword high until the end._

_But you need to let go of me, Bella. We had our time and now it's over. Let go of me..._

"Take her memory?"

I read that line over again. "I wish you would agree to being hypnotized into losing your memory. Just let Rose take away the pain."

That couldn't be just a coincidence. I raised my eyes and stared at a spot on the wall, still, unmoving, thinking.

It flowed less and less like a story coming down to the end. The words were desperate now, pleading, and I couldn't ignore the supernatural aura that teased my perception, or the fact that the tense had suddenly changed to the present; like whatever this was, it was actually happening as it was being written.

**Last entry**

_You were beautiful tonight. Even against your pallor and the darkness around your eyes, your beauty is resilient. Your voice is soft and your touch is more healing than anything I can muster. I see you trying to be brave, and it makes me love you impossibly more. What I leave this world with is more precious to me than my own life. _

_I won't be able to write to you after tonight. We are surrounded and they will soon take you. I dread our last moment together. I dread the moment your touch will evade me. I don't think I can take it. I will hold you too close and I will break you. As stone as I am, I wasn't built for this kind of grief. We aren't supposed to feel like this. We aren't supposed to hurt and suffer. It's considered abnormal. _

_But still I feel it. I will die on the spot before they have a chance to take me themselves. I beg for mercy. I beg for the strength to say good bye to you, Isabella. And I beg for your salvation..._

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and I jumped out of my bubble with a gasp. I stared at the door dumbly as reality came back slowly.

"Edward? Are you in there?" It was Angela.

"I'm here, Angela," I answered.

She fiddled with the door knob but it was locked.

"Umm, any word about Bella?"

"Not yet."

"I'm sorry."

"I appreciate it."

"Are you hungry? There's dinner."

"I'm not hungry, but thank you."

"Ok then, good night."

I closed the heavy book and looked at the window. It was dark outside. I had been sitting on the floor for hours going through the journal, and hadn't realized that the day had passed. I'd never be able to read the entire thing in one day anyway. It was too big, but I'd read enough to know that there was something very strange going on with Bella, something that obviously involved me in a way I couldn't remember. I'd always known there was something peculiar about her, about the way she behaved and the things she hid. And even though I couldn't make much sense of what I had read so far, I knew now for certain that my suspicions weren't unfounded. Something was going on. I was involved, and she was protecting me from it.

I got off the floor and faced the mess in the room, passing one hand through my hair miserably. I was tired. It was late, and I couldn't sleep in the room like that. I preferred the couch now anyway. Sleeping in her bed without her only emphasized her absence.

I took the journal with me to the couch and shoved it under the cushions before lying down, preparing myself for another sleepless night.

Then I heard Blade.

His barking came through the front door stronger than any illusion I'd suffered over the last two days. I fell off the couch in a frenzy and leapt for the door. With my heart in my throat, I swung it open and was immediately thrown off balance by a pouncing Blade. Scampering out from underneath him on the floor, I pushed him aside, stretching my neck around him with frantic eyes, in search of Bella. And there she was, standing on the path at the bottom of the steps, leaning against the railing as if she was about to faint.

"Bella..." I gasped, rushing outside. But before I made it, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she dropped to the ground.

"_Bellaaa_!"

XXX

**Two hours earlier**

**Bella**

"Why are you refusing to eat?" Alice demanded. "You haven't eaten anything in more than two days. Please, stop being difficult. We aren't holding you hostage, Bella. This is not punishment. We're only trying to keep everyone else out of danger by keeping the fight out here. The others already left to summon Aro. Once he gets here and settles this, things will change."

"And what if he doesn't?" I asked. I was sitting on the edge of the small bed with my arms folded and my eyes on the floor. "Or what if he does come but decides to take their side?"

"He won't."

"You don't know that, Alice. There's no guarantee that Aro would fix any of this. Those mucks want to make me forget. It's either me or them, and after everything that happened I can't see Aro siding with me again. The only way to end this is to make the mucks happy, so either way; I lose, whether it be my memory or my freedom. I lose. There's no way out of this for me. And you're keeping me away from the one thing that makes any of this worth it, holding me against my will. You're not supposed to do that."

"I'm asking you to cooperate with us," she said, leaning in close to me. "Bella, we're trying to save you."

I closed my eyes and let out a slow breath. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful, but no matter which way I turned or what decision I made, I was always going to be under pressure. I would always have a magnanimous sacrifice to make. And the sacrifices were starting to pile up and weigh on me.

"I know," I whispered, ruefully. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like this. But I'm worried about Edward. He doesn't know what's going on, Alice. I have to at least warn him."

"Warn him about what exactly?"

I turned to her pleadingly and held her hands. "Let me go to him."

"Bella..."

"Just to say goodbye properly. I don't want him to worry. I just know that he's driving himself crazy right now, wondering what's going on and if it's his fault."

She looked at me apprehensively, then glanced at Jasper by the door.

I looked at him too, then squeezed Alice's hands in mine. "I'll cooperate," I said. "I'll do whatever you want me to do. I know you're fighting for me, and I love you for it." I looked at Jasper again. "Every last one of you, I love you for it. But please, I need to go to him and let him know that I'm okay. If I have to stay here, I want to tell him that I have to be gone for a while. And maybe even let him keep Blade as company while I'm …."

"One night," Alice interjected quickly. "You have tonight. Tell him you're going away for an indefinite period of time, and be careful with what you say."

"Thank you, Alice."

"I'll tell the others," Jasper said, leaving the attic.

"I'll take you myself," Alice said. "But they'll want to send one from their side as well, to monitor what happens."

"I don't care. I just..." I took a deep breath and tried to shake off the dizzy spell that hit me suddenly. "I just need to see him."

"You're weak," Alice said, raising my chin. "You haven't eaten anything."

"I'm fine."

"You don't lie very well, Bella."

"I'll eat when I get to Edward."

"Then at least clean yourself up before we leave. He shouldn't have to see you like this. There's a working bathroom on the floor beneath us. I'll wait for you."

An hour later I was deposited in an empty lot higher up the street from my apartment.

"Walk back this way no later than an hour and a half before dawn. We'll be waiting here for you."

Jasper landed next to us with Blade in his arms, and above head, two mucks were hovering in the sky. I wrapped Blade's leash around my wrist and nodded at Alice grimly. "Ok. See you then."

"Don't make us come in there and get you ourselves, Bella," Jasper warned. "Edward isn't gonna like it."

"I won't. I promise."

Then I started the walk up the street to my apartment.

I didn't expect to faint when I saw him, but the overwhelming pang of emotion that hit me when I saw his hysteria took the last of my energy. I hadn't eaten in more than two days and had slept only a few hours on the first night. I was worse for wear and terribly stressed out. My whole body hurt and I had a headache that could pound a sledgehammer to pieces. I'd never needed him more than I did that night. A few hours would never be enough, but if it was all I was allowed I would make it suffice. It was better than nothing.

When I opened my eyes again I was lying on the couch and he was kneeling on the floor by my feet with my toes in his hands. He squeezed my feet gently, rested his cheek against them and stared back at me.

"Hey," he said, softly.

I smiled and turned my hand over on the couch for his. "I'm sorry."

He dropped a soft kiss on my toes and took my hand before shuffling across the floor on his knees to get close to my face. "What happened?" He asked, squeezing my hand. "Where have you been, Bella?"

I sighed and shook my head, not knowing how to answer him let alone leave him again.

"I was safe," I answered vaguely. "I..."

Angela ran into the living room just then with Blade at her side.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed. "What the hell happened to you?"

With Edward's help I sat up, but the room spun when my head came upright and he had to catch me.

"What's the matter?" He whispered, pressing his nose to my cheek. "Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?"

"No," I groaned. "I just need to eat. And I need to rest for a bit...I'm so tired."

"Angela, can you get her something to eat, please?" He asked in a pitiful, pleading voice.

"Sure," Angela mumbled, turning away.

With perception in his eyes, Edward turned my face in toward his and asked, "Talk to me, please. Tell me what happened. I need to know. First, are you ok?"

"I'll be fine. It's just like I said. I'm hungry."

"Where have you been? Why did you leave? Was it because you were angry with me?"

"I had to be somewhere. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It was...unexpected."

I shifted my stare away from his and glanced at an eavesdropping Angela in the kitchen. She was angry again, and I understood. This wasn't the first time I disappeared without a trace, and as long as Edward was in my life, I doubted that it would be the last.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Edward asked softly. I turned back to him and registered something different in his face. His suspicion was there again, but it was driven by something new, by something other than ignorance and frustration. He was oddly calm.

We stared at each other for a while longer, then he shook his head and dropped his chin to his chest.

I looked at the top of his head and passed my fingers through his hair, trying to muster the courage to tell him.

"I came back to tell you something," I said.

He raised his head and frowned, shifting his stare restlessly over mine.

"I came to tell you...good bye," I said, with great difficulty. "I have to leave again."

"What?" He climbed into the cushions next to me and took my both hands. "Bella...whatever is going on, you have to tell me. Give me something, _anything_...I know this isn't you. I can see it in your eyes. You don't want to do this. Who's making you do this?"

I silenced him with a finger to his lips just as Angela slammed a plate of bagels on the coffee table in front of us.

"Thanks, Angel. I'm sorry for causing trouble. I don't mean to, but at the same time I can't..."

"Talk about it," she finished acidly. "I know. It's okay, Bella. I'm just glad that you're ok...again. But the next time you do this? Please leave Blade behind. I don't need to be worrying about him too."

She left us in the living room and whistled for Blade, who happily followed her and her bacon bits to her room.

Edward reached for my back pack on the floor then and pulled out a notebook and pen. I watched quietly as he scribbled, and spotted the ring on his baby finger.

"What's that?" I asked, stopping his writing by grabbing his hand.

He dropped the pen and shoved the notebook into my lap, curling his fingers around my hand tightly. I couldn't stop staring at it. A mixture of sweet anxiety and agony coiled in my stomach, and a hot flash seared through me. I made eye contact and stared at him searchingly.

"Edward?"

"That's where I went," he said. "The morning I left you to sleep." He slid the ring off his finger and pinned it between his thumb and index. Then he raised his frowning gaze to me and flexed his jaw. "I didn't go to the tracks that day, Bella. I went to get you this."

I swallowed a nervous lump in my throat and gaped at the thing in shock. "Why didn't you tell me something?" I gasped.

"First, you wouldn't let me, and second, it's not something I wanted to do over the phone."

I closed my eyes and sighed so heavily my chest hurt. How much worse could this get? Everything was out of time, out of place, upside down in mess. How much more could I fall apart? And worse...how was I supposed to walk away from him after a conversation like this?

I took another deep breath and tried to ease the pain in my chest by twisting around another deep breath.

"What exactly...did you _not_ want to do...over the phone?"

After a pensive pause, he whispered, "Ask you to be my wife." Then he pulled one side of his mouth up into a smile.

The tears were instantaneous. They rolled over my cheeks like rain down a slippery window pane. I leaned forward and caved and he cradled my head against his chest, burying his lips in my hair.

"Are you unhappy?"

I shook my head and dug my fingers into his shirt desperately. Then he raised my head and wiped my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

"I have to tell you," he said. "When I first bought it, I did it for the wrong reason. I cared about you deeply, but more than that, after we made love, I knew I had to make you my wife. I wanted to respect you. But then you left, Bella. You disappeared without a word or a trace, and the agony I felt was indescribable. I can't begin to put into words what losing you felt like, but it took that for me to realise...that I've fallen in love with you, Bella..."

I choked out an audible sob and tried in vain to catch my breath.

"And now, I want to do this for the right reason. Because I love you, and because I know that whatever it is you're struggling with on your own, you need help to do it. Because I want to be the one to help you do it. And because I don't ever want you to leave my side again."

He slid the ring onto my finger then and effected a series of tearful snorts and gasps from me.

"Be my wife, Bella. Nothing makes sense, with or without you, but I'd rather be confused with you here, as my own."

It was impossible to answer, impossible to breathe, impossible to look him straight in the eye without appearing terribly unhappy about the only thing that _could_ make me happy.

So I decided to answer him without words. I went up on my knees, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. The notebook fell out of my lap and onto the floor, and somewhere the pen got lost too. He grabbed for me like a starving man on his last and laced his fingers into my hair. We fell into the cushions with me on top and it took less than seconds to take us from estranged to lovers.

I didn't care about the world, the Legion, about who was waiting or who was listening. I only cared about filling the bottomless pit of need I had for him. The man I loved to excruciating levels had just told me that he loved me too. He wanted me to be his wife, and even though I knew it wasn't something fated for us in the near future, I would show him just how much I loved both him and the idea...before ripping his heart out again.

Before ripping out my own.

My tears were replaced by breathless whispers to him, and for every sweet word, he responded in kind. I pushed his shirt up and over his head and let him undo the buttons on mine, inside of my open jacket.

"Take me to the bedroom," I whispered against his mouth.

He shook his head and grabbed the back of my head, making it so that our lips couldn't part. I obeyed and welcomed his licking tongue inside of my mouth. Then I straddled him and let him hold me so tightly he squeezed every ounce of air out of my lungs.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Ssshhh," he hushed, tearing my shirt off my back. He pressed his face into my neck and grazed his teeth against the skin, his hands running feverish lines from my shoulders to my hips.

"I want you so badly," he grunted against my neck. "Don't ever leave me again."

I bit back the urge to scream, pinning my bottom lip between my teeth so the choking sounds of betrayal could stay trapped inside.

He pushed be backward with a flush palm to my chest, his other hand holding me on him by my hip, and lowered his head to my breasts. Sucking on me through my bra, sent me into hysterics. I tore the fabric away with trembling hands and locked my knees around him.

"Take me to the room,_ please_," I begged.

He bit out a harsh grunt, then lifted me in one swift movement. Once inside the room, he slammed the door shut and lowered me to the floor. Half dazed, I looked around and noticed the mess, but he didn't allow my focus to wander. He pushed his hand underneath and squeezed my ass, then pulled my chest up to his face with his second arm under my back and sucked my nipple into his mouth.

An instant wetness seeped out of me and burned my inner depths to ash. He wasn't this demanding the first time we made love. I didn't remember all of it, but I would have remembered this kind of passion and fervent command. He was almost angry as he handled me. His hands were confident. His kiss was wild and deep. His body was hard and his erection was literally screaming for freedom from his pants.

I pulled his pants by the waist band and he shoved himself roughly between my thighs. I gasped in surprise and raised my hips for him to tug my jeans off. I undid the string on his slacks and he took them off himself, making up for the seconds lost afterward by pressing himself down on me the moment we were free of all restrictions.

I locked my legs around his waist and ground myself upward, groaning outwardly when his head made contact with the peak of my wet centre.

He kissed me senseless, until my lips were sore and mashed in. Then he brazenly squeezed by ass cheeks before pushing my knees firmly against my shoulders. He paused for the first time and flashed me a deadly look of desire, a look that made my heart flip hard.

He pressed his lips to my chest, and peppered his way down across my stomach, passing his hands down the back of my thighs until he was hovering over the most sensitive part of me. I could feel his breath on my clit, putting me one short second away from dying of want.

"Marry me," he said.

I stared at him with wide eyes, raised my head then dropped it hard against the floor. I almost died when I felt his tongue pass over my clit. I grabbed his hair and sucked in a hissing breath of air between my teeth. Then he buried his lips between the pages of my heat and made me cry out, hard. I was stricken stupid by his touch.

It wasn't long before I was shaking and buckling hard under an explosive orgasm, my first with him in human skin. I hadn't the night we made love in the shower, but this one made up for everything I thought I'd missed.

I collapsed against the floor, sweaty and languid and pulled him into my arms as he repositioned himself on top.

"Marry me, Bella," he whispered, nipping me on the tip of my nose.

Overcome with everything from love to seduction, I pushed my hand down between us and took his erection in my hand. I stroked him slowly at first, from the base to his tip and watched as his face flushed with heated redness. He was hard and prominent, and hot. His skin was hot. His texture was different than when he was a Gargoyle. He wasn't unyielding and coarse. He didn't need my body heat to turn his own temperature up, and he didn't have to force control when he pushed himself into me.

It was natural and easy and he fit like a hand in glove.

After his first thrust inside he stopped and bent his head to kiss my forehead. Then he scooped me into his arms, is head over the top of mine, my legs locked around his waist, and drove me out of my misery.

Every push, every gasp, every grunt grew in intensity as he rocked my body back and forth. This time he didn't freak out. He didn't have to stop and check himself, or check to see that the right woman was in his arms. He knew it was me from beginning to end. He even reassured me by whispering my name a few times, and every time he did it, I broke a little more.

Now that I had to leave him we were getting it right. Now that things were lining up correctly and he was finally growing into himself, I had to say good bye to him. I didn't think our parting would be permanent. I didn't allow myself to think that way. But even for a day, leaving him would be hard, especially because he wouldn't understand why.

He pushed hard with one last thrust, bending to kiss me as he rode his out orgasm with a strangled groan. When it was over, he rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him where he held me in a possessive embrace.

"Yes," I answered finally, pressing my cheek to his chest. "Of course I'll marry you."

He pulled me up higher and kissed me with a smile. I lay on him for a while after, enjoying the still, our time, and the sound of his heart through his chest.

But his breathing started evening out, and in my exhaustion, I was tempted to fall asleep right there in his arms, but I couldn't. I didn't have enough time. I raised my head and shook him out of his half slumber.

"Hey, sorry, but do you know where my phone is?"

"It's outside on the couch, in my shirt pocket," he answered, tightening his arms around me. "Why?"

Terrified of having to disappoint him, I sat up and took a deep breath. He passed the back of his fingers over my naked breasts and stroked my nipples. Sucking my bottom lip between my teeth again, I lowered myself onto his chest again and tried to hide. His arms came around me automatically but the sigh he released wasn't comforting. He knew something was wrong.

"What happened to my room?" I asked.

"If I tell you, will you answer my questions?"

I folded my arms on his chest and propped my chin on my forearms so I could look at him. "Probably not," I answered, truthfully.

Then he shot me that look from earlier on, the one that held a new kind of wisdom that both disconcerted and surprised me. I knew already why he tore my room apart. It wasn't me he was looking for under the bed, it was something else.

"You're leaving aren't you?" He asked, with a shadow over his face. The sadness in his eyes filled my throat with a lump and I had to take another deep breath. There'd never be enough air to sustain the dying life in me, not when he looked at me like that.

I nodded, since words were again too hard to form.

He closed his eyes and tightened his arms more, bearing to me his fight between wanting to understand and wanting to force me to stay.

"And I can't make you stay," he said finally.

"It's not you, Edward," I answered with difficulty. "There are some things I need to fix. It's not forever, and I hope it won't take long. I'll be back. If it's the last thing I ever do, I will come back to you, and I'll be your wife."

I was determined to make that happen. The only thing that could stop me was death.

"Why can't you tell me what's going on?" He asked, dropping his voice intuitively.

"We've been through this before. If I could, I would. I need you to trust me."

"But I can help."

I smiled at his innocence and touched his nose lightly before sitting upright on him again. "I love you. You know that, right?"

He sat up too and dropped his arms around my waist. "Yes. I love you, too."

The sound of those words filled me so richly that I suddenly felt better about going back to face Aro and the mucks. The knowledge of his love would sustain me while I was out there, and the force of it would bring me back home.

"Then give me some time to sort what needs sorting, and I'll come back."

"Should I be worried about you, Bella." He said, more than asked.

"No. I'll take my phone with me, so we can talk while I'm gone. I only came back to let you know I'm alright."

"I don't understand any of this, but when have I ever?" He said, shaking his head.

"Who knows, Edward. Maybe one day you will."

I climbed off of his lap then and bent for my pants. While putting them on I saw that the mattress was overturned and the open tear where I had stuffed the journal was spilling with foam. I buttoned my pants and grabbed a bra from my ransacked drawer, then a shirt off the floor.

"I see you found what you were looking for," I mentioned, buttoning my shirt. I turned to face him. He was already in his slacks and his bare chest was positively distracting. He didn't answer my comment. He just folded his arms and propped his shoulder against the wall as he watched me get dressed.

"Keep it to yourself please," I said to him in a low tone. "Out of sight. It's important." Then I put my fingers over my lips as a signal to him.

He narrowed his eyes and studied me broodingly, searchingly. Then he nodded.

I started shoving items of clothes inside a duffel bag then, along with my mobile charger.

Needing to hurry, I slung the bag over my shoulder and headed for the door. He followed me out into the sitting room where I went through his shirt pockets, found my phone, then put on my jacket. I even stuffed one of the bagels into my bag. I took my school back pack off the floor next and found the small vile of Selenite dust that Alice had given me for Edward, hidden in an inside pocket.

"I'm leaving Blade with you," I said, trying my damnedest to put on a brave front. I barely made eye contact with him as I shuffled about the place restlessly. "He'll be good company."

"Bella," he said, grabbing me by my elbow and spinning me to face him. Before he could say anything more I pressed my hand on his mouth and shook my head warningly.

He sighed against my palm and bent to pick the notebook and pen off the floor by the couch. Then he showed me the page he had written on before.

_Does any of this have to do with the peculiarities in the journal?_

I took the pen from his hand and scribbled a response.

_**You absolutely have to stay away from the journal. Please bury it somewhere no one else can find it.**_

_That doesn't answer my question._

_**It's the only answer I can give. My silence guarantees your safety. Please don't ask me to jeopardize that. You have to trust me.**_

_I'm worried about you, Bella. This is crazy. I can't stay here and go crazy like this._

_**Then let me go and fix it. This is the only way I can come back to you.**_

He tore the page from the book and shredded it in frustration. Then he turned his back on me and passed his hands through his hair.

"How long will you be?"

"I don't know."

"Do you promise to call?"

"I promise to try."

He turned around to face me. "Then I'll wait for you."

And I was filled again.

"You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you."

"Are you just going to walk out there, right now?"

"Yes."

He frowned agonizingly, having an extreme amount of difficulty with it all, and he was right. This was exactly as crazy as he thought it was. The only thing left to do at that point, was leave. It was getting harder and harder.

I looked at my ring on my finger and tightened my hand into a fist. "I love it, by the way. Thank you."

Then I hurried to the front door and pulled it open, but he was behind me in a flash, spinning me around to face him again. He grabbed my face in his hands and pulled me in for a kiss, pressing his forehead flush with mine.

"Bella...I don't know how to do this."

"Please don't make this harder than it already is," I begged. Then I took the vile of Selenite dust out of my pocket and opened it. "Do you want to help?"

"Of _course_."

I poured half the contents of the vile into my bag pocket and zipped it closed, then capped the vile and pressed it into his hand. "Take this, and fight whatever you have to fight to keep it on you."

He cringed the instant it touched him and tried to drop it, but I stepped into him and forced him to take it.

"Edward," I whispered. "It's protection. Please."

"Selenite," he whispered.

"Yes."

I curled his fingers around the vile and burned his eyes into mine. "Okay. I'll try."

"I love you."

Then I turned and hurried away from him toward Alice and Jasper, my pounding footsteps drowning out his_ 'I love you, too.'_

XXX

**A/N: I apologise for Bella's behaviour in this chapter if you found yourself upset with her. She is trying as hard as she can in an impossible situation. And don't worry, they will be reunited soon. If this were real, most of us would have thrown in the towel by now, I think! Thank you again for reading. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**

**Oh, I entered the Pick a Pic Contest. The name of the story is FOREVER AND A DAY and can be found on my profile. Please read and support and if you like it, I hope you will vote on January 8th. Thanks always.**

***MUAH***


	19. Chapter 18 Away From the Light

A/N: Hi guys. I hope Christmas was great for you. I decided to post early. To those who saw the video on the teaser for this chap, I commend you on the very mature way you handled it! Thank you for your trust. What happens in this chapter is ineveitable and impt to the plot.

To those who didn't see it, you can find it in the latest post on my blog. Link on my profile. And thank you for supporting this story. It wouldn't mean the same without you.

Happy Reading?

**Chapter 18**

**Away from the Light**

**BPOV **

I was surprised and not entirely happy when we landed in front of my old house in Forks, instead of at the place with the attic in the forest. Alice set me on the ground then gave me a gentle shove when my feet refused to move. But for the life of me, I couldn't find the will to take an affirmative step forward.

"Why here..."

The house still belonged to me, but I hadn't been back there since I'd left three years before. The last time I stood within those walls was the week of my parents' funeral, and at the time, leaving everything behind was the most empowering thing I had ever done.

It separated me from the anguish, from the constant reminder of my loss, and from the scrutinizing eyes of everyone in town who thought I had gone mad imagining a hero that didn't exist.

"You'll be more comfortable here," Alice said, giving me another push forward.

"Alice...I don't think..."

"Bella, the old cabin in the forest isn't suitable. The heaters don't work properly and there is no electricity. As much as Makenna adores your company, she can't stand in a room with you every night with light. This house works and is already stocked with food, which you _will _eat by the way."

"I haven't been paying bills over the past few years, Alice. There's no electricity here either."

"We fixed it."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "So why couldn't you fix it in the forest then?"

"Bella, sometimes I just want to throw you over my knees and flatten your little ass with a paddle."

"You just said ass. And just so you know, that sounded more erotic than abrasive."

Then she shoved me again.

I hated Forks. It was a nasty 180 degree turn of events from my life in Seattle; quiet, empty, dreary...

I preferred the noise and chaos in the city. I had since become dependent on constant activity and hoards of people. Loudness. Distraction. And even though my nightmares followed me and made sure to keep me in check, waking up to distraction every morning was indescribably reassuring.

But now I was back at the source. I was back where it all began, where my illusion of a new life was already dwindling on the periphery of reason, where old vines lay waiting to curl their binding chords around me. Not even alcohol would be able to fool my mind to distraction once I set foot through that door. I doubted the house even had alcohol.

"I really didn't mind the attic," I mumbled, feeling for Alice's hand. "I was fine there."

"Liar," she said with a smile.

"But what about the...the war? I thought you needed me to be in seclusion in case people got hurt? This town has people...like 3 people...but still...people."

"No one will attack until Aro gets here."

"_If_ Aro gets here."

"He will come."

"Al_iiiice_," I groaned, straining the last syllable.

"Bella, if you want, I will stay with you for a few hours every night until you fall asleep. And if you can't or _won't_ go to sleep, I'll just have to summon Charlotte's help."

I frowned warily and watched as she stepped off in front toward the door. "Do I even want to know who Charlotte is?" I called after her.

"Charlotte turns off pain by putting people to sleep."

"Why does that sound...hey? That sounds deadly. You put animals to sleep...not people. I don't want to be put to sleep."

"Is that your consent to cooperate then?" She asked over her shoulder, teasingly.

"So glad you can find humour in all this, Alice," I grumbled, dragging my feet to the now open front door.

Jasper and the mucks hadn't followed us to the house. They continued onward to their respective hosts in the forest while Alice took the job of babysitting. Not two steps through the front door, however, Jacob came bursting in with an uprooting breeze and a cryptic expression on his face.

And as if Alice expected his sudden intrusion, she turned to him, unperturbed, and sighed.

"He'll be fine, Jake."

By this point, my eyes were bouncing back and forth between them like a tennis ball on _E_.

"Are you crazy?" Jacob barked, "why did you agree to that without delegating someone from our side first?"

"Because I knew you would show up soon enough and demand to have the honour...and here you are."

"I don't believe this," he bit out.

"Don't overreact, Jake. That's why Jasper went straight to the camps...to let you guys know. It was an impromptu decision made in the last second before we left. Plus, Emily was on her way. She was nearby."

"What's going on?" I tried interjecting.

"You've lost your mind," Jacob spat at her. "_Emily_? Why the hell did _she_ know before the rest of us? She isn't enough against a muck with the gift of possession, Alice."

"And you are?" Alice bleeped at him.

"Glad to see my terms are catching on, but..." I mumbled, only to be interrupted by Jacob again.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," he growled at Alice.

"Guys..."

"A pact was made, Jake. The mucks dare not break that pact by trying anything stupid. The decision was merely for supervision purposes."

"And after everything that has happened, you trust this pact...why?"

"Standing here arguing with me is achieving _what_, exactly? You're only wasting time." Then she pointed upward. "The sun is almost here."

Jacob turned abruptly with a snarl, and disappeared with another unbalancing breeze.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" I turned on Alice.

"Nope." She even dared to pop the "p". "It's not far till dawn, Bella. You should get some rest since your clock has been reversed again."

"_Alice._"

"Do I have to call Charlotte?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would."

"Ugh!"

She ascended the stairs to the second floor with a graceful though constricted flap of her wings, and left me fretting behind her.

"Alice of the Cullen Host!" I yelled. "This is about Edward isn't it? What aren't you telling me?"

I found her in my old bedroom where she stood next to my bed pointing to the mattress with a finger full of attitude. On entering the room a sudden nostalgia laced through me with a physical, bitter sweet blast. For a few long moments I stood there and passed my eyes over everything, wanting to shrivel and sink so far into myself that I wouldn't be found by any of it.

"Welcome home, Bella."

"This isn't home. Home is where Edward is."

"In Seattle."

"No...wherever Edward is."

A softness fell over her features and she dropped her arm against her hip.

"Things will work out, Bella."

"I hope you're right, but I have to be honest. I can't help this very bad feeling I have. Like there's something hovering over me, waiting to make this all much worse than it already is. Something none of us will be able to control...not even you guys."

"What are you talking about?" She asked softly, with a soft angle to her chin.

"I don't know. It's just a feeling."

She came toward me and passed her cool, brittle palms down my arms. "You need rest, Bella. You're exhausted. I know it's not easy to relax through this, but you have to try. You fainted when you got to Edward tonight."

"I'm fine," I answered. "I feel better. He makes me better."

She guided me over to the bed and pushed me into it gently. "Charlotte really can help if you need her to. Just one touch and you'll be asleep before you know it. Are you sure you don't want to try?"

"I'm sure," I answered, kicking off my shoes. I held my back pack to me and proceeded to hug it like a pillow, curling up on my side.

"It's more effective if you sprinkle it on yourself," she said intuitively, her eyes on my back pack.

Trying to act nonchalant, I shrugged in feigned ignorance.

"The powdered Selenite you're hiding in the pocket of your bag," she said, nodding at my back pack.

Of course, she knew.

"You don't mind?" I asked, knowing they had taken the other piece from me when they kidnapped me. I'd guessed they did it so that they could tend to me without obstacle in case of an emergency, seeing that a full on battle was in progress and all. But for all that was worth, I still felt naked without it.

"I don't mind," she said, touching my head adoringly as she stood. "Good morning, Bella. See you tonight."

"Wait."

She turned back by the door and stopped.

"If something happened to Edward...you would tell me...right?"

"Of course."

"So I have nothing to worry about."

"You don't."

"And the reason for Jake's outburst?"

She sighed.

"Please tell me, Alice."

"When we left Seattle, one of the mucks that accompanied us stayed behind to monitor Edward. Emily was on her way over, so I agreed to it."

"Uhhh...what?" I said, sitting upright. "Why would they need to monitor Edward? They have no reason to tag him. It's me they want. It's me who knows the secret. Edward is innocent. Why would you let them near him?"

"I didn't have a choice, Bella. And this is why I tried to keep it from you."

I threw my legs over the side of the bed and clutched the sheets with a manic grip.

"What do you mean you didn't have a choice?"

"I keep telling you, over and over, not to underestimate a Gargoyle's gifts. You tried to cover up the fact that Edward found the journal again, but your efforts, though valiant, weren't enough to hide it. We all read through the lines and the mucks were already threatening to bring news back to their camp.

"That would have threatened the peace treaty. The only way they would agree to keep it quiet and wait for Aro's arrival, was if we let one of them stay behind to keep an eye on Edward. To see how he reacts to what we all know he is about to read. If it were up to them, they would go into that house and steal the journal themselves. I had to handle the situation discreetly. I'd prefer nothing happens until Aro gets here. So, you see why I had to bend a little."

I dropped my face into my hands and grabbed, wanting to skin my face in frustration. No matter how hard I tried or what I did, the fucking universe was determined to take me down.

"Jacob has gone to stand watch as well, so you needn't worry," she tried explaining. "He is very protective of Edward."

I fell back onto the mattress and stared up at the ceiling, dosed with an acute mixture of irritation and listless courage. I'd never be able to fall asleep now.

"On second thought," I said to the ceiling. "I think I'd like to meet Charlotte after all."

XXX

Alice was right. Charlotte did take the pain away. She floated in like a spirit in an ember of pure grace and before she even touched me, my head was afluff with yawning butterflies and tickling feathers. The next thing I knew I was sitting upright in my old bed knuckling my eye balls with groggy fists, some ten hours later.

"Wow," I croaked, blinking past the haze. "I could do with a lot more of that."

Turning to my back pack at my side, I zipped it open and dipped my fingers into the pool of Selenite just to make sure.

Still there.

I rummaged through the bag hastily, in search of my cell phone next, needing to connect with Edward and make sure he was alright. But I was more than disappointed when he didn't answer and I had to leave a voice mail instead.

"Edward, its Bella. Hi. I said I would call, so here I am. Um...I need to hear your voice. I'm alright, but I just...I need to make sure that you are okay. Please call me when you get this."

_Stupid idiot_, I chastised myself after closing the line. I never showed him how to use voice mail.

But then the phone vibrated in my palm a few seconds later and my face flushed in delight when I saw his caller ID.

"Edward," I breathed into the phone.

"Bella...Are you ok?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm good. I'm fine."

I could barely stand the quaking in my chest at the sound of his voice. "It's good to hear your voice," I said.

"It's good to hear yours, too. I got your message."

A small smile touched my lips. "Who taught you how to use voice mail?"

"I learn fast. How are you, really?" He asked.

I closed my eyes to answer, both loving and hating that he could read me so accurately even over distance. "I'm ok."

"Are you safe, Bella..."

"Yes."

"Are you lying to me?"

"Edward, I promise I'm ok."

Then I remembered that he was being monitored, so I had to be careful with the way this conversation went.

"Then why am I so worried about you?" He asked.

"I told you I'd be alright. This is just something I have to do right now. You said you understood."

"I understand, and I don't."

"I don't know how else to apologise. I can't control this, but that's not why I called. I just needed to hear your voice."

"I miss you, Bella. I've been missing you for days."

It came out almost a whisper and my eyes closed on their own, as if not seeing could help me absorb the guilt.

"I miss you, too."

"Then come home," he said. "We can deal with whatever this is together. I only just got you back...this isn't right."

"I can't."

He sighed heavily, enabling an impenetrable silence which thickened our connection over the phone. Then something occurred to me.

"Do you realise you just said..._home_?" I asked, doubting it even in that second.

He always referred to my apartment as "your home" and never just _home_.

"As it is right now, Bella. It isn't home or anything remotely close to it without you here. I admit to appreciating that only after losing you, but..."

"Whoa, wait. Edward, you didn't lose me."

"So you say, but I can't help the sickening feeling that this isn't the full extent of our separation. I feel like it's only going to get worse."

That was just how I felt! His words hit me like a ton of bricks and scattered pricking goosebumps all over my skin.

"Explain what you mean by that," I gasped, clutching the bed sheets with my free hand and hating the ominous aura that wrapped around the air.

"I wouldn't know how to. It's just a feeling."

Exactly my words to Alice some hours ago. I felt myself sliding off the bed, my eyebrows digging so far back they could have bored through my head. I stood up and swallowed, took a deep breath, and tried as best as I could to keep my voice from shaking.

Impossible however, since the rest of me was shaking.

"There's someone at the door," his voice came through before mine.

Staring at a blank spot in space, I listened to the shuffling sounds that came through the line; a small noise, then voices. I strained to hear, but only heard Edward's responses to whoever he was talking to.

"How long do I have?" He asked. "Umm...ok. Yes, of course. I guess you can wait for me, but I'd need to get changed. Yes. That's ok, I can go with you."

"Where are you going?" I asked, stretching my neck as if I could see through the phone...the walls...the distance. I felt more remote than I'd ever felt before.

After some more shuffling, he answered me. "Tyler is here. The races got pushed up to today and he wants me to go with him to meet the team."

As if my heart wasn't racing fast _or _hard enough.

"The races?"

"Please be calm. I told you about it a while ago. They made me a trial member of the team."

"But...you haven't been practising...have you been practising?"

"Not since you disappea...not since you left. No."

"Are you going to drive?"

"I don't know, Bella. Maybe not. He only asked me to join them for company. They may not let me drive."

A small hole of relief drilled itself through my chest and I exhaled audibly.

"Do you have to leave right now?"

A few seconds of silence...

"Not if you want me to stay with you," he answered finally. "I will stay if you ask me to."

Then a smack of guilt slapped me. He would stay away from his friends and something he enjoyed if I asked him to stay on the phone with me. I didn't feel right about that. It felt advantageous. He was already dealing with so much ambiguity and doubt, so much frustration. The least I could have done was release him to a few hours of freedom.

"Of course I want you to stay, Edward, but you should go."

He didn't respond.

"You've been worried and anxious," I went on, "and cramped up in that apartment making yourself miserable. You should go out for a bit. It'll be good for you. I'll be here when you get back. Call me when you get back?"

"Just tell me you're okay, and mean it...and I will go."

"I'm okay. I mean it."

"You're a bad liar."

"Why does everyone keep telling me that?"

"Who's everyone?"

"Never mind, I'm ok. Go, but please, for the love of God, be careful and come back to me safely."

His sigh connected with me palpably. It was exactly the way I felt, but sighing away the pressure was never enough. It didn't alleviate it even a little.

"Promise me," I said.

"I promise, I'll be careful. I love you."

And more of me died. It felt like I'd waited centuries to hear him say those words, and now that they fell so freely from his lips, I couldn't be there with him to bask in it.

"Do something for me?" I asked.

"Anything."

"Sprinkle some of the dust on yourself. The little vile I gave you..."

"Anything but that..."

"Please, Edward," I begged through a whisper. I didn't know what a possessor was, but Jake mentioned that the muck on his trail was a possessor and whatever that was, it didn't sound good.

"Why?" He asked dryly.

"Because you love me, and because I love you, and because as much as you don't like how it feels, it will keep you safe. It won't hurt you, I promise. It's only protection. I have some with me too."

He paused for a while then came back with a deep, "For you. Okay."

XXX

I forced myself to walk through the house after that. With great difficulty I looked through old rooms, touched old furniture, avoided old feelings, and stayed adamantly away from my parents' bedroom.

Their things would still be in there; their clothes and all their belongings. I didn't take care of anything before I left Forks the first time. I just left. And everything, including the spirits of old memories, still hung on the air as if waiting in limbo for rest.

My fault.

I didn't have the courage when they died to sort through the pain on my own. And I didn't want the help of greedy hands who offered help only to see what they could gain from the process. So I left their lives untouched and tried to move on with mine.

And even after three years it still felt too soon. I still wasn't ready to put their stuff away...forever.

_Maybe one day when this is all over_, I thought._ I'll come back and make it right. God, spare my life._

There was food in the refrigerator like Alice mentioned, and only because I knew she was nearby monitoring my every move, I broke off a piece of garlic bread and ate it.

"There, you happy?" I said to the ceiling, embellishing my chewing with appreciative groans. Three bites later, I was filled.

The sun never took as long to rise as it did to set. Even when Edward was still a Gargoyle I had found myself counting down the last seconds of daylight, as if parts of me were calcified with him and depended on the night's grace for escape.

I sat on the couch and looked at the blown television screen, glancing at my watch every ten seconds or so with bouncing heels off the floor.

When the sunlight on the carpet started retracting toward the wall I sat up straight and nailed my eyes to it, watching it creep up the wall toward the window sill, fighting against the pull of the moon for a few minutes longer.

"Just go away," I whispered. And it finally did.

When Alice didn't come through the door at the first hint of night, I opened the front door and stepped out into the cold dusk.

"Alice?"

I looked up and around, but then it got too cold to stand outside and I had to go back in. Three hours had passed since talking to Edward, thirteen hours since Charlotte touched me, and ten minutes since the sun set over Forks. I felt lonely, trapped, and suffocated.

I needed interaction. I needed stimulus.

"Be careful what you wish for, Bella," I whispered to myself when an earthy rumbling shook the house. My eyes darted to the window and I gulped.

A hair raising shriek pierced through the air then, and a boom of loud thunder made me drop my phone and dive for the staircase. I made it up the stairs in seconds, rounded the corner into the corridor and tumbled into my room. Lunging toward the bed, I snatched for my back pack and scooped whatever I could of the Selenite dust in the pocket. Then I ran to the bathroom down the hall, fumbled to grab a filth encrusted glass by the sink, and dumped the dust inside. Filling the glass with water, I tried to control my shaking hands then gulped the glass full of Selenite water.

In one word...awful.

I bent over the sink and heaved, using every measure of mental concentration to keep it down. It turned in my stomach and bubbled, and with one hand over my mouth I squeezed my eyes shut and forced against the innate retching, struggled until it finally obeyed and stayed down.

The house shook again and I stood upright, feeling beads of sweat roll down both sides of my face. Swallowing the Selenite was the only way I could think of to keep the Gargoyles from taking it away from me; halo or muck. If another fight was breaking out I was not going to leave myself unprotected.

I only hoped there wasn't a Gargoyle gift that could purge me on contact. That would _really_ suck ass.

I heard when the front door burst open and I backed myself against the wall between the toilet and the bath.

A moment later Alice was in the doorway looking at me, and I'd be lying if I said I was happy to see her that time; given the look of pure, unadulterated fright on her face.

I dared not ask. I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't ready for this to be over. I wasn't ready to lose. I'd never be ready, but oh fuck, it came too soon.

"Bella, it's Edward," she said with a grimace, shifting her steely eyes between mine. Her perfectly porcelain forehead was creased with lines of worry, and the shaky aura she brought with her directly contradicted everything she had ever embodied.

I jumped forward with my heart in my throat, only realising that I was still holding the glass when I heard it shatter on the tiles by my feet. My reaction alone told her that I was in too much shock to respond verbally. She would have to help me understand.

"Something happened," she whispered, grabbing my hands. "Bella..." And the panicked look in her eyes brought instant tears to mine. "It's bad..."

XXX

They were everywhere all of a sudden.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Zaphrina, Jasper, Makenna, Leah, Liam...

I ran straight to the middle and grabbed onto the lapels of Carlisle's trench coat. He wrapped his arms around me without words and lifted me off my feet.

Flying through the house was possibly more nerve wrecking than through the sky, since everything seem to escape my face by a hair. He took me through the back door and up, and I knew without having to ask, that he was taking me to Edward. I turned my face away from the cold sting of the wind and hid in Carlisle's chest, listening to the flap of this wings and the uncoordinated beat in his chest; a sound very uncharacteristic of Carlisle. He didn't belong to fear. Even when agitated or angry, fear was never an emotion that resonated with him, so the current sound of it vibrating within him was not something comforting at all. It was terrifying.

_Something none of us will be able to control...not even you guys, _I remembered myself telling Alice.

Silence cloaked me in dread. There was nothing to say or do, but wait. Nothing would give me answers but my place at his side. I didn't even know the questions yet. Not even Carlisle could talk, and his quiet though urgent body language as he took me to Edward, stabbed my hope repeatedly.

We landed on the roof of Harborview Medical Center and I spotted Jacob. He was standing on the edge with his hands in his cloak pockets, his back rigid and his head down. Leah rushed to his side in a beat when she touched down, and put a soothing hand on his back.

"Jake?" I called, in a hoarse voice.

He moved his head to the side, looked down by his shoulder and shook his head. "He raced, Bella," he said. "He was wearing the Selenite...and he crashed his car."

One by one, the ranks descended on the rooftop and formed a wide circle, marking all corners as far as I could see, as if to keep the premises locked down.

I almost collapsed with the power of Jake's words. As if Esme was staring right into my eyes, my body went limp and I almost caved. A cold hand closed around mine then, and I was shocked to find that it was Emmett's steadying arms that came around me.

"You should hurry inside," he said.

"It's my fault," I whispered, stricken to ice. "I asked him to wear it."

"I'll take her," Alice said, taking me from Emmett.

"I'll go with you," Carlisle said. "Emily is with him, Bella. She will do all that she can."

What did that even mean?_ She will do all that she can?_ They had supernatural gifts for crying out loud. Why did it sound like whatever they "could" do wasn't going to be enough?

A shell of shock, I could only nod at Carlisle and pass my eyes over the ranks. When it was safe to land below, Alice took me down quietly and led me through the doors to Emergency.

_Deja Vu._

I walked through those same doors not too long ago, rushing behind Aro, unbeknownst to me at the time, to Edward's bedside. But this time was different. This time I knew what I was about to see. This time it wasn't for show or a cover up to facilitate some master plan. This time it was real. The accident this time...was real.

I walked through the halls on automatic, my face cold and drawn, hand still in Alice's.

"They're not allowing visitors," I heard a voice say, and when I shifted my stare I saw that Emily had materialized. The look she gave me wasn't soft. Nor was it understanding or the least bit afraid. She was solemn and focused on Carlisle.

After a few whispered words between her and him, she nodded.

"I can get Bella in."

Alice released my hand instantly and then Emily was walking down the wide corridor in front.

"Follow her, Bella," a soft voice spoke in my ear. I blinked and breathed, then put one foot in front of the other...robotic, unfeeling, crumbling.

Just like before, like on the night Aro stood by my side in a corridor much like that one, I stood and stared through the little window on room door.

"Intensive Care," Emily said. "He's in a deep coma. Head trauma. They considered surgery, but then decided against it. It's too dangerous to cut at this point. All we can do is wait."

Wait...

I was out of breath without having spoken, my heart thudding lifelessly though heavily within my ribs. I wouldn't be able to survive this. If he didn't make it through this alive, I would die. I would willingly take death before life without him. I wouldn't even have to do it to myself, it would happen naturally. Existence would cease. Losing him in all finality would break me. I couldn't, not after everything...and especially not like this...not so soon.

The door opened, and it took blinking to realise that Emily had pushed it in when it was clear that I couldn't move.

I was too afraid to see him like that. Any nightmare I'd ever had about my parents or my experience in that car in the lake, couldn't amount to the fright of seeing Edward lying in an unresponsive comma. That kind of helplessness was mortifying.

But I made it to his side without remembering a single step it took to get me there. One second I was standing in the open doorway looking at his lifeless body on the bed, then the next, I was standing over him, the beeping of various electronic simulators in my ear, passing my fingers up the bed sheets to find his.

When his hand didn't respond to mine a tear rolled down my cheek. No sooner had it fallen off my chin, than a hundred more came tumbling down.

"Edward," I murmured, swallowing heavily as my eyes passed over his pale, solemn face. Very gently I stroked his overgrown hair away from his forehead and temples, over a few stitches and a huge bandage.

He didn't move. He almost didn't breathe. So still he lay, his eyes closed, lips parted so that the transparent chord could pass into his mouth and down his throat. His nostrils were invaded by oxygen plugs, and his head was banded with layers of gauze.

A brown smear of dried blood was still on his neck, but licking my fingertips to rub it off didn't help much. The stain was already set within the lines of his pores, glaring back at me possessively...mockingly.

A white cloth disturbed the vision. I took it from Emily's hand and tried again at the stain, wiping until all traces of it were gone. The reddish tint I left in place of the blood was much easier to look at, and a breath made it into my lungs.

Dropping my head, I closed my eyes and whispered, "Carlisle..."

And one soft breeze later, he was at my side with an arm around my shoulders. "Bella."

"You can fix him," I said softly, opening my eyes again.

Carlisle's arm vanished and I turned to look at him desperately. "All you have to do is touch him...and he'll wake up."

"Bella," Carlisle uttered, with a remorseful stare. "Please don't ask me to do that. You know I can't."

I shook my head and reached for his coat, my throat so thick I wheezed more than breathed.

"Please, Carlisle..._Pleeeaase?_"

He unlatched my fingers from his cloak and squeezed my fingers gently. "I'm sorry. This is beyond my control. Edward is here because of his own actions. If he should die, it would be because of a choice he made for himself. It would be fate. I cannot interfere with that. You know the rules..."

"_Fuck_ the rules, Carlisle."

"No, Bella. We can't all fuck the rules. Edward did, with you, and all of this," he said, with a sweep of his arm over us both, "is the consequence. You are both still paying for the mistake he made in saving your life when he was not supposed to."

I squeezed my eyes shut and cried, heaving until I was falling into his arms, unable to stand on my two feet anymore.

"You can't let him die," I sobbed, burying my face deep into Carlisle's coat. "Please...you just can't let him die. I'll do _anything_."

"Would you give your life in return for his?" Emily's voice came across suddenly.

"Emily!" Carlisle grunted high handedly. I snorted out a messy sob and turned my face out to look at her.

Then I was being whisked away, taken out of the room so quickly my feet barely touched the floor. Things happened in a blur after that. Alice's face, her voice, Jake's concerned expression, sturdy arms around me, tugging, shoving.

"Where are you taking me."

Then Charlotte...

Before I could mutter my refusal her hand came down on me, but she was blocked.

"I can't," I heard her say. "There's Selenite."

"Goddamnit, Bella," Alice's voice.

"You said you didn't mind."

"What did you do? Swallow it?"

"Not all of it."

"I could always knock her out," Emmett offered.

"Back off, Emmett. I think you'll find that she's quite good at passing out on her own anyway," Alice huffed.

"Give her to me."

Then I was being handed over to the Charlotte one. "It doesn't always take the gift. Sometimes, all they need is peace and attention."

Likening myself to an infant in the way she held me, is an understatement. The Gargoyle literally cradled me and rocked my crying form in the hospital lobby, like a great buxom mommy. And somehow, it worked.

Within her arms lightness replaced heaviness, wings displaced gravity, peace replaced chaos, and soothing darkness pulled me further and further away from the light.

XXX

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'd like to ask your support for a oneshot I wrote for the Pick A Pic Contest. It's called **Forever and a Day** and is posted on my profile. Please read it and if you like it, I would very much appreciate your vote.

Until next time. Happy New Year! :o)


	20. Chapter 19 Sunset

A/N: Hello, hellO! Please allow me to thank The Perv Pack Smut Shack for a wonderful review left on their blog for my story _Personification_. It's a oneshot I did a while ago, but hey read it and left a lovely recommendation which brought lots of readers over. Please visit their blog, they have lots of other recs over there too.

Thanks to Fiftylover, my lovely beta, and the fandom ninja, nikkiwindland, who does a lot more than just pre-read. Oh yes, she is a ninja. Trust me. The story is coming to a peak now. Enjoy, and thank you again for all your lovely words!

Oh and, please read _Forever and a Day_ if you haven't yet. It's on my profile. I'd love to know what you think. It's for a contest. Voting starts this Saturday.

**Chapter 19 **

**Sunset**

**BPOV**

Seven days and eighteen hours later, Edward still hadn't opened his eyes. People came and went, night turned to day, and day to night. Angela and Mike visited, as well as Tyler and some other guys from the track, extending their sympathies and best wishes. Tyler even looked like he cried, from sadness or from guilt. Either way, he looked stricken with the shock of Edward's accident and didn't deal with it very well.

He blamed himself; said he put the keys in Edward's hands and patted him on the back as he encouraged him to give it a try. He apologized to me over and over, even tried to touch me once, but recoiled when Jake snarled from the other end of the room and excused himself promptly.

Even at its best, however, his guilt was a baby in comparison to mine. And despite how I tried, I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at or point fingers at him. It wasn't Tyler's fault. It was mine. I only wished I had the energy to convince him.

I was the one who asked Edward to wear the Selenite, and was now sure that _that_ was what caused the accident, knowing the way it affected him physically. Nothing could convince me otherwise.

I stayed by his side day and night, a permanent fixture, like an appendage to his bed. And every night Jake stayed with me...or with Edward, whichever. Either way, his alarming presence in the room comforted me, especially in the times when Emily came in and stirred the atmosphere with unwarranted watchfulness. I couldn't put my finger on the feeling, but ever since the first day I met her, in a room just like this one, my spirit could never rest around her.

That feeling was confirmed when on the seventh night, Carlisle stood over Edward's still body with a troubled look on his face. He had come in every night so far and just stared at Edward without saying anything to anyone. Each night, I watched the quiet focus on his face as he passed his eyes over Edward from head to foot, searching and pensive. Then he would raise his eyes to mine and leave the room swiftly with a stilling hand held out to Jacob.

On the seventh night, Emily walked in when Carlisle was there and after a mumbled exchange of words, a rare temper flared in Carlisle. Alice was through the door in a second when their exchange heated and stood at my side, as Jake repositioned himself protectively by Edward's head.

"You dare insinuate..." Emily bit at Carlisle, under her breath.

"I haven't insinuated anything yet, Emily. I simply asked a question."

"Why don't you oversee his medical arrangements yourself then, since you feel the need to question my methods."

"Your methods? Or your motive?" Carlisle asked, turning his eyes back to Edward. "I knew something wasn't right."

I jumped out of my chair immediately, but Alice was faster than me.

"Bella, I think we should go outside."

"I'm not going anywhere," I snapped, casting her a disparaging look.

"It's okay, Alice," Carlisle said with a calming gesture of his hands, glancing at me briefly. Then he turned to Emily. "Emily and I will leave. Join me outside."

"I think not," Emily shocked me by saying.

"You've forgotten whose command you fall under," Carlisle warned. "You are a member of my Host before The Coalition."

"What I've forgotten was what little patience I have for arrogance. You have insulted me, Carlisle. Please consider this my leave."

"What's happening?" I whispered to Alice.

"Oh, it's rather simple," Emily said, turning to face me. "Carlisle has just indirectly accused me of foul play as it pertains to the health of your Edward."

"Emily..."Carlisle warned. "There is no need for a scene."

"I dare say, Carlisle," she rounded, narrowing her eyes on him fully. "That if you wanted to be discreet, you would have approached me privately."

"Then disprove him," Alice cut in, to which Emily turned her glare fully on Alice. "So far, the medical records show negligent holes in his treatment," Alice went on. "You were trusted with his care. You were supposed to be overseeing his treatment. We trusted you because you helped him the last time. What's different this time, Emily?"

"What's different this time, _dear Alice,_" Emily seethed, condescendingly. "Is that his condition is real. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he needs genuine treatment this time, and that every decision short of supernatural interference, counts."

"So what are you doing, or should I say..._not_ doing?"

"I'm not having this conversation," she chewed out, and turned to the door. Before she got to it however, Esme came in and stood in her way.

"Get out of my way, Esme," Emily snarled.

"Or what?" Esme asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Or you'll move me yourself? _Try_."

By the way Emily's back snapped, I knew that she had tried and that Esme had stunned her. I stole a glance at Alice, then at Edward, as the pieces started falling into place.

"She's been sabotaging Edward's progress...hasn't she?" I whispered as it finally hit me. I clutched my stomach and rolled my eyes toward Emily's rigid back. "Keeping him sick, when she could have been making him better?" It was suddenly hard to breathe.

"We need Zaphrina," Jacob said, moving to the window to look outside. "She could tell us for sure."

"Zaphrina asked for leave a few days ago and I let her go out of respect for her loss," Carlisle said. "She is no good to us right now."

"I think we already have our answer, guys," Alice said, pulling me into her side with a protective arm around my waist, "...we have company."

Carlisle whipped his head toward the door and called for Esme. "Esme, the door."

Taking Emily with her, Esme shifted away from the door, holding Emily with the energy in her eyes only. Then the door swung open and Amun barged in with Caius at his side.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Amun barked at Esme. "Release her at once."

"Caius," Carlisle said in mock reverence, "Still playing with the snakes, I see. Take Emily and leave, all three of you. You are not welcome here."

Amun's fiery glare came down on me next, but thankfully, another glass of Selenite water was still swimming around in my gut since dousing the remnants of what was left in my bag. Alice had brought my bag to me earlier that week.

She let me move away from her and take a brave step towards Amun's penetrating glare. Then passing my fingernails up my neck then flicking them off my chin toward him in an offensive gesture, I spit, "I dare you."

In less than a blink he was hovering over me and breathing fire into my face. Jacob was suddenly welded to my back, Carlisle on my side with one of my arms in his grip, Alice on my other. I doubted any person could see me in the Gargoyle vault they created around me. And despite what the Selenite could do to protect me from Amun's power...it couldn't shield me from claustrophobia.

Alice forced herself between Amun and I, Jacob moved away and she pushed me backward where I could breathe.

"Stop it," she warned me through clenched teeth.

"I'm not afraid of him," I rebutted.

"You should be."

"Try that again when you don't stink of Selenite," Amun sneered threateningly.

"Go fuck a rock, you asshole," I spit at him over Alice's shoulder, gesturing to Emily wildly. "She looks like she's dying for it."

"Get out," Carlisle threatened, stepping toward Amun with all the power of ten gods. The wraith-like darkness in his no nonsense demeanour silenced the room instantly.

At Amun's hesitance, Carlisle continued. "A pact is a pact, and if you are true to what you claim to be fighting for, you will respect at least that."

"The hour will come, Carlisle," he growled. "It will come."

"And I look forward to it."

With a last reproachful glare over his shoulder, Amun left with Caius and a huffing "Doctor" Emily Young in tow.

I fell into the chair at the side of Edward's bed and stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"He could have been getting better all this time," I muttered.

Jacob was furious. "How did we not catch onto this sooner?"

"I don't know," Carlisle said, with a finger to his chin. "I started getting suspicious three days ago. Just from scanning his body alone I was able to sense symptoms that were treatable but neglected, but I first had to monitor her movements before approaching her about it."

"I can't believe this," I wheezed out, locking my fingers with Edward's. "What's going to happen now?"

"First I'm going to see to it that she is removed from the hospital's register."

"I meant Edward!" I cried out. "I don't care about _her_. What's going to happen to Edward? She's been keeping him sick! He could have been getting better? I hope you're not gonna try convincing me that this is also part of his _fate _too_. _This was blatant tampering, Carlisle."

The words sounded nasty and directed, but thankfully, he didn't take offence. He simply moved toward Edward and passed his eyes over his body again.

"You're right. And I can undo the damage that happened while under her care." Then he raised his eyes warily. "But I can't go any further than that."

"Just do what you can," I said, pushing away from the bed agitatedly. I didn't mean to be upset with Carlisle, and I understood his position, but I hated the fact that he was _able_ to fix Edward but couldn't..._wouldn't_. And all this time, we were hanging around, watching his lifeless body and the hissing chords that came protruding out of him, like hopeless fools...just waiting for him to die.

_Why was I always waiting for Edward to die... _

"We had a traitor in our ranks the entire time," Esme said from the door, as if the truth had finally sunken in. Her face looked paler than usual and her features were taut. "I wonder how Zaphrina or Riley missed it."

"That's easy," Jacob said. "As far as I can remember, she didn't have much interaction with either Riley or Zaphrina, and she stayed glued to Carlisle's side. He was her ticket in. Once closely associated with him, Zaphy or Riley would never think to scan her. Then once Riley was killed, Zaphy was all over the place anyway. Think about the way they went after Riley and Zaphy. That was premeditated. They wanted to get them out of Emily's way and lucked out when they succeeded with Riley."

"I had a bad feeling about her since day one," I mumbled to the window. "And so far? My feelings have all come true."

"When last have you eaten?" Alice asked out of the blue.

"Would you quit trying to feed me all the time?" I snapped, turning on her. "And keep Charlotte away from me while you're at it. I don't like being addicted to things other than Edward and alcohol."

"She heard that," Jacob teased with an upward smirk.

I raised my eyes to the ceiling and raised a hand. "No offence, Char. But you're literally the meaning of anything _that_ good just can't be good."

"Eat something today or I'm force feeding you tonight," Alice clipped as she walked to the door.

I scrunched my nose at her and watched the others leave too. Jacob kissed the top of my head as he passed, Esme smiled silently, but Carlisle lingered behind.

"I'm not a monster," he said softly once we were alone.

Alarmed by his comment, I wrung my hands into my shirt and averted my stare. "I never thought you were."

"There's nothing I want more than to fix him, Bella" he said softly, staring down at Edward. "This is the hardest thing I'll ever do, watch him hurt and not be able to reverse it. I only now appreciate what he suffered during his Gargoyle years. I didn't understand it before, his emphatic need to heal and save the lives he wasn't allowed to, and the way that seemed to eat at him inside."

He shook his head. "Now I do. I finally understand."

I moved toward him impulsively and held his hands.

"This has made me respect him in a new way," he continued, offering me a gentle squeeze. "And Bella, he has never been luckier to have a woman like you in his life. Your resilience through this ordeal has been astounding. In all my centuries, I have yet to meet another like you. We have Gargoyles betraying and killing each other over something that could have been settled with understanding. And here you are, outclassing the lot of us, as simple as you are. I'm humbled by your heart."

He almost made me cry. Though I did better. I hugged him, really hugged him.

"I love you, Carlisle," I whispered. "Thank you for everything you've done to help Edward and I. I won't ever forget it. And I don't think you're a monster. If anything, you're too noble."

A chaste kiss to my hair told me that he loved me too. Then he set me away from him gently, seeing that I never knew when to stop hugging one of them once I started, and turned for the door.

"Oh, and if I were you," he said, turning back with a smile. "I would do as Alice says and eat something today. I've seen her force feed someone before. It's not pretty."

With a half chuckle I said, "She wouldn't."

He smirked and shot me a mystical wink, then moved to close the door.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, Bella."

"You fixed him...right? The parts you said you could?"

His stare shifted to Edward on the bed, then with a tight nod he looked back at me. "The parts I said I could." Then he left in a hurry.

XXX

The first rays of morning came through the blinds as I sat there staring at Edward. The sounds of the machines he stayed connected to became white noise at the back of my mind, invisible in sound though not so much in sight.

The cuts on his temples were stitched closed and dried, and his skin had since lost its human glow, now as pale as it ever was when he was cut from stone.

_Not quite brain dead... not yet,_ they said. Though by the looks the doctors and nurses kept sliding me all week, I knew they didn't think he would make it. They said he was holding on by a thin thread.

I stopped listening to what they said.

For the millionth time that week I kissed his fingers and waited for some response, a twitch...anything. And for the millionth time I sunk into renewed depression when his fingers fell away from mine like leaden sticks to the bed.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him. "If I could take it all back, Edward, I would. If I could reverse time I'd staple my fucking mouth shut and never ask you to wear the Selenite again. If you wake up, I promise never to force you. If you wake up, Edward, I'll come home. I'll do whatever it takes and fight whoever I have to, to make sure I'm always with you. I won't ever leave your side again."

I was aware that I was telling him things that I didn't currently have control over, but at the time, nothing else mattered as much as looking into his eyes again. Had I gotten the chance, I would have done whatever it took to make him happy. I meant that. I meant to fight tooth and nail to make the Gargoyles understand that we couldn't be separated. Bad things happened when we were apart, and if they didn't understand that by then, something was terribly wrong.

"Please come back to me," I begged, sniffling past tears. "I can't lose you now, not like this. Not again."

"Miss?"

I turned to the door and wiped my eyes, nodding at the nurse who took care of Edward during the day.

"I just got in. How is he?"

"The same," I answered.

"His drips need changing and I need to check his vitals."

"Okay, then I'm just going to take a quick shower."

"Don't mind me. Just take your time. You look tired."

I left her with him and shuffled to the small connecting bathroom of the room I was paying for with what was left of my salary in the bank. Mike had been understanding of my disappearing again, once he saw what happened to Edward, that is. But unfortunately, my leaving meant that I wasn't working anymore, not to mention the fact that I hadn't been to classes in over a week.

The rent would soon be due and I would have to dip into my savings from my parents' life insurance pretty soon. But I tried not to think about any of that. The stress of the outside world would only make things harder. So I vowed to focus only on Edward, praying that the rest would take care of itself.

My pants were already off when I heard a crashing sound from inside the room.

"_What_ the..."

Hopping back into my jeans, I stared at the door, cringing at the nurse's sudden shriek.

"What happened?" I demanded, running into the room again.

The symbiotic bleeping of different machines blared altogether, making a sound so high pitched and piercing, I had to cover my ears. The coffee mug I had left on the night stand was now broken on the floor next to the panicking nurse, whose hands were now frantically moving over Edward; checking his tubes, adjusting his plugs, hitting the monitors, pulling her hair...

"What's happening?" I yelled at her, passing my eyes over everything between her and Edward.

"I'm not sure. Everything's off," she gasped. "I triggered the buzzer, hopefully the doctor will be here soon."

"Off? What do...how can..._OFF_?"

Edward still wasn't moving, though every piece of equipment he was connected to seemed to be screaming.

The door swung open and the doctor raced in with two male nurses at his sides.

"I don't know what happened," the woman spoke up quickly. "I was changing his drips and then all of a sudden his hand jerked upward and I knocked over the mug by mistake. Then just like that, the equipment went berserk!"

"Wait...his hand did what?" I shrieked, grabbing for Edward's hand.

"Step aside," the doctor commanded, pushing me away and putting his stethoscope to Edward's wrist. He frowned poignantly for the longest seconds on the earth, all the while the machines continued to bleep and screech, the heart monitor jumping with odd, stabbing projections, nearing my own heart to a full on attack.

"What's wrong with him!" I begged to find out.

"Get her out of here," the doctor ordered.

"I'm not going anywhere!"

One of the male nurses held me by my shoulders then and started guiding me out.

"Get your fucking hands off me," I snapped, shoving him hard with my elbows.

"He's going into shock," the doctor called. "Get her outside, now!"

Harder this time, the nurse pushed until I was skidding through the door. Two more doctors fled past us and into the room and before I knew it I was standing outside the locked door, trying to bang my way back inside. I thrust my open palms against it and screamed, shaking so violently I could barely stand upright.

"Ma'am," someone said from behind me. Then a pair of gentle hands held my shoulders.

I pulled away and pressed my face to the window in the door.

"Ma'am..."

"I'm not leaving him!" I bit out, swinging on the random staff person in the hallway. "I'm staying right here until they tell me what's wrong!"

"You need to calm down, Miss. You're creating a scene."

"Do you think I care?" Then I turned to the door again and hit it. "They said he's going into shock...what does that mean?"

Through the window I saw the first doctor press two slabs on Edward's chest.

"Clear!" His voice came through the door.

Then Edward's upper body bucked upward in rigid violence.

I grabbed my mouth with both hands, blinking through hot, salty tears. "Oh my God," I whispered, watching in horror as they did it again.

"Clear!" And Edward's body twitched again, like a lifeless sack of sand being struck by lightning.

"Carlisle," I sobbed loudly, knowing that Carlisle couldn't help, but calling for him anyway. I was about to give up and slide to the floor when the strangest thing happened. It took a few seconds for it to connect with me, but the moment it did, I lost all control.

"Bella..." I heard.

I grabbed the door with open palms and pressed my face to the glass, shocked stupid.

"Bella..." I heard it again.

"Edward?" I gasped, dumbfound by what I thought I was hearing. "Edward?"

I saw the doctors and nurses turn to look at me through the small window in the door, and that's when I knew I'd really heard it. Edward had called my name.

"_EDWARD?_"

Something exploded like dynamite inside of my chest. I threw myself so hard against the door it was a wonder my chest didn't crack open.

"Open the fucking door!" I screamed, attacking it with my fists.

"SECURITY!" Someone called.

"Open it!" I sobbed. "Let me in!"

Someone grabbed me from behind and hauled my fighting frame through a path of staring faces. They put me in an office, tucked me in a chair like I was a child in punishment and rattled a bunch of warnings down at me.

Understanding that I needed to cooperate if they were going to allow me near Edward again, I took a few deep breaths and bent over, shaking so violently I had to concentrate on breathing so that I didn't pass out. I was just so tired of everyone trying to tear me away from him.

It felt like forever, sitting in that office where the sun came glaring through the windows. People walked up and down past the door, back and forth, over and over, but no one came in to talk to me. And just when I was about to lose it again and the doctor appeared with a stern expression on his face.

"Miss Swan, I'm afraid we lost him again."

When he saw the way my expression took a turn for the worst, he touched my shoulder with a steadying hand and clarified.

"He slipped into the coma again. But he's stable."

Holding on to the last of my sanity, I stood up and faced him. "The coma?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. We're not sure what happened. He went into shock but we managed to stabilize him again."

"How could you not know what happened? You're his doctor! I heard his voice! He called my name!"

"Yes," he said wearily, passing his hands over his face. "Ms. Swan, please tell me if this is going to happen every time we get a reaction from Mr. Cullen. Your outburst?"

I took a step back and let my weight drop heavily into the chair behind me. "I can't believe he went back under..."

"Ms. Swan."

"He woke up."

"Not exactly."

Turning glaring eyes upward, I bit out, "But I _heard _him."

"We're doing all we can. He's still on life support, but rest assured, we have an excellent team watching him closely. Should anything out of the ordinary happen again, we will attend to him immediately."

"How could he say my name one minute, then need life support the next?" I was still in shock, staring at the doctor with wide, watery eyes.

"Leave the medical deductions and questions to us, Ms. Swan. If you wish, you may return to his room on the condition that you promise to act accordingly if something should happen again."

"Thank You," I mumbled cryptically, hurrying out.

There was no rest to be had after that. Sleep and food appealed even less than usual. I sat and stared at him with his hand in mine, hoping that my energy would magically pass through to him, and that he would feel me there. I stared so intently that a hole of fire could have been beamed through the centre of his beautiful face and he wouldn't know.

The day passed. Nurses and doctors came in and out. Food trays were placed beside me then taken away. I drank some juice and bit into toast, but entertained nothing that required my both hands, or that I let go of his.

When I couldn't go on any longer, and I finally started succumbing to tiredness, I climbed into the bed next to him and pulled the cover over us both.

"Please wake up again," I whispered, pressing my lips to his ears. "I heard you...you were here...I just know you have it in you. I know how strong you are Edward. You're special."

I grazed the skin on his face with my fingertips, over his closed eyes and nose, his lips and chin, then laced our fingers together between us again. "I'm right here waiting for you. If you can hear me, baby, just open your eyes. Open your eyes...and wake...up."

And just as my eyes drifted closed, burdened by the weight of exhaustion, amidst the electronic reminders that his life still hung on by a thread, beneath the dying light of the setting sun in the sky, his fingers moved against mine...and very slowly, my eyes fluttered open again.

"Edward..."

His response was not audible. It came through his fingers, a weak though determined squeeze of his hand to set my heart on fire.

With a smile that spilt my face in two, I turned tearful eyes to the ceiling, my fingers tightly intertwined with Edward's, and whispered to Carlisle, wherever he was.

"Thank You."

XXX

**A/N: Hmmmm, me thinks Carlisle did a little more than he said he did...no? **

**P.S. There will be a surprise next chapter :)**


	21. Chapter 2o Dawn

A/N: Another rollercoaster chapter. Please understand that these events have been part of the outline since inception and that I'm not trying to torture you. Despite the trials E and B go through, it's a love story that will end with them together. This chap should actually give hope.

Oh and...surprise! Happy reading :)

**Chapter 20**

**Dawn**

**Edward**

Human. I'd forgotten what it felt like.

The force with which I fell back into myself was so uprooting, it took days after the accident for me to realise what was happening, what had already happened, and where I was.

It came back in blotches, in sudden enormous waves that lacked nothing pertaining to cruelty. Nothing came in sequence or order. There was only rush and confusion. I was pressed so deep inside of my mind that I had no sense of my immediate surroundings. Everything that ever touched me, everything that ever caught my attention, my sight, my voice, my anger, my passion...everything that spanned two hundred years and more, before and after...came at me all at the same time in one magnanimous clash.

It came with a pressing weight on my chest, something unfamiliarly stronger than me, something that pushed against my pushing and aggravated what felt like physical pain...inside of me.

Pain? It took a while for me to acknowledge that it was there at all... that weakness was there at all; that heat and vibration, and something akin to vulnerability were all trying to make their way through to me.

I commanded with all the wrath of inner determination, that my body...this body...wake up, and respond. But my will, as fragile as the pieces of me that fought to stay together, was smothered by the impact of what was happening in my head. I could barely concentrate on getting my body to respond while being mauled to a weak pulp, by memories that had suddenly found their way out of the hole.

The swirling screaming hole of madness had spilled over, finally, had been cracked open with the impact when my skull cracked in the car. And everything that was twisted inside so uncomfortably was now bursting out of the cracks, seeping and running out like spilt dye.

I couldn't move. I couldn't see. I couldn't feel, hear or sense a single living thing outside of the inner chaos. The pain numbed me. I knew parts of me were broken by the way I couldn't move, but the pain numbed it all. I felt myself slipping away, weakness growing stronger, pressing harder until the fingers of internal injury crept to other parts of me and claimed my whole.

Then just like that, it all disappeared. The physical pain, the weakness and the weight, it all just vanished with a temperate wave that passed through from tip to toe. It felt like a heavy carpet of infirmity was being peeled and rolled away. And then...she was everywhere.

Immediately after the barrier was rolled away, her voice was there, and the shock it fired through me made my body roar to life.

_Isabella..._

Suddenly she was on every tether and ion of matter that culminated my being. She was the first and the last, and the only thing that made my spirit lurch very literally out of my body. Carlisle's voice played on the periphery, another woman and some random conversation, but it was Bella who stood out the most. It was the feel of her skin that ignited the dawn of new life inside of me, and it was the threat of her leaving my side that caused me to panic.

"Okay, then I'm just going to take a quick shower," I heard her say, as her fingers slipped away.

"Don't mind me. Just take your time. You look tired," answered the other woman.

I felt so helpless, I went crazy. I had finally found my way back but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach out to her.

_Bella,_ I called out internally. _Isabella! Come back! I'm here. I found my way out..._

But she didn't hear me. It didn't matter how hard I screamed or how much I forced movement, nothing happened. Despite the sudden alleviation of pain, I was still strapped.

The nurse started touching me with her clammy hands, and in revulsion, I moved instinctively to flick her away, realising only after her shriek that my body had actually obeyed. Shocked that I could respond, I pushed myself harder, screaming and fighting so violently on the inside, that panic ensued. The machines they had me connected to blared off, mirroring the very mess I had been reduced to on the inside.

There was shouting and tugging, and Bella's screaming only worsened my anxiety. The more she screamed, the harder I fought to get to her. The harder I fought, the louder the machines threatened to fail. The more the machines wailed, the more the doctors panicked, and all that did was make them induce electro shock into my body.

I was sure it would kill me. The painful, fiery heat burned through me over and over like lightning. After swallowing the taste of blood one too many times, the shock forced me into submission and then everything went still. Until I heard her voice again...

"Please wake up again. I know you have it in you. I know how strong you are. You're special...You don't have to stay trapped in there anymore. I'm out here. I'm waiting for you. You can do it...please...if you can hear me, just open your eyes...and wake...up."

So I stopped trying so hard. I stopped forcing my body to react to the command of my own voice, and instead, surrendered myself to the command in hers.

_Waaake uuuup_...An echoing whisper, her voice stayed with me.

And without even trying, my fingers moved and closed over hers.

"Edward..." she gasped with hope in her voice, moving at my side.

"Thank you."

XXX

The last time I saw her face she was being torn from my arms in the sky, and I had watched her fade into the night as Alice fled with her.

Too far removed now, the memory of that face was the only thing strong enough to push me past the last mile. I held on to that need, squeezing her hand with incremental fervour, and let her voice pull me all the way out.

"I feel you," she choked out. The bed moved under her weight as she pressed herself against my side. "Edward..." She whispered in my ear, shaking my hand eagerly. "You can hear me, can't you?"

She tried to be gentle, but her excitement came over like a steamroller on soft pitch. And all I could do by way of answering, was squeeze her hand in return.

"You're doing it!" She gasped, bouncing the bed slightly. "Come on, keep trying. All you have to do is open your eyes and everything will be alright. I'm right here waiting for you, you're not alone. Just do it, baby...wake up. Open your eyes."

I could hardly focus against the light from the ceiling before she was collapsing on top of me and pressing her face to mine in tears. "Thank God!" She cried.

And as overcome with joy as I was to open my eyes again, the explosion of wealth in my head came pushing through at the same time, and I was bombarded with everything at once.

"Bella?" I whispered, still trying to find her around the light. "Bella?"

"I'm here," she gasped, pressing her trembling lips on mine. "I'm right here. You're awake."

I tried to respond, moving my hands up to hold her face, but a blind siding pain seized my movement, and I flinched.

She jerked backward and apologized. "Oh no, I'm sorry. You're in pain and here I am trampling all over you."

"No," I exhaled, curling my fingers into her hair so that she couldn't move away. It was still hard to centre my eyes and even though I had been awake for more than a minute already, I still hadn't seen her face.

The pain in my head wasn't injury induced, it was shock-overload induced. It was everything; the relief of having her within reach again, the floodgates of supernatural memories that were still bursting through the head wound, the new memories of a recent human life that were now recoiling into the hole, everything that was a part of me...past and present, Gargoyle and human, was pushing forward for dominance.

The more her face came into focus, the faster my heart beat and already I knew this body wasn't enough to contain me. My heart alone raced like a strained little thing under the power of what I felt for her.

"Are you okay?" She asked with tear stained cheeks and a withered smile.

I stared at her, knowing by the look in her eyes that she didn't yet know what had happened...or who it was she lay on top of so unsuspectingly.

"Better than just okay," I answered, holding her face over mine.

"Don't ever do this to me again," she half laughed, half cried. "You scared the shit out of me. I almost don't believe that you're..."

With enough yearning to cripple an army of gods, I pulled her face down and kissed her shockingly hard, writhing against the unfamiliar distension of my human heart.

Mid kiss, she gasped and pulled back with wide eyes and a deep frown. For a few long seconds she stared at me searchingly, moving her eyes all over my face, struck by something she couldn't yet put into words.

Her spine bent upward and she shook, then she touched her lips and moved her head in disbelief. Without me having to say a word she had felt it, the difference. She felt the uncanny electricity that only she and I shared. I saw the recognition the moment it passed over her face, but I lay there and looked back at her patiently, and waited for it to click.

"Edward?" She whispered, shifting her eyes back and forth between mine.

The dormant headache started throbbing again as more information pushed through, but I held my breath and nodded, hoping the intrusion would pass quickly.

She opened her palms flush against the both sides of my face and peered down curiously with fever in her stare. "Edward?"

"From stone to flesh, my love," I exhaled. "It's me."

With an audible croak, her eyes welled up and spilled over. She looked both terrified and shocked, shaking her head as if she was afraid to let herself believe it.

"Believe it. It's me."

Before she could respond, the door opened and a swarm of bodies walked in. So she grabbed on to my gown with a vice like, possessive grip.

"He's awake," the doctor proclaimed. "Get the girl off him. Miss Swan, what the hell are you doing?"

A male nurse made the mistake of trying to move her himself by holding her around her waist. I shoved his hands away roughly and pointed at him.

"She stays," I growled. "Don't you dare touch her."

"Mr. Cullen, you're seriously injured, and should be in lots of pain."

Bella was still staring at me, wide eyed and awestruck, and hadn't moved a muscle since her discovery.

"I'm fine," I answered, staring back at her.

"That's impossible," the doctor said.

"How is he even awake?" Another asked.

"Mr. Cullen, we need to examine you and run tests. Miss Swan, we've already talked about this. If you refuse to move, I'll have to call security again."

And again they tried to pull her away.

"Didn't you hear what I said the first time?" I snapped, moving upright with a solid fist to the male nurse's chest.

"It's really you..." She uttered in shock, blinking through heavy tears and clinging so hard to my robe that her knuckles went ashen white. "Edward...it's you..."

"That's it, call security."

"Someone mentioned security?" A familiar voice boomed. I recognized Emmett's voice immediately, and a quick glance at the doorway proved me right. God, it was good to see him.

"Yes!" The doctor exclaimed. "Please escort Miss Swan to the lounge."

For the third time, the insolent nurse tried touching Bella again, and had she not been in my lap I would have lunged for his throat.

"If you do that again I'll break both your hands off," I growled at him.

And instead of taking Bella away, Emmett took the nurse by his overcoat and led him like a feather to the door.

"Alright, that's enough," the doctor ordered. "If this wasn't the stunting puzzle that it is, I'd have had you both you detained by security." Then he turned toward Emmett and flailed his arms in the air.

"What the hell are you doing? It's_ her_ we need removed, not him. Take her to the lounge for crying out loud!" Then he turned back to me. "Mr. Cullen, you're exerting yourself after waking from a deep coma. You're still in intensive care. You need to let me do my job and..."

"Doctor, it's alright," said another familiar voice, and damn if the sight of Carlisle didn't make my little heart leap for joy. "I'll take it from here."

"Who the _fu_..." The poor doctor was beside himself with frustration. "And who are you?" He asked, rethinking his question and opting for passive aggression instead.

Right behind Carlisle was Esme and another person I didn't recognise, though it didn't take supernatural intelligence to know she was a Gargoyle too.

Something passed between the girl and the nurses, and then they were all a nodding mess, practically bowing out of the room backwards. I turned back to Bella, still staring at me in shock; still clutching my gown like she was hanging over a precipice.

Things after that happened in a fast blur. Carlisle whispered commandeering words to the doctor and had the room cleared of all humans besides Bella and I.

Alice, Jasper and Jacob materialized, and as happy as I was to see them all, I wanted those first moments to belong to Bella and I alone. However, they made that impossible, not to mention, the rocking spasms that kept erupting inside of my head. It was getting harder and harder to maintain focus on any one thing in particular.

"Bella, you have to let go," Carlisle said, touching her shoulder. "We need to get Edward out of here right away."

That was the first time she blinked away from me, snapping back to reality. "I'm staying with him," was all she said.

"It wasn't a question," Emmett mumbled, lifting her away from me effortlessly.

"Is it true?" Jake laughed out, rushing to my side. "Is it really you?"

"We don't have time," Carlisle warned, opening the door. "Take them to the house in Forks. The path has been cleared. I'll stay behind and wrap things up here."

Jacob shrugged out of his cloak and threw it over my shoulders then helped me off the bed. "You okay to walk?"

Testing it made me flinch, let alone the massive sway in my head that rocked me forward. I grabbed on with both hands and fell against Jake. "It's all coming back too fast," I winced. "It's like...my brain...it can't take it."

"Edward?" Bella called from where Emmett was holding her. "What's happening to him?"

I held a hand up to her, but then Jake pulled me up and against him. My feet left the floor and without me even feeling it, I was whizzed out of the hospital and taken airborne.

"Where is she!" I shouted against the wind as we shot into the sky.

He turned me outward to see Emmett carrying her a few feet away, but I couldn't see her face around the tossing veil of her hair or the movement of Emmett's wings. Plus the feeling of being so high up and moving so fast was nothing like I remembered it. The only familiarity was the nausea associated with heights. And again, the fragility of a human body made itself glaringly obvious as my stomach keeled.

"Just a few more minutes, buddy" Jake said, holding me tighter. "We're almost there."

"Pull up the ranks!" Jasper screamed suddenly. "Jake, get Edward behind me now!"

A harsh tug to the right and we were behind Jasper with Emmett and Bella right behind.

"Edward!" Bella screamed.

Esme and Alice came in close around us and then suddenly there were hundreds of them, coming toward us from every direction in the sky; black against black. They formed a tight protective circle around Bella and I, their backs toward us as they faced the threat on the outside.

"They'll have to kill every last one of us to get to you and Bella," Jake growled.

Far to the front there was shouting and barking, but I couldn't decipher anything that was being said.

"Thank God, Carlisle made it in time," Alice said with a sure nod.

Emmett moved to Jake's side so that Bella was within reach, and had it not been for his strength she would have leapt out of his arms to get to me.

I reached for her face and she grabbed my hand, trying to smile through anxiety, but the marks of worry were all over her face. By some miracle I had found my way back to her with a wealth of supernatural knowledge, something I was sure I was not supposed to have inside human skin...something I was sure was the cause of the Gargoyle barricade around us right then.

"Tell me what's been happening," I said to her, biting back another surge of pain. "Did they come after you? Did they try to hurt you, Bella?"

Everything that had happened over the past months in Bella's care was being overpowered by the dominating Gargoyle memories. It started feeling like the walls of my brain were being pushed outward, thinning as it stretched to contain it all; like my brain was swelling and on the verge of bursting.

"Don't you remember any of it?" She called back through the wind, flicking some wayward strands of hair from her face with a toss of her chin.

"Some...bits..." I answered, letting my head fall. Even in weight, it started feeling heavy.

She grabbed my head then and lifted it. "What's happening to you? Are you still injured?"

"This isn't the best time for this conversation, guys," Emmett warned.

"There's something wrong with him," Bella insisted, running her fingers through my hair frantically. "Edward...tell me."

Even opening my mouth was too hard. Anything to do with my head at all took too much effort.

"Argh," I grunted, grabbing Bella's hands at the sides of my face.

"We need to get him down quickly," Jake said. "He's about to explode."

"Wait, they're letting us through?" Alice wondered in shock.

I opened my eyes just when Jasper looked over his shoulder and nodded to us. "Stay close to me," he said.

Jake's arms came around me tighter, Bella's hands fell away, and we stared moving again at a much slower pace.

"What's happening to you?" Jake asked as we flew through the middle of a thousand gray-eyed stares; some sceptical, some curious...all suspicious.

"I don't know," I bit out, hoping the rush of wind on my face would help.

It didn't.

"I remember everything, Jake...but it's...it's not agreeing with me or something. It's fucking painful."

"Welcome back, bro," Jake answered with a smiling voice. "I don't know how the hell this is possible, or how you did it, but shit...if there was one who could do it, it would be you, right?"

Descending, as always, was the hardest part of flying. My stomach flipped more than once, and by the time Jake set my feet on the ground, I was hurling.

"Certainly still human," Jake teased, with a broad hand on my back.

"Get him inside quickly," I heard Carlisle's voice.

"Where's Bella," I forced out, spitting the last drops of bile between my feet.

I was helped inside the house in Forks and the moment I stepped past the door, Bella was diving into my arms.

Her scent alone tasted like therapy. We stumbled together, back and forth as my balance wobbled. The others had to brace our backs with their hands so that we didn't fall. Still, we didn't let go, nor did we care about who was there to witness our reunion.

"Drink this," Alice said, handing me a glass of water from behind Bella. I looked at her as I took the glass with Bella in my arms, and smiled when her gaze softened on me.

"Alice."

She stepped forward and touched my forehead with her lips.

"Welcome back, brother. I missed you."

I chugged the glass of water, handed it back to her, and scooped Bella into a pile against me.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked.

"Just keep holding me, and I'll be fine," I answered, turning my face into her hair.

"Maybe you should sit down," Carlisle suggested, guiding us both with his hands toward the sitting room.

I fell into the couch with Bella next to me and took a deep breath.

"How is this possible?" Carlisle wasted no time in asking. The entire host as I remembered them stood in the room, all except Rosalie. "How?"

"That's what I want to know," Emmett said, folding his arms.

"I don't know the answer," I replied, lacing my fingers with Bella's, looking at her at my side. "But it happened."

"But how?"

For some reason I was out of breath. It took great effort to breathe and every intake of air expanded my chest ostentatiously.

"If I knew I would tell you," I gasped. "But I was never gone. I think I was trapped somewhere in limbo...struggling to find my way out...until the accident."

I squinted at Bella. "There was an accident..."

"Yes," she said. "You were in an accident and you had a concussion, went straight into a coma."

They were all nervously trying to piece the puzzle together.

"Maybe it was the blow to my head that did it. It certainly feels like it...and whatever's happening, I can't control it."

"Still impossible," Jasper came in. "If anything, a blow like that should have killed you. You are still human."

"He _would_ have died," Bella spoke up, raising her eyes to Carlisle. "He almost did."

All eyes turned toward Carlisle then, and Esme took his hand.

Before I could even ask, Esme shook her head at me and put a finger to her lips. And that's when I knew that Carlisle had saved my life.

Jacob was restless, as was Jasper. Both were pacing the room and looking out of the windows every five seconds.

"Guys, can this interrogation wait until later," Bella asked. "He needs rest."

"No," I answered. "I want to know what's been happening. The last few months are still blurry...it's hard to focus."

"A war, is what's been happening," Emmett answered.

Carlisle silenced Emmett with a gentle hand then. "I think the weight of your supernatural memories are suffocating the recent human ones. In any case, you wouldn't know much about what's been happening, since Bella worked very hard at keeping you in the dark."

"Yeah, you were a pain in the ass," Jake chuffed, teasingly.

"Is everything a game to you?" Emmett snapped at Jacob.

"Back off, Edward is back and I'm happy about it...whatever it may mean."

"It means he's in even more danger now than before," Emmett grunted. "It means that this war has only just begun. Now that he remembers everything...they'll never stop now."

"So we'll fight until they do."

"Exactly how much do you remember anyway, Edward?" Alice asked, stopping the fight between Emmett and Jacob.

I looked up at her, then at Bella, kissed the back of Bella's hand, and looked back at Alice. "Excluding the past few weeks which is still kind of blurry?"

"Uh huh.."

"Everything...if my mind has its way. It's still coming through."

"Sweet mercy," Jasper gasped. "What the hell do we do now?"

Another throbbing wave of pain washed me over just then. I had to let go of Bella and grab my head and bend over with my head between my knees. The surge was stronger every time it came back, more painful...and lasted longer.

"Let him rest," Bella begged. "He can't take it!"

"I'm afraid rest won't help him," Carlisle said. "Exertion is not what's causing this. He needs release."

"Release?" Bella asked.

"His brain is rejecting the weight of his memories. He doesn't have the mental capacity for it. A human body isn't supposed to be able to hold the expanse of life he is trying to contain right now."

"And?" Bella pushed.

"And he'll go crazy, Bella. He won't be able to take it once the full force of it comes on. He'll lose his mind."

"He most certainly will not," Bella snapped, jumping off the couch. "When will you all finally admit that Edward is different? When will you get it through your rock hard skulls that he defies all the odds and that he is a miracle? Where is your faith in him? Look at what he just did?"

"Bella," I winced, reaching for her wrist and pulling her back onto the couch. "Bella..."

But the pain this time was much worse. I wrapped both arms around my head and buckled over, suffering the flash of decades as they burst to the front of my head.

"Get him some water," someone ordered.

"Edward?" Bella whispered, hugging my bent form. "What can I do? Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere."

"Jake..." she called. "Can you get him to the bed upstairs?"

"Done," Jake answered. And before I knew it, I was lying in Bella's bed. They left us alone for a while, as they deliberated and dissected the situation outside.

"I don't want to be broken," I gasped, forcing myself to stand aggressively. "I can't be broken. You need me now. This is why I'm here, dammit."

"I still don't know how to react to any of this. I'm in so much shock right now."

Like two inches was too far away, I pulled her close and lifted her feet onto mine, casting my body to hers like she was oxygen in a sea of despair. Words were futile. They had been all night but we were surrounded. We didn't need words anymore. Time too was irrelevant, especially since we knew we didn't have much of it. The hours rolled by like seconds anyway. All that mattered was that I had her in my arms again, and that it took a trip through hell to get her there.

Through the crippling headache I embraced her, buried my face deep into the nape of her neck and breathed her in. She shuddered, and the flicker of goosebumps that scattered over her skin transferred to me and raised every hair on mine.

Hands in hair, nails against scalp, lips finding lips, heart pounding against heart...we were one again. She shuddered, slid her hands under the cloak and slipped it off my shoulders. I did the same by shoving away her jacket. Then she found the opening at the back of the hospital gown I still had on, and ran her hands over my cheeks and across my back. The sounds she drew from me were unabashed. The fire she lit ablaze with just her touch hardened me in places that made my toes tingle.

I was more aware of my human body than I ever was of the Gargoyle. As a Gargoyle I took things for granted, plied with power and control for so long that simple things failed to matter. Goosebumps...what a marvel. But now that I was plunged head first back into humanity, the vulnerability of arousal was nothing short of breathtaking. It was incredible and I'd never wanted her more than I'd wanted her then, not even when I was a Gargoyle.

I palmed her from behind with restless hands and raised her hips to brush against me, dying a little against her softness and the way it urged me on where I was hard. Moving fast, I turned and put her on the bed, determined to fight the pounding in my head that had gone dormant again. My intention wasn't sex. All I wanted to know was that I had her again. I only wanted to be close and to be filled with her again.

"If you thought I loved you before, my goodness, Edward...you have no idea."

"Vita mea," I answered with a kiss, "my life. Dilectio mea," I said with another, "my love. Te amo."

"Promise you'll never leave me again," she begged, falling apart underneath me. "This is too much. Edward, I'm terrified."

Lying beside her, I wiped away her tears and tried to hide the threat of another oncoming attack.

"You're in pain."

"It will pass."

"And what if it doesn't?"

Talking about it alone made it worse. I had to cover my eyes and shield my face just to brace myself for the onslaught.

"I don't know how to help you," she cried.

It chose just then to barge its way between us.

"It...argh!" I grimaced through clenched teeth, grabbing onto her for strength. "It will...pass."

"I'm getting Carlisle," she cried. "Every time it comes back, it gets worse. He helped you in the hospital, Edward. Maybe he can help with this."

"He can't help with this, Bella...this isn't an injury."

"I can't just stay here and watch you hurt! I have to do something!"

"Then just hold me," I pleaded through a gasp for air. Little by little the seams of my brain were ripping open, but I refused to believe that after everything I went through to get there, that anything would have the power to keep me away from her now.

Apparently, I was wrong.

The bedroom door opened then and the vibration from the sound sent another stab to my head.

"Hello, Isabella. We meet again," someone said.

"Took you long enough," Bella snapped. "I don't know if you being here is good or bad, but at this point I'm as dense as a fucking doorknob. I just don't know what to do or think or say anymore."

I rolled heavily onto my back, flinching when the side of my head connected with the pillow and scowled at the face of Aro.

"And Edward," he said, like a peacock with a brand new set of feathers. "Hello again. There's something I believe I have to see with my own eyes?"

I took a deep breath, and forced past the pain to talk.

"I told...you...I would...find ...my way...back."

"Fascinating," Aro gasped, clasping his hands in front of him like a gleeful child. He looked over at Carlisle and all but giggled before turning to me again. "And all it took was a blow to the head?"

"You're enjoying this...aren't you..."

"My God," Bella gasped tearfully, falling to her knees at the side of the bed. "Is it killing him? Why is it so bad so fast?"

"It's like I told you, my child," Aro answered, wide eyed and entertained, a painted smile on his face. "A human mind cannot withstand the wealth of a Gargoyle's lifespan. Though I never thought I'd actually see the proof with my own eyes. It's simply...marvellous."

"Marvellous?" Bella screamed, jumping to her feet. "You sadistic son of a bitch! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I heard Alice's voice then.

"I'm not going anywhere, Alice!"

I opened my eyes again to see Alice trying to talk sense into an enraged Bella. I tried calling out to her, but the strength it took was overwhelming. I literally felt myself decomposing on the bed, deteriorating with every new batch of memories that sealed itself in that listless, human brain.

"Aro," Carlise said. "Is there a way to reverse this? Is there something we can do to help him?"

"Bella..." I whispered, now sticky with perspiration, and breathing heavily. "Bella."

"There isn't anything we can do to reverse it," Aro answered. "Although, I'm rather tempted to stand here and watch for as long as it takes him to disprove that theory too."

"I think it's safe to say that this one will stick," Carlisle bit out. "He's deteriorating rapidly."

Bella was holding my hand again, and the simple comfort that gave me should have been enough to heal anything that was wrong with me.

"I'm not going to lose you, Edward," she demanded. "Whatever this is, you better fight it. Do you hear me? Fight it!"

"I dare say, he interests me so," Aro continued to marvel.

I was buckled in excruciating pain, like a lab rat under his observation.

"In all my centuries I have never come across another like him. What is it about him that makes him so...strange? He's a paradox."

"I don't know, Aro," Carlisle snapped. "But I'm hoping you want to keep him around so that we can find out."

"Keep him around..." Aro repeated, wistfully. "An intriguing suggestion. You always were quite wise, Carlisle."

The pause in Bella's sobbing was immediate.

"Keep him around?" She bellowed. "Can you? How?"

"Why...return his wings to him, of course," Aro said. "To save his life, he would have to lose this one, and become a Gargoyle again."

"What?" She shrieked, jumping to her feet again."There has to be another way."

Then she and Alice started arguing again.

"There is no other way, Bella," Carlisle tried. "I'm afraid this is the one test Edward will fail. He defied the odds by getting his memory back. He won't be able to survive this too. And even if he does, he will lose his mind with all finality. It won't be like amnesia, Bella. This will be worse. You will lose him, either to death or insanity."

"I lose him anyway if he is made Gargoyle again," she lashed out. "Why the fuck do I always lose? What the fuck did I do...to any of you...for you to hurt me this way?"

"Hurting you? This isn't about you, Bella," Alice argued.

"I know. I know. But I can't take it anymore. I give up...I just can't win."

"Now, now," Aro chimed. "Give up? Quite uncharacteristic of you if any of the stories I've been hearing are true. I told you I'd be watching you. And believe when I tell you that there was nothing Amun's army had to say that shocked me in the least. I heard their complaints, but I also heard about the effort you put into keeping our secret safe...even pushed your Edward away and suffered his rejection to keep the secret. Some may argue that your loyalty is to him and not us, and that your motive was to protect and not the Legion. Nevertheless, you kept your word...well, as best as you were able to. It would be quite a shame to give up now...now that I think you would be valuable to us. Now that I think you would make an exquisite guardian."

A jolt of something unnatural fired inside of me and I opened my eyes in shock, straining to see a very confused Bella, a confused but shocked Bella with her jaw on the floor.

"At a loss for words?" Aro cooed.

"Aro, you better make sure that you are very clear with your words right now," Carlisle said.

"Oh my God," Alice gasped.

"I can't be any clearer. You all heard me perfectly. I asked Bella to join the Legion."

Still no answer from Bella, standing as rigid as a post.

"What about the balance?" Carlisle asked.

"Leave that to me," Aro answered arrogantly. "I know my way around the requirements."

"Bella..." I whispered.

She came to me on leaden legs and fell to her knees again. "Me? A Gargoyle?"

"With me," I whispered, trying to nod but wincing instead. "Together.."

"He doesn't have much time, Bella," Carlisle urged. "You'll have to answer quickly."

"Edward," she forced out with a harsh swallowing motion, trauma written all over her face. "Do you think..."

"For the love of God," I gasped, letting my eyes roll to the back of my head. "...just say yes."

"Yes," she said jerkily. "Yes. Yes...do it. Yes."

"Wait..."

I opened my eyes to Alice's voice and saw something worrisome cross her face. And as if that wasn't frustrating enough, all their faces changed one by one as something occurred to them each in turn.

"I heard it," Carlisle said, passing his hand over his face with a tired sigh. Then he passed his eyes over Bella's body. "I sense it now."

"Bella,"Alice gasped, torn between varying emotions all at the same time.

With raised eyebrows, Aro threw his hands up. "And the plot thickens! Humans are indeed quite entertaining."

"What is it, Alice?" Bella demanded.

I almost succumbed to both pain and anxiety right there on the bed as I struggled to pay attention.

"You can't say yes, Bella," Alice said, taking Bella's hands in hers. "At least, not yet."

"And why the hell not?"

"Because you're pregnant. Your cervix just closed."

**XXX**

**A/N: To those who will argue that the cervix doesn't close because it's _always_ closed etc, that isn't the case. In researching (even though I should know this with two children) I found that people have varying ideas about it, but my answer didn't come from yahoo answers, or any site based on opinions or guesswork.**

**If you'd like, you can visit these two sites which will give proper information.**

**Babyhopes. com**  
**Pregnancytoday. com**

**Thank you for reading. And you can expect a very angry Gargoyle once Stoneward catches himself and realises what has been happening in his "absence". **

**I also signed up as an author for Fandoms4Floods. I will write a oneshot in aid of raising funds for the flood victims in Australia. I hope you'll support.**


	22. Chapter 21  The Balance

A/N: Your best response to this story ever was on the last chapter. Thank You!

Love to Nikkiwindland for pre reading, putting up with me, and for the wonderful new design on my blog. Specially made for Valentine's Day! We hope you likes. It's very girlie, but it makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

Happy reading :o)

**Chapter 21**

**The Balance**

**Bella**

What is it about the powerful, do or die kind of love that demands the blood of your soul, and still gives you nothing in return?

Why didn't this work whether he was Gargoyle or human? What was so forbidden about us that despite crossing worlds and defying the odds, the situation just kept getting more and more complicated?

Sacrifice, sweat, blood, broken bones, concussions, memory loss, paradoxes and buckets of tears...and there was still a force standing between Edward and I. Only this time, the force came in the seed of our child, to replace his life on earth as he crossed the immortal threshold to another.

The balance.

"See," Aro sang whimsically. "As much as you'd like to blame me for this. I don't make the rules. I merely uphold them. Nature has a way of balancing itself out. The loss of one human life on earth will always be replaced by another. And in Edward's case, it hit close to home. That's all."

Carlisle, Emmett and Jacob had already taken Edward out of the house to a quiet place where they could initiate his metamorphosis, while Alice, Jasper and Esme stayed with me in the house. They stayed close as Aro tried to get my final decision, assuming that by the shell I had withdrawn into that I needed support.

What I needed was to be alone.

Sitting on the edge of the bed where Edward lay just a few minutes ago, I found myself staring numbly and motionless at the floor. They took him away right after we got the news, since the shock made his condition worse. He tried to fight it. He wanted to stay and talk, but he deteriorated with every second and at his last, his decision was made based on the fact that he was better to me alive than dead...so he let them take him.

I stayed behind in shock and at a complete loss for the appropriate reaction to what Alice had told me. How was I supposed to feel? Was I supposed to be happy about a baby under these circumstances? Our own baby, yet another wedge between Edward and I? How was I supposed to feel about the fact that the spawn of our love was _the_ thing now keeping us apart, after beating everything else?

I hated it. I resented it. I couldn't believe that I actually felt that way about Edward's child in my womb, but I vehemently rejected its intrusion at the very last minute.

"Look at the bright side," Aro said. "Your child has brought an end to the war. No one will stand against you now, not while you are with child."

I continued to stare at the floor between my feet, still blanched and unresponsive.

"I still need your answer, however. If you say yes to the Legion, you will have to wait until after the birth of your child, since you can't undergo metamorphosis with life in your womb. Saying yes means you will have to part with your child and leave him or her behind to live a human life, while you join Edward. Adoption is advised. There are many families who will appreciate your contribution."

Listening to him was starting to churn my stomach. He talked about it so clinically, like it was just a matter of signing documents and walking away.

"Saying no however, means you choose to remain human and raise your child...without Edward's involvement."

That finally got a reaction out of me.

"Even after wanting me to become part of your Legion, you still won't agree to allowing Edward and I to have a relationship if he and I are different?"

"Not for the reasons you think, Isabella."

"Then enlighten me. How exactly am I to raise his child and shun him at the same time? Especially when that goes against my very nature? I'm not saying yes to that, Aro. I won't even try lying to you."

"Then tell me how you plan to explain to this child that his father is around only at night? That he never eats, never sleeps, never gets ill or that he doesn't age in appearance? Certainly you can see why this won't work. We don't stay close to humans for the simple fact that our differences are obvious. Your child will soon become suspicious, and will want to know about his father."

"I can't talk about this right now," I uttered, grabbing my coat off the floor.

"Bella, do you need me?" Alice asked as I brushed past them.

"I need to be alone for a while," I replied, sticking my arms in through the sleeves. I left the house and even though it was after midnight, I walked for hours, returning only when the first signs of dawn showed, when finally, I'd really be left alone.

There was a note stuck on the front door when I returned to the house.

_'You have until the night of Edward's return to give me your answer, 5 nights away, after which I will assume your answer is no.'_

XXX

I slept during the day and woke at night. And as the nights passed, nothing changed. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I avoided Alice's company. I locked myself in my room and sat in the darkness. I didn't even have the will to cry. Not a single tear made it past my eyes. Going to the bathroom was painful. I guessed I wasn't far enough along to be sick yet, but my reflection in the mirror was like the nightmare I couldn't wake up from.

I was pale and depressed looking. There were dark circles under my eyes and my joints jutted out. I stared at my naked form every time I got out of the shower, long enough for my hair and body to dry on its own. There was no difference that I could see. My stomach was so flat it was concave. But I dared not touch it. I dared not put a palm to the skin over the life inside of me, fearing that connecting with it even in the smallest way, would make me love it.

I couldn't love it. I didn't want to love it. How would I ever be able to part with it if I loved it?

Then I started hating myself. In just a few hours I went from love for all things Edward to hatred for his child in my womb, hating myself even more for feeling that way.

Then on the night before Edward's return someone knocked on my bedroom door.

"Leave me alone, Alice," I answered flatly.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet," she said through the door.

"Does this someone come in the form of food or drink?"

"I promise I'm not going to force you to eat."

"Then come in."

When she opened the door and she saw me, her face hardened in shock. "Bella..."

"Leave it alone. If you're here to tell me what I look like, you can leave."

She sat on the bed and touched my feet softly, and I moved my eyes to the door looking for the person she wanted me to meet. But there was no one else but her.

"Bella, you can't do this to yourself," she said earnestly. "You have to face this. What you're doing isn't good for you or the..."

"Stop it," I cut her off, pulling my feet away from under her hands. "Don't you think I know what you're going to say to me? Do you think I _want _to feel this way? Don't you think I want to love this..._thing_, inside of me?"

"It's not a thing. It's your baby."

"I can't control this, Alice. I can't stop being angry. I'm so _angry _all the time_._"

"You're not the first person to be angry about a pregnancy."

"Oh I think this is a little bit different."

She sighed and tucked a small section of hair behind her ears. "You're too much of a loving person to not love this child. You're angry now, but once it starts growing inside of you, you'll get over it and you will learn to love it. I know you. Your heart is too good to not love this baby."

"Please spare me the idealistic rubbish."

"Face the real reason you're angry, Bella, and I think you'll feel a lot better."

I threw my legs over the side of the bed and tried to get up and away from her, but she held me back by my elbow.

"You're not angry at this child, or even that it's a part of you. You're angry because you've already made your choice and you're too afraid to face it."

"You can't tell me how I feel."

"Yes I can. I can because after attaching myself to you every night for the past few months I can read every beat of your heart and know why you react the way you do to different things. You can't hide from me. Don't even try to."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's okay that you've chosen Edward over your baby, Bella."

"Stop it," I bit back, trying to pull my arm away, but she only tightened her grip.

"It's okay that you've chosen to separate yourself from this child, but do it properly."

"Shut up, Alice."

"I'm not going to allow you to abort your baby, Bella."

"I said shut up! I never said anything about aborting!"

"Starving yourself in the hope that it will die is not something I'm going to let you do either."

"Shut your mouth right now."

"You're afraid to let it grow inside of you because you don't want to get attached to it."

"SHUT. UP!" I screamed with wide, horrified eyes.

"This is Edward's child," she whispered, putting her hand on my belly. "It's a part of all of us, not just the two of you."

And finally, I was able to cry.

She pulled my fighting form into her arms and cradled me tightly, and I didn't know how to anything else but sob uncontrollably into her chest.

"It'll be okay. You're not alone," she whispered while stroking my hair. "But you have to let me help you."

I cried so hard I ran out of breath, until I was gasping and sucking at the air.

"Nothing can help me," I sobbed. "I can't do this. I can't have this child without him. I don't want to do this without him. Everything was because of _him_. How can I have his child without him?"

"So you've chosen Edward. That was expected. But you have to prepare yourself to do this the proper way. You have to be brave, Bella."

"I'm not brave," I cried.

"You're only the bravest girl I know. And you have insurmountable faith in Edward. Have a little faith in yourself too."

I raised my head and looked up at her through a pool of tears and shook my head.

"_How?_?"

She turned toward the door then and called, "Tia, it's okay to enter now."

Sitting upright, I wiped my face with the back of my hands and watched the girl enter. Grey eyed like all the rest, her pointy chin and ghostly skin borrowed my stare.

"I don't understand," I whimpered, glancing at the potted plant Tia held in her hands.

Alice took my hand and pulled my attention back to her. "Tia's gift may be able to help you if you agree to accept this baby. After birth, you can give the baby up for adoption and have him or her live with new parents."

I closed my eyes and shook my head harshly, bending over the crippling air that pushed its way out of me. "You make that sound so easy."

She squeezed my hands and tried to raise my chin to look at her.

"Bella..."

"If I let it grow in me Alice, I will learn to love it. And if I love it...I won't be able to let it go. That means living without Edward. Even if he stays in my life on some estranged level...even if Aro allows it, our child won't know its father. And I want Edward. I didn't go through all of this to be separated from him now. I can't stand to think of all the complications involved in this."

Buckling over again in a defeatist position, I wrapped my arms around myself and cringed before I even said the words, "It's just easier to let it go now, while I still can."

"That's not an option, Bella. And if you think _I _won't let you do it, just wait until Edward gets here. He's not going to allow it either. I'm not your worst enemy where this is concerned."

"Maybe if you see what I can offer," Tia spoke up, drawing my eyes over to her. "You may feel better."

She exchanged a glance with Alice. Alice nodded, and Tia held the potted plant out to me. I watched the odd looking struggling little plant in the pot for a few seconds before taking it from her dubiously, wondering what on earth a plant had to do with the child in my womb.

Tia then placed her hand over the lonesome leaf at the end of the skinny stem, wriggled her fingers, and before my very eyes the thing started to grow.

I almost dropped the pot, but her other hand came underneath and held my hand in place.

The stem thickened in width, grew longer in length and little branches came stretching out, each sprouting new leaves of their own. In a few seconds, the frail little plant turned into a lush healthy looking thing, and my heart jumped into my throat.

"My God," I whispered, shifting my gaping eyes between Tia and the plant.

"You wouldn't have to wait nine months," Alice said quietly. "It could happen in just a few days."

A cold wave passed through me and made me shudder. I slipped my hands away from the pot as if it was poisonous and shuffled against the bed until my back was against the wall. Not for anything could I stop staring at the plant.

Then I started shaking my head, still looking at the plant, but shaking my head as if I could shake off the eerie goosebumps. "I don't...I don't know. Something's not right about it..."

"The baby will be fine. You'll only be speeding up his growth. If you chose this, the baby will be with you for a short period of time, so you won't have the time to get deeply attached. It will happen quickly."

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation. This child is human, Alice. How do you know it will survive something like this? What if it..."

"Dies?" She finished for me with a small smile. "See, you're already protective of it. You don't really want your baby to die."

"Of course I don't want it to die," I bit out. "I just don't want it to live either. I don't know _what _I want."

I pulled my knees against my chest and pushed my face between them. "I just wish it never was."

"At least try a bit of it," Tia coaxed.

"Huh?" I asked, raising my head to look at her again.

"We don't have to go all the way," she said, putting the plant on the floor. "I could speed it up just a few weeks so you see what it feels like. If you don't like it, you don't have to go any further than that."

"How many is a few?" I asked hesitantly, shifting my eyes suspiciously to the plant on the floor.

"As many as it takes for you to feel it."

"But I don't_ want _to feel it," I argued, feeling my breathing pick up. My chest was rising and falling rapidly. "That's the point of all this."

"You have two choices, Bella," Alice said. "Either you do it the natural way, for nine months, or the way Tia showed you. But either way, you're going to feel it. How much, is your call. You're not going to kill this baby."

"You're not the boss of me."

"Just try testing me," she said. "Oh and by the way? Edward returns tomorrow night. His transformation is almost complete. And if you don't give Aro your answer by then, Aro will leave, and you will have no choices after that."

Propping my elbows onto my knees, I grabbed two fistfuls of hair on either side of my head and stared at the plant on the floor. The way I saw it, it was either hell, hell or hell.

So...I chose hell.

XXX

_**One night later**_

**Edward**

I knew there was something different before I even laid eyes on her. Her back was to me and she was sitting on the swing love seat in the backyard of her parents' house, her knees pulled up to her chest, feet crossed by her ankles. She was carrying our child, a fact that grounded me like nothing else in the Legion ever could. But something was wrong...didn't make sense. I knew I heard a second heartbeat, and for the first time in all my Gargoyle years, I doubted my supernatural abilities.

I stared at her from behind, and by the change in_ her _heartbeat I knew that she felt me standing there, but she didn't turn around. She only dropped her chin onto her knees and kept her eyes ahead.

A soft breeze passed and ruffled her hair, and the rusty hinges of the swing seat croaked under her weight.

"Are you angry with me?" She whispered in a raspy voice, hugging her knees tighter to her.

I lurched forward suddenly, making sure to reign in my impassioned instincts, and looked down at her from the side.

"Bella, what did you do...?"

She raised her chin off her knees but still didn't look up at me, and after the length of time it took to get me there with her again, it was all I could do to stop myself from snatching her out of that chair just to make her look at me.

Pain was obvious in her expression, pain that now festered in her womb if that second heartbeat had anything to say about it...a sound as premature as spring leaves on a winter tree.

I walked around the love seat, knelt in front of her, untied her arms from around herself, pulled her knees down and looked at the her middle. It was hard to see with all the clothes she had on, so I opened her jacket and pushed it open at the middle.

In plain sight, was the humble bump of a belly, swaddled in a cotton t-shirt and woollen winter sweater.

"Bella..." I gasped in horror.

"I stopped her," was her hasty reply. Her chest started rising and falling in quick, nervous breaths. "I only wanted to try...just a little bit. Just to see how it feels."

Spreading my palm over the slight bump, I raised my gaze to hers and felt the jerk of my own heart when I saw hers glaze over. Her eyes, the ever loving portal to my soul, were pleading for understanding.

"How far along?" I asked, putting my second hand on her belly so that I palmed her fully, bracing myself for the answer I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Twelve weeks," she mumbled, then averted her stare from mine.

"Jesus...Bella." I dropped my head in her lap and hugged her around her hips, burying my face in the space between her thighs.

Nothing could go more wrong between us. We had screwed up and failed at every possible turn, and now, we were about to do it with our child as well. Not to mention the blatant self hatred in her eyes.

It hung all over her like a damp, dank cloth; a shelled look of shame...a pail of emptiness. She didn't want to push our child away like that, not if she was the woman I loved. But she was gunning for the finish line and the chance to be with me in an accepted capacity. And that desperation both clouded and poisoned her heart.

I rose to my feet, turned away in a trembling rage and dug my fingers into my hair.

"Who was it?" I asked.

"Who was who?"

Biting down on my jaw I took a deep breath and tried not to direct my anger at her. "The one who did this to you, Bella. Who was it?"

"No."

I swung on her and she stood up. "It was my decision. No one forced me."

"You are too vulnerable to make such decisions!" I barked, pulling back when she flinched with a small jump. I took another deep breath and smothered the flame from my chest to my tomb for a stomach. Then in a more controlled tone, I said, "You shouldn't have been allowed to make a decision like this, not in the state you're in."

"What would you have me do, Edward? Do you think I went through everything I did with you for nothing? Do you think it's easy for me to accept that this child is the only thing keeping us apart right now? And should I go through this pregnancy and give birth to it, knowing that you can't be a part of its life?"

She swiped at the tears on her reddened cheeks. "Alice is suggesting that I give birth then leave it behind, so that I can join you."

"And what's wrong with that?"

She took a step toward me and opened her palms across her belly in a theatrical gesture. "How am I supposed to do that after feeling it grow inside of me, when just the knowledge of its heartbeat in my body right now is too hard to bear? If I am to be with you, Edward, I can't be attached to our baby. I can't feel this kind of love for it and then walk away from it. I won't be able to do it!"

I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her against my chest, wishing that my healing hands could fix more than just physical infirmity. I'd never known another person that needed as much fixing as my girl.

"I can't choose," she wept. "I can't choose...I can't stand to feel like this anymore. I just want it dead. I want it..."

"Stop it," I growled, raising her face to mine. "This is our baby, Bella."

She closed her eyes and squeezed out more drops, creasing the middle of her forehead despairingly.

"Put yourself in my shoes," I demanded. "Imagine what this feels like for _me_. Having a child shouldn't be possible for a Gargoyle. Have you any idea the gift you have given me? Do you even realise how important this new life is? Every Gargoyle from here to the end of the earth is in awe of it."

She opened her eyes and looked at me like a deer caught in headlights.

"What?"

"Yes," I whispered with a nod, then bent my head for the kiss I should have gotten since arriving. "This has never happened before."

"But the baby is human," she mumbled.

"It doesn't matter. It will be born of me and I am a Gargoyle. That is my seed in your womb."

"I can't have the both of you, can I?" She asked the obvious question.

"You don't have to choose tonight."

"I want to be with you, Edward. That will never change."

"Then be with me. I'm ok with you having our child and leaving him or her here with a human family. We'll never be far away and he or she will never have two better guardians. I promise to look after you while you're pregnant. Aro won't refuse my involvement with you before the baby is born. We'll find the best home for him or her, and we'll stay as close as you want."

"But we won't be its parents."

"Nothing will ever change the fact that he or she is ours."

"It makes me feel negligent and selfish."

"Killing it, Bella, is negligent and selfish. Giving it life, is good."

"If I choose to live with our child and separate myself from you, I will always be half a person. And if I choose you over our child...I'll still feel like a part of me is missing. I lose something either way."

"We'll always knew that love like this meant sacrifice."

"That doesn't make it any easier to face."

"It's not supposed to be easy, deliciae." I bent and pressed my forehead against hers. "But you have me now. I'm here with you."

I was still boiling deep inside with a quelled, unquantifiable rage, waiting patiently for the opportunity to unleash it where it was deserved. I didn't have all the facts yet, but from the little I had been offered by Jake and Jasper in the few minutes after my transformation, there were Gargoyles that tried to step out of line more than once to tamper with Bella. Some may even have hurt her if Aro continued to refuse. If the Colaition hadn't stood their ground, she might not have been standing there with me right then with our baby ensconced in her womb. And the thought of that drove me mad.

She protected me when I was vulnerable, never once choosing the easy way out, took the weight of a supernatural burden on her little shoulders and fought for our love.

How could I now, after everything she did for me and for us, deny her the happiness she asked for? If she wanted to leave our behind child to join me, I would let it happen, but only if done properly.

And I didn't forget the falsified gods who wanted to take advantage of her in my absence. Their offences wouldn't go unnoticed, not by me, and not if my wrath had any say in finding its bullseye.

"Aro is here," I said, with a light brush against the tip of her upturned nose.

Both hearts inside of her body raced each other, hers beating against my chest, and the other singing inside of her womb. The kind of love I already had for that unborn child beset me with bitter sweet joy. I would do anything to protect both her and it. Anything.

"Pardon my intrusion," Aro said, coming around the side of the house.

She pressed her face to my chest and took multiple deep breaths while wringing her hands into my cloak.

"She needs a minute," I said to Aro.

"She's had five days."

"Just give her a minute, Aro."

"One minute," he answered with a raised finger. "I have far to fly and am not blessed with the speed of your wings."

"Bella," I whispered, raising her face between my two hands. I kissed her nose and forehead then breathed into her face with my lips over hers. "I promise you'll be okay whatever you decide. I will love you forever...forever."

"Forgive me for what I have to do," she choked out, squeezing more tears out when she closed her eyes.

"You don't need my forgiveness, my love. I'm ready to give you whatever it is you want."

She opened her eyes then and shifted her swimming orbs between mine, sadness claiming every beautiful feature on her face.

Then she whispered, "I wasn't talking to you..."

She turned toward Aro then and as if she needed to rip the bandaid off a bleeding wound, she said, "I choose to become a Gargoyle. I will give birth to this child and choose a safe home and family where it will be raised with love."

I dropped my face against the back of her head and held her back to my chest. Aro walked over nearer with his hands clasped in episcopal fashion and smiled.

"Very well then. I grant your request, Isabella. Two weeks after birth you will join us. I will spread the word throughout the Legion myself and make sure you are well prepared for. I dare say there will be many who will shy away from you, after their performance with the army and all."

"I have conditions," she said next.

"Which are?" Aro asked, with a bored but arched eyebrow.

"I don't want to wait nine months. I want you to allow Tia to speed the pregnancy along so that it happens sooner rather than later."

"Bella," I blurted, spinning her to face me. "_No_."

"This is my decision, Edward."

"It's partly my decision as well. Just to get rid of it quickly? You're getting what you want. You're getting an eternity with me. Just give our child the proper development it deserves then we can move on. You've already..."

"I'm not trying to get rid of it, Edward, but I can't feel it growing inside of me," she said cryptically. "It won't be a happy, healthy pregnancy with this looming over my head the entire time. It will eat away at me and it will affect our child. I've already gone from shock to anger to refusal, now love. I do love it already, despite what you all think. And that frightens me.

"I'm asking for your mercy. Think of how painful it will be for me to part with it once I've experienced a full pregnancy, feeling it move...feeling it kick, making me irrevocably attached. It will get attached to me too, you know. I need to be spared that pain._ Please_. Tia said it won't hurt the baby. I believe her."

"Tia has never tried this on a human before," Aro said, looking down at Bella's womb. "The ramifications of this are not yet known."

"We will be fine," she answered.

I raked my hands over my face and looked up at the sky in frustration, hoping for an end to the abysmal catastrophe on our hands. For me it was already too much, so I couldn't ignore the kind of pressure it was on her. She begged me with her eyes, begged me to understand, pleaded for my consent and hoped for no judgement. And my heart, no more willing to hurt her trust in me than it was to deny her, fell right out of my chest and into my stomach when I nodded, then shook my head in quiet surrender.

"Then it is agreed," Aro announced.

"What about the balance?" She asked next. "The baby came into this world to replace Edward. What will happen when I leave?"

"Nature works on its own, but if she needs my help, I will give it when and where necessary. That area is not your concern. I will see to it that it's taken care of. I will also make arrangements with Carlisle for your metamorphosis before I leave. See you again, dear Isabella. And allow me to say in advance, welcome."

"There's one last thing," she said.

"Now what?" I couldn't help but blurt. I was getting progressively more nervous the more she talked. It reminded me of the bucket list she dictated to me on the roof of Chambord Castle in France.

"You really are a demanding little pickle aren't you, Miss Swan," Aro chuffed. "I might remind you that I'm the one who calls the shots and states the conditions of a pact, not the other way around, and most certainly _not_ with a human."

"Are you done yet?" She droned.

"And rude too," he scoffed, glancing at me with raised eyebrows.

"Bella, what is it?" I urged her.

She held my hands and squeezed them in an attempt to settle me, then continued. "I want Edward to be the one to change me...please."

After a second of consideration, he waved his hand like a flaunting magician and sighed. "Well, at least she said please. That will be all, Miss Swan."

"Thank You, Aro," she said.

"Edward," he acknowledged with a dutiful nod, then flew off.

I lifted her up as soon as he was gone and hugged her to me, revelling in the feel of her arms around my neck. Her spirit felt considerably lighter already.

"We really doing this," I whispered, pinning her face to mine with a strong hand at the back of her head.

"We are." She actually smiled when she said it and the feeling almost burst my chest open.

I took her inside and upstairs to her bed, finally, a moment...a night... a beat in time where were together and alone without the threat of the outside world trying to barge in.

"Thank you for understanding," she said, sticking her socked toes under my legs.

She curled into a ball against me and I kissed the side of her face, smiling into every kiss I besotted her with.

"Now if I remember correctly," she whispered with a yawn. "Your body is supposed to warm with human contact."

"It does," I whispered in return, kissing her over and over.

"Then hold me, Edward, and never let me go again."

"Are you ready for forever, Bella?"

With a deflating sigh she yawned again, "As long as it's with you, I'm ready for anything."

XXX

**A/N: What do you think about Tia's role to play in this? You may be upset with Bella, but what would you have done in her shoes? I'd have rolled over and died a long time ago...lol. Thanks for reading.**


	23. Chapter 22  Rubber Band

A/N: Hi guys. Again, sorry for the late post. RL is nightmarish. I hope I can keep up with the weekly updates. I'll try. In any case the story is almost done. Thank you for sticking with me so far and for the inspiring reviews you leave. Please remember I'm writing also for the Fandom 4 Floods cause (For Australia). If you are interested in supporting that cause, I will have a story there for the taking. I hope you support.

Happy reading :)

**Chapter 22**

**Rubber band**

**Bella**

I was both filled and empty, waiting for the singular most defining moment of my entire life. What was still ahead of me was more frightening than the days leading up to Edward's death the first time he was a Gargoyle.

I was 12 weeks pregnant, one third through a pregnancy in just a few hours, and about to accelerate the growth again by another 12 weeks. The birth of my own child which loomed over my head in the near future did something unexpected to me. It hardened me.

I didn't know this part of myself. I didn't understand where it came from, only that it proved furthermore the immensity of love I had for Edward. But was it really love? Wasn't it more like obsession? Wasn't it panic and desperation? Was it healthy? No. I knew that much. I knew also that it was selfish and that I would pay for the rest of eternity for turning away from the innocence in my womb.

It was unnatural, but what about this situation was natural in the first place? I had adapted to the deviant world that he belonged to, thrived on it...lived for it. And now that I had a shot at it and a life with him, despite how wraithlike, I had to take it. What else was to be expected of me?

I had faced Edward's death twice. He died as Gargoyle. Then he died in his human life. The fact that he was alive at all was a miracle, but I asked no questions.

I suffered the agony of him forgetting who I was when he was a man, and even though his heart had found me eventually in its own way, it wasn't the same. I would have loved him in human skin and we would have moved on together but he would never have been the creature I was now laying beside.

He would have had the same face, the same voice, and a comfortable warmth on his skin. But he would never have kissed me like he did when he first woke up in the hospital. And his eyes would never have shined like silver arrows into my soul. And his touch would not have had the ability to set me on fire even though they started off cold.

Even with the same name and body, he was not Edward. Laying next to me now was Edward, and if heaven had a name for the most lost and star crossed of angels, it would be his.

Edward.

I didn't know how I'd deal with child birth, or where I would find the strength to hand him or her over and walk away, but I had a few days to muster the courage and I intended to do just that - find it...from wherever it would come. At least this time I had Edward. This time, I didn't have to face adversity alone.

"I need you to sleep," he whispered against the side of my face as he stroked the other side.

I was curled up against him like a cornered cat, which I was, clinging to his strength for fear that all mine had already run out.

"Not until the sun comes up," I answered, pressing my cheek to his lips. I turned my face to his and inhaled over the twisting of my gorged, unsteady heartbeat.

"You're so tired," he whispered, running his nose over mine. "You need all the rest you can get, my love. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not taking any chances. Until I'm stone I'll never be able to rest."

"Actually, Bella. Rest is the last thing you'll do once you are turned. You don't realise how precious your last days are. This is the last time you'll ever be sensitive to the things around you. It's the last time you'll ever enjoy the simple comfort in things like sleep."

"Edward," I said, unfolding myself alongside him and looking up into his face. "I think you know just as well as I do that sleep isn't something I've enjoyed in over three years."

He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine. "Yes...your nightmares."

"It's not something I'm going to miss."

He did something unexpected then. He ran his hand down my arm and spread his palm over my stomach in a gesture so tender it almost broke my heart. I had to swallow the impeding lump that swelled in my throat and turn away, hating for him to see the guilt it caused me.

But he held me in place and turned me over to face him again. A slow and deliberate kiss was pressed to my lips then he cradled me like he did when we were back in the castle. He held me like he did on the nights I wept, as the hours took us closer and closer to separation.

"At least, when this is all over there's no way you can hurt yourself anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"All your decisions, in some way or another, have been self harming. This I think, tops them all."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I grumbled.

"It's only the truth. And I still want you to know, that despite what you've told Aro, you can change your mind if you want to."

I pushed my hands against his chest and pulled my head backward to frown at him.

"Just listen to me before you explode," he said gently, touching the tip of my nose with his finger. "Bella, I love you." Then he touched my belly again, running his eyes back up until he had me locked in his vision. "And I love our baby. I will understand if it's too hard to part with it. I understand if you need to..."

"I can't listen to this," I cut him off, sitting up suddenly.

"Bella..."

"No."

I left the bed and stuffed my feet into my sneakers, heading for the door, but he was in the doorway before I could bat an eyelid.

"I just made the hardest decision I'll ever make," I spat, "and what you're doing right now is only making it worse."

"That's not what I'm trying to do."

"Well that's what's happening, Edward. I don't have..." I threw my hands on my hips, bit down on my trembling lip and turned my face away, trying to fight the strain in my voice and the way it shook. "I can'tthink about it, let alone _talk _about it. I have to ignore it or else I'll hate myself."

"You can't ignore it."

"I have to."

"Bella. You'll have to carry this with you forever, and trust me, it doesn't get better with time."

"I don't understand the point of this conversation. What is your point.."

He took me by my shoulders and grabbed my coat off the floor, and in seconds, had me out of the house and sitting on the roof.

"I'm still mad at you," I mumbled after my hair settled around my shoulders again.

"Bella," he said, after thinking over his words carefully. "I know it was a hard decision and I can see that you're hurting. I don't want to make it any harder for you, but I need to understand that...All I'm asking is...Are you sure."

"I'm sure about _you_, Edward. And_ that's_ the only thing that carries me through this."

"It's not something we can hide from, Bella. Not ever. You'll have to deal with me...forever..."

He was looking straight ahead, as if for the first time he couldn't look at me...couldn't. It was strange. I'd seen his vulnerability before but I'd never seen insecurity. This was insecurity.

"Bella.."

And then it hit me.

I knelt beside him, pressed my face into his hair and breathed him in.

"Edward," I said to him. "No."

He raised his head and turned to look at me with a searching stare.

"I'll never resent you for this. If that's what you're worried about...you can stop."

I knew I hit the nail on the head when his eyes shifted and relaxed.

"I don't blame you for this, not even a little bit."

"The only person to ever strip me bare...is you," he said, nodding with a sparkling stare. "And now you're carrying my child and I'm the reason you're choosing to leave it behind."

"We belong together," I answered quickly. "Now so more than ever before. This situation isn't ideal, but it's the only one that will work in the long run. I won't be anything but a mess if you have to leave me again. And the fact that you can't be in this child's life or mine if I stay human, it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I'll always know you're there, and I will grow to resent our child and I can't let that happen. Just look at me anyway. I'm not fit for motherhood. I have no job. I'm a college drop out. I'll never be with another man again. What kind of life will I give this child?

"This is the right decision for our baby, Edward. He or she will be happier and better taken care of in a safe, stable, family oriented environment. Nothing about me is safe or stable. I'm always depressed and I have no family. I know where I lack, Edward. I know myself. This is where I lack. It's hard as hell to admit, but it's the truth. Plus...you promised."

"What did I promise?"

"You promised we would be its guardians, that we'll always be close and that we'll look after him or her."

"Of course," he answered. "I'd have it no other way."

"Then I'm counting on that. It's the only thing that makes this slightly bearable."

His face hardened suddenly, and a stark flash of anger crossed his face. He turned swiftly and before I could react he was on his feet and gunning for the edge of the roof.

"What are you doing here?" He growled.

I jumped up to my feet when Amun landed and took a few steps backward.

"I came to see with my own eyes."

"Get away from here," Edward snarled. "This is none of your business."

Looking up to the sky I saw other dark figures hovering overhead. I look behind, suddenly feeling the absence of Alice, and wrapped my arms around myself.

"We're not here to cause trouble, Edward."

"I don't care _what _you're here for," Edward barked. "I'm not ready to face you yet, but trust when I tell you, I plan on it."

"Your anger does nothing to my reserve," Amun said calmly, turning his eyes over to me. Then he looked at my stomach, and the chill it passed through me made me shudder. "Besides, it's misdirected."

I wrapped my coat around myself and hid the belly, flinching slightly as more of them materialized above head, like black shadows that fluttered in the breeze.

"Misdirected?" Edward growled. He was getting angrier by the second, and I just had a feeling that this altercation was a long time coming.

He took a menacing step toward Amun but Amun didn't move. Not that it mattered that he was balancing on the edge, because he'd never fall, but it made me strangely nervous.

"You _dare_ show your face here after everything you've done?"

If Gargoyles could shake from rage, I'd say that I was witnessing it in plain sight.

"Everything_ I've_ done?" Amun asked, feigning perplexity. "It wasn't me that started any of this, Edward. It was you. And it was Aro who neglected to do anything proper about it. All I did was stand up for the Legion."

"Your arrogance makes me want to rip your head off," Edward snarled, fisting his hands, nose to nose with Amun. "I'm warning you for the last time, Amun...MOVE."

"Or what?" Amun quirked.

"Edward," I uttered, swallowing with another glance upward. "This is what he wants...please...let's go back inside."

"That's right," Amun said with a jeering smile. "Run along after your little human bitch. It's all you've ever..."

He didn't have time to finish that sentence. Edward's voice erupted in a shattering scream and he grabbed Amun by the throat.

"Edwarrrrd!"

Their bodies disappeared over the edge. My breath caught mid scream. I grabbed my neck with wide eyes and ran to the edge. Their bodies swooshed up past me from below with a gusty wind, their black cloaks flapping noisily behind them.

"Edwarrrd!"

I didn't know what was happening. All I saw was a huge black blur of movement, and to my horror, the blur got bigger as other Gargoyles jumped in.

"NOOO!"

Then I was snatched from behind.

"It's me!" Alice gasped when I'd almost fainted. "Bella, get inside!"

"No! Edward's up there!" I screamed, pointing to the sky.

"You can't stay out here, Bella. This could get very bad, very fast."

"He has help," Alice urged, shaking me gently. "He has help!"

I looked up again, in complete shock that a full on battle had exploded in just a few seconds. The noise that went along with it never ceased to amaze me either. There was growling and howling and one loud clap from Alice send a stab of thunder through the sky.

"ALICE!" Carlisle screamed from somewhere.

"Tia! Charlotte!" Alice yelled. "Take her!"

"What?" I yelped, spinning around to find Tia there already. "Wait! Wai...!"

And despite my protests I was swept off my feet and flown in through the back door.

"Oh my God," I gasped, falling into the couch. "Oh my God...Oh my...I can't... I ca...I can't breathe."

I bent over with my eyes closed and clenched my teeth hard, clutching my stomach as a stab of pain shook me.

"I can't breathe!"

"Sshhhh," Charlotte hushed, taking me in her arms like a baby. "Sssshhhhh. Relax...it'll be over soon."

"Whaa..."I gasped. "What will be over..."

My eyes were heavy already. "Don't put me to sleep..."

But she wouldn't stop with the fucking rocking and cuddling.

"Char...Charlo...nooooo. No slee...no..."

And I was out.

XXX

**Edward**

"Edward! Stop!" Carlisle screamed, charging through the centre of the airborne mush pit. "Unhand him, AMUN!"

He purposely didn't use his gifts. He wanted to use his hands on me. He wouldn't try to use his gift on me anyway because I'd only snap like a rubber band and make it bounce back onto him. In any case he wanted the pleasure of ripping me apart from head to foot with his bare hands. So it worked in his favour, except, there was one problem with that.

I wanted it more...

Strangling him didn't do any good because I'd never suffocate him to death. And as far as offensive gestures went, it wasn't nearly enough. So I pummelled my fists into him until I heard his insides break. He screamed and struck back, impressively fast, but one swipe of my own hands undid any damage he inflicted on me, and so I always had the advantage.

"You coward!" He screamed into my face. "Fight without your gifts! Fight me like a beast!"

His followers tried to jump in from behind and a few of them had gotten their hands on me, but the Coalition was nearby and it wasn't long before Amun's minions were matched.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" I shrieked, hearing something else snap inside of him as I twisted him into a headlock. "I'LL KILL YOU FOR TRYING TO _HURT HER_!"

"EDWARD!" I heard Carlisle scream in warning. "Edward, stop!"

But I couldn't stop. The red in my vision was in control and if looks could kill, I'd have scorched Amun's sockets dry.

He flipped his legs upward, his neck still inside my hold, and locked his knees around my head. He squeezed, and the pressure was starting to make me crack. But all I had to do was snap his neck, break his head off and toss it to a waiting Jasper with his glistening fingers that were ready to catch.

That's all I had to do...just snap...one twist...just one.

"Do it," Amun gasped. "Do it!"

I was trembling with rage I couldn't control, and Amun couldn't get himself free despite how hard he squeezed my head between his knees.

"You'd like that..wouldn't you, you sick fuck," I growled.

"DO IT! Make yourself happy..."

"I fucking will! Don't tempt me!"

"Edward!" Carlisle barked. "Find the will, Edward!"

"I want to kill him!" I screamed.

"Find the will to stop. You'll only throw away your future with Bella if you do this! Aro won't let this one pass!"

"ARRGGHHH!"

The boiling rage was consuming me. I kept remembering Bella's face every time she had to lie, every time she turned away and cried when she thought I didn't know, every time she got drunk because the pressure was too much to take on most nights. And I remembered the night we made love when I had proposed to her, the night she came back to tell me she had to leave and couldn't tell me why. Because the bastard I had by the throat did everything in his power to make her life a living hell; the bastard I wanted to crush to dust then burn the rest to ashes. And after everything he had the audacity to set foot on her roof and put his eyes on her stomach? I'd never let him near her again...never. And I'd have died before I let him near my child either.

The first crack of his skull made my body lurch for revenge. I couldn't see his face because we were bent into a twisted ball, but I heard every struggling breath and every squeak of discomfort.

"Do it, boy...You'll never get this opportunity again because once you let me go I will kill you. And then...argh! Then...?" And I squeezed him some more. "Then I'm going after your human bitch."

I let go of his neck and in his shock his legs fell away. I dove onto his chest and pushed him at full speed to the ground below. The thud of his back hitting the earth created a loud echo.

Carlisle's hands were on my shoulders immediately once he'd heard Amun's threat. Even though Amun said it only to push me over the edge, Carlisle knew I'd never be able to control myself after a threat like that.

Over and over, at a speed that made my fists blur into light, I cracked my knuckles against Amun's face and waited for his body to stop twitching.

"EDWARRRRD!"

I was pulled away. An obtrusive arm swept around me and yanked me backward. I fell against the ground and tried to get up, but Esme came down over me and stunned me with her pinning glare before I had the chance to refract it.

I knew she wouldn't release me until she was certain I could control myself, so I lay under her stare and allowed her to pour her goodness into me. I didn't try to fight or repel it. I just let it happen and listened to Carlisle barking orders at Amun and his army.

"If you _EVER_ step into my Host again I _WILL_ let him kill you, Amun. I won't stop him the next time. I'm warning you. If you dare cross a line again I will take it as a threat and your death will be just."

"I didn't come here to fight! I only came to see. _He_ attacked _me_."

"You provoked him."

"You all sicken me," Amun spat. "You're all _weak_."

"Yeah," I heard Emmett chuckle. "That weakling just cut your ass and he's barely a week old."

"There's nothing here that concerns you anyway," Carlisle said. "None of this is your business, not Bella and not her baby. You'd be wise to stay _very _far away from this Host and anyone, human or Gargoyle, that is associated with us. This is your last warning. Now leave."

"Willingly."

After the breeze from their flight passed and the leaves everywhere settled, Esme released me with the faintest of sympathetic smiles.

"I'm sorry," I apologised. "I don' t know what got into me."

"Your anger is just, Edward," Carlisle replied, as I stood. "But please try to contain it, at least until the baby is born. There's only so much more poor Bella can take."

That was the only reason I had held on to my anger so long and didn't explode, because I didn't want to aggravate her anymore. I wanted her to have peace.

I nodded at Carlisle solemnly, and entered the house. The ones in the house left as soon as I walked into her bedroom, but I held Tia back.

"You're the one with the gift of acceleration," I said to her.

"I am."

I looked deep into her eyes then and searched out the reassurance I needed that this experiment would end happily.

"Have you ever done this with a human before, Tia?" I asked.

There was no reassurance to get from the way her stare averted mine, and a heinous anxiety crowded my chest.

"Please, say something," I begged. "Anything to let me know that what you're doing isn't going hurt my child."

She raised her chin and glanced at a sleeping Bella on the bed. "I can assure you that every other living thing I've touched has developed healthily, strong and beautiful. There have been no signs of damage thus far. The baby is fine."

She was taken aback when I held her shoulders squarely and made her look at me again.

"I know you're trying to help Bella. And I know that in an attempt to save this child's life you stepped forward. But I need you to promise me that if you feel even the slightest bit of hesitation, or sense danger at any point, that you will stop."

She stepped out of my hold and turned to the door. "I'm here to help, Edward. You have my word that at the first sign of trouble I will stop. But you need to understand that I cannot reverse this. Whatever shall happen...will remain."

"Please be careful with my wife. There's something about this I don't like."

"I am always careful. Now, if you'll excuse me."

The word wife slipped off my tongue like the most natural of all terms. She was my wife. I didn't need an earthly document to make it real. She was mine and would be mine forever. Eternity would be our witness.

Her gentle stirring pulled me toward the bed. It was only a few minutes before dawn but I'd never wanted to stay by her side more. I passed my hand over her hip and found the small bump at her front, feeling the rhythm of a tiny heartbeat on the inside. It was strong, stronger than Bella's even. And the pulse it shot toward my palm made me smile.

"I love you both," I said, bending over to kiss Bella's temple. "Sleep well, my darling. Until tonight."

XXX

**Bella**

I slept the entire day and awoke ravenously hungry. For the first time in forever, I was stalking a kitchen for food with impatient hands. The first bite into a turkey sandwich tasted like pure pleasure and after three hurried swallows, I had to chug a glass of juice to get it past my throat. When I was done, my stomach felt like a gorged balloon and tiny bubbles on the inside of my womb startled me off the stool.

I grabbed the spot and stared at the floor, and just as it happened again the door opened and Edward walked in.

"Baby," he greeted me with a smile.

A hot blush centred on both cheeks and burned a smirk onto my face. "Which one?" I asked.

"Both of you," he answered cheekily with a kiss to my forehead.

After restarting my heart, I hugged him and closed my eyes. "I'm so happy to see you."

Hugging me back he answered, "I'm sorry about last night. But that bastard needed to be..."

"I don't care. I'm just glad you're alright."

"You've eaten. You're more radiant already."

"Shut up," I scoffed, pushing him away gently. "I've never been radiant. Always pasty."

"Hey," he said, turning my face up by my chin. "If I say you're radiant, you're radiant."

"Fine. I'm radiant."

Then I sat on a stool and looked down at my ring finger, twirling the ring around it with my thumb.

I was about to ask him the sense of a diamond ring now that I was joining the Legion, but he spoke first.

"Alice is here."

"Where?" I asked, raising my head.

Then the knock came.

"Come in, Alice," he answered, glancing at the ring on my finger.

Alice came in with Tia and stood in the hallway with an expectant expression on her face. Edward's disposition turned edgy at the sight of Tia, and even though I myself tried to act nonchalant about her presence, I knew better than to think Edward wasn't listening to my heartbeat.

"Whenever you're ready," Alice said, smiling encouragingly.

"Tonight is right," Tia said. "You're ready for another acceleration. The earlier the better, while you're not tired."

Avoiding eye contact with Edward, I nodded with my lips between my teeth.

"We can do it now."

"Now?" He gasped.

"Make sure you have something to eat nearby," Tia said. "It's going to need a lot of nourishment."

I grabbed a bowl of fruit and attempted to walk, but Tia shook her head.

"More?" I asked.

"Trust me," she said.

So I grabbed two bagels and a few pieces of sliced cheese.

"More."

"More?"

"We're moving up another 12 weeks, my dear. You're both going to need it."

"This is crazy," Edward uttered, digging his fingers into his hair.

With all the bravery I could muster, I walked past him toward Alice and Tia and gestured to the sitting room.

"If I need more, the kitchen is nearby," I mumbled at them both.

And just like every other father figure, regardless of the generation, century and apparently now, the species, Edward was left behind as the women tended to the baby business.

He wanted to caution me again. I felt his tense aura touch me like static electricity, but he didn't realise how attached to this baby I already was. It was happening much faster than I expected and if I had to make the choice I wanted, I had to give birth to this child as soon as possible.

He came into the sitting room and positioned himself behind me so that I had no choice but to sit in his lap.

"Edward are you sure..."

"Are _you _sure?" He responded.

"I'm not having this conversation again, Edward." Then I nodded at Tia after a deep breath.

"You need to rush this, deliciae," he whispered into my ear.

"Edward, _please_," I begged with closed eyes. "Don't torture me."

He pressed his forehead onto my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Ahem," Tia cleared her throat.

"What..." Edward mumbled against me.

"Your arms are in the way."

With a heavy sigh he slackened his hold, turned his face into my neck and kissed me. A hot flash of goosebumps spread all over my skin and made me squirm in his lap.

"Are you sure?" He asked again.

"I'm sure."

"Okay..." he whispered. "Okay."

He moved his arms but placed his hands at the very bottom of my womb, giving Tia room to put hers on the top.

"Take a deep breath, Bella," Tia advised. I did.

"Now another."

I did.

Edward's grip tightened, and Tia's hands moved with a penetrating heat. I gasped. My eyes widened. My ribs moved outward with an audible sound. Something felt like it burst on the inside, though it didn't hurt. I gasped again and grabbed Edward's forearms. The thing inside of me moved. I felt it move, felt it twist, felt it turn, felt it stretch.

"Edward!" I cried, snatching for oxygen with a gaping mouth.

"Relax," Tia said. "We're almost there."

I bit into my lip and nodded frantically.

"How much longer," Edward growled, palming my growing stomach possessively from behind. "How much longer!"

Both Alice and Tia shot Edward the stink eye. I dropped my head back against him and panted. The skin on my stomach pulled taut. Tia moved her hands then and I felt everything stop. Then she tore my blouse open and my stomach pushed out.

Six months pregnant...just like that.

"It's done," Tia said, rising off her knees.

As she said it, a blindsiding hunger grabbed me.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, adorning my belly strokes and caresses.

"I'm hungry," I answered, pushing away the fruit and grabbing for the bagels and cheese. I tried stuffing an entire bagel into my mouth all at once. As much as the cavity could take, I forced. I could hardly chew my mouth was so full.

"If I knew this was the answer all along I'd have impregnated you myself," Alice laughed.

"Bella," Edward said, turning me sideways in his lap. "My goodness."

"Hehoubn bnsleues," I mumbled, trying to breathe as I chewed. "Sho good!"

"For heaven's sake, Bella," Edward said. "Breathe."

I managed to inhale the entire bagel and dived head first into the other, pushing slices of cheese right behind. After pummelling my way through them both, much to Alice's delight and Edward's entertainment, I ran for the kitchen looking for anything more.

Alice clapped behind me the whole way, not at all like anything I'd ever seen from her. I found whipped cream, bread, more cheese and jam. They all went down the chute.

"You're absolutely radiant!" Alice laughed and pinched my cheeks. "I'm so happy to see you eating like this."

"She's six months pregnant in a few days and her eating is what's getting your attention," Edward mumbled with crossed arms.

"Oh get off it," Alice countered. "You only just got here. I've been dealing with her eating habits for weeks."

He threw his hands up in the air and left the kitchen, brushing past Tia with more antagonism than was necessary.

"I'm still hungry," I uttered, passing my eyes over the kitchen.

"I'll be happy to get you more," Alice said with a smile. "Any special cravings?"

"Food."

"Alright then. Food it is. Be back in a jiffy."

Edward came back after they had left and leaned his weight against the arched entryway into the kitchen.

"How do you feel?" He asked, passing his eyes over me tenderly from where he stood.

"Umm," I hummed and looked down at my exposed stomach. "Fat."

That actually broke a smile out on his face, finally, and he folded his arms in the most human-like manner.

"Any discomfort?"

"Well...I feel bloated and tired all of a sudden, but...I think I'm okay."

"Be my wife, Bella."

I dropped the empty bread bag in my hand and stared back at him dumbly. He was still leaning against the entryway with his arms folded, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"Marry me before you turn."

"But..."

"Before or after the baby is born, I don't care. I want you to be my wife."

"But would it matter?" I asked. "I mean...yes, but...we'll be together, Edward. Are there married Gargoyles in the Legion?"

"I don't care about other Gargoyles. I care about you. You said yes to me when I was human."

"And I'll say yes to you again. Yes."

"Yes?" He asked with a wider smile, pushing off the wall with his shoulder.

"A million times, yes."

He darted over and lifted me, and even though my belly was now an obvious barrier between us, my weight was no issue. He kissed me and set me back on my feet to hold me in a lasting hug.

"When?" I asked.

"As soon as possible. I'll have the priests from Rome come over to do it."

"Rome? Why Rome?"

"Remember when I told you that a special elite from the Vatican knows about our existence?"

"Yeahhhh?"

"Well, I'm sure that by now they know about our baby too. They're going to want to meet you. And what better occasion than this?"

"Well, if you think..."

"Don't worry, deliciae. Just leave it to me."

I smiled at him, feeling actual happiness in my body. "I trust you."

He kissed me and started leading me toward the stairs.

"What will I be called? You don't have a surname in the Legion. You're just Edward of the Cullen Host. I'll be Mrs...what?"

"Edward," he said, lacing our fingers together. "Mrs. Edward. And that's all anybody will need to know."

XXX

**A/N: See? I can be nice too :)**


	24. Chapter 23  Of Uncommon Beauty

A/N: Hi everyone. Another late update, but I think I explained before how pressing RL has gotten for me. This is the last chapter of IDoL. There will be an epilogue soon after this, hopefully within the next week or so. I hope you enjoyed the ride. I am thankful to every one of you who gave me support and stuck with this wacky Gargoyle idea.

I believe there is a surprise waiting for you in the epilogue...I believe so :)

Special thanks to my backbone, nikkiwindland, for her vision, guidance and talent (she designed my blog. You should check it out if you haven't), and to fiftylover, my beta who also suffered the RL blow recently. To Tkegl who designed the banners for both SIS and IDoL. To all those who nominated this series for various awards, and to those who recommended it either on their own stories or on their blogs, thank you as well. Your reviews have also been indescribably inspiring.

Much love to you all. If I've left anything out, I'll include in the epilogue A/N. The epilogue will answer all your questions I hope, and tie up loose ends.

HAPPY READING! And please forgive typos.

XXX

**Chapter 23**

**Of Uncommon Beauty**

**Bella**

Six months pregnant, I was standing in my old home in Forks one hour after the sun set with Edward, Tia, Alice and Esme.

The expression on each of their faces was different. Edward looked upset, dark and brooding. Esme kept glancing at Edward with empathy. Tia looked nervous, and Alice had the light of the world in her eyes. I had just eaten two full servings of mushroom ravioli and washed it down with a jug of chocolate milk. She couldn't be happier at the moment.

"This is the last time," Tia said, careful not to make eye contact with Edward. "And we shouldn't push it all the way. Ten weeks instead of twelve this time...just in case."

"I'm ready."

"Is there nothing I can say to make you stop this?" Edward asked.

"Edward, please don't start," I begged in a pleading voice.

He closed the gap between us with three long strides and held me tenderly by my shoulders, drawing my stare up to his with his magnetic pull.

"Don't you realise how much I love you, Bella?"

Shifting my stare back and forth I nodded, "Of course I do."

"Then can you imagine the kind of torture this is, watching you put your body and the baby's through this?"

"It hasn't hurt me yet, and the baby is fine." I glanced at Tia for support, and when she nodded I looked back at Edward with renewed confidence. "The baby is fine."

Staring deeply into my eyes he passed a finger down my cheek and shook his head. "Always in such a hurry," he whispered.

"Well, you keep giving me a reason to hurry. Since I've known you I've been running after you. It's time."

"I don't know this side of you."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I can't say that after all that has happened that I haven't changed a little."

"At least marry me first," he suggested. "Before you push the growth further."

"But the priests don't arrive for three more days.."

"I know."

"I can't wait that long, Edward. What difference does it make anyway? You're worried about me being hurt, well this...this makes me hurt."

I took his hand and pressed his palm to my belly. "Feeling it like this... makes me hurt."

The baby chose that very second to kick, and when he felt it, his eyes widened in wonderment. I looked down frightfully, grabbing his hand by his wrist but he cupped my flesh firmer and dropped his forehead to the top of my head.

"Bella..." he gasped.

"I know," I whispered shakily, trying to get his hand off my stomach. "I know Edward. I know."

The baby kicked again and he fell to knees in front of me. He hugged me around my hips and put his face to my belly, doing everything in his unconscious power to tear me to shreds.

I let him hug me like that. I let him bond with our child through my skin and didn't push him away, thinking that it was the least I could do given the choice I had made for us both. Even though it tugged at every string in my chest, I stood there and felt him bond with it, felt our child move inside of me, and felt the beginnings of a change of heart.

"Stop," I muttered, pushing him away suddenly. "I have to do this now. I can't..."

He got to his feet and hushed me with the brooding frown on his face. "I'll try to get Father Ephraim here by tomorrow night," he said. "Whatever you do, Isabella, make sure that you're in some state to become my wife."

Then he turned and walked away from me.

The minute he disappeared I turned to Tia with desperation in my eyes.

"He's getting angry," I gasped. "The longer this baby stays inside of me, the more attached he gets to it. Tia...we have to do something now."

"I can take you ten weeks forward."

"Eleven."

"Bella," Esme interjected with her voice of reason. "I think you should take Tia's advice. Pushing yourself too close to the end could be dangerous."

"I'm surrounded by an army of Gargoyles with every possible kind of supernatural power and you're still all worried about my health. I'll be fine. Eleven more weeks takes me to one week before the baby is due. I'm ok with that."

"Bella," Esme cautioned. "A baby can come anywhere from two weeks before the due date to weeks after. Taking you forward ten more weeks is close enough. You may not be worried about your own health, but you also have the baby to consider. What if the baby decides to come during the day? Have you even thought about that? We won't be able to help you."

"Eleven weeks," I argued. "You say that the baby can come up to two weeks after the due date. That means I could very well be trapped with it inside of me for an entire month more. The more I feel it the more attached I get. This is hard enough as it is. I can't deal with love too."

The thought alone made me panic. I widened my eyes and stared off into space worriedly. "I don't have the strength to go much further, Esme. I'll cave. I know I will. Edward...he's already caving, I can sense it. This baby needs to be born as soon as possible."

"Your stubbornness isn't cute anymore," Alice said, removing a family size pizza from the oven. "But why am I surprised..."

"Eleven weeks and that's the end," Tia said. "I can't do anymore than that."

With a hopeful smile, I wobbled to the living room and took my place on the couch, knowing that Edward was somewhere within earshot, trying to conceal his disappointment by hiding.

The pizza was placed on the coffee table in front of me, and Tia knelt between my knees with her palms held out over my exposed belly. She closed her eyes, and the air in the room shifted. Alice poked at the pizza and Esme stood behind her with folded arms, her eyes focused on Tia.

Before Tia even began my breath hitched. I swallowed deeply and shifted my eyes to the window.

"Edward..." I whispered.

Then Tia's cold hands closed over my bump and I jumped slightly.

"Relax, Bella," she whispered.

Almost immediately I felt my ribs being forced to expand. I snagged a deep breath and closed my eyes. The baby leapt inside of my womb and the series of kicks it delivered made me hold the breath. I felt my stomach grow. I felt the baby's body press against my walls, and a prominent heat laced through my body.

"Edward..." I gasped again, through clenched teeth. Something felt it popped inside of me and I opened my eyes widely, yelping in reaction to it.

"Ouch!"

Tia opened her eyes and held mine, moving her hands away with a frown I hadn't seen on her until then.

"Eleven weeks," she said softly, dropping her gaze to my large belly. "You're just about nine months pregnant, Bella."

I fell back against the cushions with my belly in the air and my legs apart, taking a series of deep breaths one after the other. I was sweaty for some reason and unbearably uncomfortable.

Alice shoved a slice of pizza in my face and I wolfed it down without complaint. I still hadn't caught my breath after three slices, and despite the cold, I felt warm.

"Ugh...I'm sweaty," I complained, tugging at last buttons on my shirt.

"Why is she breathing so shallow?" Alice asked, turning to Tia.

Tia stood and took a few steps back, frowning down at me pensively. "I'm not sure."

Esme came forward and asked, "Bella, how are you feeling?"

"Fat," I mumbled. "Hungry. Tired. Hot. Bothered. My belly feels hard. Someone turn off the heater please!"

"Eat," Alice said, shoving a fourth slice of pizza in my face.

I ate that too, and as I swallowed the last mouthful a line of pain shot through my stomach. I jerked forward and grabbed my belly with both hands and wide eyes.

"What was that..."

"What was what?" Alice asked.

Then it happened again. My stomach contracted and hardened and whipped every ounce of air out of my lungs.

"That!"

"Bella, lie down," Esme ordered.

Squeezing my eyes tightly shut I gasped for air that didn't help a bit and tried to endure the sting. "Fuck!"

A harsh pressurise started pushing against my anus and the pain in my stomach lit ablaze with fiery heat.

I screamed.

"Oh...my..." Alice muttered. "Now?"

"She's going into labour," Esme snapped. "Tia. I need you to make sure the perimeter is secure right away. Take the news."

"Whaaaa?" I gasped, pushing air in and out through my clenched teeth and grabbing my belly with both hands. "Edwaaaaaaaarrrrrrrd!"

A brash wind lifted my hair and the scent of Edward filled my lungs. He was all over me all of a sudden.

"Bella. Bella, I'm here," he said, taking me into his arms.

"Dont. MOVE. ME!" I screamed, but he lowered me to the rug on the floor and stuffed numerous cushions under my head and at the small of my back.

"I would have waited nine months for you, Bella," he grunted, ripping my pants and underwear off.

There was no spare thought left over for shame or self consciousness. The bowling ball that was trying to push its way out of my ass was in a hurry and as much as I wanted it over and done with, I was in no way prepared for this.

"How can it be coming _NAA_-OOW!" I screamed.

"What did you expect!" Edward lashed back.

The fiery heat centred worst right between my legs, but by far, the pushing pressure came from behind. Severe diarrhoea was an understatement. It felt like I had to shit a ton of bricks. I had lost track of every other part of my body. The only area that registered was the sweltering heat between my legs and the mind numbing cramps lacerating my stomach walls.

I screamed again. "I HAVE TO PUSH!"

"No! Not yet," Edward cautioned, spreading my legs wider.

"What do you mean not yet?" I barked. "It's pushing itself out! I can't stop it!"

"Not. Yet," he said, then he slid his fingers inside of me and made my back arch painfully.

"What are you...!"

Not a moment later, a hot flush of liquid came tumbling out of me, and if I had thought the hot pain was bad before, this was worse.

"Get her some ice," I heard Carlisle say.

"CARLISE!" I screamed, trying to find him in the room.

"And something to bite on," he said, coming closer. "Bella, you can't scream."

"Easier said than..._arrghgh_! TRY IT!"

"If you scream, Bella, you'll only waste your energy. Channel the pain into pushing instead. Push hard, and push from behind."

A moment's reprieve passed when the pain seemed to have vanished. Edward held my hand with one of his, bracing his second palm against the inside of my thigh, his eyes swimming worriedly between mine.

"Breathe, baby," he said. "Breathe."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't have time anyway, because the pain somersaulted through my ass again and my head fell back.

"Push Bella," Esme guided me. She raised my head with her hand and pushed my chin against my collar bone. "Push."

So I tried. With everything I had in me, I bit down hard and pushed downward. The pain was both severe and numbing. I felt everything and nothing, and I was dripping with perspiration.

That contraction passed after a series of failed attempts and a sweet relief wrapped itself around me like a cool breeze.

"Isn't there a Gargoyle with the power to make this painless?" I cried.

"Even if we could, Bella, we shouldn't. We've already wrongfully tampered with the growth of the baby with Aro's consent. We can't tamper with this too. It has to be natural."

"Fuck natural! If you won't help me, give me drugs!"

Another welt of pain scorched my gut and I pushed my chin against my chest before forcing the bowling ball out another inch or so.

Alice was there with ice, but every time she tried touching me with it I growled at her. "Don't touch me! Nobody touch me!"

"Yes ma'am," Alice snorted.

"No talking either! Everything hurts...Everything! GAWD!"

I got the hang of it soon enough, despite my bitching. By round seven, I knew how to push and when, though no attempt was good enough. I pushed and pushed, over and over until my legs went numb and I started getting tired.

Contractions came and went and the minutes were ticking by. Half an hour of it felt like a lifetime, and by then I was all out of energy and limp on the floor.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Edward urged me on, whispering into my ear. "You don't give up. That's not who you are. You have to push."

"I can't..." I gasped, squeezing tears out of my eyes. "I have no more..."

"The baby's heart rate is dropping," Carlisle announced.

With a kiss pressed to the side of my face, Edward slid his hand down between my legs and cupped me tenderly. "My love, you can do this," he said, kissing me again. "I'll help you. I love you."

"Edward," I whispered tiredly, feeling my eyes roll to the back of my head.

From his fingers came a soft, healing power that awakened me. Lines of coolness shot downward from my core, through my legs and over my toes. My legs found strength again and the fiery heat died under the command of his touch.

"Now _push,"_ he whispered into my ear. "Do it...for me."

He raised my head, his face pressed to the side of mine and whispered words in Latin I didn't understand. But like every other time before, it filled me with love that only the two of us understood. And no matter the language, I understood love.

A contraction hit my womb again and this time, with his help, I pushed until the baby's head burst free of the crypt.

The moment he moved his hand the pain came back. I gasped so loudly I almost choked on the air.

"Just one more, Bella," Carlisle said. "You're doing great. Just one more and she'll be here."

"SHE?" I cried, unable to stop the bucket of tears that came spewing out. Of course they'd know even before she was born, that she'd be a girl.

An overwhelming sadness washed over me then, and I turned my face toward Edward so that he could absorb it. In the deepest parts of myself I had known from the start, that speeding up the pregnancy wouldn't alleviate the pain of separation. It wouldn't even lessen it. I would have loved her just as much after a few days as I would have after nine months. Already I felt my bond to her thickening. She wasn't even halfway out yet and my possessive nature was kicking into overdrive.

The pain started up again. I was panting and out of breath, sweaty and crying. Edward was whispering continuous words of love in my ear, and our baby was fighting her way out of me.

The last push was the easiest. One second of effort sent her sliding into Carlisle's arms, and the sound of her crying nearly killed me.

The emotion was crippling. I tried reaching for her but the room started to shake. My vision blurred and I couldn't get my arms to move.

"Ba...by.." I whispered.

"Bella, I need you to push one more time," Carlisle said gently.

My chest had already caved inward.

"Wh...why?" I cried.

Edward whispered something about afterbirth in my ear, and he put his hands between my legs again, healing where I was damaged, giving me strength.

"Where's the baby..."

"She's safe, Bella," I heard Alice say. "She's perfect."

"Let me..."

The room started fading to black. Everything whirred. The light dimmed. Edward was still whispering, his hands holding my face to his lips.

"Ssshhhh," he hushed me. "It's over now. Ssshhhh."

"No," I gasped. "Where...is she..."

"Charlotte, quickly. She needs your help."

At the sound of Charlotte's name my heart lurched, but one second too late, because already I felt her serenity putting me under, her peace relinquishing all turmoil. And I was asleep.

XXX

"Edward?" I uttered, sitting up briskly.

"I'm here," I heard him say from the corner of the room. It was dark and I was disoriented. Flashes of the birth started flooding back and I grabbed my stomach instinctively to find that it was empty.

I sat in silence for a few seconds and stared down at myself, unable to put anything I was feeling into specific words. I had learned to bottle secrets inside and mask my feelings by swallowing them whole, so it was no wonder that he had to read my mind in order to find my pain.

"How are you feeling?" He asked from where he stood, leaning against the window of my bedroom.

"Where is she?" I asked, raising my eyes to him.

He turned to me and folded his arms. "On her way to Rome."

"What?" I yelped, jumping off the bed. It was immediately obvious to me that Edward had healed my body. I wasn't sore anywhere, except for the hole in my heart and the empty sepulchre in my womb.

"Rome?"

"Esme, Jacob and Jasper are en route to Rome with her as we speak. The fathers in Rome have agreed to keep her in the convent where she will be specially looked after by the nuns, and where we'll be able to look over with ease. She will be safe there. There was no time to try finding a home for her here. She came too quickly. Plus, she needs to be sustained. They needed to take her to nourishment as soon as possible.

"There's also the issue of the rising sun in the east. They need to make it to Ireland, at least, before sunrise. There was no time."

"And what will they do with her once they get to Ireland and the sun comes up?"

"They're travelling with one of the roman priests. He will care for her during the day and make sure she is fed."

I gaped up at him in awe, at a loss for words, shocked and confused...overwhelmed...blindsided. It had all happened so quickly I'd hardly had the time to digest any of it.

"I didn't see her..." I whispered, shifting my eyes to the wall. "Edward, I never got to...I didn't even.."

"Bella," he said, coming to me. "You said you didn't want to hurt. You didn't want to suffer the pain of separation. This is what you wanted."

I swallowed a tremulous lump and tried to breathe. He was right of course, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"How long ago did they leave?"

"As soon as she was born, three hours ago."

He reached for me suddenly and pulled me against him, seeing my need for comfort.

"There's lots of time to see her, I promise," he said as he hugged me.

Those words alone lit my heart ablaze with insurmountable hope, and I felt infinitesimally better.

"You promise."

He cupped my face and turned it upward, and right there in his gaze I saw the benefit of all the pain. He was worth every bludgeoning moment of it.

"As soon as we're married, I'll start your transformation. And once you've crossed over, I'll take you to her. She'll never be far away, Bella. We'll always be with her."

"Her..." I whispered. "She doesn't have a name."

With a smile, he brushed my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "She does, if you agree to it."

"You gave her a name?" I asked with innate interest.

"I did," he answered. "But if you don't like it, we can..."

"What is it?"

"Mirabel," was his soft answer.

I closed my eyes and whispered it to myself, "Mirabel..."

Then I looked at him again. "What does it mean?"

"Of uncommon beauty," he said with a sideways smile. "A combination of miracle and Bella. And in Latin it also means, wonderful."

"Is she beautiful, Edward?" I asked, tearfully.

"Is she ever..." he whispered, as he lowered his face for a kiss. "How could she not? She came from you."

"I need you to heal this anxiety I have," I gasped.

He hugged me tighter and stroked my hair.

"It's harder than I thought."

"I know," he said. "That's why we must hurry."

"Hurry?"

The door opened then and Alice walked in with an armful of paraphernalia.

"Edawrd," she smirked. "It's not good luck for the groom to see the bride on her wedding day...night."

"Now," I muttered, glancing back at him.

"Unless you've changed your mind about me."

I shook my head, dazed and shaken by the speed of everything as it happened.

"I haven't. It's just...I'm overwhelmed by everything."

"Don't worry," Alice said as she deposited the things on my bed. "Pretty soon your heart will be made of stone and you'll be able to withstand shock better. Your human one is overworked anyway. It's time for a new one."

Then she winked at me.

"Chop chop!" She exclaimed, clicking her fingers at me. "The sooner we do this, the sooner you get to see Mirabel."

The more I heard the name, the more I liked it.

Edward started walking to the door then. "I'll wait for you downstairs."

"Edward?" I called after him. When he turned back, I smiled at him and said, "It's perfect."

XXX

There were no two ways about it. With a priest from the Vatican and a congregation of supernatural guardians, my wedding had to take place in a church. Not that it mattered to me where it happened. I wanted to be married to Edward, and I was more anxious than ever to get to Mirabel. It was happening that night, where and how ever they wanted it. I complained about nothing, not even about the gaudy dress Alice made me wear.

I couldn't remember the last time wore a dress, or a skirt of any kind for that matter. Not that I was an insufferable tomboy. I just didn't care about fashion.

If someone had told me a year before then, that I'd be getting married at midnight in a church full of Gargoyles, to a Gargoyle, I would have laughed and asked him for a shot of whatever it was they were drinking. But there I was, as sure as the moon hanging over St. Anne's catholic church that night, walking up the aisle on Alice's arm toward a waiting Edward.

I'd have given him whatever he wanted, even though I didn't understand his need to marry me while I was still human, or at all. Eternity didn't recognise titles. It was what it was, and no matter what happened, I knew I would love Edward forever.

The priest talked. Gargoyles whispered to each other. The ring was put on my finger. The shadows of a dimly lit church cast gothic, ethereal shadows across my groom's face. His metallic eyes twinkled. His fingers held mine tightly. Thoughts of Mirabel ensconced me. We exchanged our vows. Alice yelped from somewhere on the side. And finally...it was done.

It was simple, yet at the same time so powerful that the aura of the night alone shaved my skin with goosebumps.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

The space between us was never there. He touched my chin and smiled into my face with a silver gaze so brilliant it almost blinded me.

"Mrs. Edward," he said with a twisted smile and raised eyebrow. "Welcome to my world."

Then he kissed me.

And finally we were Edward and Bella...together.

XXX

There was no reception or party. All we wanted was to be alone in a capacity that was no longer forbidden. We needed rest in each other's presence. We needed peace and solitude. And we only had a few hours left before sunrise.

"Why insist of this while I was still human?" I asked. "You could have turned me first."

"Because," he said. "I missed you like this."

He passed his hand over my dress, fingered the neckline and pulled the strap off my shoulder.

"I'm going to have an eternity of making love to you as a Gargoyle," he said, dropping soft kisses all over my face. "I wanted to have you like this one last time. Your warmth...your softness...the way you smell."

"Are you going to miss this?" I asked, closing my eyes under the spell of his touch.

"As long as I have you, Bella, there'll be nothing to miss."

My dress was off in a moment's break. He tore it very easily from the back, raised it off me and tossed it to the side.

"Do you remember making love to me when you were human?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Now, yes," he answered with a low moan. "And there's a lot of making up I have to do. Isn't there..."

He pressed his face into the curve of my neck, wrapped his arm around my waist and showered me with kisses that went from cool to warm.

It was easy to forget about the world and all my problems once I was in his arms. He had always had that magical spellbinding effect over me, the kind that took my mind away and filled me with only him.

His hand found its way down and into my underwear. I gasped against him when I felt his touch, and more so when he shot his healing rays into me again.

"Just making sure," he whispered, rolling over me where he held his weigh off.

He shrugged out of his coat. I unbuttoned his shirt and shoved it away hurriedly. He undid his pants and kicked them off, then lowered himself on me gently, burying his face in my neck again.

I squirmed when his hard, cool chest smothered my warm breasts, a sweet nostalgia for him consuming me. He kissed his way down to my chest and pulled my nipple into his mouth. Holding his face to me, I arched my back and inhaled deeply, groaning outwardly as he sucked and rubbed his fingers over my clit at the same time.

I was hot everywhere. I was burning and starving for his love.

I remembered his impatience. The last time I made love to him as a Gargoyle we were in the sky over France and he knew they were coming to take me away from him. He was shaking and panicked, greedy and frantic as he shoved himself into me over and over, wanting to cry for all the good it could have done.

Here he was impatient again, but this time for a different reason. He was impatient because he was starved like I was. Because we had gone too long without this. And because when two bodies and souls finally connect again after being forced apart, the only goal is to quench.

He ran his tongue down over my stomach which was still slightly raised from a surreal pregnancy. He tore my panties away and pushed my knees up, winking up at me before taking my peak into his mouth. A shrill scream erupted from my throat. Holding his head to my body any harder would have physically pushed him inside. Groaning softly, he lathered and sucked until I was shaking from head to toe. I was easy. I had been starved too long to not be easy. My orgasm came riddled my body with fire. He kissed the inside of both my thighs then came up to kiss my lips again, turning me on in new ways that I'd hold him to forever.

"Are you ready?" He asked, pushing one arm under me and placing the other one at the side of my head.

"Always."

"Take a deep breath, Mrs. Edward, I'm going in."

I'd forgotten how immense he was. Just the head alone had me holding my breath and clinging to him for dear life.

"Breathe," he whispered, prodding gently.

I nodded and bit into my lip.

"Look at me, " he asked. So I opened my eyes and stared back at him.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too."

Then he pushed himself in and tightened his embrace. I had to close my eyes though. The sensation of him creating the wall inside of me was indescribable. The cold, alien substance seeped out and spread itself over the walls of my womb. And when it started to harden I almost passed out from lack of air.

"Breathe," he reminded me.

I opened my eyes and nodded at him, my bottom lip still pinned between my teeth. He kissed my frown and smoothened it out then rubbed my nose with the tip of his.

"It's over," he smiled sexily. "The wall is in place. Now, I'll ask you again. Are you ready?"

I managed a giggle and nodded again. "Make me your wife."

That was all he needed to hear. He pulled himself out then pushed his way back in and I couldn't control the scream that belted out of me.

Over and over, in and out, first slowly, then with building momentum, he made me his. I went from clamped up and uncomfortable to wild and hot. My hips were still slightly wider than normal from the birth, so I was able to adapt to him.

I clung to him and ground my hips upward. My head fell back, my body arched and his face came down to my chest. He grew more insistent, brave even, as he quickened his pace in his excitement. We had forgotten the little fact that my breasts would be filled with milk coming straight off of childbirth, because all of a sudden I was leaking, and he pulled his face away.

"Sorry," I gasped, not wanting to slow down.

He repositioned his face over mine and snaked his tongue into my mouth instead which was decidedly much better.

Faster and faster he went until it became impossible to kiss anymore. It hurt as well as it felt incredible, with a pleasure so hot it was beyond anything else in the world.

My shrieking was incoherent, not that he cared. His entire body was reeling and his muscles were buckling and contracting in pleasure.

With every thrust my body jerked and I yelped, and soon enough he was clutching me too tightly, seizing mid motion and breathing heavily into my face.

"Bella..." he gasped as his orgasm shook us both. I felt the explosion as it slammed around inside, holding him tighter, smothered almost under the weight of him.

His body trembled, then he collapsed at my side, making sure to take me with him.

"That was incredible," he gasped, breathing heavily with his eyes tucked into the back of his head.

I waited for him to come down from the high, and cuddled in closely .

"Aren't you going to take the wall out?" I asked.

He raised himself over me by propping up on one elbow, and pressed his palm into the valley between my breasts.

"We don't have to," he said, dropping his eyes to his hand on my chest. "Not this time."

I felt the light pressure of his nail graze on my skin and my breath hitched immediately.

"How soon do you want to get to Mirabel?" He asked, toying with the pressure of his fingernail.

My heart started racing as his intentions started materialising. I pushed my upper body up on my elbows, glanced down at his hand between my breasts, then back up at him.

"How soon?" He whispered, lowering his gaze so that his eye lashes brushed against his cheeks.

"As soon as possible," I answered, taking a shaky breath.

He looked at me with profound depth and meaning, and a moment of tense silence passed between us where I knew exactly what was going to happen next.

"Then we do this tonight," he said softly, searching my face. "We start your metamorphosis right now, so that we can take you her...as soon as possible."

My entire body started shaking then. "Now..." I uttered, falling back onto the pillows. I passed my hand over my face and stared at the ceiling blankly.

"Right now. This is what you've been waiting for. This moment right here. It's time to take you with me."

"What about when the sun comes up? What will happen to me?"

"Once I make the incision, I will take you a secluded place where you won't be heard or found. The transformation is long and painful. You will get loud, but we'll be nearby. I will come to you every night until it is complete."

I gulped and nodded nervously. "Food?"

"You won't need to eat. Once the substance enters your blood stream it will sustain you."

"How many days?"

"Seven days and seven nights, including tonight."

"Seven days..."

"And seven nights."

"I will survive this...right?"

"It hasn't killed anyone yet."

Taking a few moments for myself, I closed my eyes and tried to reflect on my life. I thought about my parents and the life that I had when they were still alive. I thought about life in Forks and school, old friends and family that I hadn't seen since leaving three years before. I thought about Seattle, college, working at Barca, about Angela and Ben, Blade...Mirabel...

"Let go of everything, Bella. You have to let go of it all."

"There was never a way to have everything...was there?"

"Everything is relative. It just depends on what you want."

I opened my eyes then and looked up at him, hearing the beat of my heart race through my own ears. I was suddenly sensitive to everything in the room; the silvery glow in his eyes; the way his finger nail stayed positioned on my chest, ready to puncture; the shadows on the walls; the screeching, high pitched sound of the silence.

And despite the very real fear that started building inside of me, I knew what I wanted – what I had always wanted. I wanted to be with him. Long before that night I had given myself; heart, body and soul to the creature next to me. Now it was time to give him my life.

"Do it," I said, clasping my hand over his between my breasts. "Do it."

He stared at me silently for a few moments more and passed me encouragement. My fingers closed around his, he pressed harder, his eyes glazed over, my heart tripped, my pores raised, the room started closing in, my muscles locked, my breath hitched...then he came down and pushed his lips on mine, readying himself to swallow my screams.

"I love you..."

And as he carved my chest open with the indelible cross, I belted out my first scream, piercing the silence of the night just as he was piercing me.

XXX

**A/N :Alright...for those of you who missed it, because I got a review asking, Edward healed her vaginal area by touching her, just before they had sex. Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to after childbirth. I know that...lol. I thought I made that clear in the chapter, but apparently not. It's there, however. **

**He healed her first. Thanks for reading :)**


	25. Epilogue

**A/N: **First of all, my sincerest apologies for being so late with this epilogue. RL has been tough but I won't go into details. It's here and I hope you enjoy it. To all those who left reviews, PMs, tweets and Facebook messages, I thank you. I wasn't able to reply to them all, but they all made me smile. I never forgot about you! Your patience was appreciated. I missed you all and I hope you enjoy! This is the end of In Darkness or Light. I enjoyed this journey with you. Thank you for making it worth it.

Thanks to the wonderful nikkiwindland and Andrea for their help with beta'ing and pre reading, to the lovely Tkegl for making all my banners and to all those who recommended these stories to others. The ride was awesome! Happy Reading

And oh yeah...there will be a threequel

**Epilogue**

**The Firewall**

**Firewall – **a barrier designed to protect a network and prevent unauthorized or unwanted intrusion/communication between networks or hosts.

**Bella**

Like fire... I burned for seven days and seven nights; _burned_ like I was pinned to a stake in the middle of town above the pitchforks and angry screams of villagers. The fire sliced through my veins like acid, demolishing any and everything in its path, leaving no human cell unclaimed in its wake.

Pain...pain so bad that it hurt even to think - so hot it numbed me on the spot, so cold it burned. And with every passing second I transformed.

I felt the others nearby. I heard their voices come and go as day turned to night and back again. I felt Edward's touch, felt his presence at my side as the agonizing seconds crawled by, but even _his_ touch burned. His cold fingers sizzled against my skin like ice on fire, and I found myself flinching away from him too.

I knew the difference between day and night only by the way their voices came and went. The hours passed in slow aggravation as I writhed and buckled on the floor. I was contorted on one spot, dying but being reborn at the same, and as parts of me died, new parts roared to life. And very slowly a new kind of strength started to unfold.

"I'm right here, Bella," I heard Edward say. "You are not alone."

"How...much..._.longer_..." I grinded through chattering teeth.

He ran his fingers across my face and I flinched away from his touch again. Had I been more coherent at the time I would have realised the way he pulled his hand back sharply when his fingers touched my skin, as if it burned him.

"Edward...?" I gasped, reaching blindly.

"Don't try to talk," he answered. "It's not much longer now. You're almost there."

What he _should _have told me was that the worst was still to come. If I'd thought that the acidic burning of my insides was bad, the mutation of my spine as my wings spawned itself was much worse. My spine had to snap in five places for it to happen, and I knew because I heard as well as felt every agonizing crack.

The first break happened at the base, and though painful, I felt something new and alien calcify between the splintered bone. It happened like that all the way up and when the last fracture hardened and healed between my shoulder blades, the roots of my wings started forcing its way out.

My screams evolved into roaring, like a wailing animal being tortured in the middle of the night. I was drenched in sweat and shaking so violently my teeth chattered. Forced into the foetal position, I buried my face between my knees and gave way to the eruption in my back. It seemed like the burning acid from before had prepared me for this. It had killed my human cells and engineered new ones, giving me the strength to survive the torture of a new pair of wings.

Still, it was excruciating, but I bore every hellish moment of it until the end.

I bore it until my skin tore open between my backbones and spewed a new kind of blood, until the first of my black feathers made its way into a dark night.

They pushed out slowly and unfolded, one feather at a time, and already I could feel the difference in my body. I was heavier, like lead, but the heaviness came with an alien strength. Once my wings stretched out above me the pain started trickling away, and little by little my senses came to. I was acutely sensitive to everything in my environment all of a sudden. Sounds started coming to me; touch, smell, even the taste of acid on my tongue was more acute than before.

"How do you feel?" Edward asked, and I jerked when the boom of his voice crashed against my skull.

I raised my face and opened my eyes. The darkness was no longer a hindrance to my sight. I saw every detail on the walls and could count the particles in the air as they filtered past.

My wings... new, glistening and black, were wrapped around my body. I looked down and saw them for the first time and my heart leapt in shock, so much that an audible gasp escaped my throat.

They opened naturally when I moved as if they knew that I wanted to move, as if they had learned my body's will already and could predict what it wanted to do. I sat upright and looked down at myself, tracing the last of the burning with my eyes as it passed through my legs and exited my body at my toes.

It was over...and nothing would ever be the same, not ever again_. I had become a Gargoyle._

"You made it," Edward said, coming to stoop in front of me. "My deliciae. You are here."

He raised his hand to touch my face but paused mid distance, eyebrows slightly crinkled in hesitation. He followed through after a second or so, and when his fingers made contact with my skin he relaxed with a smile.

"What is it?" I asked, wondering why he seemed afraid to touch me. "What's wrong with me?"

He shook his head and smiled with gazing eyes. "Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect."

"Welcome, Bella," Carlisle said from behind me. "It's wonderful to finally have you here with us like this."

I was still wearing the white dress from the wedding, and as I moved to stand, the soiled fabric rustled gently and settled at my sides.

"How do you feel?" Edward asked.

"...strong," I answered with a small frown, surprised by the notion of strength in that body. That was never a word I could use for my physical self, so it felt strange to admit it.

I came to stand in front of him and soaked in his expression. Those first few moments when I looked at his face through new eyes were ones I would never forget. He was even more striking in that light. I saw every angle and smooth line of his face, every detail and shadow. He was brooding and breathtaking with dark, thick eyebrows. His eyes were translucent and clear, his smile perfect, and the bridge of his nose slanted with such sharp precision I wondered how I'd ever missed it.

"I love you," he whispered, and I smiled.

He pulled me into a hug and put his lips on my forehead, and finally, his Gargoyle body didn't feel like a hard wall against mine anymore. Finally we were the same and both sound of mind. I matched him with even grace and firmness. His arms around my waist felt like home and I could hear his heartbeat without having to press my ear to his chest.

There were no words to describe the joy in my heart in those moments, and I doubted that worthy ones would ever exist.

"My eternity is yours," he said, passing his hands over my hair. "I almost can't believe it."

Still unaccustomed to the new sharpness of my senses, I found difficulty matching every sound and sensation to its source, especially since everything in my environment seemed to be screaming at my senses for attention. Slightly jumpy, I cringed at an approaching vibration and turned sharply toward it.

"Relax," Edward whispered into my ear, rubbing my back soothingly. "It's only Alice."

Before I could react fully, Alice was spinning me around to hold my face in her hands with a smile.

"Just like I expected," she said. "Beautiful."

Alice herself was even more stunning through Gargoyle eyes. With nothing left to the imagination, she was as pristine and perfectly put together as the finest china doll. Features I had missed before were suddenly as clear as day, ironically, since I'd only ever seen her at night.

"You suit us well," she said decidedly, with a nod of her head. "Very well indeed."

Behind her I saw Carlisle, Esme and Emmett.

"Can we take her for a spin?" Emmett asked with a slanted grin.

" Not yet, Emmett," Esme answered gently, ever the matriarch in a deviant world. "She's still a bit shaken. Bella, welcome to the Cullen host."

"Thank you," I answered, put off by the strange clarity and smoothness of my own voice. Then a quick sweep of my eyes confirmed the absence of Jasper and Jacob, and my heart leapt in discomfort.

"Mirabel..."

"We can leave as soon as you sort some things here first," Edward answered quickly, passing a hand through my hair. His hands never left my body.

"You can't just disappear," he said. "You have to say goodbye to those you are leaving behind. You'll regret not doing it later."

Nodding rigidly, I curled my fingers into his cloak behind me.

"You don't ever have to face anything alone, Bella, not ever again," he whispered. "Tell me what you need and I will give it."

I turned to look at him, surprised again by the specs in his eyes that I hadn't seen before; deep gold behind the gun metal grey, piercing enough to carve indelible holes through my brain.

"Take me to Angela," I said. "I have to say good bye."

XXX

So far removed now from everything that was once my life, I stood on the doorstep of my apartment in Seattle and stared at the door. It was already close to midnight but I'd only ever have the night from then on, and if I wanted to get to Mirabel soon I had to say good bye to Angela quickly.

The sounds of Blade darting through the apartment when he sensed our presence broke my heart. He threw himself against the back of the door and barked wildly.

Sensing my rising anxiety, Edward took my hand and squeezed it. "You can do this...for Mirabel."

I heard Angela's movement next, walking though the apartment with an unsteady heartbeat as she made her way to the door.

"She's nervous," I said, studying the door. "I can hear it in her heartbeat."

Squeezing my hand again, Edward nodded. "It's late for Angela and Blade's reaction has made her nervous. Stay in control and she won't over react."

"Is someone there?" Angela called through the door.

"It's Bella."

When the door opened, Angela's face went stark white. Everything from shock to confusion, relief then fright, crossed her face.

"Bella?" She asked with a frown, passing her eyes between Edward and I. Blade launched himself at me, and finally it was my turn to calm him with a gentle touch to the top of his head. "Why on earth are you knocking? Wait...you didn't knock..."

Blade hunkered down at my feet at the touch of my hand and I tried to smile at Angela.

"Hello Angel," I said to her, gauging her suspicion as she looked at me warily. "I'm sorry to come by so late."

She took a defensive step backward and tightened her grip on the door with a deep frown. She sensed the peculiarity immediately, not that it was hard to miss.

"Why would you need to apologize?" She muttered, passing her eyes over me. " I mean...you live...here."

I knew I looked different. The changes in me were glaringly obvious, not to mention the oddity of the wedding dress I was still wearing. The fact that my shoulders were bare in weather below zero degrees should have raised questions as well, though she asked none. She only passed her eyes over me in indecision and awe, and kept a safe distance away. In a world so dependent on logic and sense, it wasn't hard to understand why she'd be afraid of me all of a sudden, even after knowing me most of her life.

I remembered then how petrified I had been of Edward the first time he showed himself to me, and that memory helped me deal with Angela. I tried to be gentle and coercing.

"It's only me, Angel. You can relax."

"It's you," she said, moving back some more. "Then why am I so confused?"

I walked into the apartment, slow enough that I didn't startle her and watched as she backed herself up against the couch.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" She mumbled.

I shifted my stare away when she asked that, and pretended to look at Blade.

"Contact lenses," Edward suggested from the open doorway.

"Yours too," Angela said to Edward in a shaky voice. "Wouldn't matching t-shirts have been easier?"

Edward chuckled with a half smirk then snapped his fingers for Blade. "I'll keep Blade occupied while you two talk."

He closed the door then and kept Blade outside.

"What's this all about?" Angela asked. "Where have you been? And why do you seem so...different?"

"I came to say good bye, Angela."

"Good bye?"

"Edward and I are going away, and we won't be back."

Self consciously, she put her hands on her hips then dropped them to her sides again, unsure about whether to challenge me or remain passive.

"Like...for good?"

"For good."

"I don't understand."

"I suppose you can say we're ready for a new life, new scenery. Things haven't been working out for us here, so we're leaving the country, going back to where Edward is from."

She was staring at my dress so I felt the urge to explain.

"We got married, Angel." And I showed her the ring. "Tonight."

Another frown penetrated her features and a look of utter pain crossed over.

"_Married_? Wha..."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. It was sudden. No one was there but us...really."

_And a few dozen Gargoyles_...

"But I'm your best friend," she argued. "I know things have been strange lately, but...how could you not tell me you're getting married? An invitation?"

"Please don't be offended. This had everything to do with him and me and no one else. It wasn't my intention to exclude you. It happened suddenly."

"Is that why you're dressed like that? Are you pregnant?"

"Yes...and no, I'm not pregnant."

_Not anymore anyway..._

"So it happened tonight?"

"Yes."

Lying was the only easy way out of it. In truth, I had been married a week ago that night before my transformation.

"Aren't you freezing in that dress?"

"I'm fine."

She passed her eyes over me from head to toe again and readjusted her glasses by wriggling her nose.

"When do you leave?"

"Tonight."

"Great..." she gasped, throwing her hands in the air. "I don't know why I'm surprised. It's always something radical like this with you."

"I don't mean to be radical, though it's not something that's likely to change. This is what I have to do."

She crossed her arms over her chest and sulked, relaxing a bit.

"Well things have been happening with me too you know," she said, with a slight huff.

She shifted her weight from one leg to the next and nodded. "This isn't how I wanted to tell you, Bella," she continued. "But I guess things have changed, so ...I'm pregnant. Ben are I are going to have a baby."

A surprising jolt of joy hit me when she said it, and as soon as she did, I made the connection. It made sense. I dropped my eyes to her stomach and smiled at the child who would take my place in the human race.

_The balance_ .

"That's wonderful news, Angel," I said with a wide smile. "I'm sure Ben is ecstatic."

"He doesn't know yet."

"But you're going to tell him."

"Eventually," she answered, biting her lip. "After finals maybe, so that he isn't distracted."

"Are you happy, Angel?"

"I'm not sure. I mean, I'm still in college."

"Yes, but by the time the baby is born, you'd have finished."

"It's unexpected."

"Most pregnancies are," I answered whimsically, thinking of Mirabel. "But things have a way of working out."

"I can't believe you're leaving, especially now. I'm about to have a baby and you're ditching the country. What about school, Bella? What about your life here?"

"School isn't important anymore. I want to be with Edward and that's where I'll be. I didn't have much of a life here anyway. You know how troubled I am. Edward makes everything right. Besides, you have Ben and we both know that he will be a wonderful father."

Pausing with a squint she said, "You're so...strange...all of a sudden. You were always kind of strange, but this is..._strange _strange. What happened to you, Bella?"

Edward's whisper made it to my ear just then, a sound that Angela wouldn't have been able to hear.

"We have to leave," he said. "The sun will rise in the east in a few hours."

"This is goodbye, Angel," I said, taking a step toward her to kiss her cheek lightly. "Take care of yourself and your baby...and Blade as well. I will miss you both terribly."

She touched the spot on her cheek where I kissed and frowned again.

"What was that?" She gasped, widening her eyes.

"What was what?"

"When you kissed me...it burned a little."

"Tell her it's cinnamon lip gloss," Edward whispered.

"It's probably the cinnamon lip gloss I wore for the wedding," I said to her, feeling stupid. "I have to go...or we'll miss our flight. Good bye, Angel."

"This is so horribly odd! You say goodbye like I'm never going to see you again, and what about all your things? Your clothes! Your books! Aren't you taking any of it with you?"

Edward whispered to me again from outside and the sound made me turn toward the door.

"The journal is under the cushions of the couch, Bella," he said. "Get it."

I turned back and nodded to a stricken Angela with a tight lipped smile. "Perhaps one thing."

I found the journal easily where he said it would be, then made a hasty exit, becoming rapidly saddened by my lacking and hollow goodbye to the only human I ever considered a friend.

Blade was another heartbreak. As if he knew what was about to happen, he started crying and whining at my feet out on the front stoop.

"We can take him with us if you like," Edward said unexpectedly.

"What? You're serious?" I gasped.

"He understands us, and besides...we've gotten close. I think he'll be able to cope."

Staring at Edward with my jaw partially dropped, I froze.

"Get over it quickly, darling. We have to leave."

I scooped Blade up into my arms quickly, handed Edward the journal, and walked back into the apartment where a stunned Angela was still standing in the living room, motionless.

"Would you miss him terribly if I took him with me?" I asked her.

After staring at me dumbly for a while, she blinked and nodded. "I would, but he's yours. He was my gift to you."

"Thank you, Angel," I answered with a smile. "I'll miss you and I love you. I hope you can forgive me for this, once again. Thank you for being the best friend I could ever hope for, even if I don't deserve it."

"Why does it sound like I'm never going to see you again, Bella?"

Not knowing how to answer, I shifted on the spot with Blade's bulky form in my arms and nodded. "I'll be able to keep in touch by telephone I suppose. I promise to call you. Good night."

Edward was almost breathing down my neck by that point. "_Now_... Bella," he urged. "The sun waits for no one."

We turned swiftly then and left, rounded the apartment building to a secluded spot and jumped into the sky.

Flying wasn't like anything I'd imagined when I was human. It wasn't a gut wrenching, nerve twisting kind of excitement that put my body on cold fire.

It was easy. My wings had a mind of their own and they knew how to carry me. The wind parted for us reverently, and Edward held my hand in the sky. Blade however, was close to losing his wits, so Edward took him from me and cradled him under the same arm as the journal.

"I'll carry him," he offered.

"Be careful with him."

With a cocky smile, Edward chuckled. "I've been doing this a lot longer than you have, delicaie."

"I know. I'm sorry."

And not surprisingly, Blade calmed down in Edward's arms.

"Is it what you expected?" He asked. "Flying."

"Not even close," I answered, turning my chin toward the oncoming wind. "It's a million times better."

"Well that makes ones of us," he replied with a sideways smirk.

"You still hate heights."

"And will forever, but it's not about me. How fast can you go?"

I shook my head and frowned. "I'm not sure."

"You'll have to test yourself prematurely, I'm afraid. If you want to get across the Atlantic tonight, you'll need to be at least as fast as I am."

"I can try."

"Then we have to stop and give Blade to the others. They'll bring him across tomorrow."

"And if I'm not fast enough?"

"Then we we'll have to stay here for another day and go to Mirabel tomorrow."

Before we could get to Alice and the others, however, a convoy of black wings intercepted us and we had to stop abruptly.

"Amun," Edward growled.

"I only came to warn you," Amun spoke quickly, flanked by his minions. He spoke to Edward but his eyes were trained on me, drinking me in from head to toe, taking in every living inch as if trying to convince his own eyes that what he saw was real.

"Whatever it is we don't have the time," Edward snarled. "You're lucky I didn't kill you the last time."

Shifting his eyes back to Edward he said, "Oh I think you'll want to hear this."

"Don't listen to him, Edward," came a voice from behind. Alice swooped by with Carlisle, Esme and Emmett then. "He's trying to get into your good graces so that Aro may show leniency on his trial."

"Trial?" Edward asked.

Alice took Blade and the journal from Edward's hold then.

"Believe what you want," Amun spat, "but I came to warn you nevertheless."

"That's enough, Amun," Carlisle barked. "You were ordered to leave for Italy. Why are you still here? There's nothing you can do now. Your trial _will _happen."

The scoundrel that he was, I still couldn't ignore the restlessness in Amun's eyes whenever he looked at me.

"What do you want to tell me?" I asked him.

"There is word that your child is..."

"I said that's enough!" Carlisle interrupted him with a bark.

Gasping with a quick hand to my throat I fell back a few inches. "Word of what? Let him tell me!"

"I'd rather you found out on your own, Bella," Carlisle warned. "What Amun has to say is merely speculation and you need full focus for the flight you're about to take. You don't even know how fast you are yet. You'll need every shred of concentration for this."

"And this is only wasting time," Edward growled, pulling me past Amun by my wrist.

"Have you spoken to Jasper or Jake?" I asked Edward anxiously.

"Yes. All they said was that we should get over there as fast as we can, though they wouldn't say why. They are being monitored. It's not safe to talk via cell phone."

"Amun seems to know something," I pressed.

"He has his spies over there as well, Bella. I don't know what he's heard."

"Why didn't you tell me that you had spoken to them about Mirabel?"

"Because of this," he clipped, tugging me further. "I can't have you distracted!"

"There will be trouble!" Amun screamed after us, and even though we were gone some way I still heard him. "I will bring it forth on my trial and Aro will finally see value in my point of view! I'm warning you, Edward! There will be trouble!"

"Edward, I want to hear what he has to say!" I begged.

"Bella!" He yelled, pulling me to a harsh stop. "Focus on_ one_ big thing at a time, please. Whatever is waiting for us on the other side of that ocean is more important than what he has to say. Distraction will only slow you down and I'm trying to take you there. I'm trying to get us to her as fast as I can!"

I tried to look back in Amun's direction but he stopped me with a quick finger to my cheek. "Never look back. From now on, only forward."

I nodded sharply at him and squeezed his hand. "Forward, ok."

"Then catch me," he said, and took off with a dart.

He was testing my speed of course. He wanted to know how fast I was and if I could make the trip across the Atlantic before dawn in the east.

Five minutes into the chase I was on his heels, potent energy licking through my veins. He looked back at me, his hair flapping wildly in the wind, and dashed off faster.

I had to push myself, finding that my wings needed more than just physical power to carry me that fast. They needed mental persuasion as well. If I was to keep up with Edward I'd needed to use every muscle in my mind and body to move my wings. Though what actually started happening was annoyance. When I felt myself struggling I got angry with myself, and ironically, with that anger came a fiery heat that made me stronger. The fire made me faster and before I knew it I was at his side challenging him to push me further.

I glanced over at him and he looked surprised...awe struck even.

"You're glowing red," he gasped.

"What?"

He shook his head and snapped his head forward again. "Focus."

And he dashed off faster.

I followed, matching his speed for the third time until the smell of the ocean filtered up to my nostrils from below.

"You're doing it," he said, reaching his hand over to me, but when our fingers touched he pulled away in surprise.

"What is it?"

He held his hand out to me again and I reached for him. "Your body doesn't burn?" He asked. "You don't feel it? That heat?"

I felt the heat but I liked it. It made me feel powerful.

"I feel it."

"And you're ok?"

"I'm great."

With a smiled he said, "I think we're getting a glimpse of your gift, Bella. And you're fast. We've already covered a quarter of the distance."

"I'm as fast as you?"

With a clucking noise of his tongue he let go of my hand and grinned. "Not yet, baby. Not yet."

And he took off again.

The chase was just what I needed to pull me across the ocean. He was still faster than I was, yes, and I knew he was holding back for my benefit, but the chase fuelled my determination. The more I charged forward the hotter I got, and the hotter I got the faster I moved. I was able to keep up with him at least.

We landed in Ireland half an hour before sunrise, and he took me to a perch where he knew we would be safe for the day.

I could smell the sun already. I even heard the sounds of early morning life awakening for the day...plants, birds, insects. Everything reached me.

"How does the sound of _everything _not drive you crazy?" I asked with my hands over my ears.

"You'll learn how to tune out most of it in time and channel only you want or need to hear."

"I can smell the sun."

He smiled gently and kissed my forehead. "It's about to happen," he warned me.

"I'm nervous, Edward. What will it feel like?"

With a calming stroke of my hair and a kiss on my mouth he whispered. "You've already been through the worst of it. This part is easy, just not pretty. Today is important, Bella. You'll connect with your animal spirit for the first time."

"I'm glad you're here."

"So am I. We already have a glimpse of your gift."

"The heat?"

"Fire definitely has something to do with it," he answered. "There was a red halo around you while you were up there. Your eyes even glowed red a little."

"Where are you going?" I asked, when he stepped back to put distance between us.

"It's time. Never stand close to anything when you're about to transform, not even me. And by the way, you're going to have to get naked."

With an anxious gulp, I undressed, keeping my eyes on him as the first ray punctured the clouds and touched my bare skin.

What came next was unstoppable. From the root of my body a shooting flash of electricity made my back snap backward. My bones popped, my muscles exploded, and a sweet cooling heaviness filled me like an empty bucket.

I heard Edward's roar, but then I heard mine too. And suddenly, I wasn't Bella anymore. I had never felt so far removed from humanity than I did in those moments as my body twisted and cracked out of shape. It wasn't painful, though it was extremely uncomfortable. Even still, it felt natural. Soon enough the deep, throaty rumbling silenced itself and my body became inundated with stone. Everything came to a complete still, and I relaxed.

I knew myself immediately. I sensed my animal spirit and the symbolism of fire started making sense. My spear tipped tail whipped to the front where I saw it glisten in the sun, and I stood there...a dragon... for the first time...facing my lion, in what was probably the most monumental moment of my new life.

XXX

As the daylight hours passed, I understood the need for freedom like never before. I remembered the way Edward couldn't wait to burst free of himself as the sunset drew nearer, and the desperation he exploded with at dusk every evening. Trapped and forced to stare at him all day long didn't help either. An animal attraction simmered inside of me, building to a slow high as the hours passed. His eyes were locked on me, staring back, his body in half lurch as if he was trying to reach for me.

I'd never be able to touch his stone surface again like I once did. I'd miss the cool, smooth lines of the lion under my human fingers but now I had better.

Now I had the first moments after sunset, when we burst out of our stone at the same time and lunged at each other like animals in heat.

"You're beautiful," he growled into my face as he pinned me to the rooftop.

Naked and desperate, there was no need for control – not ever again. He unleashed himself on me like he never had before, finally able to hold and crush and squeeze and penetrate without needing to be careful. I could take him now. I could endure his weight and passion with a smile on my face instead of a wince. His beastly lips didn't hurt. His roaring body didn't crush. And his pushing member didn't make me clamp in hesitation.

But _he_ wasn't the only strong one. With a devilish smirk I hooked one leg around him and flipped him onto his back, laughing in awe at my own strength as his back connected with the roof underneath us.

"Impressive," he teased.

"That was nothing," I countered, passing my tongue over his lips. "Wait till you feel what's licking inside of me."

He ran his hands down my back to by butt and grabbed me firmly, making the churning fire roar to life.

"I feel it already," he whispered, staring back at me. "The fire..."

"Can you take it?"

"I'll take all of you and more, Bella."

"Then take me."

I felt when the fire raised to my eyes and a reddish tint touched everything in sight. He made me burn. He set me on fire, and the heat didn't simmer...it blazed.

He flipped me onto my back and I raised my knees to trap him with my legs. Then he buried his face in my neck and kissed everywhere from my breasts to where my forehead disappeared by my hairline.

"Does Gargoyle suit me, Edward?" I gasped as the head of his erection teased my center.

"Like you wouldn't _believe_," He growled.

With his lips cast to mine, he dug his fingers into my hips and thrust himself into me. The pleasure of having his body mesh with mine merited a scream. Feeling him lose control also drove me crazy. He didn't go slow. He wasn't sweet or gentle. He was greedy. He didn't take the time to caress and explore like he once did. He took my body demandingly and marked his territory all over the new Gargoyle.

I loved every animalistic moment of it.

It wasn't long before my walls clamped in spasmodic pleasure. He brushed against me at the perfect angle to rub my throbbing peak wild, and he nailed all the right spots on the inside. The pleasure was almost blindsiding. The orgasm came like an earthquake, so intense I had to scream to release the pressure. Together we rocked the still earth around us, too caught up in the rapture to think about the rest of the world.

His came right after, easing his hard thrusts to slow grind after the explosion then collapsed on top of me.

Long after the climax we stayed welded together, the same...gratified ..sated.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?"

"For choosing me."

I held his face above mine and shifted my gaze between his eyes. "Thank you for letting me."

Moments later, he pulled me to my feet and started dressing.

"We have to get you something less conspicuous than that," he said, pointing to my white dress. Then he shrugged out of his black cloak and draped it over my shoulders.

"Mirabel," I said, looking up at the sky.

"Yes. Mirabel."

XXX

The flight to Rome was easier than the flight across the Atlantic. The distance was shorter and we weren't flying against the sun. I was also more comfortable with my wings after being connected to my animal spirit. They took me forward less rigidly, and with more grace.

Less than an hour into our flight Edward took my hand and pulled me to a stop.

"We're here."

My heart was already anxious. I wanted to see her so badly but I was also apprehensive because of the alarm Amun had planted in my heart.

"Whatever happens, Bella," Edward said, touching my face gently. "You face nothing alone. You don't have only me, you have our entire host and an army of Gargoyles on our side. You are one of us now, and we will do anything to protect both you and Mirabel."

"Why would she need protecting?" I asked, incensed by his implication. But his eyes couldn't give me the answer because just like me he didn't know. And just like me he sensed that something was wrong.

"I can't stand it anymore, Edward," I urged him. "Take me to her now."

Hand in hand we descended to a dark but open area where Jasper was waiting for us.

Jasper noticed me with pride and held his arms out for a hug.

I hugged him briefly, happy to see him again, but was more anxious to see my daughter.

"Where is she, Jasper? And where is Jake?"

"Jake stays with her every second of every night. He never takes his eyes off of her. He's with her right now. Come."

"So she's ok then..."

"Come."

"Jasper, please answer me," I begged as we followed him at jet speed through the dark gardens of the Vatican.

He took us around the back to a section of lonely buildings at the far end of the expansive property, to where I assumed the convent was located.

My eyes were restless and searching as we followed, more eager with every second, my heart gorged with distension.

Then Jasper slowed and I caught sight of Jake sitting on a roof, unmoving and fixated on something. He was staring pensively across the courtyard and didn't budge when we came to his side, not even to say hello. I touched his shoulder and followed his stare.

"How is she, Jake?" I asked. "_Where_ is she?"

He stood up finally and pointed to a window on the second floor of the building across from us.

"See for yourself," he answered grimly.

I looked through the open curtains behind the closed window panes just in time to see a toddler wobble by. The child stumbled into the open arms of a young girl on her knees and giggled.

"Is that...?" I gasped with a sharp frown, raising my hand to my lips.

But it couldn't be, because Mirabel was just over one week old.

"Where is she?" I cried out, refusing to believe it.

That's when Jake finally looked at me. From the corner of my eye I saw his profile move as he turned to watch me.

"You're looking at her, Bella. That little girl in there who looks like she's almost one year old already... is our Mirabel."

Shock consumed me in a brash second. I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I couldn't think. And by Edward's absence at my side I figured that he was frozen wherever he was standing as well.

"Mirabel?" I wheezed. "But...but..."

"How?" Jacob finished for me.

I didn't have to look at him to know he was displeased. I heard it in his voice. "Tia is how, Bella. Whatever happened inside of your womb hasn't worn off yet and we don't know if it ever will."

"But are you sure...are you sure it's her?" I gasped again.

"I haven't left her once. I've sat here day and night and kept my eyes glued to her. And when I couldn't see her I followed her with my ears. I promise you... this is her."

Edward found my side then and ran his hands down my arms.

"Have any of the priests talked to you?" He asked Jasper.

"Yes," Jasper answered. "They are very concerned and of course they want to see you."

"Very well then," Edward replied, taking my frozen hand in his. "Show us where."

Jacob of course didn't move. He stayed perched there, resuming his position like a self imposed guardian to Mirabel while Jasper took Edward and I to the high priests.

My anxiety was so palpable my tongue tasted of acid. I couldn't say a thing. I only followed quietly, stricken and worried about what would happen next, and the fate of my child.

...A child I thought I didn't want until the absence of her bulldozed its way into my heart.

We entered a quiet building with long, wide hallways and pristine, velvet trimmings. The guards nodded and stepped out of our way as if they knew who and what we were.

When we got to the double doors that seemed to stretch to the ceiling Jasper knocked with a rhythm, and a few seconds later the doors opened. There were three elderly men inside, all dressed in gallant robes that touched the floor and cropped hats that sat on their ashy heads.

"Fathers," Edward said reverently.

"Edward," the one in the middle greeted, coming forward. "Please, come in, both of you. I'm assuming this is your..."

"My wife," Edward interjected proudly. "Father Romano, meet my Isabella."

"Striking resemblance to Mirabel," Father Romano said, gesturing for us to come in further. "Hello, Isabella of the Cullen Host. It's nice to finally put a face to the stories."

"Hello, Father."

"I'm going to get straight to the point."

"Yes, please."

"By now I'm sure you know?"

"I've only had a glimpse of her, but...yes."

"And I'm sure you realise the predicament this puts us in, and by us I mean our order here in Vatican City."

"Father, just tell us what you want us to do," Edward spoke up.

"Well for starters, we were told that the baby would be human. She obviously is not."

"It's impossible though," I interjected. "I mean, I don't understand. I was human when...Edward...he was human as well."

"But there was interference..." The priest said with a slow nod, lowering his chin and raising his eyebrows.

I looked down at the floor then and let my hair fall forward to hide my embarrassment.

"Interference that affected your child," the priest went on. "It has changed things. We are not in the same situation anymore."

"Changed in what way exactly?" Edward asked. "She may be special...I know, but she is not Gargoyle, Father. She is more human than anything else and that makes it impossible for us to care for her. I've held her in my arms and felt the warmth on her skin. Her heart beats with a human rhythm and she is vulnerable. She is not Gargoyle."

"She is not entirely human either," Father Romano clipped, gesturing to one of the priests with a wave of his hand.

On command, the other priest went to an adjoining door and knocked.

"While we are willing to assist you, Edward," the priest continued. "Our allegiance is first and foremost to humankind and the church. We have to do whatever it takes to protect our own kind, and something like this is just too dangerous to get involved in."

"Dangerous?" Edward muttered. "How is it..."

The door to the adjoining room opened then, and low and behold, none other than Aro emerged with an arrogant smirk on his face.

"Did you think you could keep it from me?" Aro asked.

"Not entirely, no," Edward answered. "But I myself didn't know until a few minutes ago."

"Do you realise what this means for the Legion?" Aro asked.

"What are you going to do with her?" I demanded, taking a brash step forward. Edward's hand was on me in an instant, holding me in place.

"You're going to have to tell me what it means, Aro," Edward said in a more controlled voice than mine.

"It means unrest," Aro answered. "A human child with unexplained Gargoyle abilities implies exposure. She cannot exist in the human race without drawing attention to herself and her obvious differences. She herself will come of age eventually and seek answers about her heritage and why she is different."

Then he looked over at me.

"And I'm not sure you will be able to resist connecting with her. Especially now that I see that succinct urge to protect her in your eyes...something that wasn't there the last time I saw you."

"You're going to need to get to the point faster than that, Aro," I shot at him. "What do you intend to do with my daughter?"

"It's not what I intend to do with your daughter. It's what I intend to do to maintain peace and equilibrium in the Legion. You're asking the wrong question."

"It's the same question, you're just bullshitting your way around it by being politically correct."

Then I glanced at Father Romano. "Sorry Father..."

The old priest simply shook his head and sat in a lavish chair as if he was exhausted.

"I will not allow more upheaval in the Legion, Isabella. Already you have managed to divide us and set my own kind against me because of my leniency with you. As well as, one of my more stellar Gargoyles is on trial for offences against his own kind and for attempting to hurt you while you were still human."

"You're talking about Amun."

"Yes, Amun. His fate in this Legion is now at stake because of you and Edward. Now with Mirabel in the picture, it's only going to get worse. And don't think for a second that Amun is the worst there is. There are worse. Even so much as a hint of exposure from a mutant child will give other Gargoyles a reason to uprise. They will seek to harm the child if the Legion is at risk of exposure and this war you have started will get worse. I don't know about you but _I'm_ tired of the fighting. I want peace in the Legion again. It's time it comes to an end. So I will end it."

"Exactly how do you intend to do that?" Edward asked suspiciously.

"There is something else you don't know," Aro said, side stepping Edward's question. "And this is by far more important than a Gargoyle war. Mirabel's peculiarity has contaminated the balance."

"What do you mean by..._contaminated_?" Edward asked, stepping forward.

"I mean that by her very nature...being suspended between human and supernatural like she is, not quite one or the other...the gateway to the balance has been blocked."

"Blocked?" I bellowed, a horrible, knowing feeling settling in my gut.

Aro's eyes shifted to me again and the hollow grey vacuums sucked the air out of me.

"As long as she lives, no human can be born into the world."

I grabbed my throat with both hands and looked at Edward desperately.

"Aro..." Edward began, but even he couldn't talk.

"People will die as usual," Aro went on, "but new life will be blocked, and so, the balance will be offset."

"But... my friend Angela is pregnant!"

"I didn't say pregnancies will be prevented. I said _life _will be. That child and many others will not see life outside of their mothers' wombs...and Mirabel is the reason why."

"NO!" I screamed. And even the priests looked surprised. Father Romano jumped out of his chair and looked at the back of Aro's head in concern.

"Are you certain of this, Aro?" Father asked.

"Never more," was Aro's answer. "We've never had an occurrence like this before. It's the first time I've seen it happen."

"It can't be allowed to happen," Father Romano muttered, in awe. He started fumbling with the beads that hung from around his waist, a frightened frown on his brow. "It would be..."

"The Elders and I won't allow it to happen, Father," Aro answered, still staring at me. "Mirabel has to die."

Without another beat, I turned for the double doors and slammed my way through them. Edward was at my side in a beat.

"BELLAAAAA," Aro called after me in warning. "Don't be stupid, Isabella!"

Racing through the halls, I muttered in response. "If you think I'm going to let you hurt a single hair on her body you have another thing coming."

"I'll go through you if I have to, Isabella." Aro called.

"You can try," Edward warned, dashing through the Vatican halls with me.

We didn't know what we were going to do or how, but we knew we had to protect Mirabel. And of course, Jacob and Jasper were already in the know. Jacob was at her door before we were and Jasper held watch at the end of the hallway to her wing.

"Just waiting for your word, Ed," Jake said, clenched fists at his sides as his eyes bore through the wood of the door between Mirabel and us.

"Let's get her, Jake," Edward said.

Right then, everything happened at once. Jake burst through the door. The nurse on the inside screamed. Jasper yelled a warning. Mirabel started to cry. And at least five Gargoyles, including Aro, flitted inside the room behind Edward, Jacob, Jasper and I.

"Get out," Jacob said to the nurse, taking Mirabel from her arms.

The nurse started wailing in Italian, "In nome del padre, e del figlio, e dello spirito santo….!"

"I'm the closest thing to God you're gonna see tonight, lady," Jacob growled. "Get yourself to safety _now_."

The overwhelming presence of so many Gargoyles in the room all at once had the poor girl cowering, but she managed to scamper out, crying Mirabel's name as she fled.

I took my crying child from Jacob's arms, flanked by Edward, Jacob and Jasper. The rest of our host were still on the other side of the Atlantic, but there were a few halos in the vicinity I knew.

No sooner had I thought it, three halos found their way to the door but Aro's minions held them back.

"Already...a spectacle," Aro growled. "I've taken enough from you by now, Isabella. I've let you get away with a lot, allowed you to divide us, gave you life, and you do _this_?"

"She is my child," I snapped, trying to soothe a crying Mirabel. She was plump and rosy and very warm in my arms, but we had scared her. She was beyond soothing and that made Jacob lose his wits. He kept trying to take her from me.

"We can't let you kill her, Aro," Edward charged. "You were right, I'm afraid. We have to protect her."

"Even at the cost of mankind? The very reason for your existence? This is why you exist, Edward! To protect the human race! Her existence threatens that!"

"I was created to protect," Edward growled.

"She is not human!" Aro challenged.

"She is more human than you or I. I'm sorry. I can't let you hurt her."

"Then you go down with her."

Something kick started inside of me when the lot of them charged at us all at the same time. A well of heat bubbled over from my center. Mirabel screamed when she felt it and Jake snatched her away from me quickly. Without even trying, an impenetrable wall of heat emanated from my body and circled around the five of us. Aro and his minions flinched when they connected with the invisible wall of fire and jumped back in bewilderment. The heat scorched outward and burned them, but more importantly, it prevented them from getting through.

"What is this?" One of them growled.

Edward looked at me concertedly, and Aro stared in awe. "She is a firewall," Aro said. "Look at her eyes...red."

"I can stand here all night," I warned.

"Then you are stupid," Aro mocked. "You think you can out do _me_? Let me remind you, _newborn_, you don't have only me to worry about. I am an Elder and the entire council is behind me. Add the panel of us to the army already against you, and you don't stand a chance. Already, you are losing Gargoyles from your own little army. They supported you when the elders and I sought favour with you, but I'm warning you, if _we_ are against you, your followers won't risk it."

"We will face who and what we have to," Edward answered.

"I can't say I'm surprised. You are known for betrayal, Edward."

"Then let me correct you by saying that I will not betray my wife. I gave my heart to her a long time ago, and now she has my child. Stand with me or don't, but until you hold your own creation in your arms you will never understand."

The Gargoyle front tried attacking again, and the angrier I got the hotter the wall burned.

"I won't let you through," I growled.

"So be it," Aro answered, signalling for the others to back down. "I'm actually curious to see what you're going to do with her with the sun comes up. This isn't over. You'll see me again_ very_ soon."

"We'll be waiting," Edward replied. Then Aro and his minions left in a hurry.

The first few seconds after they left were monumental. The few halos that stood in the doorway stared at us with discomfort in their eyes. And like Aro said, the fight was different this time. This time it wasn't Gargoyles against Gargoyles...this time, it was us against the Elders. That was entirely different.

"I'm sorry, guys," one of them tried to explain. "But..."

"We understand," Edward answered, raising a pardoning hand. "You fought bravely for our sake and for that we will always be grateful. Thank You. You are relieved."

"Good Luck." Then the three of them left as well.

Jasper pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called Alice.

"I want to try holding her," I said, turning to Jake.

"Are you still hot?" He asked.

Edward touched my skin to test it and shook his head. "Still too hot. You can't hold her yet, Bella."

Annoyed, I walked away and started to pace the room.

"Calm down or you'll never cool off," he said, following my movement with his eyes.

"Get here as fast as you can, please," Jake said to Alice over the phone. "There is trouble, and we're going to need all the help we can get."

"We'll be there by tomorrow night," I heard Alice promise through the phone. "I love you."

"Maybe you'll do better outside in the fresh air?" Edward suggested to me, seeing how difficult it was for me to cool down.

I looked at Jake with Mirabel snug in his bulky arms.

"She's ok. I'll bring her," he said.

His protective arms around her made me jealous, and I found that every emotion only served to stoke my heat more, which in turn prevented me from holding her.

Frustrated and worried about the new trouble on our hands, I nodded at Edward. "Ok, maybe the cool air will help. But...we'll need to take some of Mirabel's things with us." I started ploughing through her things in the room then. "Blankets...milk...I uh...I..."

Seeing my pain at not knowing how to prepare for her, Edward pulled me into a compassionate hug. "I know," he whispered against my hair. "I know."

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and tried to hold myself together. "What will we do with her at sunrise, Edward? We can't leave a baby on the roof unattended."

"Where is Charlotte when you need her?" Jasper clipped.

Charlotte would have been able to make Mirabel sleep for the entire day, but I wasn't sure how I felt about exposing her to another Gargoyle's gift. Things seemed to stay on her.

"I have an idea," Edward said. "Take her to the roof, Jake. Bella, go with them. I'll meet you there."

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

"The least I say out loud, the better. I don't even know if it's going to work. I'll see you on the roof shortly. Go ahead."

Then with a quick kiss to my forehead he left the room.

A few minutes later I was cooler, sitting on the roof next to Jasper and a prominent Jake who refused to leave Mirabel's side, with my daughter in my arms. She was asleep and as yet I didn't know the colour of her eyes. Her soft warm skin was a direct contradiction to the cool firmness in mine. Her heart beat with a fast pitter patter. Her breathing was soft and even. Her lips were pink and pouty, her eyelashes long, and the rosy tint in her chubby cheeks drew many kisses from my eager lips.

"She's perfect," I whispered, turning my eyes toward the scent of dawn. "Where is Edward?"

"I don't know," Jasper said restlessly, "but he better get here soon."

As he said it, Edward landed softly.

"Come quickly," he urged. "We're going to a room in an abandoned wing of the convent."

"_Indoors_?" We all barked in unison.

"Just for the day. Tomorrow we have to find a better arrangement, and by then the rest of the host will be here. Please ask questions later. We have to hurry."

So we followed him soundlessly through the quiet halls of the convent until we came to a room at the end of a dark hall.

When we walked inside I was shocked to see the same nurse from before. The moment we walked in she jumped off the bed nervously and wrung her shaking hands into her apron. Rattling Italian off to Edward, he went to her and soothed her with a gentle response in her own language.

"What did he tell her?" I asked Jasper.

"He told her not to worry, we won't harm her."

I went to her with the best smile I could manage and gestured for her to take Mirabel.

"Edward, are you sure about this?" I asked.

"She has become attached to Mirabel and wanted to help. She is well aware that Mirabel is different since she's been with her through every step of her growth spurt so far. She doesn't want any harm to come to her. She agreed to help by hiding her here for the day and to be quiet, or else we'll find her tomorrow night and she'll be sorry."

The young girl took Mirabel from my arms gently, an immediate smile claiming her face, and took her to the bed in the corner of the humble room.

"And what makes you think she won't run with her the moment we turn to stone?"

"I wish her luck trying to get through the wall of us at the door. And we are on the third floor. She won't try the window. There is a bathroom adjoined and she brought enough food for the both of them for the day."

"Seems risky to me."

"Give me a better idea, darling, and I'll be the first to agree."

With a sigh, I nodded at him and we each took a strategic position, creating a barrier by the door.

Edward then muttered a few words to the girl in Italian. She nodded enthusiastically and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom with Mirabel, and closed the door.

The first peep of sunlight made it through the curtains and a well of dread overflowed in my heart. All at the same time we transformed, trying as best as we could to smother our howls. It was hard but we did it.

We didn't know if we would survive the day, if we could trust the young girl in the bathroom with Mirabel, or if our purpose was strong enough to convince the halo army to fight with us. But we knew we would do everything in our power to protect that child, my child,_ our_ child. We would fight for her right to live like her father fought for mine.

We would fight for her...in darkness or in light.

XXX

**A/N: Yes there will be a threequel, but I have to tell you that it will take a while to get that story out. I am going to write it from start to finish before I start posting and that will take a few months. I promise to make it worth the wait though. Thanks again! Much love!**


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